(Here's the third and last part. many thanks to my readers! It's short
again, as I somehow couldn't keep the mushiness under control. Now I'm
working on a longer, lighter AxI story, which should be up soon, and also
thinking up another, longer Trigun fanfic.)
Soon I noticed that Integra seemed stronger and her resilience had returned. Perhaps she had taken some strength from me after all. She began in earnest to rebuild Hellsing, and she had some success. Walter recovered from his illness, though he would always be frail. I continued battling upstart vampires on Hellsing's behalf.
I tried to discuss our encounter with Integra but she always refused. I wondered if she had only turned to me in desperation and was now regretting it. For myself, I didn't know what to think of why I had initiated such intimacy with her. But when I finally asked her straight out if she would appreciate a nighttime visit, she nodded. And so it began, though she insisted on keeping these nights separate from the rest of her life. She needs to make rules, though tonight I will break one, and watch her until she awakens.
I have become the person who knows the most about Integra: her acerbic wit and her tenderness, her gravity and her passion, her resourcefulness and her deep needs. If she could only accept both sides of herself and balance them, instead of keeping so much in hiding, she might be happier. But perhaps I don't really know what makes humans happy.
There is still much I wonder about. How, really, does she look at me? As a silent comfort? As a lover, despite the centuries of blood on my hands and in my mouth? I wish I could know, instead of guessing from smiles and caresses. But it is enough, after all, to have this.
As for me, why am I here? This woman is a mark of brightness in the dark years that stretch behind and before me. Every time I am able to touch her I am able to think of something besides blood and death. I have no regrets about what I am or what I have done, but to have respite from it is precious.
I hope Integra is also able to find rest with me. It is no life for a human, the constant threats, battles, freaks and ghouls. For her sake, things should be different. At times I wish I could take her to a place where there is no Hellsing, no Iscariot, and no monsters save one.
Soon I noticed that Integra seemed stronger and her resilience had returned. Perhaps she had taken some strength from me after all. She began in earnest to rebuild Hellsing, and she had some success. Walter recovered from his illness, though he would always be frail. I continued battling upstart vampires on Hellsing's behalf.
I tried to discuss our encounter with Integra but she always refused. I wondered if she had only turned to me in desperation and was now regretting it. For myself, I didn't know what to think of why I had initiated such intimacy with her. But when I finally asked her straight out if she would appreciate a nighttime visit, she nodded. And so it began, though she insisted on keeping these nights separate from the rest of her life. She needs to make rules, though tonight I will break one, and watch her until she awakens.
I have become the person who knows the most about Integra: her acerbic wit and her tenderness, her gravity and her passion, her resourcefulness and her deep needs. If she could only accept both sides of herself and balance them, instead of keeping so much in hiding, she might be happier. But perhaps I don't really know what makes humans happy.
There is still much I wonder about. How, really, does she look at me? As a silent comfort? As a lover, despite the centuries of blood on my hands and in my mouth? I wish I could know, instead of guessing from smiles and caresses. But it is enough, after all, to have this.
As for me, why am I here? This woman is a mark of brightness in the dark years that stretch behind and before me. Every time I am able to touch her I am able to think of something besides blood and death. I have no regrets about what I am or what I have done, but to have respite from it is precious.
I hope Integra is also able to find rest with me. It is no life for a human, the constant threats, battles, freaks and ghouls. For her sake, things should be different. At times I wish I could take her to a place where there is no Hellsing, no Iscariot, and no monsters save one.