All My Life

by ECM

Lily and James through-out their years at Hogwarts, trying to make their relationship work. Sirius, Remus and the friends are always there to lend a helping hand, but with Voldemort closing in on them, will they last long?

15. Single and Movin On

All My Life

*~* Single and Moving On *~*

*** Single for the Rest of My Life ***

Sitting here
Daydreamin' about you
Oh, everything we had
Wish I could get it back


'Cause if it ain't you, then I don't want it
And if it ain't you, then it ain't for me
I can see your face whenever I be sleepin'
But it hurts when I realize I'm dreamin'


So if I can't have you
I'll just be single for the rest of my life (My life)
'Cause you can't be (Oh) replaced by nobody else
I'll go crazy if I can't have you for myself (If I
can't have you)


If I can't have you (I'll be)
I'll just be single for the rest of my life (Oh)
I've decided that nobody could compare to you (Nobody)
There's nobody that can make me feel the way you do
(Oh)


There've been a few
Who've tied to take your place
I've been on many dates
Still it just ain't he same


If it a medicine for you, then I don't read it
If it's not a ???, then I don't need it
I've been longin' just to find somebody like you
But nobody can just do it quite like you, if I


So if I can't have you
I'll just be single for the rest of my life
'Cause you can't be replaced by nobody else
I'll go crazy if I can't have you for myself (I'll go
crazy)


If I can't have you
I'll just be single for the rest of my life
I've decided that nobody could compare to you
There's nobody that can make me feel the way you do


I took your pictures off the wall
That didn't seem to help at all
So I'mma put it out there, I'mma let you know
If you need to rest your head you can come back home


I thought that I could live without your love, you
know I tried
But I feel incomplete when I don't have you in my life
So I'mma put it out there, I'mma let you know (Let you
know)
If you need to rest your head you can come back home
(Come back home)


So if I can't have you
I'll just be single for the rest of my life
'Cause you can't be replaced by nobody else
I'll go crazy if I can't have you for myself


If I can't have you
I'll just be single for the rest of my life
I've decided that nobody could compare to you
There's nobody that can make me feel the way you do


So if I can't have you
I'll just be single for the rest of my life
'Cause you can't be replaced by nobody else (Nobody)
I'll go crazy if I can't have you for myself (Oh, oh)


If I can't have you (If I can't have you)
I'll just be single for the rest of my life (I'll just
be single)
I've decided that nobody could compare to you
There's nobody that can make me feel the way you do


Nobody can make me feel like you do
Oh, no, nobody
Can make me feel the way you do

Lily was still very much infatuated with James.  Every time she saw him talking to another girl, she would break down.  Though no one knew why he dumped her, she did, but she didn't understand it.  She would cry herself to sleep every night.  This worried her best friends, but they slowly got used to it, seeing as though it had been going on for weeks.  She wouldn't eat a whole lot, because she thought maybe she was getting too fat for him, but she wasn't at all.  If she made herself perfect, maybe he would come back to her.  But she had to face the facts eventually, and realize that what they had was over.  That's what everyone was telling her anyways, but deep inside she knew it wasn't true.  It couldn't be.

"Lily, you need to move on."  Elle said, hugging her friend.

"I can't.  There is no one else that I want.  He is the only one for me."  Lily said, tears rolling down her cheeks.  She felt helpless, trapped inside with her feelings.  At night she would dread going to sleep, because it brought back memories, and she would awaken, crying into her pillow.

"James, buddy, you need to move on.  She cheated on you.  Don't think about her anymore."  Sirius said, playing with his video camera.

       "I know.  It's just, hard.  I can't stop thinking about her.  I'm worried about her.  I don't think she's doing well.  I know I'm not."  James said, staring up at the ceiling.

       "Sorry, man."  Sirius said shaking his head.

       James spent most of his time thinking of Lily.  He still couldn't believe this had happened.  How could she?  Every time he saw her, his heart broke all over again.  He had seen her, with that other guy, and she lied about it.  How could she lie to him, looking at him straight in the eye?  He couldn't bear to think about it.  But why did he have this feeling that they would be back together?  Did he make a mistake?  He was sure he had done what everyone else would have done.  Didn't he?  He had to move on.

       "Where you going Jim?"  Sirius asked, as James started to walk out the door.

       "I'm movin' on."  James said simply, and shut the door.

       "Lil, turn on my radio."  Elle said, pointing to her muggle radio that she bought at an electronic shop in London.

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

       "Ooo, good song."  Elle said, reading a magazine.  As she flipped the pages, she wondered if Lily would ever be OK again.  She hoped so.

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

         "Hey, Jessie?"  James asked a pretty Ravenclaw girl from behind.

       "Yeah James?"  She asked, smiling.

       "You seem pretty nice and everything, and I was just wondering, would you want to go on a date with me to Hogsmeade?  Maybe, be my girlfriend eventually?"  He asked, holding his breath.

       "I would love to!"  Jessie said sweetly, and gave him a hug.  "I'll talk to you later, and we can figure everything out."

       "Ok, see you later."  James said, breathing a sigh of relief and walking away.

       Ava and Remus just stood there, shocked.  They couldn't believe what they had just seen.

       "James has a girlfriend now?"  Remus stated, more as a question, than the truth.

       "What about Lily?"  Ava asked.

       "Oh my God, Ava, what is she gonna do when she finds out?"  Remus asked, getting worried.  Lily was a little unstable, and he knew that.

       "I need to tell her before she finds out from someone else, or she sees them together!"  Ava answered, as Remus nodded, and they both ran to the common room.

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

       "Lily?"  Ava asked as she walked in the common room, and when she didn't see her, she ran up to the dorm.  Remus went into the boys' room to inform Sirius.

       "Oh God Lily, I'm sorry."  Ava said as she saw the look on Lily's face.

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

       "Why?"  Lily asked, snapping out of her trance.

       "You don't know?"  Ava asked, wringing her hands together.

       "Know what?"

       "I'm sorry Lil.  James has a girlfriend."  Ava spoke softly, and Elle gasped.  Lily sat there, a blank stare on her pretty face, and a tear rolled down her cheek.

I'm movin' on,

I'm movin' on.

"I'm ok."  Lily said, tears flowing down her cheeks.  She tried wiping them away, but more just kept on coming.  "He moved on.  And I'm ok with that."  She said, her face telling a different story.

"Maybe," Elle suggested, "you should go on a walk, and clear your head."

"Yeah," Lily nodded, walking out the door, "maybe I will."

She walked out of the common room, and wiped the tears from her eyes.  She started walking slowly, staring down at the ground.  Quickening her pace she started running down the corridor.  She bumped into something when she was almost outside the castle.

"Lily," James said, helping her stand straight.

"Oh," She said, trying to smile, but she faltered. "Hey James.  I hear you, um, have a new girlfriend?  That's great, I mean, I'm really happy for you both."

His heart dropped.  He hadn't wanted Lily to know.  He knew she would find out, but not this soon, he had hoped.

"Oh, yeah, well," he started.

"Look," Lily said, putting a hand on his arm, "I'm really happy for you.  Honestly, but I have to go, so, maybe I will see you around sometime.  Honestly, I'm happy."  She smiled and walked down the steps.

"Lily!"  He called after her, "Are you mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad?"  She asked, her hands shaking.  She held back tears, but she knew they were coming.

"Because I have a girlfriend, and I got over you."  He immediately wished he could take that back.  The tears flowed down her face.

"I didn't expect you to like me forever, James.  Just because I still like you, doesn't mean those feelings have to be returned."  She took a shaky breath. "I need to go." She ended, and ran out of the castle.

He thrust his hands into his pockets and walked towards the common room.  He felt as if he was gonna throw-up.

Lily sat outside for two hours, just thinking, about James.  She had decided that she needed to move on too.  She just didn't think she could.

After that, Lily threw herself whole-heartedly into her studies.  She didn't hang out with the boys as much, but she didn't sever communications completely.  Every once in a while, she would bump into James and Jessie.  You could cut the tension with a knife.  One time in particular stood out, more than the others.

Please, don't let them see me, please don't let them see me…  Lily thought, walking down the corridor, clutching her books.

"Hey!  Lily!"  James yelled, running to her, with a certain Ravenclaw attached to him at the waist.

"Oh hey James, hello Jessie."  Lily said, smiling.

"Hi Lily!"  Jessie said.

"So Lil.."  James started, but was interrupted

"Lily, oh my gosh, James here, he talks about you all the time.  I just had to let you know that, since we don't talk a lot and all."  Jessie said, leaning towards Lily.

Lily backed away a bit, and was going to say something, but was cut off.

"Did you guys go out or something?"  Jessie asked, cocking her head to one side, looking at James and Lily.

That's a little off the topic but…  Lily thought

"Yeah, we did."  James answered.

"Oh."  Jessie spoke, her voice dropping a bit.

"Yeah," Lily said, noticing the poor girls disappointment, "but it was just a stupid little 2nd year relationship.  You know they type, right Jessie?"  Lily smiled, at the look on James' face.

"Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about.  But James and me, we have so much more than that.  Right James?"  Jessie asked, but James was just staring at Lily, wondering why she said that about them.

When he didn't answer, Jessie swooped in, "Well, Lily, we must be going.  Come on James."  She dragged him off into the opposite direction of where Lily was heading.  As Jessie pulled him away, he never looked away from Lily, who just shrugged.

Soon, it was October 15th, Elle's birthday, and she had decided that she was going to have a movie night for the six friends.

"Elle," Sirius said giving her a huge hug, "we made this video during the summer, and I have decided to bestow it upon you know."  He knelt down, and handed her the videotape.  Remus conjured popcorn and they made themselves comfortable around the TV Elle's parents had bought her.

"OK, pop it in!"  Sirius said, giggling as he sat next to Lily and grabbed her hand, and squeezed it.  She squeezed back.  James and Jessie had been going out for a month now.  They broke up yesterday, but Lily didn't know that.  Sirius felt bad for Lily, but in a way, he felt that she deserved it.  He would never say that though.

About an hour into the tape, Sirius announced that the end was coming up.  They had just sung the Happy Birthday song, and now were talking to Lily.

"Coming mum!" the Sirius on the tape yelled, and then instructed Lily to keep Elle company.

"Oh my God."  Sirius thought.  He hadn't known the tape had caught this.  He went up to shut it off, but Elle screamed.

 "No!  I want to see all of it."   Sirius protested, when it happened.  The camcorder had caught Lily in the act.  A man came up to her, and she just jumped on him, knocking him to the ground.  They started kissing, and every one in the room just stared.

"Who is that guy?"  Ava asked.

"Oh my God," Lily said as she walked up to the TV.  She was making out with a guy on the ground and it wasn't James.

"Who is that!"  She screamed, tears started rolling down her face.  James looked up from his popcorn, and a tear rolled down his cheek.  He felt sick.

"Lily, we don't need to go through this again."  Sirius said, shutting the tape off.

"No, Sirius!  Who was that?  Oh my God who was that?"  She was hysterical now.

"What's going on?"  Elle asked James.

Lily was hugging her knees crying, rocking back and forth.

"We caught Lily with that guy."  Sirius said, "That's why he dumped her."

"Lily."  Ava shook her head, "How could you…"

"Rewind it."  Remus yelled, interrupting Ava.

"I don't think anyone want to see it aga…" Sirius started, and then Remus grabbed the remote and rewound it.  He then paused it and then pointed to something on the screen.

"Who is that."  He said flatly.  Everyone shrugged, and James finally looked up to where Remus was pointing.  He gasped and dropped his popcorn as he ran to the screen. 

"Oh my God."  He said. And then grabbed the remote from Remus, and hit play.  They saw the person who he pointed to go behind a bush, and then reappear a few minutes later, someone else.

       "Oh my God."  James said again.  "I know who that is."

       "Who?"  Everyone asked, except Lily who was still crying.

       "That's Voldemort."  James said, as everyone gasped.

       "Oh my God," he said again, looking at Lily.

       "Lily!"  He said, snapping her out of the dream world she was in.

       "Yeah?"

       "You don't remember anything about that, right?"  He asked gesturing towards the TV.  She shook her head.

       "Lord, how did I forget?"  He said, hitting his head with his hand.

       "What?" Sirius asked.

       "That bastard did the same thing to my Dad.  He put my Mum under the Imperious Curse, and he, he did things with her, sure to make it so my Dad saw.  How could I have forgotten?"  He said shaking.  He went up to Lily and picked her up off the chair and pulled her to him, smelling her hair.

       "I'm so sorry," he whispered.

       "Oh God," she said, "so am I."

       They hugged for a while and then they pulled away and he looked at her, and wiped the hair out of her eyes, and whispered, "I missed you so much."

       She just nodded as he leaned down and kissed her more passionately than they ever had, heat surging through her.

       After about five minutes, Sirius couldn't hold back anymore.

       "Reunited, and it feels so good!" He sang, and then Remus jumped in.

       "Reunited 'cause we understood!"  Elle and Ava covered the boys' mouths and marched them out into the common room so that Lily and James could have their privacy.

       After a night of making up and making out, Lily and James fell asleep in each other's arms.  The next morning, the giggling of two very immature boys awaked them.

       "Look Remus, isn't it cute?"  Sirius asked as he pointed at Lily and James, who were still asleep.

       "Yes, yes it is cute, Sirius.  Do you think we should wake them up?"  Remus asked, walking towards the two.

       "Too late, ass holes."  James said waking up.  "Who can sleep, with you two going on about everything."

       "Her."  Sirius said, pointing to the still sound asleep Lily.

       "She probably hasn't slept that well in a long time."  Remus said, feeling bad for her instantly.

       "She hasn't," Elle said walking in the room, "she would cry herself to sleep every night."

       James leaned down to Lily and kissed her forehead, making her wake up.

       "Hey baby," she said, kissing him.

       "Hey Tiger Lily."  He said back.  She hadn't heard that in a long time.  For now, it was the best thing she has ever heard…

Ok, how was that chapter?  I hope you all liked how it turned out!   Oh my gosh, in the middle, you know the song, I'm Movin' On?  That is such a good/sad song.  I listened to it while I was writing this chapter.  I love it.  If any of you think that this chapter was bad… don't hesitate to voice your opinions.  And if you loved it, PLEASE tell me!   Ok, I love you all.  Hope you all have a great week.