CHAPTER FOUR: "Emergencies often call for a fire extinguisher and a forklift!"
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Jack and Sam walked into General Hamond's office, slamming the door behind them. The pair turned to the General........who was....... WHAT THE HELL?!!
"General!!" Jack screamed "What the hell are you doing?"
General Hammond was sitting on his desk, talking on the phone.
"Excuse me son, but is your refrigerator running?" General spoke into the end of the phone, "Yes, well you had better go and catch it then!" George then burst out in laughter, while the man on the end of the line shouted swear words and curses.
Sam and Jack looked at each other.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking B1?"
"I think I am B2" Replied Sam.
"It's another crazy man!!" Jack and Sam surprised each other with the same comment.
"Hey, hey there my favourite officers! Watch this!" Hammond stood up on his chair and started commentating, "And now, the world's best diver will attempt what no man has attempted before! I am going to dive into my coffee mug!!"
"GENERAL! NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Three, two, one..."
*SMASH*
Jack and Sam ducked as splinters of wood from Hammond's "former" desk flew through the air.
"Time to go and visit Dan." The colonel patted the mangled General Hammond on the arm.
"Oh he LOVES me Colonel, he loves ME!" George flew around at the mention of Daniel's name and started to shake Jack violently.
"Yes, yes........Ah Carter?"
"Sorry Sir!"
Samantha tried to pry the General's grip from Jack.
"It's not working!!"
"Well fer cryin' out loud Major, try harder! General skitso is sha....a....king.... m...meee.. se....nsl.....ess!"
"You have sense Sir?"
"C.....aart.....t....er!"
"Sorry Sir....." Sam looked around the room for something to pry the General off Jack with.
"H...uuuu....rry.......u......u.....p!"
"Hang on, I've got it!" Sam picked up a fire extinguisher. "Ready..one....two...three!"
*KKKKKKKSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH*
White foamy slush came out of the end of the fire extinguisher and covered O'Neill and Hammond. The General was stunned, but only for a minute......
"BUBBLES!" General grabbed handfuls of the foam and flung it into the air. Jack just stood there motionless.
"Colonel? Sir are you all right?"
"No I'm god damn not!" Jack blew the white soapy bubbles from his face and then proceeded to brush himself off.
"Well, there's only one thing left to do Sir."
"Yes, yeah! That is THE most sensible thing I've heard all day!" Before Sam could say a word...... DIT DIT SHREWW!
"SIR!"
"Ah, What?!"
"You can't just zap the General, I mean, he was so harmless, singing "Rubber Duckie You're The One".
Jack stood speechless for a moment, and then, shaking his head he said, "Carter, don't even joke!"
"Sorry Sir." Sam had trouble wiping the smile off her face.
"Oh crap!" The look on the Colonel's face changed from 'kinda worried' (and for good reason) to very, very frustrated.
"Come again Sir?" Sam obviously didn't understand the Colonel''s train of thought.
"How the HELL are we going to move the fat....... ah, General Hammond?"
Sam looked at the General, "Ah, maybe one of the maintenance guys have a um, forklift?"
Jack threw a look at Sam.
"Carter..... you're a genius!" Jack slapped her on the back.
"What? Colonel! I was joking..... y-you can't!"
"Oh we can!"
Jack pushed Sam out the door and headed for the maintenance department. Once there, Jack knocked on the door.
"Hello! We're in need of a FORKLIFT here!"
"Sir, I really think..."
"Shutup Carter! We're doin' it my way!"
"Suit yourself Sir."
The door opened and a maintenance guy walked out and went down the corridor.
"Hey you! Get your arse back here!" Colonel O'Neill ran after him and grabbed him by the arm. The man turned around and suddenly, his eyes glowed!
Jack drew his zat, but the man took off at neck-breaking speed.
"God damn it! We have a goa'uld on the base! GREAT GREAT GREAT!!"
"Well Sir, what now?"
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Jack and Sam walked into General Hamond's office, slamming the door behind them. The pair turned to the General........who was....... WHAT THE HELL?!!
"General!!" Jack screamed "What the hell are you doing?"
General Hammond was sitting on his desk, talking on the phone.
"Excuse me son, but is your refrigerator running?" General spoke into the end of the phone, "Yes, well you had better go and catch it then!" George then burst out in laughter, while the man on the end of the line shouted swear words and curses.
Sam and Jack looked at each other.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking B1?"
"I think I am B2" Replied Sam.
"It's another crazy man!!" Jack and Sam surprised each other with the same comment.
"Hey, hey there my favourite officers! Watch this!" Hammond stood up on his chair and started commentating, "And now, the world's best diver will attempt what no man has attempted before! I am going to dive into my coffee mug!!"
"GENERAL! NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Three, two, one..."
*SMASH*
Jack and Sam ducked as splinters of wood from Hammond's "former" desk flew through the air.
"Time to go and visit Dan." The colonel patted the mangled General Hammond on the arm.
"Oh he LOVES me Colonel, he loves ME!" George flew around at the mention of Daniel's name and started to shake Jack violently.
"Yes, yes........Ah Carter?"
"Sorry Sir!"
Samantha tried to pry the General's grip from Jack.
"It's not working!!"
"Well fer cryin' out loud Major, try harder! General skitso is sha....a....king.... m...meee.. se....nsl.....ess!"
"You have sense Sir?"
"C.....aart.....t....er!"
"Sorry Sir....." Sam looked around the room for something to pry the General off Jack with.
"H...uuuu....rry.......u......u.....p!"
"Hang on, I've got it!" Sam picked up a fire extinguisher. "Ready..one....two...three!"
*KKKKKKKSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH*
White foamy slush came out of the end of the fire extinguisher and covered O'Neill and Hammond. The General was stunned, but only for a minute......
"BUBBLES!" General grabbed handfuls of the foam and flung it into the air. Jack just stood there motionless.
"Colonel? Sir are you all right?"
"No I'm god damn not!" Jack blew the white soapy bubbles from his face and then proceeded to brush himself off.
"Well, there's only one thing left to do Sir."
"Yes, yeah! That is THE most sensible thing I've heard all day!" Before Sam could say a word...... DIT DIT SHREWW!
"SIR!"
"Ah, What?!"
"You can't just zap the General, I mean, he was so harmless, singing "Rubber Duckie You're The One".
Jack stood speechless for a moment, and then, shaking his head he said, "Carter, don't even joke!"
"Sorry Sir." Sam had trouble wiping the smile off her face.
"Oh crap!" The look on the Colonel's face changed from 'kinda worried' (and for good reason) to very, very frustrated.
"Come again Sir?" Sam obviously didn't understand the Colonel''s train of thought.
"How the HELL are we going to move the fat....... ah, General Hammond?"
Sam looked at the General, "Ah, maybe one of the maintenance guys have a um, forklift?"
Jack threw a look at Sam.
"Carter..... you're a genius!" Jack slapped her on the back.
"What? Colonel! I was joking..... y-you can't!"
"Oh we can!"
Jack pushed Sam out the door and headed for the maintenance department. Once there, Jack knocked on the door.
"Hello! We're in need of a FORKLIFT here!"
"Sir, I really think..."
"Shutup Carter! We're doin' it my way!"
"Suit yourself Sir."
The door opened and a maintenance guy walked out and went down the corridor.
"Hey you! Get your arse back here!" Colonel O'Neill ran after him and grabbed him by the arm. The man turned around and suddenly, his eyes glowed!
Jack drew his zat, but the man took off at neck-breaking speed.
"God damn it! We have a goa'uld on the base! GREAT GREAT GREAT!!"
"Well Sir, what now?"
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))