Chapter 4 – Transformations at Christmas
Disclaimer: anything you've heard of before doesn't belong to me.
***
When Remus woke up, he didn't open his eyes immediately. He felt ridiculously happy, happier than he had been since… a long time. Where was he? This bed was strange. It was very comfortable, and strangely spacious. Ah yes. He was at Hogwarts! He felt himself grin as he opened his eyes to look around. Soft snoring sounds were issued from the bed on his right, and he glanced over to see James, looking strangely vulnerable asleep, with his glasses off. On Remus' other side Sirius was waking up, shaking his dark head and rubbing his eyes. He sat up and looked around. When he saw the other boy he grinned.
"We're at Hogwarts!" he said sleepily, before falling back onto his pillows. After a few minutes he yawned, stretched and slid out of bed. He padded over to the window and opened wide the curtains.
"RISE AND SHINE, GRYFFINDORS!" he yelled at the top of his voice. Remus laughed out loud at the reactions of the four sleeping boys. James leapt to his feet with surprising alacrity, glasses already in hand, Peter hit the floor with a thud, still wrapped up in his duvet, while Arran and Frank sat up in bed uttering hoarse cries of surprise and shock. One after the other they turned accusingly to Sirius, who just stood there, hands behind his back, grinning cheerfully. Finding themselves ill equipped to deal with him so early in the morning, they just sent the occasional grumpy glare his way. They were all too cheerful to care anyway. As the other boys began to get up, Remus got out of bed and made for the door, intent on finding the bathrooms.
"Where are you going?" Sirius asked suspiciously.
"For a shower," the werewolf replied softly, stretching sinuously. He loved showers. In the morning he loved the feel of cool water on his hair and shoulders, coursing down his chest and splashing on his face. I the evenings he revelled in the sensation of warm water on his back, washing away his cares.
*
When he returned to the dormitory, Sirius was waiting for him
"Be quick," he said good-naturedly, "I'm hungry!"
Remus flushed, and hurried to get dressed, feeling incredibly self-conscious in front of the dark eyed boy, without knowing why.
They managed to find the way back to the Great Hall, where they located their friends at the Gryffindor table, and gratefully tucked into the large breakfast. They were all handed pieces of parchment, which turned out to be their timetables.
"Charms first," James muttered, "with then Herbology with the Ravenclaws. That's ok. Then lunch. Oh damn, we've got potions with the Slytherins! Oh well. I wonder what our lessons will be like!"
The morning flew by quickly for the Gryffindors; everything was new, there was so much to take in. After lunch they found the dungeons, where potions class was held. The professor was a middle-aged man, with shoulder length brown hair streaked heavily with grey, and pale blue eyes. He was nice enough, but rather distant and cold.
Remus found the class interesting. He wondered if a potion could ever be invented for people with his condition. So far nothing had been found, and it was not for a want of trying.
He noticed the sad looking Slytherin boy, Severus Snape. He was sitting on his own, head bowed as he took notes. Remus felt again that rush of pity, and wished he could do something to help.
*
The days passed in quick succession, progressing into weeks, and then months. The full moon came and went several times, relatively uneventful. Halfway through the afternoon Remus would be summoned to McGonogall's office. He was surprised at first at the curiosity of his friends; he hadn't expected them to notice, or even care. He found himself having to make good excuses for his absences. He told them that his mother was ill, or he had to go to a funeral. One weekend he said that there was a family reunion he had to go to. They accepted his excuses at first, but Remus was sure it was only a matter of time until they found out.
Dumbledore had already explained to him where he would go every fool moon when he had visited Remus and his parents. A Whomping willow had been planted in the grounds for one purpose, to protect the entrance to a tunnel, which lead up through a trapdoor into a small house in Hogsmeade, the nearby village, and therefore protect Remus' secret. The house had been empty and boarded up for a while, and now it would be put to use. There was one big room at the bottom, empty but for a wooden chair. There was a flight of stairs leading to a small hallway upstairs. Adjoining onto this was a room with a big double bed in it.
He would be shut alone in the house during his monthly transformations. Rumours that the shack was haunted would be planted in the village, to account for the unearthly howling on those nights. He was always taken there immediately, where he would remain, from the afternoon of the night of the full moon, when his symptoms were already beginning, till the next morning. He had absolutely nothing to do, but he couldn't remain in the castle, because of the smaller symptoms that had started. His eyes would change colour, the gold and green taking over. His canines would grow, and he craved blood and raw meat; his mood was bad and his temper hot. He hid it skilfully, through long years of practise, but he could only do so much. He usually managed to fall asleep, but his dreams were always dark, and the theme was death. He would wake up when the transformation was almost upon him, and quickly get undressed. He couldn't afford a new set of robes every month.
In the mornings he would be exhausted; sore and bleeding. The wolf always threw itself around and ripped at itself, frustrated at being locked up, wanting to be free, wanting to kill.
*
And then it was winter, and the Christmas holidays were fast approaching. Snow covered the castle grounds and a thick layer of ice covered the lake. Remus was happier than he had been in years. He had good friends, who cared about him and enjoyed his company. They played endless pranks on the other students, especially the Slytherins. Severus Snape was their archenemy. Sirius and James especially hated him with a passion, and Peter would have been terrified if he wasn't almost constantly in the company of the bigger boys. Remus couldn't really understand their hate. Sure, he wasn't all that likeable, and he was always sarcastic and rude, but couldn't they see that he was unhappy?
Before long it was the last week of school, and the register for those staying behind was being passed around. James was staying because a certain redheaded girl was, Sirius was staying because his parents were going away, and Peter was staying because they were. Remus was still undecided. The full moon fell in-between Christmas and New Year; surely they would be suspicious if he disappeared in the holidays! But his friends were so anxious for him to stay, that he threw caution to the winds, and wrote to inform his parents that he was sorry but he wanted to stay for Christmas with his friends. They consented readily, just happy that he had friends at all.
The four boys, Lily Evans and Amy Keith were the only Gryffindor first years. There were two third year girls, some fifth year boys and three seventh years.
On Christmas morning Remus woke up to see a big pile of presents at the foot of his bed. He just sat and stared. His friends must have got him gifts! He had never received a present from anyone outside his close family. He couldn't believe it. His parents had sent him money to get presents himself, and he had spent several evenings pouring over catalogues in secret, but he hadn't expected anything in return. He was still staring blankly when the other boys woke up a few minutes later. They gave cries of delight and leapt to their own piles, eager to start unwrapping. Remus nervously followed suit, and felt strangely tearful when he saw the things they had got him.
"No one's ever given me presents before," he muttered in answer to their questioning glances, his eyes stinging.
*
They had a wonderful Christmas dinner in the Great Hall, all sitting at one table, with the handful of teachers and other students. The hall was decorated splendidly. There were several huge Christmas trees, adorned with real, un-melting snow and translucent, glittering baubles and stars, that nestled on the branches, staying there of their own accord.
The full moon was three days later. He managed to slip away quite easily with out being noticed while the other boys were talking to Lily Evans and her friend. He would have to find a really good explanation for them this time. When he didn't return that night or join them in the morning they would get suspicious.
As usual the stiff young woman escorted him to the shack, and he was particularly grateful for her silence. Remus had been feeling the pull for longer than usual, and had become increasingly moody as the wolf in him fought to get out. He didn't trust himself to speak without growling.
When McGonogall left, he went upstairs and shut himself in the room, locking the door with a wave of his wand. (Yew, eleven inches, and the core werewolf hair, surprise surprise)
Out of habit he took off his clothes, knowing that if he didn't do it now he probably wouldn't at all. He prowled around the room, the wolf already showing through in the lithe, sinuous movements.
It was much the same as any transformation. Except that the pain was doubled and the bloodlust three times as great.
It started with the aching, the terrible aching, that began in his hands and feet and spread up his limbs and through his body. Then it felt like his ears were being pulled upwards and were tearing off his head. His fingers curled into his hands and claws appeared, springing from his knuckles. It felt like blades were being pushed through his flesh from the inside. His face would stretch and bend; his skull would be squashed and crushed. Every inch of his skin would burn like fire as brown and grey fur sprouted all over his body and his hair retreated into his scalp and neck. His spine was bent over and stretched out while his knees broke and turned the other way. Every bone in his slender frame cracked and grew and bent and shrunk, ripping cries of pain from his throat. It started as the screams of a boy and ended in the heart-rending howl of a wolf.
When the change was complete the thirst for blood overtook him, and he tore and bit at his own body, drinking his own lifeblood because nothing else was available. He threw his body at the walls, growling in frustration. When he was too tired to do anything else he howled out his lonely heart in the bitterly desolate song of the wolf.
***
Poppy Pomphrey was the new nurse at Hogwarts. Despite her tender years her talent was renowned, and what she lacked in experience she made up for in skill.
Every month she went to the shack on the hill to get Remus. He was usually unconscious and always in terrible shape, but that morning the sight of Remus Lupin as he lay asleep in his own blood was one of the most terrible things she would ever see.
His naked body was stretched out face down on the wooden floor, his spine twisted in agony, his bruised and bloodstained hands covering his face, and blood pooling around him from the many deep gashes in his soft human flesh. The only sign of life was the barely perceptible rise and fall of his back as he drew breath.
With a gasp of dismay she rushed towards him, kneeling at his side. With a wave of her wand she removed the pool of blood, before cautiously turning him over. It was all she could do to keep from crying. She conjured a stretcher and blankets, thanking the heavens that none of the students would be up so early. She took him back to the castle and up to the hospital wing as fast as possible, the stretcher floating in front of her as she moved.
*
An hour and a half later, she sighed and stepped back from the hospital bed where Remus lay sleeping peacefully, dressed now in standard issue pyjamas, the cover pulled up to his chest. His hair had been washed, dried and combed, and it shone softly where the sun caught it. But none of this could conceal the tired look on his face, nor the fact that there was a plaster on his forehead and another on his right cheek. His bandaged arms lay at his sides on top of the cover, his fingers curled against his palms. She had given him a potion to regenerate blood in record time, and it would also help heal his wounds.
Poppy sadly reflected that no one should look so tired while they were asleep. Her throat constricted and hot tears stung her eyes.
Suddenly there was a nock at the door, and it opened before she could say anything.
"Could I have something to settle- " began a redheaded girl. She stopped when she saw Remus, her already pale face shocked.
Poppy hastily shoved a bottle into her hand.
"To settle your stomach, Miss Evans." She said with lips pursed. Lily grabbed the bottle and fled, red hair streaming behind her.
***
A/N: please review if you want more! Even if you have reviewed before! I need encouragement!