Story Notes: Post Crackers Don't Matter angst. Hints of Nerve, The Hidden Memory, and Taking the Stone.
Author Notes: Take this as a warning. Don't mix Coldplay, Tom McRae, and Farscape. All you'll get is pain.
Disclaimer: Farscape is © and ™ Jim Henson Productions, et al. I'm just borrowing their toys for a little while. I'll try to be gentle.
Crichton ran has hands over the edge of the console. He felt guilty for what he'd said and done. Out of control. Out of control since Scorpius and the Chair. He winced at the memory, still raw from being so close to the image of his tormentor only arns earlier. The entire experience still too fresh in his mind.
He'd changed. And he knew it. He'd asked Aeryn on the burial planet if he'd been acting a little crazy lately. Her answer had the tone of jest, but the biting edge of truth had been unmistakable. Scorpius had broken him and left him to sift through the pieces. It was hard to find himself amidst the rubble of his mind. He'd braved the nightmares, the flashes of memory, how the smallest, most inconsequential things reminded him of the horror he had endured. He'd smiled and pretended everything was okay.
It wasn't. It couldn't be. He knew that he and Aeryn couldn't be the same. Something had changed between them. More than what T'raltixx had forced to the surface. They'd both been willing to die for each other, to sacrifice more than they had. Crichton had lost his mind and Aeryn had said a final goodbye to her life.
Swallowing down the lump in his throat, he wondered what had happened between them. What had happened that was pulling them apart so quickly and silently. Killing them both without warning.
He turned abruptly and left command. Half way to his quarters, he stumbled, sinking against Moya's bulkhead and crumpling to the floor. His eyes welled up with tears and he bit back a sob. Everything was too much. Too much Scorpius, too much Aeryn, too much.
And never enough. It was never enough for Aeryn to walk away, to pretend everything was okay between them. It frelling wasn't. He frelling wasn't. They couldn't just pretend nothing had happened. Not on the fake Earth, not on the Gammak base, not now, after T'raltixx.
The most insignificant word, the smallest gesture, a side glance, it spoke volumes between them. It was something special, something he'd never been able to fathom could exist in the universe.
Crichton scrubbed at his face, wiping away the tears. He was tired of this. Tired of Scorpy in his head, whispering to him in his sleep. Tired of Aeryn letting him close only to push him away the next day. Sick and tired of running. Of hiding.
He wondered if she knew.
Fin