Kaoru's routine gradually changed since she received her mother's diary. Every morning, after eating breakfast, she would immediately go to her spot and read. At first, Yahiko got really annoyed because he wanted to start his lessons early in the morning. As days passed, Yahiko finally understood. Learning things about one's past… one's family… one's mother was important. If it had happened to him, he would have done the same thing. For a compromise, Yahiko adjusted his work at the Akabeko. Instead of working afternoons, he worked during mornings and evenings. During afternoons, he and Kaoru trained together with her new students.
This day was no different from the previous days. Kenshin left early with Sano for their work after eating breakfast with her. As soon as Kenshin left, she sat under the tree to resume with her reading. Turning to the page she had marked the day before, she started to read.
December 15, 1859I am so sad today…I can't believe mother and father!!! I had introduced Aki to them… I thought they'd be happy for me but they weren't!!!! They have forbidden me to from talking to him or even seeing him! They told me that I shouldn't marry a foreigner, that I shouldn't trust them! Can you believe that? They don't even know him yet they put harsh judgments upon him! Ugh! I don't know what to do!! I don't think I'll be able to last without him… I love him so much! I just don't understand why they won't even give him the chance!!! Aki… if only you can hear me… please come and get me…
Kaoru flipped through the next few pages, just scanning the contents. It seems that mother really loved him. All that I had read so far is that she had been so lonely and depressed… that she feels so empty. I am really beginning to wonder if mother really loved father. But… no matter how obscured my childhood memories are… I am quite sure that mother indeed loved my father... but… what if…
Kaoru's musings were cut short when she turned to the next page of the journal. She was so surprised when she saw smeared spots of inks. She ran her fingers over them and whispered to herself, "Mother's teardrops…"
January 11, 1860
Aki gave up on me… He didn't fulfill his promise…He left me. I guess he never really loved me anyway.
I went to the market today because mother asked me to buy kobe and sashimi for dinner. As usual, I tried to look for him… And as usual, I failed. The only difference is… whenever I get disappointed on not seeing him, a drop of hope still remains that maybe… just maybe, the next time I will go to the market, I will see him, just like that rainy, autumn day. But now, all my hopes have been shattered.
I overheard the traders talking to themselves about Aki going back to his homeland. They said something about him getting married. I felt my heart break into tiny pieces when I heard that but I fought to maintain my composure. No. I cannot breakdown. Not in front of people. Not in front of my parents. Not until now… when I am all alone… as I had always been. I should have known it would never work out. Maybe I am just one of those people who is meant to be alone.
~~~~~
"Sano, I can't believe I let you convince me to accept this job," Kenshin muttered under his breath.
Sano growled, "Kenshin, if you think I am enjoying this, you are dead wrong! It's not like we really had other options. We were so desperate for jobs. Can't you remember that providing for your future wife speech you gave me last week?"
"Oro!?"
"Don't give me that oro shit. We have to stick together! Can't you remember how the women tormented us when they found out!?" Sano yelled, SD-faced.
"Maa, maa, Sano," Kenshin said, waving his hands in front of Sano. "I know we have to stick together on this but, can we find a more honorable job than…"
"Shut up, Kenshin!!! I already know what we are doing and I don't need you to rub it in!!" Sano paused for a moment and continued in softer voice, "Besides, kitsune-chan and I need the extra money. She told me that after giving birth, she wants to go back to Aizu."
"Oh," Kenshin's face fell. "So you're leaving Tokyo?"
Sano nodded sadly. "Kitsune-chan wants to establish our family in Aizu, where she grew up."
"I understand. When are you going to announce that?"
"I don't know… Megumi told me to keep it a secret for now. Will you do the same?"
"Of course. Don't forget to visit because Kaoru will miss you two terribly," Kenshin smiled.
"Yup, we'll visit when you and Jou-chan already have a kid or two," Sano winked.
"Oro!" Kenshin turned beet red at Sano's comment.
Sano snickered as he went back to work.
Minutes later, Kenshin gave an audible sigh, "I have got to find a better job than this!!" What will Kamiya Koshijiro say… He might rise from the grave to tell me that I am not worthy and honorable of his daughter. Kenshin's eyed widened as he squeaked, "Oro!"
Sano looked at him quizzically, Who would've thought that beneath his dorky rurouni exterior, lies the legendary hitokiri of the Bakumatsu?
~~~~~
April 17, 1860It has been a long time since I last wrote. I guess after the last entry that I wrote… I never felt like writing anymore… Not until now, that is. As I was walking home from the market, three men surrounded me and tried to assault me. I was very, very scared that time but then, this man came and he saved me…
Will I ever see him again?
April 24, 1860I had finally met him. Koshijiro Kamiya. The man who saved me… I never really took notice of him when we first met. All I could remember was he carried me home while I cried on his chest. I wouldn't normally allow myself to be carried nor to cry on a stranger's chest but there was something about him the soothed me. He is a really good-looking man but that isn't what draws me to him. Is it because he is warm and sweet? Is it because he is a simple man with a simple ambition, which is to live a peaceful and happy life? I am not quite sure. All I know is that I have grown fond of him even on our first meeting and I am really looking forward to seeing him again.
You know what? I am starting to believe that time does heal all wounds… and it brings you closer to your true happiness.
Kaoru passed and smiled inwardly, Mother did love father after all. I am so relieved. For a moment there, I thought she would not get over Aki. Hmm… She raised her finger to her temple as she held a faraway look on her face, Maybe she was just infatuated with Aki because of his unique features or because of his exoticism. I mean, he is after all a foreigner. Kenshin's red hair and violet eyes really captivated me… hmm… then again, I really loved Kenshin. However, it's different because of all the things we had experienced together. Mou!! This is confusing me even more! Kaoru sighed in resignation as she continued to read.
August 16, 1860
While my family and I were having dinner with Koshijiro, I had the surprise of my lifetime. He asked my father for my hand in marriage! I can't believe it!!! I knew we loved each other but I never thought that he would want to settle down four months after we first met. Not that I don't want to… I am actually sooo happy! I'm just surprised. Best part of all… my father and mother both agreed. They said that Koshijiro is an honorable and kind man. They trust that he will be able to support me well and make me happy. I still can't believe it… in a month's time, I will be called Miharu Kamiya! I was so happy that I jumped from my seat and kissed Koshijiro in front of my parents. I saw my father's eyes twitch but my mother just held his hand and smiled at both of us.
To be with the man I love… there's nothing more I can ask.
When Kaoru turned to the next page, she gasped. It wasn't like the previous pages. The brush strokes were heavy and somehow depicted anger. It was the shortest entry she had seen so far. Almost reluctantly, she started to read.
September 8, 1860
I never want to see him again!!! How could he do that to me!!!! I hate him!!!
Kaoru closed the journal immediately as incoherent thoughts flashed on her mind. Her heart beat rapidly in nervousness, What does this mean? Does she hate my father? I thought that she loved him so much but… Kaoru shook her head in frustration, tears falling from her eyes. She whimpered, "I am so confused. What could father have done to cause mother this hate?? What?" She buried her face into her hands as her shoulders shook violently. By reading her journal, I really feel as if I know her. I know that it will take so much to upset her… What could have happened? her mind mentally screamed.~~~~~
"Kaoru," Kenshin began, glancing her way. "Is there something bothering you?"
Kaoru shook her head but her eyes reflected her sadness.
Kenshin dropped his chopsticks and titled her chin as if inspecting her face carefully. He whispered to her in a sweet voice, "Kaoru, you're not okay." He placed his hand on her eyes, coaxing them to close. Then, he gently pressed them, causing her tears to fall. "See?"
Kaoru lowered her head as tears started streaming from her eyes. No… I shouldn't bother Kenshin with my "non-existent" problems. Should I consider these as non-existent? I mean, it is somewhat non-existent to think that my mom's problems happened decades ago. Is not knowing considered a problem?
Kenshin walked towards her and hugged her from behind. He pulled her towards him, sitting her on his lap as he cradled her softly. He kissed the top of her head as he asked lovingly, "Kaoru… please tell me what's bothering you. Did anybody hurt you? Please… I'll do everything to help. I love you. I don't want to see you like this."
Kaoru's sobs grew louder upon hearing Kenshin's consoling voice. "It…it's no…nothing… really," she whimpered.
"Of course it is something, Kaoru. If it bothers you this much then it means something."
Kaoru look into his eyes with so much pain that it pierced him to look at her like that. "Kenshin… I can't marry you…"
Kenshin stared at her wide-eyed as he felt blood draining from his face.
"…not yet," Kaoru immediately finished, seeing panic cross his face.
Kenshin's eyes softened in relief.
"Kenshin, the more I read mother's journal… the more confused I get. I had thought this over and I feel like I should get to know myself, including my past before…" she trailed off.
Kenshin hugged as he replied, "I understand your decision of postponing the wedding, it's alright with me as long as you don't change your mind about the whole wedding itself."
"I won't, Kenshin. I promise."
Kenshin closed his eyes while tightening his embrace. He whispered to her ears, "Kaoru, I need you. I don't know what I would do without you. Please don't ever leave me, okay? Not in that manner. I love you and I want you to be my wife. I'm willing to wait until your ready."
"Thank you. I love you, too. Don't worry. I'll never leave you, baka. If I leave you, it would be throwing away my other half… no… it would be like throwing away my whole self. You complete me, Kenshin."
"As you do." Kenshin pulled back and kissed her tenderly on the lips, causing her to blush deeply. He pulled away momentarily and whispered while stroking her cheek, "You are so beautiful. I love it whenever you blush."
"Only for you, Kenshin," Kaoru whispered coyly. "Only you can make me feel this way."
~~~~~
That night, Kaoru tossed on and turned on her bed trying really hard to sleep. However, she failed miserably. Many questions plagued her mind. Questions about her mother, her father and Aki. They were questions about the distant past yet she felt taunted by them. She had asked herself why many times already but no answer came to her. All she knew was, she needed to find out. She needed to learn the past before moving on to the future. She only had one solution… to investigate. With that new resolve, she finally succumbed to sleep.
Thanks for all those who left a review and even those who didn't! ^_^
Dora-chan- hehehe… I'm glad you appreciated that line. …maybe…
Midori-chan- Don't you think he has the cutest butt!!
JML- no… it's not gambling!
Gypsy-chan, Marstanuki- more revelations to come. Expect them each chapter!
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JK- I assure you there will be extreme waff once they get through all this.
Susan- hehehe… I know.
Special Thanks to Midori-chan for editing this.
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