Broke-Chapter 9: The Failed Plan
JK: No, this isn't a hallucination. I am continuing.
Seto: Yes! Thank God!
JK: Finally, a different reaction from you.
Seto: So, this is revenge chapter number two.
JK: Yup.
Yami Yugi and Yami Bakura: Oh crap.
Malik: KAIBA! YOU DRANK ALL THE BEER!
Seto: Oh, did I?
Malik: What do you mean, "Oh did I?"
Isis: Malik, that was Mokuba. I swear; you blame Kaiba for everything.
Mokuba: He doesn't blame me for everything, except the time I peed in his bed, but that was true.
Isis: I meant your brother, Mokuba.
Seto: I have a first name, you know.
Malik (sarcastically): For real? I didn't know that!
Seto: Of course not. You don't know anything.
Malik: You shouldn't talk that way to someone who can beat the crap out of you, Seto.
Isis: Malik, are you insane? He's a full head taller than you are.
Joey (muttering to Yugi): Did you hear that? She goes for tall people! (He leaves.)
(Joey returns wearing high-heeled shoes.)
Joey: So, Isis, whatcha doing Saturday night?
(Isis elbows Joey in the ribs.)
Joey (with the wind knocked out of him): I guess you're busy...
Mai: JOEY WHEELER YOU RETURN MY SHOES THIS INSTANT OR I'LL SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUT!
Joey: What are you talking about?
Mai: I'M NOT STUPID, YOU HIDEOUS EXCUSE FOR A GUY! GIVE ME MY FIFTEEN-INCH PLATFORM SHOES OR ELSE THEY'LL BE THE LAST PAIR OF SHOES YOU'LL EVER WEAR! No, wait, MAKE THAT THE LAST THING YOU'LL EVER WEAR!
Joey: What, you're gonna steal my clothing? I knew I had good taste, but really...that's desperate.
Isis: Just give Mai back her shoes, Joey.
Seto: Yeah, puppy dog, listen to the smartest female in our midst. But don't let your head swell too much, Isis. When you consider the other contestants for that title, you'll realize there wasn't much of a contest.
Mai and Tea: EXCUSE ME?!
Yami: Tea, how does that concern you? You're no female.
Tea: Don't call me a guy!
Yami: I never said you were a guy.
Tea: Well, if I'm not a female or a guy, what am I?
Yami: Um...well...an it.
Tea: Am not!
Yami: You're just in the closet.
Tea: Oh. Yami, you're so smart...
Seto: Ugh...how disgusting. Tea swooning over Yami. What more could go wrong today?
Isis: Allow me to demonstrate. (punches Seto)
Seto: OW! What the hell was that for?
Isis: For your little sneering comment earlier. My head does not SWELL.
Seto: Ah...
Malik: Hey, Isis, you're busy Saturday night? Busy doing what?
Isis (after pinching Malik's cheek): That is of no concern to you, dear little brother.
Malik: DON'T DO THAT!
Mai: Shut up all of you! Joey, give me my shoes!
Joey: What do you need dem shoes for?
Mai: What do you think, genius? To wear them!
Joey: But what are you wearing now?
Mai: Ten inch platform shoes. But they're no where near high enough.
Joey: Oh, fine. (gives shoes to Mai) It's not like Isis was going to date me anyway.
Mai: What was that?!
Joey: Nothing!
Seto: JK, you've been awfully quiet. Who's going to fall in a hell hole this time?
JK: Huh, what? Oh. No one.
Seto: Hmm...then what have you been scheming?
JK: Nothing. I was just taping this little event. And I got it all.
Seto: Oh well. I didn't do anything embarrassing.
Yami: Oh, Tea, can I ask you a question?
Tea: Oh my God! THAT question?!
Yami: What? What question?
Seto: She means, "Will you marry me?"
Tea: Of course, Seto!
Seto: What?! No, I was just telling Yami what you meant!
JK: Well that's a nice question to ask someone of your own gender.
Tea: You don't have to hide anything from me! I know you love me!
Seto: I swear, hag, if you don't shut up---
Tea: I love you too! It makes perfect se---
(Tea collapses onto the ground, unconscious.)
Seto: Um, what just happened?
Isis: I used the same lamp on her that Malik used on you a few chapters ago. I couldn't stand to listen to that any longer.
Malik: Oh, really? And WHY would that be, sister?
Isis: I could use the lamp on you too, you know.
Malik: No, that's not necessary, sister.
Isis: I have a name, Malik!
Seto: See, you don't like it that much either.
Malik: Kaiba, you are asking for it! My insane sister is still holding the lamp! Would you like to have the little "Don't call me a monkey" scenario repeated once again?
Seto: Hey, that was degrading to you. You can't even speak your own language.
Malik: HEY! My language in not ancient Egyptian!
Isis: Shut up before I hit both of you!
Malik: Hey, she's too young to be going through middle age crisis. What's wrong with her?
Seto: No, women go through something else when they have mood swings. (snickers)
(JK grabs the lamp and whacks Seto on the head.)
Seto (wiping away blood): OW!
JK: You were really asking for it. DON'T TALK ABOUT THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, KAIBA!
Yami: Oh, she's mad. She called you "Kaiba." That's never a good sign.
JK: Yami...
Yami: I'll shut up.
JK: Nah, just do the disclaimer.
Yami: If JK owned us we would all be dead. And since we're not, well, take a guess!
JK: Well that was cheery. (whacks Yami with the lamp) I love my authoress powers.
Yami: Well, I don't.
Seto: I'm going to sue!
JK: No, you're not.
Seto: Just why not?
JK: Because then I'll let Yami keep your money. And your house. And your job. And your Blue Eyes White Dragon plushie.
Seto: MY PLUSHIE!
JK: I'm glad we've reached an understanding.
Seto: I hate you...
Yami: Welcome to the club.
"So, and then, my son said, 'Daddy, I can go potty all by myself.' I was so proud," said Malik's psychiatrist. Malik sat there, twirling a strand of hair around his finger and obviously not caring.
"Okay, old dude, I really don't give a crap about your son learning how to potty. My future brother-in-law's brother still has to learn how to do that, so I'm sure I'll be hearing about that quite a bit. Don't you have any interesting stories? Like about world domination or death or at least blood?" Malik asked wearily.
"Um...actually, I don't." The psychiatrist paused for a second. "I know! Why don't we play a little personality game? I'm going to put you in a situation you've never been in and see how you react. This will tell us about your personality."
"Do you mean literally, or are we going to use"---he put on a look of childish delight and said in gleeful sarcasm---" our IMAGINATION?"
"No, we're going to use our imagination," said the old man. He must be out of ideas. Malik thought triumphantly. Perfect. Maybe he'll leave soon.
"Fine, but make this quick," said Malik, finally letting go of his hair.
"Okay. Pretend you are part of the first expedition to the moon. You reach it, and are the first person to step foot on the moon. What would you say to mission control?" the psychiatrist asked. Could he get any cornier? Malik asked himself.
"Well, I would say something like, 'Houston, I gotta go pee,'" said Malik. His psychiatrist sighed.
"What? The bathrooms in space can't be too comfortable. Besides, your little potty story inspired me," said Malik.
"Well if you're so smart then why don't you give me a word, at least, to describe your personality?"
"Only one word, huh? Okay, sadistic," said Malik. The psychiatrist stared. "What? Something I said, old man?"
"Nothing, nothing at all," he answered, composing himself. "Anything new happening?"
"Well, I got suspended from school again. Three weeks this time."
"Who'd you kill this time?"
"No, I just took my shirt off in front of my class. The teacher looked a bit disappointed; I don't know what SHE was expecting," said Malik, snickering. "A few of the boys looked disappointed as well. I hate it when people mistake me for a girl."
"Really, Malik? That's a nice twist to the story I can't say you've told me," said Isis, entering the living room. Unbeknownst to Malik---or the psychiatrist---she'd been standing at the foot of the stairs listening to their conversation.
"I can't say you've told me about your new urge to listen in on me," said Malik, frowning. He hated when his sister looked at him like that. It made him feel so inferior.
"Don't be such a baby. You know I never listen in on you," said Isis.
"What about my phone call with Yami Bakura?! You listened in on the whole thing!"
"You put the freaking conversation on speaker phone, retard!"
"Well, then being a retard runs in the family!"
"Then that means you were switched at birth, because as far as I know, mom and dad were NORMAL!" Isis bellowed.
"Um...I think I'll be heading home now..." said the psychiatrist quietly.
"SHUT THE HELL UP, FRUIT CAKE!" the siblings screamed in unison.
"Okay then," he said, getting up slowly and making his way toward the door. "Their whole family needs therapy. The only normal person seemed to be Seto Kaiba. Wonder what he was doing in that nut house." he said on his way out.
"AT LEAST I DON'T SPEND HOURS MODELING IN FRONT OF MY RARE HUNTERS ASKING THEM IF MY ROBES ARE TOO TIGHT AND THEN WHEN THEY SAY NO MAKING THEM TIGHTER!" screamed Isis.
"DO I LOOK LIKE MAI VALENTINE TO YOU?!"
"YOU BOTH HAVE THE SAME FEMININE STYLE! HELLO! YOU WEAR A FREAKING LAVENDER BELLY SHIRT! DOES THAT SEEM NORMAL TO YOU?!"
"WELL I DON'T GO DRUG FORMER BILLIONAIRES TO MAKE THEM FALL IN LOVE WITH ME!"
"OH, YEAH, WELL YOU DRUG FORMER TOMB ROBBERS TO MAKE THEM DO GOD KNOWS WHAT!"
"SHUT UP, YOU &$*&^$(*&^$*&@^!&%@$#!#$@!#&**(&^%$#$^%^!"
"HEY, SHE'S YOUR MOTHER TOO!"
"*&#$&*^^!@%^#!*(*#_!*_!&*!&^#^#%^@%^%@%^!%@$%!%^%#^@%^@!" Malik screamed.
"OH, YEAH?! FINE! *&#$&*^^!@%^#!*(*#_!*_!&*!&^#^# %^@%^%@%^!%@$%!%^%#^@%^@ TO YOU TOO!" Isis yelled.
"Pardon me for interrupting this sophisticated conversation, but I'm trying to work! Have you two grown up since you were four years old?!" Seto interrupted, running into the living room from the kitchen. He looked like he could take a leaf out of Yami Bakura's book and gouge both of someone's eyes out.
"Of course we have, but Malik just hasn't grown up mentally," said Isis.
"Damn, at least you were cursing in a different language," said Seto. "Mokuba would have a field day if that was in English." (A/N: As I said a few chapters ago, but since probably almost no one remembered, I know that they speak Japanese but for the sake of this fic they speak English because I happen not to be fluent in Japanese.) Mokuba ran in, clutching a notebook.
"I got it all!" he said happily. "My hand is cramped from writing so much and so fast, but I got everything they said!"
"Give me that," said Seto, snatching the book from Mokuba's hand. He looked to be counting in his head. "How many languages is this in?"
"I know curses in English, Japanese, Ancient Egyptian, regular Egyptian, Spanish, French, Italian, Chinese, Portuguese, Russian, German, and Australian!" said Mokuba happily.
"Where'd you learn all of these? Half of these even I don't know. And I wrote a book of them when I was twelve for Gozaburo-baka," said Seto.
"Yami Bakura can be very informative," said Mokuba.
"Okay then," said Seto. "But if I ever catch you using any of the words in this notebook, I'll take away your Monster Capsule game for a year." Mokuba stared at Seto in horror. (A/N: Monster Capsule is supposed to be this game that Mokuba likes.) Seto ignored this and went into the kitchen, still clutching the notebook. Malik stared after him.
"Kaiba can be strict," said Malik. "Ew..."
"Shut up, Malik," said Isis. "You need someone like him to crack the whip on you."
"Ah, defending your love, are you?" asked Malik, snickering.
Isis picked up a nearby book and flung it at Malik's head, hitting him dead-center in the forehead.
"OW!" Malik screamed, clutching his forehead.
"You really need to shut up, Malik," said Isis, and went into the kitchen. "What are you doing, Kaiba?" she asked when she spotted Seto. He had the stove on, but he wasn't cooking anything.
"I'm getting the stove nice and hot to burn Mokuba's notebook," said Seto simply.
"Obsessive, aren't you?" she asked.
"Just a little," said Seto.
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, they're bonding," said Malik in the living room, his ear pressed to the door of the kitchen.
"Really?" Mokuba asked, pulling his attention away from his video game.
"Yup, they haven't bickered once," said Malik.
"YAY!" said Mokuba, and directed his attention back on his game. "Oh, crap! I died!" He suddenly realized what he said, and put his palm to his mouth. "Malik, Seto didn't hear me, did he? He must've memorized the whole book by now! My brother is a genius!" Malik looked at the pathetic child. He laughed.
"No, Mokuba. I think Kaiba's too busy studying my sister," said Malik. Mokuba relaxed and laughed too.
"Well, women are one thing my brother isn't a genius at," said Mokuba. He and Malik fell to the floor, laughing hysterically. Just then, Isis and Seto entered the living room.
"Aw, look, Seto, they're bonding," said Isis. Mokuba and Malik stopped laughing.
"Wow, it's amazing how alike you and Malik are," said Mokuba. Malik's jaw just hung.
"Hmm...alike...you think alike...alike...people hate alike...oh hell yeah! I got it!" said Seto and ran into the kitchen. In a millisecond he returned with his laptop, grabbed his trench coat and ran out the door. Isis, Malik, and Mokuba stared after him.
"Is that what he always does when he gets an inspiration?" Isis asked Mokuba.
"No. He's usually very calm," said Mokuba. "But since he lost his job and his dueling honor, Seto couldn't get inspirations."
"Got a hanky?" asked Malik sarcastically. Isis glared at Malik, and Malik covered his head defensively. Isis threw a remote control at his back. "OW! How is it that you always win?!"
"Because I'm me, and you're...well, you're you," said Isis.
"Oh, come on Yugi! Pick a damn outfit! I don't have all day to drive you to your date with Tea. I'm actually going to show up for work today!" said Yami at the Kaiba---I mean Mutou---mansion.
"But I want to look good on our date!" said his aibou in a disgruntled manner.
"I don't see why you're trying so hard. Tea always shows up looking like crap whenever you go out with her," said Yami.
"But you forget, I never went out with her. This is our first date," said Yugi.
"Am I supposed to feel touched or something?" asked Yami.
"No, I meant that the only time you've ever seen her on a date was when she was with you," said Yugi in his naïve, innocent way.
Yami opened his mouth then shut it. Was his aibou implying that he wasn't good enough for Tea?
"Aibou, are you implying that I'm not good enough for Tea?" he asked in shock.
"I don't think so. But she probably does," said Yugi.
"Why you little---" Yami screamed, jumping onto Yugi and pummeling him into the ground. This went on for about ten minutes, and the only decipherable sounds were that of Yugi screaming phrases such as, "OW!" and "Get this is ancient freak off of me!"
"Who's picking on you, Yug'? Joey asked, entering the room. He raised his eyebrows when he saw them. "Did I miss something?"
"No, nothing," said Yami, somewhat disheveled.
"Okay.can we go yet?" asked Joey.
"Wait, all three of you are going out?" asked Yami stupidly. For once Joey had a chance to marvel at someone else's stupidity. He didn't know enough to take advantage of that.
"No! HELL NO! I'm just goin' to play a prank on her," said Joey.
"Sounds like fun," said Yami.
"You can come too, if you want," said Joey.
"Nah, I have to go to work," said Yami. Joey simply stared at Yami as if he was insane.
"There," said Seto Kaiba, slamming a large booklet down on the conference table of the five top executives of Kaiba Corp. "That is a petition to get the CEO"---he shuddered at calling Yami CEO---"fired. It is signed by every single employee of Kaiba Corp, save for Yugi Muto himself." He was usually quite calm and rational when speaking to people he worked with, but he just couldn't manage that today.
"Fine!" said four of them immediately without even bothering to look at the petition. But the fifth one was not to be pleased so easily. I knew he had it in for me. Seto thought, groaning.
"But, Mr. Kaiba," he said, "what will we do without a CEO? Where can we find one as good as Mr. Muto?" Seto scoffed at his sarcasm and replied with some of his own.
"As good as Mr. Muto? I assure you, a baboon could do better than Mr. Muto. At least then customers would be lining up to see that," he said. The other four executives struggled to suppress their laughter.
"So you're planning on hiring a baboon, then?" asked the executive.
"No. I'm planning on hiring someone who can bring this wreck of a company back up," said Seto.
"By that you mean yourself," said the executive. "In which case I do not agree to that. As I'm sure you know, Seto Kaiba, the CEO can only get fired if ALL five Kaiba Corp top executives agree to do so. And I'm afraid that's out of the question." It was all Seto could do to stand there peacefully without making the five Kaiba Corp top executives the FOUR Kaiba Corp top executives.
"You've lost your mind!" one of the others said.
"We'll all be bankrupt if we don't fire that idiot! For money's sake, he went bungee jumping off the roof!" another said. Well, that was easy for someone who can't die. Thought Seto blankly, watching them argue.
"And he hasn't shown up for work for the past few days! Mr. Kaiba never missed a single day of work!"
"Nevermind, gentlemen," Seto said, interrupting their argument. "I see his mind is not to be changed." Everyone turned to stare at him. What was this, Seto Kaiba actually QUITTING? "I'll be off then." Seto exited the room, walking toward the elevator. There has to be a more humiliating way to get Yami fired. My revenge won't be satisfying otherwise. Perhaps I could beat him at his own game...Thought Seto. The elevator doors opened just as Seto laughed maliciously.
"Kaiba? What are you doing here?!" Yami asked frantically. Seto looked at him calmly.
"I happen to work here, Yami," said Seto in a low voice.
"But---but I ordered him to shoot you in the event you ever came here ever again!" Yami pointed at him. "Security!" Everyone in the crowded hallway turned toward Yami, and then rolled their eyes.
"Seems the people like me more than you," said Seto. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to be getting along with." He entered the elevator and pressed the "Close Doors" button, as he really didn't want to stick around and look at Yami any longer. His money-stuffed pockets were really starting to get to him.
Yami, meanwhile, ran into the room Seto had just come from.
"Okay, what the hell is Seto Kaiba doing anywhere within fifty miles of this damn place?!" he screamed.
"Mr. Mutou, have we decided to show up for work today?" asked one of the executives.
"That's not important now! What the hell is Seto Kaiba doing with a job here?!" Yami repeated.
"He's CFO, Mr. Mutou. But perhaps you'd know that if you were around more often," said another one of the executives. Yami simply stared in horror.
"Kaiba.CFO.near.my.company.Kaiba.why.AHHHHHHHH! WHY?!" Yami ended in a scream.
"Don't worry Mr. Mutou, we have no intention of giving him your job. You just work so well," said the executive that had it in for our dear mentally unstable former CEO. (A/N: Seto: What the hell?! I am NOT mentally unstable! JK: Sorry, just had to put that.)
"Well, thank you," said Yami smugly, and left the room to go to his own office.
"You really hate Kaiba, don't you?" one of the executives asked.
"Hate is an understatement," replied the other.
"Why? He was a great boss. Cheap, yes, but he managed the company really well."
"He stole my girlfriend!" screamed the executive. The other four stared at him.
"WHAT?!"
"Well, he did," said the executive (whom we will now dub Kaiba-hater). He looked extremely sorry that he had spoken.
"How'd he do that?"
"Well...my girlfriend took one look at him and decided I wasn't good enough for her," said Kaiba-hater. The other executives stared at him for a minute, and burst out laughing.
"Malik, it appears Kaiba isn't as unpopular as we thought he was," said Yami Bakura. Malik looked at him.
"What in the hell are you talking about?" Malik asked, disgruntled. They were at Kaiba Corp., and Malik had a serious desire to murder Kaiba on the spot. It didn't help that the guard at the front door was not letting them through.
"I used the Millennium Ring to tap into some conversation, apparently between the five top executives of Kaiba Corp. And one of them got his girlfriend stolen, courtesy of Kaiba," said Yami Bakura.
"Who was the girlfriend? Seto's grandmother?" asked Malik.
"No, it wasn't Tea," answered Yami Bakura, actually thinking about Malik's remark. "But you can't be sure." Malik sighed.
"That was a joke. I guess when your brain decayed your sense of humor went out along with it. But I wonder if Isis knows how popular Seto is with the ladies," said Malik.
"Why would she care?" asked Yami Bakura. Malik sighed yet again.
"You just won't accept the facts, will you? Seto and Isis got married," said Malik.
"Married?" asked Yami Bakura blankly.
"Yeah, you know: M-E-R-Y-D. Married," said Malik. "That's when two people are joined in-"
"I KNOW what marriage is, you stupid mortal! I was just repeating what you said in horror!" screamed Yami Bakura.
"Don't call me a stupid mortal, you stupid no-brained weird albino freak!" screamed Malik in return. The guard stared at Malik, who had by now not been able to resist his murderous nature and had drawn out his Millennium Rod and turned it into a dagger.
"Whoa, easy on the adjectives!" said the guard. "Damn, you freaks fight like an old married couple!" He paused and looked at them suspiciously. "You're not in love, are you?"
"And so what if we are?!" Malik and Yami Bakura screamed at the same time.
"O...kay," said the guard, inching away from them. "I'll let you through, just DON'T KISS IN FRONT OF ME!" The guard stepped aside.
"Aw...I was hoping he'd run off squealing like a pig," said Malik. "What a disappointment."
"I can't believe he bought that!" Yami Bakura said in pure astonishment. "Who could possibly believe that someone as manly as me would love a guy?"
"Manly?" Malik asked. "MANLY?! You are not manly, Bakura. Sorry to dash your fantasies."
"Well, neither are you!" Yami Bakura retaliated.
"Well, I got suspended for taking my shirt off! A girl wouldn't do that!" said Malik. By now the whole lobby was staring at the strange scene.
Yami Bakura, on the other hand, seemed to have run out of insults and was silent. Then, he erupted in ancient Egyptian.
"SO THERE! JUST DIE!" he finished in ancient Egyptian. (I'd translate the rest of that, but it's pretty much pointless as it would have to be censored.)
"Wait, can you repeat that? You lost me after the phrase that translates into *&^$ you," said Malik.
"Never mind," said Yami Bakura. "Lets just go kill Kaiba and get it over with." Malik kicked him in the shins.
"Shut up, Bakura!" he hissed. "After hearing that, they'll kick us out for sure no matter how much we scare them."
"Sorry," said Yami Bakura, clutching his knee. "Must you kick so hard? You could have just nudged me; I would've understood."
"Quit complaining," said Malik. He still sounded annoyed, but there was a definite addition of happiness to his tone of voice, probably coming from the words "kill Kaiba." "And anyway, since you seem to be stressed out, after I kill Kaiba we'll stop by the grocery store and I'll use my mom's id to buy beer again."
"Okay!" said Yami Bakura, like a little child who had just been told that they could go on a shopping spree at the candy store and eat until their teeth fell out.
"Mr. Kaiba, sir, you have a visitor," said Seto's secretary, entering his office.
"A visitor?" asked Seto, annoyed. He was having the time of his life, and someone was actually DARING to disturb him? "Who is it?"
"Some guy with blondish hair. He had an albino dude with him, but after he asked if he could suck my blood I decided it was best not to let him in," replied the secretary. Seto stared. I wonder who that could be, he thought sarcastically.
"What did he want?" Seto asked.
"I have no idea, but he seemed extremely happy about something. I asked him about the golden dagger he was holding, and then he got really angry. But I decided he was okay to let in," she said. Yeah, let in the homicidal maniac with the knife, that's just the most intelligent thing to do, thought Seto.
"And you let him in...because?" asked Seto.
"Well, he wasn't threatening my life like the other guy, so he seemed perfectly harmless," said the secretary. Seto glared at her.
"Harmless for you, that is. The guy was carrying a dagger!" Seto said, trying not to scream.
"But it wasn't my life that was in danger, it was yours. Why should I care?" Seto put on a fake, sugar-coated smile.
"Who pays you, my dear employee?" asked Seto. Watch her answer the question wrong when I just gave it away in my question, he thought.
"Um, you do, sir," she said. Astonishing, thought Seto.
"Yes, that's right. And how much do I pay you?"
"Um, a hundred bucks an hour," she said.
"Well, guess what?"
"What?" she asked fearfully.
"I'm not your source of pay anymore," said Seto, still with his sugar- coated smile.
"And why is that?" she risked asking.
"BECAUSE YOU'RE FIRED!" screamed Seto. The girl burst into tears.
"But Mr. Kaiba! I have no where to go! Kaiba Corp. is my home!"
"You SLEEP here?" Seto asked, amazed.
"Well, it was either here or in your car."
"My car? Why would you want to be in my car?" Seto asked, although he already knew the answer.
"So I could always watch you!" she screamed.
"Are you insane? You like to watch me but you would be willing to let me die? What kind of fan are you?!" Seto asked.
"I just said that so you wouldn't suspect it," she said. "But I would never let you die!"
"Well, it appears Seto-weto has yet another fan," said Yami Bakura.
"Using your Millennium Ring again?" asked Malik lazily.
"No, I didn't have to. Couldn't you hear the screaming?" asked Yami Bakura.
"No I was too busy concentrating on how I should kill Kaiba," said Malik. "Should I stab him or poke him in the eye?"
"Nah, anything involving eyes is old. It's been done, Malik," said Yami Bakura.
"True. So I should stab him?"
"I don't care. As long as I get the blood." Just then, the secretary burst out of Seto's office, crying hysterically. She stopped in front of Malik.
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" she screamed, and ran off again.
"Damn soap opera fanatic," Malik murmured.
Seto, standing in the doorway, muttered, "Well, if that isn't just the biggest load of bull I've ever heard." He directed his attention on Malik. "So, Malik, what seems to be the problem?"
"You're a liar!" screamed Malik. All the people in the office next to Seto's looked up, clearly enjoying the show. Seto noticed this.
"Back to work, now!" he screamed. "Malik, you can come into my office. We could talk business there." Another secretary stared at Seto. "Not like that, you moron!" The secretary pretended she never heard anything and resumed typing. Seto sighed and went into his office. Malik followed him, leaving Yami Bakura to his current activity. (Which was staring at the wall and imagining the best way to burn it. At the age of five, he had added pyromaniac to his list of things that were wrong with him. Now that list had about five hundred things on it. You do pick up a few disorders over the course of five thousand years.)
"So Malik, what seems to be the problem? I'm a liar?" Seto asked in his business voice.
"Cut the crap, Kaiba. You know very well what I'm talking about," said Malik, gripping his Rod tighter.
"No. Believe me, if I did, you would be flying out the window by now. I have zero tolerance for you, Malik," said Seto.
"What, you would pull the same little number you pulled on Gozaburo?" Malik asked innocently.
"I did not---wait, how do you know that? I thought you lived in a cave," said Seto.
"I lived underground, not in a cave. And we do get newspapers there, you know," said Malik.
"Fascinating," said Seto sarcastically.
"Hey, Kaiba, stop acting insane. I'm starting to lose my desire to kill you since you're starting to seem cool," said Malik.
"Oh of course, insanity is all the rage these days," said Seto with even more sarcasm.
"You think so too?" Malik asked excitedly, clearly not noting the sarcasm. "Now I don't want to kill you! You ruined my fun!" Malik now sounded like that very same child that had been deprived of such privileges like eating candy till his/her teeth fell out. "But that's okay. Wanna join my club?"
Seto raised his eyebrows. "No. But there might be a way for us to form an alliance."
"Kaiba, you need to start speaking simple language. I have no clue what in the underworld you just said," said Malik.
"Fine then," said Seto. "We can work together."
"How?" asked Malik. "Does it involve me using this thing?" He indicated his Rod. Seto looked at it longingly.
"I miss that thing..." he said sadly. Malik hid it from view.
"I don't want to break that malicious train of thought," he said. Seto jolted from his daydream about the Millennium Rod and the good old days in Ancient Egypt when he used it. "Kaiba, just out of curiosity, were you dreaming about the Rod or what you did as priest?"
"The Rod, Malik, just the Rod," said Seto, blushing.
"Didn't Yami get jealous when you stole all his mistresses?" Malik asked wickedly.
"SHUT UP, MALIK!" said Seto.
"Ah, so you've remembered. How much do you want to bet that Isis was one of those mistresses?" said Malik. Not as much as I would bet that Yami Bakura was one of yours, thought Seto, but didn't voice that thought because he needed Malik for his evil little deed.
"Never mind that now."
"And speaking of Isis, do you have any idea how many admirers my sister has? When she was in elementary school and the little brats didn't even know what love was, I had to keep the phone off the hook because of all the people calling to ask her out," said Malik.
"You had a phone?" asked Seto, surprised.
"Yes, Kaiba, I had a phone. And then when we got older, we had to get two lines! Otherwise people couldn't reach us, not even at midnight. That's how desperate they were. And like recent times, her archaeology people would show up at our doorstep at six in the morning!" said Malik. "It drove me insane!"
"So that's what the problem was," said Seto. "I always wondered if you were born that way or not."
Malik went on as if he hadn't heard Seto: "But at least after everyone finds out that she's married, I won't have to deal with it anymore." Malik sighed with relief. Married? Thought Seto. I thought Malik knew that we weren't. Oh well. And so my revenge on him continues.
"Aw, Malik, don't feel sad that you don't have admirers. You'll always have Yami Bakura's affection," said Seto, snickering and patting Malik on the back. Malik tried punching Seto, but Seto dodged.
"Kaiba, you ruined it! We were bonding!" said Malik.
"Trust me, Malik. Yami Bakura would 'bond' with you better," said Seto.
"It's not like that!" said Malik.
Seto smirked. "No need to get defensive."
"I was not being defensive! And I'm not gay!"
"Then how come I never see any girls around you? You're always with Yami Bakura," said Seto.
"Because women are afraid of me!" said Malik. "Trust me. I took my shirt off in front of the entire class. They should all be afraid."
"You know, you've got a point there. But enough with the small talk. Here is how we can work together: I intend to get revenge on everyone who put me in this position. I already got my revenge on you just by moving into your house. But intend to put Yami through the hell he never got the chance to go through. I want him to suffer more than you have," said Seto.
"Is that even possible?"
"Very. So here's the deal. If you help me get my job back and make Yami suffer like he never suffered before, and if your insane yami 'friend'- --" Seto couldn't help but burst out laughing.
"Come on, Kaiba!"
"Okay. If you and Yami Bakura help me out, I'll agree not to unleash my wrath on him and will move out as soon as I get my job back. Besides, you benefit from it just as much as I do. You hate Yami just as much as I do. Our enemy is one and the same," said Seto. Malik seemed to like what Seto was saying.
"Now you're talking my language," said Malik. "I'm sure Yami Bakura will be only too eager to aid us in the quest for Yami's destruction!" Malik cackled evilly.
"No need to take it to THAT extremity. But yeah, that is what we're after," said Seto.
"You know, it was a severe punishment for Yami when you moved in with Isis. It nearly drove him mad. Quite a shame that it didn't, though. Then all the yamis would be insane." Malik shuddered, remembering his yami.
"How was that a punishment?"
"Well, think about it. You stole Isis from him in ancient times, and now you got her before Yami even put one move on her," said Malik.
"Please stop talking about that," said Seto.
"What are you going to do? Go all kung-fu on me?" asked Malik, smiling. Seto wouldn't dare...
"Gladly," said Seto, kicking Malik in the stomach. Malik rolled on the floor in agony for about two minutes and then stood up.
"That never happened." Yami Bakura burst into the room at that moment.
"I agree! I agree to killing Yami! But I got dibs on the blood! I want his blood!"
"Okay, Bakura!" Malik and Seto said in unison.
"So we have a deal, Kaiba," said Malik. He and Yami Bakura started to leave.
"Wait Malik," Seto called. "What did you mean when you said I was a liar?"
"Well, you told me that you couldn't get your job back because Yami couldn't get fired. But he can if all top five Kaiba Corp. executives agree to it," said Malik.
"Someone's done their homework. Yes, Malik, that's true. Where did you learn that happy little fact?" asked Seto.
"I went through your books and all the other crap you have at Yami's house." Seto glared at him when he said "Yami's house." "What?" Malik asked, noticing this. "It is his house until you get him fired."
Seto grinned. "Lets just say that Yami is about to become the resident of a small, dank chamber inside the mind of a naïve little midget ALL over again," he said.
"Don't you just love the way he thinks?" Malik asked on their way out. Seto smugly sat down in his five-thousand dollar office chair. And then they wonder why I'm such a great CEO. I can negotiate anything. But I shouldn't get too excited. I haven't ruined Yami's life...I mean existence just yet. But still. Operation Yami's Destruction is underway! Thought Seto.
Isis pulled her car over in front of the arcade that evening.
"Hey Isis!" said Mokuba, opening the back door. Then he frowned. "Where's Seto?"
"I haven't picked him up yet," replied Isis.
"Well you should have!" said Mokuba. "You should always pick my brother up before me. I know you two never get any time alone. You even sleep in different rooms."
It had been a long and hard day for Isis, so what he said didn't sink in immediately. "Why would I want to be alone with---MOKUBA!"
"Well, you should've picked him up first!" Mokuba contradicted.
"Just pipe down. I already have a headache. If you promise to behave, I might take you out for dinner. I have a feeling that Malik invited Yami Bakura over, so I would rather not go home until they're asleep from all the alcohol consumption," said Isis. She refrained from banging her head on the steering wheel.
"Okay!" said Mokuba gleefully. "But only if Seto comes too."
"Yes, of course," said Isis. Like he would agree otherwise, she thought.
In a few minutes they pulled over in front of Kaiba Corp.
"Lovely day, wasn't it?" Seto asked when he sat down. Isis glared at him.
"Lovely?! Any day when Yami Bakura and Malik are together is hell!" she screamed.
"Ooooooooooooooooo..." said Mokuba. "Isis said a bad word."
"Don't repeat that, Mokuba," Isis and Seto said irritably.
"No! I made you two mad at eachother!" said Mokuba. "I'm a terrible person."
"MOKUBA! WE'RE FINE!" Isis and Seto screamed.
"Oh, good then!"
"Where are we going?" Seto asked, looking at the window and noticing that they were headed in the wrong direction.
"Like I explained to Mokuba, I have no intention of going home until Malik and Yami Bakura are drop-dead drunk and knocked out," said Isis.
"I don't think you'll have to wait long," said Seto. "They're probably out celebrating."
"Celebrating what?" asked Isis curiously. "It's not Malik's birthday, and Yami Bakura can't remember his."
"They're---" Seto paused for a short moment. He didn't want to tell Isis about the little deal he made. She would definitely disapprove. "They're going to celebrate our engagement that no one bothered to ask me about."
"About that---" Isis began, but was interrupted by Seto.
"It's okay. Malik is suffering, so I don't mind." The rest of the car ride was pretty quiet.
"You think they've finished celebrating?" Seto asked, approaching the front door.
"Probably. It's ten o'clock. They should be unconscious by now," said Isis. She opened the door.
"MY BOTTLE!" Malik screamed, grabbing a beer bottle out of Yami Bakura's hand.
"NO! I WANT IT!"
"I BOUGHT IT!" Malik screamed.
"WELL, OF COURSE YOU DID! YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE STUPID ID PEOPLE HAVE TO HAVE NOWADAYS TO BUY ALCOHOL!"
"I PAID FOR IT!"
"AW, GO SCREW YOURSELF!"
"Hasn't he already done that?" Seto asked, interrupting the argument.
Isis, whose mood had improved quite a bit, walked over to Malik and pulled the bottle out of his hand. She then walked to the window, opened it and the bottle, and spilled everything out. Malik and Yami Bakura looked horrified.
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!" they screamed.
"It's fair, now. Neither of you got it. Now, we're all going to bed now," said Isis with unnerving calmness.
"Where am I supposed to sleep?" Seto asked.
"Oh, I know," said Malik wickedly. Isis threw the beer bottle at his head. It broke in half when it made contact.
"Quiet!" she snapped. "I am going to leave you two here. Seto will sleep in the basement for today. Hopefully he won't die. Now, I'm warning you, Malik. Do NOT do anything crazy." Malik and Yami Bakura nodded.
"We won't, sister," said Malik. Isis looked at him with a penetrating gaze, but then gave up searching for guilt of any kind. She had learned that Malik never felt any remorse about what he did. She and Mokuba proceeded upstairs, while Seto went to the basement.
Malik grinned. If Isis only knew what kind of craziness he and Yami Bakura were planning...
JK: Another chappie of my story is completed! And who do we have to thank for the fact that I continued? Duke Devlin!
Duke: What? I didn't do anything.
One of his dumb cheer leading fangirls: Duke, Duke, he's our man! If he can't do it--- JK (after bashing fangirl on the head): As I was saying before the one with the rotting brain---
Yami Bakura: What? Who called me?
JK: (sighs) Once again, before I was interrupted by the two people...or maniacs with the rotting brains, Duke was my inspiration!
Seto: You look at me, and no inspiration comes to you. But look at Duke, and you're just brimming with ideas?
JK: Shut up, Seto-weto. You know you're still my favorite character. I got inspired because of making fun of Duke.
Another of his fangirls: You made fun of him?!
(JK takes out mallet ONLY reserved for bashing Tea on the head.)
JK: Why don't you take a nap?
Fangirl: Why would I do that?
(JK bashes her on the head too.)
Yami: That's not fair! Naps are my trademark!
Malik: What are you complaining about? Would you like my trademark instead? She made me gay!
Yami Bakura: And me too. I am not gay!
JK: I didn't make you gay. I do NOT support yaoi. Besides, you honestly think I COULD write yaoi?
(Evil Authoress, who used to be known as Dark Shadows, pops in.)
EA: Who's writing yaoi?! Yaoi is good!
JK: No one, Evil Authoress.
EA: Oh. (spots Malik) Maliky-poo! (glomps him)
Malik: Ow...you still like me? Aren't you the one who changes her bishie everyday?
JK: Sorry, Malik, but this time, I think she's hooked.
EA: Hooked on Malik, that I am.
JK: Quit talking like Kenshin. (From Rurouni Kenshin)
Malik: Damn fangirls...
Seto: This coming from someone who was complaining that he doesn't have any admirers.
JK: You should know, Seto, that in this part of my fanfics, you get to be yourself. In the actual part with a plot, you are all under my control.
(Everyone screams.)
JK: Come on, it's not that bad. And before I get carried away again, I would like to take some time to thank one of my reviewers who has been reviewing for almost every single chapter. Thank you Llybian!
Everyone:...
JK: Hail her!
Everyone:...
Seto: There's not a snowball's chance in hell that I'm hailing someone who likes this crap.
JK: Seto...
Seto: No, I refuse to.
JK: I'll burn your mansion if you don't!
Seto: NO! Fine! (hails Llybian)
JK: And the rest of you?
(Everyone else follows suit.)
JK: Good!
EA: How come they don't hail me? I reviewed for every chapter!
JK: (sighs) Here, have some chocolate instead.
EA: YEAH! CHOCOLATE! (grabs it)
JK: Anyway, please review and join us next chapter for the ceremonial resurrection and burning of Pegasus!
JK: No, this isn't a hallucination. I am continuing.
Seto: Yes! Thank God!
JK: Finally, a different reaction from you.
Seto: So, this is revenge chapter number two.
JK: Yup.
Yami Yugi and Yami Bakura: Oh crap.
Malik: KAIBA! YOU DRANK ALL THE BEER!
Seto: Oh, did I?
Malik: What do you mean, "Oh did I?"
Isis: Malik, that was Mokuba. I swear; you blame Kaiba for everything.
Mokuba: He doesn't blame me for everything, except the time I peed in his bed, but that was true.
Isis: I meant your brother, Mokuba.
Seto: I have a first name, you know.
Malik (sarcastically): For real? I didn't know that!
Seto: Of course not. You don't know anything.
Malik: You shouldn't talk that way to someone who can beat the crap out of you, Seto.
Isis: Malik, are you insane? He's a full head taller than you are.
Joey (muttering to Yugi): Did you hear that? She goes for tall people! (He leaves.)
(Joey returns wearing high-heeled shoes.)
Joey: So, Isis, whatcha doing Saturday night?
(Isis elbows Joey in the ribs.)
Joey (with the wind knocked out of him): I guess you're busy...
Mai: JOEY WHEELER YOU RETURN MY SHOES THIS INSTANT OR I'LL SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUT!
Joey: What are you talking about?
Mai: I'M NOT STUPID, YOU HIDEOUS EXCUSE FOR A GUY! GIVE ME MY FIFTEEN-INCH PLATFORM SHOES OR ELSE THEY'LL BE THE LAST PAIR OF SHOES YOU'LL EVER WEAR! No, wait, MAKE THAT THE LAST THING YOU'LL EVER WEAR!
Joey: What, you're gonna steal my clothing? I knew I had good taste, but really...that's desperate.
Isis: Just give Mai back her shoes, Joey.
Seto: Yeah, puppy dog, listen to the smartest female in our midst. But don't let your head swell too much, Isis. When you consider the other contestants for that title, you'll realize there wasn't much of a contest.
Mai and Tea: EXCUSE ME?!
Yami: Tea, how does that concern you? You're no female.
Tea: Don't call me a guy!
Yami: I never said you were a guy.
Tea: Well, if I'm not a female or a guy, what am I?
Yami: Um...well...an it.
Tea: Am not!
Yami: You're just in the closet.
Tea: Oh. Yami, you're so smart...
Seto: Ugh...how disgusting. Tea swooning over Yami. What more could go wrong today?
Isis: Allow me to demonstrate. (punches Seto)
Seto: OW! What the hell was that for?
Isis: For your little sneering comment earlier. My head does not SWELL.
Seto: Ah...
Malik: Hey, Isis, you're busy Saturday night? Busy doing what?
Isis (after pinching Malik's cheek): That is of no concern to you, dear little brother.
Malik: DON'T DO THAT!
Mai: Shut up all of you! Joey, give me my shoes!
Joey: What do you need dem shoes for?
Mai: What do you think, genius? To wear them!
Joey: But what are you wearing now?
Mai: Ten inch platform shoes. But they're no where near high enough.
Joey: Oh, fine. (gives shoes to Mai) It's not like Isis was going to date me anyway.
Mai: What was that?!
Joey: Nothing!
Seto: JK, you've been awfully quiet. Who's going to fall in a hell hole this time?
JK: Huh, what? Oh. No one.
Seto: Hmm...then what have you been scheming?
JK: Nothing. I was just taping this little event. And I got it all.
Seto: Oh well. I didn't do anything embarrassing.
Yami: Oh, Tea, can I ask you a question?
Tea: Oh my God! THAT question?!
Yami: What? What question?
Seto: She means, "Will you marry me?"
Tea: Of course, Seto!
Seto: What?! No, I was just telling Yami what you meant!
JK: Well that's a nice question to ask someone of your own gender.
Tea: You don't have to hide anything from me! I know you love me!
Seto: I swear, hag, if you don't shut up---
Tea: I love you too! It makes perfect se---
(Tea collapses onto the ground, unconscious.)
Seto: Um, what just happened?
Isis: I used the same lamp on her that Malik used on you a few chapters ago. I couldn't stand to listen to that any longer.
Malik: Oh, really? And WHY would that be, sister?
Isis: I could use the lamp on you too, you know.
Malik: No, that's not necessary, sister.
Isis: I have a name, Malik!
Seto: See, you don't like it that much either.
Malik: Kaiba, you are asking for it! My insane sister is still holding the lamp! Would you like to have the little "Don't call me a monkey" scenario repeated once again?
Seto: Hey, that was degrading to you. You can't even speak your own language.
Malik: HEY! My language in not ancient Egyptian!
Isis: Shut up before I hit both of you!
Malik: Hey, she's too young to be going through middle age crisis. What's wrong with her?
Seto: No, women go through something else when they have mood swings. (snickers)
(JK grabs the lamp and whacks Seto on the head.)
Seto (wiping away blood): OW!
JK: You were really asking for it. DON'T TALK ABOUT THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, KAIBA!
Yami: Oh, she's mad. She called you "Kaiba." That's never a good sign.
JK: Yami...
Yami: I'll shut up.
JK: Nah, just do the disclaimer.
Yami: If JK owned us we would all be dead. And since we're not, well, take a guess!
JK: Well that was cheery. (whacks Yami with the lamp) I love my authoress powers.
Yami: Well, I don't.
Seto: I'm going to sue!
JK: No, you're not.
Seto: Just why not?
JK: Because then I'll let Yami keep your money. And your house. And your job. And your Blue Eyes White Dragon plushie.
Seto: MY PLUSHIE!
JK: I'm glad we've reached an understanding.
Seto: I hate you...
Yami: Welcome to the club.
"So, and then, my son said, 'Daddy, I can go potty all by myself.' I was so proud," said Malik's psychiatrist. Malik sat there, twirling a strand of hair around his finger and obviously not caring.
"Okay, old dude, I really don't give a crap about your son learning how to potty. My future brother-in-law's brother still has to learn how to do that, so I'm sure I'll be hearing about that quite a bit. Don't you have any interesting stories? Like about world domination or death or at least blood?" Malik asked wearily.
"Um...actually, I don't." The psychiatrist paused for a second. "I know! Why don't we play a little personality game? I'm going to put you in a situation you've never been in and see how you react. This will tell us about your personality."
"Do you mean literally, or are we going to use"---he put on a look of childish delight and said in gleeful sarcasm---" our IMAGINATION?"
"No, we're going to use our imagination," said the old man. He must be out of ideas. Malik thought triumphantly. Perfect. Maybe he'll leave soon.
"Fine, but make this quick," said Malik, finally letting go of his hair.
"Okay. Pretend you are part of the first expedition to the moon. You reach it, and are the first person to step foot on the moon. What would you say to mission control?" the psychiatrist asked. Could he get any cornier? Malik asked himself.
"Well, I would say something like, 'Houston, I gotta go pee,'" said Malik. His psychiatrist sighed.
"What? The bathrooms in space can't be too comfortable. Besides, your little potty story inspired me," said Malik.
"Well if you're so smart then why don't you give me a word, at least, to describe your personality?"
"Only one word, huh? Okay, sadistic," said Malik. The psychiatrist stared. "What? Something I said, old man?"
"Nothing, nothing at all," he answered, composing himself. "Anything new happening?"
"Well, I got suspended from school again. Three weeks this time."
"Who'd you kill this time?"
"No, I just took my shirt off in front of my class. The teacher looked a bit disappointed; I don't know what SHE was expecting," said Malik, snickering. "A few of the boys looked disappointed as well. I hate it when people mistake me for a girl."
"Really, Malik? That's a nice twist to the story I can't say you've told me," said Isis, entering the living room. Unbeknownst to Malik---or the psychiatrist---she'd been standing at the foot of the stairs listening to their conversation.
"I can't say you've told me about your new urge to listen in on me," said Malik, frowning. He hated when his sister looked at him like that. It made him feel so inferior.
"Don't be such a baby. You know I never listen in on you," said Isis.
"What about my phone call with Yami Bakura?! You listened in on the whole thing!"
"You put the freaking conversation on speaker phone, retard!"
"Well, then being a retard runs in the family!"
"Then that means you were switched at birth, because as far as I know, mom and dad were NORMAL!" Isis bellowed.
"Um...I think I'll be heading home now..." said the psychiatrist quietly.
"SHUT THE HELL UP, FRUIT CAKE!" the siblings screamed in unison.
"Okay then," he said, getting up slowly and making his way toward the door. "Their whole family needs therapy. The only normal person seemed to be Seto Kaiba. Wonder what he was doing in that nut house." he said on his way out.
"AT LEAST I DON'T SPEND HOURS MODELING IN FRONT OF MY RARE HUNTERS ASKING THEM IF MY ROBES ARE TOO TIGHT AND THEN WHEN THEY SAY NO MAKING THEM TIGHTER!" screamed Isis.
"DO I LOOK LIKE MAI VALENTINE TO YOU?!"
"YOU BOTH HAVE THE SAME FEMININE STYLE! HELLO! YOU WEAR A FREAKING LAVENDER BELLY SHIRT! DOES THAT SEEM NORMAL TO YOU?!"
"WELL I DON'T GO DRUG FORMER BILLIONAIRES TO MAKE THEM FALL IN LOVE WITH ME!"
"OH, YEAH, WELL YOU DRUG FORMER TOMB ROBBERS TO MAKE THEM DO GOD KNOWS WHAT!"
"SHUT UP, YOU &$*&^$(*&^$*&@^!&%@$#!#$@!#&**(&^%$#$^%^!"
"HEY, SHE'S YOUR MOTHER TOO!"
"*&#$&*^^!@%^#!*(*#_!*_!&*!&^#^#%^@%^%@%^!%@$%!%^%#^@%^@!" Malik screamed.
"OH, YEAH?! FINE! *&#$&*^^!@%^#!*(*#_!*_!&*!&^#^# %^@%^%@%^!%@$%!%^%#^@%^@ TO YOU TOO!" Isis yelled.
"Pardon me for interrupting this sophisticated conversation, but I'm trying to work! Have you two grown up since you were four years old?!" Seto interrupted, running into the living room from the kitchen. He looked like he could take a leaf out of Yami Bakura's book and gouge both of someone's eyes out.
"Of course we have, but Malik just hasn't grown up mentally," said Isis.
"Damn, at least you were cursing in a different language," said Seto. "Mokuba would have a field day if that was in English." (A/N: As I said a few chapters ago, but since probably almost no one remembered, I know that they speak Japanese but for the sake of this fic they speak English because I happen not to be fluent in Japanese.) Mokuba ran in, clutching a notebook.
"I got it all!" he said happily. "My hand is cramped from writing so much and so fast, but I got everything they said!"
"Give me that," said Seto, snatching the book from Mokuba's hand. He looked to be counting in his head. "How many languages is this in?"
"I know curses in English, Japanese, Ancient Egyptian, regular Egyptian, Spanish, French, Italian, Chinese, Portuguese, Russian, German, and Australian!" said Mokuba happily.
"Where'd you learn all of these? Half of these even I don't know. And I wrote a book of them when I was twelve for Gozaburo-baka," said Seto.
"Yami Bakura can be very informative," said Mokuba.
"Okay then," said Seto. "But if I ever catch you using any of the words in this notebook, I'll take away your Monster Capsule game for a year." Mokuba stared at Seto in horror. (A/N: Monster Capsule is supposed to be this game that Mokuba likes.) Seto ignored this and went into the kitchen, still clutching the notebook. Malik stared after him.
"Kaiba can be strict," said Malik. "Ew..."
"Shut up, Malik," said Isis. "You need someone like him to crack the whip on you."
"Ah, defending your love, are you?" asked Malik, snickering.
Isis picked up a nearby book and flung it at Malik's head, hitting him dead-center in the forehead.
"OW!" Malik screamed, clutching his forehead.
"You really need to shut up, Malik," said Isis, and went into the kitchen. "What are you doing, Kaiba?" she asked when she spotted Seto. He had the stove on, but he wasn't cooking anything.
"I'm getting the stove nice and hot to burn Mokuba's notebook," said Seto simply.
"Obsessive, aren't you?" she asked.
"Just a little," said Seto.
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, they're bonding," said Malik in the living room, his ear pressed to the door of the kitchen.
"Really?" Mokuba asked, pulling his attention away from his video game.
"Yup, they haven't bickered once," said Malik.
"YAY!" said Mokuba, and directed his attention back on his game. "Oh, crap! I died!" He suddenly realized what he said, and put his palm to his mouth. "Malik, Seto didn't hear me, did he? He must've memorized the whole book by now! My brother is a genius!" Malik looked at the pathetic child. He laughed.
"No, Mokuba. I think Kaiba's too busy studying my sister," said Malik. Mokuba relaxed and laughed too.
"Well, women are one thing my brother isn't a genius at," said Mokuba. He and Malik fell to the floor, laughing hysterically. Just then, Isis and Seto entered the living room.
"Aw, look, Seto, they're bonding," said Isis. Mokuba and Malik stopped laughing.
"Wow, it's amazing how alike you and Malik are," said Mokuba. Malik's jaw just hung.
"Hmm...alike...you think alike...alike...people hate alike...oh hell yeah! I got it!" said Seto and ran into the kitchen. In a millisecond he returned with his laptop, grabbed his trench coat and ran out the door. Isis, Malik, and Mokuba stared after him.
"Is that what he always does when he gets an inspiration?" Isis asked Mokuba.
"No. He's usually very calm," said Mokuba. "But since he lost his job and his dueling honor, Seto couldn't get inspirations."
"Got a hanky?" asked Malik sarcastically. Isis glared at Malik, and Malik covered his head defensively. Isis threw a remote control at his back. "OW! How is it that you always win?!"
"Because I'm me, and you're...well, you're you," said Isis.
"Oh, come on Yugi! Pick a damn outfit! I don't have all day to drive you to your date with Tea. I'm actually going to show up for work today!" said Yami at the Kaiba---I mean Mutou---mansion.
"But I want to look good on our date!" said his aibou in a disgruntled manner.
"I don't see why you're trying so hard. Tea always shows up looking like crap whenever you go out with her," said Yami.
"But you forget, I never went out with her. This is our first date," said Yugi.
"Am I supposed to feel touched or something?" asked Yami.
"No, I meant that the only time you've ever seen her on a date was when she was with you," said Yugi in his naïve, innocent way.
Yami opened his mouth then shut it. Was his aibou implying that he wasn't good enough for Tea?
"Aibou, are you implying that I'm not good enough for Tea?" he asked in shock.
"I don't think so. But she probably does," said Yugi.
"Why you little---" Yami screamed, jumping onto Yugi and pummeling him into the ground. This went on for about ten minutes, and the only decipherable sounds were that of Yugi screaming phrases such as, "OW!" and "Get this is ancient freak off of me!"
"Who's picking on you, Yug'? Joey asked, entering the room. He raised his eyebrows when he saw them. "Did I miss something?"
"No, nothing," said Yami, somewhat disheveled.
"Okay.can we go yet?" asked Joey.
"Wait, all three of you are going out?" asked Yami stupidly. For once Joey had a chance to marvel at someone else's stupidity. He didn't know enough to take advantage of that.
"No! HELL NO! I'm just goin' to play a prank on her," said Joey.
"Sounds like fun," said Yami.
"You can come too, if you want," said Joey.
"Nah, I have to go to work," said Yami. Joey simply stared at Yami as if he was insane.
"There," said Seto Kaiba, slamming a large booklet down on the conference table of the five top executives of Kaiba Corp. "That is a petition to get the CEO"---he shuddered at calling Yami CEO---"fired. It is signed by every single employee of Kaiba Corp, save for Yugi Muto himself." He was usually quite calm and rational when speaking to people he worked with, but he just couldn't manage that today.
"Fine!" said four of them immediately without even bothering to look at the petition. But the fifth one was not to be pleased so easily. I knew he had it in for me. Seto thought, groaning.
"But, Mr. Kaiba," he said, "what will we do without a CEO? Where can we find one as good as Mr. Muto?" Seto scoffed at his sarcasm and replied with some of his own.
"As good as Mr. Muto? I assure you, a baboon could do better than Mr. Muto. At least then customers would be lining up to see that," he said. The other four executives struggled to suppress their laughter.
"So you're planning on hiring a baboon, then?" asked the executive.
"No. I'm planning on hiring someone who can bring this wreck of a company back up," said Seto.
"By that you mean yourself," said the executive. "In which case I do not agree to that. As I'm sure you know, Seto Kaiba, the CEO can only get fired if ALL five Kaiba Corp top executives agree to do so. And I'm afraid that's out of the question." It was all Seto could do to stand there peacefully without making the five Kaiba Corp top executives the FOUR Kaiba Corp top executives.
"You've lost your mind!" one of the others said.
"We'll all be bankrupt if we don't fire that idiot! For money's sake, he went bungee jumping off the roof!" another said. Well, that was easy for someone who can't die. Thought Seto blankly, watching them argue.
"And he hasn't shown up for work for the past few days! Mr. Kaiba never missed a single day of work!"
"Nevermind, gentlemen," Seto said, interrupting their argument. "I see his mind is not to be changed." Everyone turned to stare at him. What was this, Seto Kaiba actually QUITTING? "I'll be off then." Seto exited the room, walking toward the elevator. There has to be a more humiliating way to get Yami fired. My revenge won't be satisfying otherwise. Perhaps I could beat him at his own game...Thought Seto. The elevator doors opened just as Seto laughed maliciously.
"Kaiba? What are you doing here?!" Yami asked frantically. Seto looked at him calmly.
"I happen to work here, Yami," said Seto in a low voice.
"But---but I ordered him to shoot you in the event you ever came here ever again!" Yami pointed at him. "Security!" Everyone in the crowded hallway turned toward Yami, and then rolled their eyes.
"Seems the people like me more than you," said Seto. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to be getting along with." He entered the elevator and pressed the "Close Doors" button, as he really didn't want to stick around and look at Yami any longer. His money-stuffed pockets were really starting to get to him.
Yami, meanwhile, ran into the room Seto had just come from.
"Okay, what the hell is Seto Kaiba doing anywhere within fifty miles of this damn place?!" he screamed.
"Mr. Mutou, have we decided to show up for work today?" asked one of the executives.
"That's not important now! What the hell is Seto Kaiba doing with a job here?!" Yami repeated.
"He's CFO, Mr. Mutou. But perhaps you'd know that if you were around more often," said another one of the executives. Yami simply stared in horror.
"Kaiba.CFO.near.my.company.Kaiba.why.AHHHHHHHH! WHY?!" Yami ended in a scream.
"Don't worry Mr. Mutou, we have no intention of giving him your job. You just work so well," said the executive that had it in for our dear mentally unstable former CEO. (A/N: Seto: What the hell?! I am NOT mentally unstable! JK: Sorry, just had to put that.)
"Well, thank you," said Yami smugly, and left the room to go to his own office.
"You really hate Kaiba, don't you?" one of the executives asked.
"Hate is an understatement," replied the other.
"Why? He was a great boss. Cheap, yes, but he managed the company really well."
"He stole my girlfriend!" screamed the executive. The other four stared at him.
"WHAT?!"
"Well, he did," said the executive (whom we will now dub Kaiba-hater). He looked extremely sorry that he had spoken.
"How'd he do that?"
"Well...my girlfriend took one look at him and decided I wasn't good enough for her," said Kaiba-hater. The other executives stared at him for a minute, and burst out laughing.
"Malik, it appears Kaiba isn't as unpopular as we thought he was," said Yami Bakura. Malik looked at him.
"What in the hell are you talking about?" Malik asked, disgruntled. They were at Kaiba Corp., and Malik had a serious desire to murder Kaiba on the spot. It didn't help that the guard at the front door was not letting them through.
"I used the Millennium Ring to tap into some conversation, apparently between the five top executives of Kaiba Corp. And one of them got his girlfriend stolen, courtesy of Kaiba," said Yami Bakura.
"Who was the girlfriend? Seto's grandmother?" asked Malik.
"No, it wasn't Tea," answered Yami Bakura, actually thinking about Malik's remark. "But you can't be sure." Malik sighed.
"That was a joke. I guess when your brain decayed your sense of humor went out along with it. But I wonder if Isis knows how popular Seto is with the ladies," said Malik.
"Why would she care?" asked Yami Bakura. Malik sighed yet again.
"You just won't accept the facts, will you? Seto and Isis got married," said Malik.
"Married?" asked Yami Bakura blankly.
"Yeah, you know: M-E-R-Y-D. Married," said Malik. "That's when two people are joined in-"
"I KNOW what marriage is, you stupid mortal! I was just repeating what you said in horror!" screamed Yami Bakura.
"Don't call me a stupid mortal, you stupid no-brained weird albino freak!" screamed Malik in return. The guard stared at Malik, who had by now not been able to resist his murderous nature and had drawn out his Millennium Rod and turned it into a dagger.
"Whoa, easy on the adjectives!" said the guard. "Damn, you freaks fight like an old married couple!" He paused and looked at them suspiciously. "You're not in love, are you?"
"And so what if we are?!" Malik and Yami Bakura screamed at the same time.
"O...kay," said the guard, inching away from them. "I'll let you through, just DON'T KISS IN FRONT OF ME!" The guard stepped aside.
"Aw...I was hoping he'd run off squealing like a pig," said Malik. "What a disappointment."
"I can't believe he bought that!" Yami Bakura said in pure astonishment. "Who could possibly believe that someone as manly as me would love a guy?"
"Manly?" Malik asked. "MANLY?! You are not manly, Bakura. Sorry to dash your fantasies."
"Well, neither are you!" Yami Bakura retaliated.
"Well, I got suspended for taking my shirt off! A girl wouldn't do that!" said Malik. By now the whole lobby was staring at the strange scene.
Yami Bakura, on the other hand, seemed to have run out of insults and was silent. Then, he erupted in ancient Egyptian.
"SO THERE! JUST DIE!" he finished in ancient Egyptian. (I'd translate the rest of that, but it's pretty much pointless as it would have to be censored.)
"Wait, can you repeat that? You lost me after the phrase that translates into *&^$ you," said Malik.
"Never mind," said Yami Bakura. "Lets just go kill Kaiba and get it over with." Malik kicked him in the shins.
"Shut up, Bakura!" he hissed. "After hearing that, they'll kick us out for sure no matter how much we scare them."
"Sorry," said Yami Bakura, clutching his knee. "Must you kick so hard? You could have just nudged me; I would've understood."
"Quit complaining," said Malik. He still sounded annoyed, but there was a definite addition of happiness to his tone of voice, probably coming from the words "kill Kaiba." "And anyway, since you seem to be stressed out, after I kill Kaiba we'll stop by the grocery store and I'll use my mom's id to buy beer again."
"Okay!" said Yami Bakura, like a little child who had just been told that they could go on a shopping spree at the candy store and eat until their teeth fell out.
"Mr. Kaiba, sir, you have a visitor," said Seto's secretary, entering his office.
"A visitor?" asked Seto, annoyed. He was having the time of his life, and someone was actually DARING to disturb him? "Who is it?"
"Some guy with blondish hair. He had an albino dude with him, but after he asked if he could suck my blood I decided it was best not to let him in," replied the secretary. Seto stared. I wonder who that could be, he thought sarcastically.
"What did he want?" Seto asked.
"I have no idea, but he seemed extremely happy about something. I asked him about the golden dagger he was holding, and then he got really angry. But I decided he was okay to let in," she said. Yeah, let in the homicidal maniac with the knife, that's just the most intelligent thing to do, thought Seto.
"And you let him in...because?" asked Seto.
"Well, he wasn't threatening my life like the other guy, so he seemed perfectly harmless," said the secretary. Seto glared at her.
"Harmless for you, that is. The guy was carrying a dagger!" Seto said, trying not to scream.
"But it wasn't my life that was in danger, it was yours. Why should I care?" Seto put on a fake, sugar-coated smile.
"Who pays you, my dear employee?" asked Seto. Watch her answer the question wrong when I just gave it away in my question, he thought.
"Um, you do, sir," she said. Astonishing, thought Seto.
"Yes, that's right. And how much do I pay you?"
"Um, a hundred bucks an hour," she said.
"Well, guess what?"
"What?" she asked fearfully.
"I'm not your source of pay anymore," said Seto, still with his sugar- coated smile.
"And why is that?" she risked asking.
"BECAUSE YOU'RE FIRED!" screamed Seto. The girl burst into tears.
"But Mr. Kaiba! I have no where to go! Kaiba Corp. is my home!"
"You SLEEP here?" Seto asked, amazed.
"Well, it was either here or in your car."
"My car? Why would you want to be in my car?" Seto asked, although he already knew the answer.
"So I could always watch you!" she screamed.
"Are you insane? You like to watch me but you would be willing to let me die? What kind of fan are you?!" Seto asked.
"I just said that so you wouldn't suspect it," she said. "But I would never let you die!"
"Well, it appears Seto-weto has yet another fan," said Yami Bakura.
"Using your Millennium Ring again?" asked Malik lazily.
"No, I didn't have to. Couldn't you hear the screaming?" asked Yami Bakura.
"No I was too busy concentrating on how I should kill Kaiba," said Malik. "Should I stab him or poke him in the eye?"
"Nah, anything involving eyes is old. It's been done, Malik," said Yami Bakura.
"True. So I should stab him?"
"I don't care. As long as I get the blood." Just then, the secretary burst out of Seto's office, crying hysterically. She stopped in front of Malik.
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" she screamed, and ran off again.
"Damn soap opera fanatic," Malik murmured.
Seto, standing in the doorway, muttered, "Well, if that isn't just the biggest load of bull I've ever heard." He directed his attention on Malik. "So, Malik, what seems to be the problem?"
"You're a liar!" screamed Malik. All the people in the office next to Seto's looked up, clearly enjoying the show. Seto noticed this.
"Back to work, now!" he screamed. "Malik, you can come into my office. We could talk business there." Another secretary stared at Seto. "Not like that, you moron!" The secretary pretended she never heard anything and resumed typing. Seto sighed and went into his office. Malik followed him, leaving Yami Bakura to his current activity. (Which was staring at the wall and imagining the best way to burn it. At the age of five, he had added pyromaniac to his list of things that were wrong with him. Now that list had about five hundred things on it. You do pick up a few disorders over the course of five thousand years.)
"So Malik, what seems to be the problem? I'm a liar?" Seto asked in his business voice.
"Cut the crap, Kaiba. You know very well what I'm talking about," said Malik, gripping his Rod tighter.
"No. Believe me, if I did, you would be flying out the window by now. I have zero tolerance for you, Malik," said Seto.
"What, you would pull the same little number you pulled on Gozaburo?" Malik asked innocently.
"I did not---wait, how do you know that? I thought you lived in a cave," said Seto.
"I lived underground, not in a cave. And we do get newspapers there, you know," said Malik.
"Fascinating," said Seto sarcastically.
"Hey, Kaiba, stop acting insane. I'm starting to lose my desire to kill you since you're starting to seem cool," said Malik.
"Oh of course, insanity is all the rage these days," said Seto with even more sarcasm.
"You think so too?" Malik asked excitedly, clearly not noting the sarcasm. "Now I don't want to kill you! You ruined my fun!" Malik now sounded like that very same child that had been deprived of such privileges like eating candy till his/her teeth fell out. "But that's okay. Wanna join my club?"
Seto raised his eyebrows. "No. But there might be a way for us to form an alliance."
"Kaiba, you need to start speaking simple language. I have no clue what in the underworld you just said," said Malik.
"Fine then," said Seto. "We can work together."
"How?" asked Malik. "Does it involve me using this thing?" He indicated his Rod. Seto looked at it longingly.
"I miss that thing..." he said sadly. Malik hid it from view.
"I don't want to break that malicious train of thought," he said. Seto jolted from his daydream about the Millennium Rod and the good old days in Ancient Egypt when he used it. "Kaiba, just out of curiosity, were you dreaming about the Rod or what you did as priest?"
"The Rod, Malik, just the Rod," said Seto, blushing.
"Didn't Yami get jealous when you stole all his mistresses?" Malik asked wickedly.
"SHUT UP, MALIK!" said Seto.
"Ah, so you've remembered. How much do you want to bet that Isis was one of those mistresses?" said Malik. Not as much as I would bet that Yami Bakura was one of yours, thought Seto, but didn't voice that thought because he needed Malik for his evil little deed.
"Never mind that now."
"And speaking of Isis, do you have any idea how many admirers my sister has? When she was in elementary school and the little brats didn't even know what love was, I had to keep the phone off the hook because of all the people calling to ask her out," said Malik.
"You had a phone?" asked Seto, surprised.
"Yes, Kaiba, I had a phone. And then when we got older, we had to get two lines! Otherwise people couldn't reach us, not even at midnight. That's how desperate they were. And like recent times, her archaeology people would show up at our doorstep at six in the morning!" said Malik. "It drove me insane!"
"So that's what the problem was," said Seto. "I always wondered if you were born that way or not."
Malik went on as if he hadn't heard Seto: "But at least after everyone finds out that she's married, I won't have to deal with it anymore." Malik sighed with relief. Married? Thought Seto. I thought Malik knew that we weren't. Oh well. And so my revenge on him continues.
"Aw, Malik, don't feel sad that you don't have admirers. You'll always have Yami Bakura's affection," said Seto, snickering and patting Malik on the back. Malik tried punching Seto, but Seto dodged.
"Kaiba, you ruined it! We were bonding!" said Malik.
"Trust me, Malik. Yami Bakura would 'bond' with you better," said Seto.
"It's not like that!" said Malik.
Seto smirked. "No need to get defensive."
"I was not being defensive! And I'm not gay!"
"Then how come I never see any girls around you? You're always with Yami Bakura," said Seto.
"Because women are afraid of me!" said Malik. "Trust me. I took my shirt off in front of the entire class. They should all be afraid."
"You know, you've got a point there. But enough with the small talk. Here is how we can work together: I intend to get revenge on everyone who put me in this position. I already got my revenge on you just by moving into your house. But intend to put Yami through the hell he never got the chance to go through. I want him to suffer more than you have," said Seto.
"Is that even possible?"
"Very. So here's the deal. If you help me get my job back and make Yami suffer like he never suffered before, and if your insane yami 'friend'- --" Seto couldn't help but burst out laughing.
"Come on, Kaiba!"
"Okay. If you and Yami Bakura help me out, I'll agree not to unleash my wrath on him and will move out as soon as I get my job back. Besides, you benefit from it just as much as I do. You hate Yami just as much as I do. Our enemy is one and the same," said Seto. Malik seemed to like what Seto was saying.
"Now you're talking my language," said Malik. "I'm sure Yami Bakura will be only too eager to aid us in the quest for Yami's destruction!" Malik cackled evilly.
"No need to take it to THAT extremity. But yeah, that is what we're after," said Seto.
"You know, it was a severe punishment for Yami when you moved in with Isis. It nearly drove him mad. Quite a shame that it didn't, though. Then all the yamis would be insane." Malik shuddered, remembering his yami.
"How was that a punishment?"
"Well, think about it. You stole Isis from him in ancient times, and now you got her before Yami even put one move on her," said Malik.
"Please stop talking about that," said Seto.
"What are you going to do? Go all kung-fu on me?" asked Malik, smiling. Seto wouldn't dare...
"Gladly," said Seto, kicking Malik in the stomach. Malik rolled on the floor in agony for about two minutes and then stood up.
"That never happened." Yami Bakura burst into the room at that moment.
"I agree! I agree to killing Yami! But I got dibs on the blood! I want his blood!"
"Okay, Bakura!" Malik and Seto said in unison.
"So we have a deal, Kaiba," said Malik. He and Yami Bakura started to leave.
"Wait Malik," Seto called. "What did you mean when you said I was a liar?"
"Well, you told me that you couldn't get your job back because Yami couldn't get fired. But he can if all top five Kaiba Corp. executives agree to it," said Malik.
"Someone's done their homework. Yes, Malik, that's true. Where did you learn that happy little fact?" asked Seto.
"I went through your books and all the other crap you have at Yami's house." Seto glared at him when he said "Yami's house." "What?" Malik asked, noticing this. "It is his house until you get him fired."
Seto grinned. "Lets just say that Yami is about to become the resident of a small, dank chamber inside the mind of a naïve little midget ALL over again," he said.
"Don't you just love the way he thinks?" Malik asked on their way out. Seto smugly sat down in his five-thousand dollar office chair. And then they wonder why I'm such a great CEO. I can negotiate anything. But I shouldn't get too excited. I haven't ruined Yami's life...I mean existence just yet. But still. Operation Yami's Destruction is underway! Thought Seto.
Isis pulled her car over in front of the arcade that evening.
"Hey Isis!" said Mokuba, opening the back door. Then he frowned. "Where's Seto?"
"I haven't picked him up yet," replied Isis.
"Well you should have!" said Mokuba. "You should always pick my brother up before me. I know you two never get any time alone. You even sleep in different rooms."
It had been a long and hard day for Isis, so what he said didn't sink in immediately. "Why would I want to be alone with---MOKUBA!"
"Well, you should've picked him up first!" Mokuba contradicted.
"Just pipe down. I already have a headache. If you promise to behave, I might take you out for dinner. I have a feeling that Malik invited Yami Bakura over, so I would rather not go home until they're asleep from all the alcohol consumption," said Isis. She refrained from banging her head on the steering wheel.
"Okay!" said Mokuba gleefully. "But only if Seto comes too."
"Yes, of course," said Isis. Like he would agree otherwise, she thought.
In a few minutes they pulled over in front of Kaiba Corp.
"Lovely day, wasn't it?" Seto asked when he sat down. Isis glared at him.
"Lovely?! Any day when Yami Bakura and Malik are together is hell!" she screamed.
"Ooooooooooooooooo..." said Mokuba. "Isis said a bad word."
"Don't repeat that, Mokuba," Isis and Seto said irritably.
"No! I made you two mad at eachother!" said Mokuba. "I'm a terrible person."
"MOKUBA! WE'RE FINE!" Isis and Seto screamed.
"Oh, good then!"
"Where are we going?" Seto asked, looking at the window and noticing that they were headed in the wrong direction.
"Like I explained to Mokuba, I have no intention of going home until Malik and Yami Bakura are drop-dead drunk and knocked out," said Isis.
"I don't think you'll have to wait long," said Seto. "They're probably out celebrating."
"Celebrating what?" asked Isis curiously. "It's not Malik's birthday, and Yami Bakura can't remember his."
"They're---" Seto paused for a short moment. He didn't want to tell Isis about the little deal he made. She would definitely disapprove. "They're going to celebrate our engagement that no one bothered to ask me about."
"About that---" Isis began, but was interrupted by Seto.
"It's okay. Malik is suffering, so I don't mind." The rest of the car ride was pretty quiet.
"You think they've finished celebrating?" Seto asked, approaching the front door.
"Probably. It's ten o'clock. They should be unconscious by now," said Isis. She opened the door.
"MY BOTTLE!" Malik screamed, grabbing a beer bottle out of Yami Bakura's hand.
"NO! I WANT IT!"
"I BOUGHT IT!" Malik screamed.
"WELL, OF COURSE YOU DID! YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE STUPID ID PEOPLE HAVE TO HAVE NOWADAYS TO BUY ALCOHOL!"
"I PAID FOR IT!"
"AW, GO SCREW YOURSELF!"
"Hasn't he already done that?" Seto asked, interrupting the argument.
Isis, whose mood had improved quite a bit, walked over to Malik and pulled the bottle out of his hand. She then walked to the window, opened it and the bottle, and spilled everything out. Malik and Yami Bakura looked horrified.
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!" they screamed.
"It's fair, now. Neither of you got it. Now, we're all going to bed now," said Isis with unnerving calmness.
"Where am I supposed to sleep?" Seto asked.
"Oh, I know," said Malik wickedly. Isis threw the beer bottle at his head. It broke in half when it made contact.
"Quiet!" she snapped. "I am going to leave you two here. Seto will sleep in the basement for today. Hopefully he won't die. Now, I'm warning you, Malik. Do NOT do anything crazy." Malik and Yami Bakura nodded.
"We won't, sister," said Malik. Isis looked at him with a penetrating gaze, but then gave up searching for guilt of any kind. She had learned that Malik never felt any remorse about what he did. She and Mokuba proceeded upstairs, while Seto went to the basement.
Malik grinned. If Isis only knew what kind of craziness he and Yami Bakura were planning...
JK: Another chappie of my story is completed! And who do we have to thank for the fact that I continued? Duke Devlin!
Duke: What? I didn't do anything.
One of his dumb cheer leading fangirls: Duke, Duke, he's our man! If he can't do it--- JK (after bashing fangirl on the head): As I was saying before the one with the rotting brain---
Yami Bakura: What? Who called me?
JK: (sighs) Once again, before I was interrupted by the two people...or maniacs with the rotting brains, Duke was my inspiration!
Seto: You look at me, and no inspiration comes to you. But look at Duke, and you're just brimming with ideas?
JK: Shut up, Seto-weto. You know you're still my favorite character. I got inspired because of making fun of Duke.
Another of his fangirls: You made fun of him?!
(JK takes out mallet ONLY reserved for bashing Tea on the head.)
JK: Why don't you take a nap?
Fangirl: Why would I do that?
(JK bashes her on the head too.)
Yami: That's not fair! Naps are my trademark!
Malik: What are you complaining about? Would you like my trademark instead? She made me gay!
Yami Bakura: And me too. I am not gay!
JK: I didn't make you gay. I do NOT support yaoi. Besides, you honestly think I COULD write yaoi?
(Evil Authoress, who used to be known as Dark Shadows, pops in.)
EA: Who's writing yaoi?! Yaoi is good!
JK: No one, Evil Authoress.
EA: Oh. (spots Malik) Maliky-poo! (glomps him)
Malik: Ow...you still like me? Aren't you the one who changes her bishie everyday?
JK: Sorry, Malik, but this time, I think she's hooked.
EA: Hooked on Malik, that I am.
JK: Quit talking like Kenshin. (From Rurouni Kenshin)
Malik: Damn fangirls...
Seto: This coming from someone who was complaining that he doesn't have any admirers.
JK: You should know, Seto, that in this part of my fanfics, you get to be yourself. In the actual part with a plot, you are all under my control.
(Everyone screams.)
JK: Come on, it's not that bad. And before I get carried away again, I would like to take some time to thank one of my reviewers who has been reviewing for almost every single chapter. Thank you Llybian!
Everyone:...
JK: Hail her!
Everyone:...
Seto: There's not a snowball's chance in hell that I'm hailing someone who likes this crap.
JK: Seto...
Seto: No, I refuse to.
JK: I'll burn your mansion if you don't!
Seto: NO! Fine! (hails Llybian)
JK: And the rest of you?
(Everyone else follows suit.)
JK: Good!
EA: How come they don't hail me? I reviewed for every chapter!
JK: (sighs) Here, have some chocolate instead.
EA: YEAH! CHOCOLATE! (grabs it)
JK: Anyway, please review and join us next chapter for the ceremonial resurrection and burning of Pegasus!