CHAPTER THREE: "Harebrained Doctors and a Gelloman!"

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"General, I looooove yoooou!" Daniel sang with outstretched arms.

"I love you too Doctoooor Jacksssoooon!...." Came the General's muffled reply.

"DANIEL! GET OFF THAT PHONE NOW!"

"Jaaack! I'm so haaaapy! The Geeeneraaal looves meee TOOOOOOOO!!!!" Daniel sang so loudly, that every glass and window in the infirmary smashed into a billion pieces!


Janet was tired of jumping on the bed, and resorted to doing star jumps in front of and Airman (who was standing just outside the doorway) while singing "Row row row your boat"!!

The havoc was only begining, for Daniel's new obsession was the infirmary's big white clock that was hanging on the wall.

He had taken it down and was shaking it while singing: "One two three o'clock four o'clock rock...."

He then walked (or skipped more like it) up to the poor guy Janet had been jumping on and... "Five six seven o'clock eight o'clock...."

*SMASH*

"ROCK!!" Daniel began bashing the man's brains out with the clock (still singing mind you. In fact, every time he reached the word 'rock', he lifted the clock up and brought it back down on the guy's head!)

"Okay, this is going to be a looooong day!" Jack signalled the Airmen around Daniel and Janet.

"Put them in a quarantine room!" Sam motioned for them to leave.

"Right away Ma'am!" and Airman replied as Sam pointed to the door. They proceeded to push Janet and Daniel out the door.

"Hey, hey watch it Rambo, be careful fer cryin' out loud!"

"Yes Sir." The Airmen "escorted" Daniel and Dr. Frasier to a quarantine room.

"We have to get General Hammond." Jack scratched his head.

"Yeah, bye the way, where's Teal'c?"

"Dunno, why?"

"Well Sir, he could help us to keep sane long enough to figure out what people have got."

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Meanwhile in the cafeteria.......

"What is this unusual green, slimy, goop-like substance?" Teal'c looked suspiciously at a blob of green giggly stuff sitting on a plate in front of him.

"Teal'c, that's gello." The cafeteria lady looked at Teal'c, Teal'c looked at the cafeteria lady... he raised his eyebrow. "It's food! It's supposed to be a delicacy." Teal'c raised his other eyebrow. "Ah, suit yourself." The cafeteria lady walked out the back and came back with a cigarette in her mouth, and smoke lingering around her head.

Teal'c stuck his finger in the gello. It wobbled around a bit and then slid off the plate..

*PLATTT*

Teal'c just looked at the gello, that had make a pretty impression on the cafeteria floor. He motioned for another caff-lady, she peevishly obliged and stood next to Teal'c (who was still staring at the gello)

"Yes Teal'c"

"This gello appears to have a mind of its own"

"Ah ha"

"It is indeed alive, and did not take kindly to my finger creating holes in its side."

"How so?"

"It committed suicide."

"Ooooh" The lady rolled her eyes. "Would you like another one then?"

"Indeed"

Teal'c was just about to see what the other blue gello "creature" was about to do if he "zatted" it when Jack and Sam walked into the room.

"Ah, Teal'c! We soooo need your help!"

"Yeah, Daniel and Dr. Frasier have got some kind of virus, I'm not sure what it is, but I'm guessing it's got something to do with...."

"This creature seems to have a high IQ level, where did it originate?"

"Teal'c, that's gello." Jack looked blankly at Teal'c for about two seconds and then continued to curse.

"Its evolution rate must be rapid- I have never come across such a being." Teal'c was so engrossed in studying his gello.

"TEAL'C ARE YOU EVEN HEARING ME??!!"

"Jack, I mean Sir!"

"Sorry Carter, but Lucy here is really pi......"

"I AM NOT LUCY!!" Teal'c jumped to attention when he heard Jack mock him.

"Woa! Calm down there ol' buddy. I didn't mean to offend you!" Jack ducked as Teal'c threw his gello spoon at his head.

"You have offended me, as has been the case on many occasions."

"Alright alright, I'm sorry, geez!"

"This gello IS intelligent! It has the ability to conduct a conversation in a polite manner, unlike your ways O'Neill."

"Teal'c, the gello is food, it's not alive. It's just gello crystals and hot water."

Teal'c looked at Carter.

"What are you saying?"

"Teal'c, the gello is DEAD! To put it into terms you can understand!"

Teal'c stood up and held the plate of gello under Sam's nose.

"You must apologise for your unkind words!"

"I'm not apologising to gello Teal'c."

"You must! Or the fate of this world will be sealed!"

"TEAL'C! FER CRYIN' OUT LOUD! THE GELLO IS NOT ALIVE!!!" Jack snatched the plate from Teal'c and tipped the gello in the bin.

"How dare you cast away a life!"

"Geez Teal'c, get over it!"

"I cannot, and for your behaviour, you will be punished!"

"Oh yeah, and who do you suppose will even try that?"

"Me."

"Ah Crap!"

"Colonel, I think Teal'c's got whatever Daniel and Janet have got, but it's affecting him differently."

"I don't care what he's got Carter! He's going to 'punish' us for 'killing' his GELLO!"

Sam turned towards a cafeteria lady.

"Gretel?!"

"Why are you calling the cafeteria lady, Carter?"

"To explain to Teal'c that the gello is just food."

"But I thought he didn't understand that!"

"He might listen to Gretel, after all, she's kinda the mother of all gello to Teal'c."

Gretel shuffled over to Carter and Jack.

"Whaddya want? I haven't got all day ya know! C'mon, speak up kid!!"

mmmmm.... Jack had a disturbing thought- what was that in his hotdog last week that he THOUGHT was grated cheese?!

"A woman after my own heart!"

"I'm sorry Gretel, but can you tell Teal'c that the gello is not alive?!" Sam tried to grin at Gretel, but it didn't seem to be working.

"Who's ta say it isn't ALIVE?!!" Gretel looked Sam straight in the eye and then continued to choke on her cigarette.

"Ewww!" Jack stuck out his tongue in disgust.

"Anyway, Gelloboy was just about ta microwave his own gello when you two came in here and wreaked by cigarette break!"

"She's on a never-ending cigarette break!" Jack spoke through his teeth.

"Point being ittad be dead anyway- now SCRAM!" Gretel shuffled back to her cigarette break behind the counter.

Teal'c looked at Jack and Sam.

"Did I not tell you it was alive?"

"I'm beginning to believe him you know. You never know what that woman cooks for us." Jack whispered to Sam.

"Colonel, you're not helping."

"Sorry, um....okay, Teal'c.......you're going to have to come with us."

"For what purpose?"

"Ah, I just remembered that Carter and I met Gelloman in the corridor about half an hour ago."

"Yeah, and he moves pretty slow so he might still be there!" added Sam.

"Gelloman?"

"Yeah, he's the um, master of gello! You should meet him, he's very interesting!" Said Jack.

"Indeed." Teal'c got up and followed Jack and Sam down the corridor.

"Where is this Gelloman??!"

"Uh, he's here somewhere!" Sam was getting nervous.

"YOU LIE!!!"

"No no! Look there's Dr. Frasier and Daniel. They were saying that they wanted to meet Gelloman. And look! There's Gelloman himself!!"

"I do not see him!"

"That's because he moved over into that corner- you have to go INSIDE!" Jack pushed Teal'c into the quarantine room and slammed the door.

"O'NE ILL!!"

Jack signalled for Teal'c to be quite, but it didn't work.

"LET ME FREE!!"

O'Neill pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and stuck it over the small glass window in the door.

"Do you hear anything Carter?"

"No, no I don't think I hear anything."

"Great! Let's go, we'll have to find the General by ourselves."

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Back to chapter two!

On to chapter four!