Broke- Chapter 7: A New Occupation…and More Pilfering
JK: I got enough reviews so I'm going to continue! Aren't you happy, Seto?
Seto: Oh, yeah, I'm ecstatic.
JK: I'm sure you are.
Yami: I love this story!
Mokuba: I have a question.
JK: Shoot.
Yami Bakura: Okay! Where's
the gun?
(Yea hits him over the head with a plastic bag.)
Joey: What 'appened, Tea? Ya couldn't afford a purse.
Tea (looking at her feet): No.
Seto (sarcastically): Oh what drama!
Tea (sniffling): I know!
Mokuba: As I was saying, my question is: Why aren't I a girl? I have every right to be!
Seto (sighing): Mokuba, have you been into the Snapple stash again?
Mokuba: Yeah! I love the pink kind! It's so sugary!
Yami: Pink kind? Snapple?
JK: He's referring to a company of drinks.
Yami: Cool! Brandy or rum?
JK: Non-alcoholic drinks!
Yami: Oh. Pink? Pink?! What kind of world is this?!
Seto: By pink he meant Strawberry Kiwi Snapple, am I right?
Mokuba: Yup!
Malik: Yeah, I used to get drunk off that. That was when Isis could beat the crap out of me if she caught me sneaking beer or something. But those days are over.
Isis: Wanna bet?
Malik: Bring it!
Isis: No, I have a better idea. I challenge you to a duel!
Malik: Fine!
Isis: Okay, and I'll duel with Yami's "new" deck.
Yami: Whatever you say, Isis.
(She takes the deck from Yami.)
Malik: Okay, I'll go first. And I—
Yami: Wait, what about bets? Any takers?
Everyone: Shut up, Yami!
Yami: I take it that's a no.
Malik: I play, the Blue Eyes White Dragon!
Seto: That's my card! I thought Yami had it!
Malik: He gave it to me as a friendship present.
Seto: Right, I completely believe you.
Malik: Okay, fine, it's a copy.
Isis: Okay. Now I play, Obelisk the Tormentor!
Malik: But you're dueling with Yami's deck!
Isis: What card did Seto leave in my possession when he became poor?
Malik (angrily): Obelisk the Tormentor.
Isis: Precisely. Attack, Obelisk! Well, Malik. I seem to have proven myself a formidable opponent. Your life points are now at 1000.
Malik: Okay, I play—What the hell? What is Kuribo doing in my deck?!
Yugi: It's another friendship present.
Malik: Crap, I don't have any better cards. So I play, Kuribo in defense mode!
Isis: I play Stop Defense!
Yami: Ooooo, Malik, you're so screwed!
Isis: Okay, Obelisk, attack Kuribo! (She bursts into hysterical laughter.)
Malik: Okay, so she can still kick my butt at Duel Monsters.
Isis: That was fun.
JK: But really unnecessary. Can't you have arguments on your own time?
Isis: Mmm, no.
Seto: Okay, I might as well do the happiest part of the story. JK doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh or anything associated with us.
"Mr. Kaiba, you're not supposed to be in here. And Mr. Mutou gave me strict orders to shoot you in the even that you ever showed your face here, especially in his office. I have no choice but to fulfill my instructions." He reached his hand to the gun holster.
Seto had about a second to figure out what to do. He looked around, and spotted an open window, the one Yami and the other imbeciles had been bungee jumping from. He ran to it, and did what he had done on one other occasion in his life: he jumped from it.
Seto was rapidly falling, and he grabbed the next window pane. Unfortunately, it happened to be one that was broken and didn't support his weight. Seto began to fall again. Oh, I was going to get that freaking window fixed! He thought angrily. Then he found himself wishing for a parachute.
It wasn't because he was afraid of breaking every bone in his body. No, it was something much worse. At least, worse in Seto's eyes. He was about to land on Yami!
In the three seconds before impact, Seto had enough brains to scream, "Move out of the way!" Yami, however, didn't have enough brains to interpret the message.
"Move Yami!" screamed Tea, pushing him out of the way. Unfortunately for Seto, she now took his place and he landed right on top of her. (And the funniest thing was, this all happened in a matter of three seconds.)
"Get the hell off me, Kaiba!" screamed Tea.
"Is it my fault that Seto had enough brains to scream, "Move out of the way!" Yami, however, didn't have enough brains to interpret the message.
"Move Yami!" screamed Tea, pushing him out of the way. Unfortunately for Seto, she now took his place and he landed right on top of her. (And the funniest thing was, this all happened in a matter of three seconds.)
"Get the hell off me, Kaiba!" screamed Tea.
"Is it my fault that you of all people have to be where I land?!" screamed Seto, hastily getting off her. He had no intention of staying in his present position. (A/N: Oh my God! Poor Seto! That was so disgusting. Oh, as a warning, this isn't exactly the story for you if you like Tea, because, frankly, I don't.)
"Kaiba, what are you doing here?" asked Yami.
"Cleaning the windows," said Seto sarcastically.
Yami didn't really catch the sarcasm.
"Oh, well then. You suck at it, so you're fired!" said Yami. He looked like he was really enjoying himself.
"Yami, have you done any work since you became CEO?" asked Seto. He just couldn't resist. Apart from Mokuba, his company meant everything to him.
"No. I've just been enjoying life. Kaiba, did you know that you have like 800, 561 unused vacation days?" asked Yami.
"Yes, I knew that," said Seto.
"You're a freakin' workaholic!" screamed Joey. Seto glared at him
"Not anymore, puppy," he said, walking away from them. Looks like it was back to the drawing board.
Mokuba was crying hysterically. Isis was trying her best to calm him down. Malik was drowning out his voice with his CD player.
"Mokuba, it's okay. Don't worry! Seto hasn't abandoned you! He'll be back," she consoled.
"But, I-i-sis! He left without saying goodbye! He deserted me! My big brother doesn't love me anymore!" Mokuba wailed.
"That's not true! He had to go! Mokuba, he can't stay here," Isis reasoned.
"Yes he can. If you people only got married like you're supposed to, this wouldn't be happening," said Mokuba, suddenly serious. Isis was strongly reminded of another extremely stubborn person she knew…
"Are all little brothers this annoying?" she asked.
"No, not all. It's just a gift some of us little brothers have," said Mokuba.
"By gift you mean curse," Isis muttered. Malik took off his head phones.
"Is he done yet?" he asked. Isis nodded.
"What are you listening to, anyway?" she asked. Malik shrugged and handed her the head phones. She put them on, but hurriedly took them off.
"Malik, this sounds like a dying animal, with the emphasis on dying!" screamed Isis. Malik shrugged again.
"I like the words. It's about murder and stuff. You forget Isis, I'm sadistic," said Malik brightly. Isis sighed.
"I need some sanity!" she screamed.
"Well you won't find it here, Isis," said Malik.
"I'm well aware of that," she said, grabbing her jacket, "I have an idea. I'll leave you kiddies to bond! I need some time alone away from both of you!" Before either of them could say anything, she slammed the door and left.
Seto sat on the curb of a block. His sign now read WILL WORK, because it wasn't really helping him in any other way. A limousine pulled over directly in front of him. Seto dreaded what was coming…
Yami got out of the car.
"Oh, hey Kaiba. In need of a job?" asked Yami, smirking.
"No, gee, ya think?" asked Seto sarcastically. Hey, he was still Seto.
"Well, you look kind of desperate, considering you have the words 'food and money' crossed out," assumed Yami. Seto's eyes lit up. Was Yami offering him a job? A job at Kaiba Corp?!
"What kind of job did you have in mind Yami?" asked Seto cautiously.
"Come with me, and you'll find out," said Yami. Seto got in the car, but something wasn't right. Yami seemed too happy.
In the limo, Seto spotted his old laptop. Just some work, he thought, Yami's too busy gorging himself on wine. He'll never notice. Seto began to slowly stretch his hand toward the laptop. Yami smacked it midway.
"No, Seto, bad dog," said Yami, grinning like an idiot. Seto clenched his fist, but then calmed down. After all, Yami was offering him a job.
In a matter of minutes, they entered the Kaiba (or should I say Mutou) mansion. Seto had to grab the door handle to steady himself. His whole house was in complete disarray! The formerly white carpet was now drenched in what strongly looked, and smelled, like vomit. There looked to be some wine stains here and there. I paid over 2,000,000 dollars for that carpet! Seto thought. He looked around. There was a plate of food on the coffee table that was already sprouting some sort of fungus. The couch was stained with every color imaginable and there were cockroaches crawling practically everywhere. No way in hell is my house going to look like this while I'm alive! Damn, if Gozaburo were alive to see what's left of his house, he'd die all over again. Wait, that's not necessarily a bad thing…thought Seto. And for the first time in days, Seto grinned. Yes, he actually grinned. Yami stared at him. Maybe I should be a bit nicer to him…the occurrences seem to be getting to his head. Thought Yami, looking at Seto with that stupid expression on his face.
"Er…mental joke," said Seto, noticing that Yami was staring at him like he was of unsound mind.
"I'll be right back," said Yami, running upstairs. Seto didn't even want to see what was left of his bedroom and everything else upstairs. He looked for a place to sit, but eventually gave up and remained standing. Yami returned, carrying a bucket, a mop, and a frilly pink apron.
"Okay, Kaiba, you're hired," said Yami. Seto could've died on the spot.
"I thought you had a job for me!" shrieked Seto.
"Yes, you know, maid," said Yami. Seto stared at Yami horrified silence. "Put on the apron."
Seto seemed to have found his voice.
"No way in hell," he said firmly.
"Come on, Kaiba, do you want a job or not?" asked Yami. Seto considered this. It was true that Yami was the only person who had offered him a job, and it was also true that the next person who could have offered one to him could have made him do something even worse. Seto shuddered.
"Well, how much do I get?" asked Seto.
"Well, I'd say 50 dollars per week? Deal?"
"That depends on whether I want to stay alive or not," said Seto.
"You can live in the basement."
"Can't I at least have the guest room?"
"Fine. You can live in the guest room and I'll pay you 50 dollars per week. And you work seven days a week. Okay?" asked Yami. Seto nodded, and Yami stretched out his hand, as if to shake on it. Seto pretended not to notice the gesture. Yami shrugged, grabbed a note book, and began writing.
"You do realize, Pharaoh, that I do not comprehend ancient Egyptian," said Seto. Yami turned to face him.
"That's okay, you can always ask your girlfriend Isis to translate for you," said Yami, sneering. Seto looked at him coldly.
"Oh, don't give me that. I was driving by this morning and I saw you two together. She was practically holding your hand," Yami continued. Seto had a brilliant thought. He could easily disturb his new employer if he just played along. After all, Yami was expecting him to deny everything. Not that there was really anything to deny, but you get the point.
"Well, you're right. She is my girlfriend. We've been out a couple of times, but I think she goes for the rich type more," said Seto. Yami's eyes lit up this time. I am so brilliant, he thought, I'm disturbing Yami and annoying Isis at the same time. A two-for-one deal.
"Well, then. I'll dictate it to you:
scrub the carpet
wash the couch
mop the floors
unclog the toilet
do the laundry
unclog the sink
get rid of that stench that makes everything smell dead
wipe the dust off everything
change the drapes (Joey set them on fire by accident)
get rid of those disgusting stock books
replenish the bar
cook dinner" Yami paused, giving Seto time to write all of it down.
"Is that all?" asked Seto wearily.
"Are you kidding? That's just for the first floor! Okay, now, when you finish all of this, call me and I'll give you more orders," said Yami, "Oh, and put this on." Seto stared at the apron on horror.
"Heh heh, no," he said.
"Heh heh, yes," said Yami, "Or you're fired." Seto took the apron.
"I hate you," he said with contempt.
"I know," said Yami happily.
Isis walked through the park, deep in thought. She didn't notice that Yami Bakura was stalking her. But, then again, she wouldn't have been surprised if she had noticed. Yami Bakura decided to talk.
"Er…hi Isis," he said. Isis turned.
"You've been stalking me again, haven't you?" she asked.
"Well, yeah. But I was wondering, is Malik really ticked off?" asked Yami Bakura.
"No, he seems to be himself. Why?" she asked.
"Oh, because I saw him yesterday and was trying to have a conversation with him, but he only said one sentence. Plus, he didn't even look at me," said Yami Bakura, frowning.
"Oh, Yami Bakura, I didn't know Malik meant that much to you!" said Isis.
"Well, he's the only friend I've had in 5000 years! Wait, make that, he's the only friend I've ever had," said Yami Bakura thoughtfully.
"Well, he and Mokuba are bonding right now, so I don't know where they are," said Isis.
"Bonding? I'm not sure I understand," said Yami Bakura.
"Bonding, as in spending quantity time together. Didn't you ever bond with your mother or father?" asked Isis.
"No, come to think of it, they died when I was pretty young," said Yami Bakura.
"Oh, I'm sorry," said Isis.
"No, it's okay. It was actually my fault that they died. I set their room on fire," said Yami Bakura.
"By accident, though, right?" she said.
"No," said Yami Bakura, "The candle looked pretty, and I was just curious on what the orange stuff would do to linen." Isis was loosing her patience. After all, she left to get time away from the lunatics.
"That's nice, Yami Bakura," she said through gritted teeth.
"I know, right? Anyway, do you want to—"
"No," Isis said immediately. And with that, she walked away from him at a pretty abnormal pace.
Seto looked at the first floor. He had done his best. The carpet still had hints of orange, and the couch was still stained. The curtains had been replaced, and he had wiped all the dust off. He unclogged the sink, but Drain-o was still working on the toilet. All he had to do was cook dinner, and then do the dishes.
Considering the fact that Seto had no idea how to cook, he rummaged through a pile of books until he found a cook book.
"Let's see, chicken, burgers, soup, spaghetti…Okay, spaghetti doesn't look too hard…" So he set about to making spaghetti.
"Okay, boil the water, wow cooking is fun!" said Seto.
Of course, the outcome of his "food" wasn't fun to look at, let alone eat. It looked sort of like…need I say it? He started again. Eventually, the outcome looked like spaghetti.
"Um, dinner's ready!" said Seto.
"Oh, yeah, I'm inviting Yugi and the gang over for dinner. You don't mind, do you?"
"Yes, actually, I do," said Seto.
"Do I care?" asked Yami.
Seto fumed and then asked, "So what do you want me to do about that?"
"Well, for one thing, cook decent food. What is this?" asked Yami, indicating the spaghetti.
"It's called spaghetti," said Seto.
"Ooooo, and is it supposed to look like crap?" asked Yami.
"Shut up, Pharaoh! That was my first attempt. Here, this is tonight's meal."
"You made worms?!" screamed Yami.
"No, you nimrod! Don't go saying that to anyone at dinner," said Seto.
"Don't call me a nimrod, you Mokuba addict!" screamed Yami.
"At least I'm not an Underworld reject! I mean, when the feather was weighed against your heart, exactly how long did it take them to send you to Hell? About, 3 seconds?" asked Seto. (A/N: For those not familiar with ancient Egyptian beliefs, when a person died, their heart was weighed against the feather of Ma'at. If their heart was heavier than the feather, the person was eaten by a monster called the Gobbler which is like a jigsaw puzzle. If it was lighter, they go to Heaven. Don't ask, I have this obsession with Ancient Egypt.)
"I never went that far!" screamed Yami.
"You're so old, you were alive when the pyramids were built!" shrieked Seto.
"So?"
"Oh, forget you! Just let me go up into my room!" Seto began to take off the apron.
"You have to wear that and serve us too, you know," said Yami.
"Okay, take this Pharaoh, I quit! And I hope you rot in hell!" screamed Seto, not caring that Yami can't die.
"Oh, you know, Tea wouldn't stop talking about how 'annoying' it was when you fell on her. But she was blushing all the while. I personally think women find you attractive," said Yami.
"Who do you get your information from? Yugi?" asked Seto.
"Okay, insult my aibou, see if I care!"
"Like I said, I quit!" screamed Seto, throwing the apron in Yami's face.
Seto walked for hours, and eventually he became hungry all over again. He opened up his wallet, but all that he discovered there was a dead roach. He closed his wallet and continued walking. The hunger soon became so intense that Seto thought he would keel over. He didn't care. It would be okay to wash dishes, just as long as he got something to eat.
"Hello may I help- oh, man, you reek!" exclaimed the waiter.
"Yeah, thanks. One, please," said Seto.
"I've been told not to let in people like you. With the weird clothes and all. And plus, you'll disturb the other people with your stench," said the waiter. Seto took off his hood, and the waiter recognized him.
"Oh, Mr. Kaiba! Sir, I thought you were one of those people who stir up trouble with the duelists who come here. I'm so sorry!"
"Well, if you want to keep this low-paying job, I would suggest you shut up and lead me to a table. And I want the best service this dump can provide," said Seto.
"Yes, Mr. Kaiba, sir, right this way." He led Seto to a table, and Seto sat down. "What will you have, sir?" Seto studied the menu. Everything looked so delicious!
"Eh, whatever. I'll just take everything on the main course list. Oh, and a bottle of mineral water with a glass of wine," ordered Seto. The waiter nodded and began to walk away, but then turned back to face Seto.
"Mr. Kaiba, sir? This will probably cost me my tip, but why do you, well, reek?" he asked. Seto thought for a moment, and then said the first thing that came to his mind.
"I've been working so hard the past few days that I haven't had time to take a shower." The waiter nodded. Then another waiter came to Seto.
"Yeah, may I take your order? Oh, holy hell, you reek!" he screamed. Seto saw who it was, and quickly put on his hood.
"Never mind, Wheeler! I've got the millionaire! Aren't you off to some fancy dinner with Mutou?" said the other waiter.
"I don't give. Millionaires are cheap tippers, anyway," Joey said, taking off his apron and dropping it on the floor.
"That's gonna get him so fired," said Seto's waiter.
"My food, please," reminded Seto.
"Oh, right."
Within an hour, Seto had eaten everything he had ordered and was requesting the check. When it was brought Seto, by habit, opened his wallet. Then he remembered that it was empty. Well—almost empty. Making sure that nobody was watching, Seto emptied the contents out into the bowl that had not yet been taken away. Then Seto screamed.
"Mr. Kaiba! What's wrong?!" asked the waiter.
"Look in there and tell me what you see. What is THAT?!" screamed Seto.
"Th-that w-wou-would be a-a-a, oh my…" The waiter fainted.
"What a shame," said Seto, "I wanted to request to see the manager." The manager, however, came anyway.
"What is going on here?" he asked.
"Well, I don't know about that, but I believe it is my duty to inform you that I am going to press charges against this restaurant. I don't like eating food where a roach is an ingredient. I don't find it…pleasant," said Seto.
"Mr. Kaiba, please, refuse to pay the bill, but don't press charges!" the manager said, on the verge of tears.
"Well, you're lucky that I'm in a generous mood today. I'll spare you and your pathetic little establishment. But only because I'm in a good mood." Seto got up, and went through the exit. As soon as he was out of earshot, Seto began to laugh his head off.
"That was the best prank I ever played!" he said joyfully. And for the first time in days, he actually had a full stomach.
"You're awfully happy, Seto, what did you do?" asked Isis, who had appeared from behind a corner.
"What do you do, stalk me?"
"No, actually, I was passing by here because it's on the way to my house, but please, continue laughing. I won't get in your way," said Isis.
"That's funny, I thought you would be at Yami's house eating the spaghetti that I made."
"You made spaghetti? For Yami?" asked Isis incredulously.
"It's a long story."
"I've got time, anything to be away from the lunatics a little longer," said Isis. So Seto told her what had happened: how he had been forced to work for Yami, how he had to see his house looking like a location for a bar fight, well, in short, everything. Isis, in turn, was laughing her head off.
"It's not funny!" he screamed. Just then, Malik drove by.
"I knew it, Isis! You're seeing him!" Isis sighed. Then she found a reason for speech.
"What in the name of Ra are you doing driving my car?!" she asked him.
"Nothing," he said, lying badly.
"Well, can you at least tell me where you're going?" asked Isis.
"Over to Yami's, he invited me for dinner."
Isis and Seto shot a look at eachother, and then started laughing hysterically. Of course, Malik misinterpreted the laughter.
"It's not like that! I'm not the only one that'll be there!" Isis and Seto continued to laugh hysterically.
Isis eventually stopped, and said, "Can you please tell your sprit friend that I have absolutely no interest in him and to please stop stalking me?"
"Yeah, sure, I'll tell him your heart belongs to Seto." With that, he sped off.
"If there's even one scratch mark on my car, I will take his little Rod, unscrew the bottom, and then stab him with the dagger thing!" screamed Isis. (A/N: This is true, as far as I know. The Millennium Rod is a dagger.)
"So, how's Mokuba?" asked Seto, still smiling at the thought of Malik and the other morons eating his concoction. For a day when he was forced to be in poverty, today hadn't gone too badly.
"Oh, he fine. Wait— Oh crap! Malik left him alone in the house!" Isis screamed, dashing at light-speed in the direction of her house. Seto stared after her blankly.
"That's odd, I left Mokuba alone tons of times and he never did anything stupid. Except for the time he thought he could fly and almost jumped out the—oh crap! Wait up, Isis!" Seto ran after her, hoping to god that Mokuba would be in one human-looking piece.
Dark Shadows: Ew, are they going to fall in love?
JK: Hey, why so early?
Dark Shadows: Heh heh, web traffic.
JK: Whatever.
Seto: That was fun!
JK: Oh, so that means I was too nice in this chapter.
Seto: I mean, that was horrible, I never want to endure it again!
Isis: I'm not going to fall in love with him, right?
JK: No, I'm not torturing you.
Yami: I don't actually eat his "spaghetti", do I?
JK: Maybe.
Yami: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
JK: Maybe doesn't mean yes.
Dark Shadows: JK… (holds up mallet)
JK: Oh, yeah, right. Seto being called a priestess last chapter was Dark Shadows' idea. Now will you shut up?
Dark Shadows: Yup.
JK: Okay, please review! The more reviews, the faster I continue. The faster I continue, the faster Seto gets his revenge.
(Seto was holding up a sign that read "Please don't review so she won't continue.)
Seto: Oh, well, in that case, please continue!
JK: Oh, and I've decided to resurrect Pegasus just so I can burn him all over again. So, flamers, that's where your flames will be going. Because my world won't stop turning if you flame me. But Pegasus' will…
(Everyone snickers.)