A/N: Here's the last chapter! I have already started to write the sequel. The title is: "Spark of Life". I hope you will read and review it as well. The first chapter will be up tomorrow or on Friday.
Chapter 4 - I'm sorry
Buffy was tossing and turning in her bed, it was impssible for her to fall asleep.
Being at his grave had been an experience which was hard to bear. He was gone, really gone for good, now there was no way to deny it anymore. Now she would never be able to tell him everything she so needed to tell him.
But suddenly she remembered what Dawn had done only a few hours ago. She had talked to him as if he had been able to hear it.
Maybe he even had.
She tried really hard to remember the time when she had been dead, but all she still knew was that she had been happy. Everything had been so peaceful and she had been loved.
Yes, it must have been heaven.
And Spike, as the vampire he had been, had to be in hell. At least that was what she had always believed.
New tears found their way down her cheeks. He had saved her life and now he suffered for it.
Just because of her.
Finally Buffy gave up sleeping, got out of bed and put on her clothes.
Silently she opened Dawn's bedroom door to make sure that her sister was still asleep. The girl had cried for nearly two hours before she finally had been able to sleep and Xander had carried her up to her bedroom.
After making sure that Dawn was alright Buffy left the house.
She had to visit Spike's grave once more.
**********
She easily found her way through the trees, slowly approaching the place she now visited for the second time.
Now it was completely dark, only the stars were shining as bright as if nothing bad had ever happened. But they couldn't help her to forget, not now.
When she stood before the tombstone she hesitated for a moment.
Even when her mother had died Buffy hadn't gone to the grave to talk to her. Of course she had been there to bring her some flowers or to remember her, but she had never talked to her after she had died.
But now she felt that it was something she had to do. There was no other way to find some peace.
"Hi", she whispered. "I wish I knew wether you can hear me. You probably don't want to listen to me after all I have done to you. There's so much I could... should have done differently, I know it wasn't fair how I treated you. Now I understand that you really loved me but I just couldn't believe it then." It had never been so hard for her to say a few words, but she continued anyway. "I thought that you couldn't feel without having a soul, I thought you only wanted to have sex with me." A bitter laugh escaped her lips. "Look who's talking. I shouldn't have slept with you without love, Spike, it must have hurt you terribly. I should have acted entirely different towards you. But that's just like me, I always realize things when it is too late to do anything about it. I actually liked you, Spike. I didn't love you like Angel, but I cared about you. Still do. And now I wish I had told you. Maybe I didn't want to admit it to myself." She looked up to the sky, billions of stars were shining there as if to comfort her, but she couldn't stop crying. She had held it back but now, that she had started, it was impossible for her to do anything about it. "Dawn said she hopes that you are happy where you are now. I also do, really. I so hope that you are where I was and that we will meet there again when my time is over. But to be honest I can't believe it." Slowly she sat down on the soft grass and gently touched the letters on the headstone. 'May your sins be forgiven'. "Though you have changed so much you were still a vampire and vampires don't go to heaven, do they? I hope they will make an exception for you. I'll pray for it every night, I promise." Suddenly she stood up as if she was in a hurry. "I have to go now. It was probably wrong to leave Dawn alone tonight, she misses you so much. By the way, we all do, even Xander and Giles. I just came here because... because I wanted you to know that... I'm sorry."
With that she turned to leave.
The wind was playing with her hair and blew away the tears she had shed.
Of course she still didn't know wether he had heared her or not, but she finally felt a little better.
The End
Please review once more (-;
Chapter 4 - I'm sorry
Buffy was tossing and turning in her bed, it was impssible for her to fall asleep.
Being at his grave had been an experience which was hard to bear. He was gone, really gone for good, now there was no way to deny it anymore. Now she would never be able to tell him everything she so needed to tell him.
But suddenly she remembered what Dawn had done only a few hours ago. She had talked to him as if he had been able to hear it.
Maybe he even had.
She tried really hard to remember the time when she had been dead, but all she still knew was that she had been happy. Everything had been so peaceful and she had been loved.
Yes, it must have been heaven.
And Spike, as the vampire he had been, had to be in hell. At least that was what she had always believed.
New tears found their way down her cheeks. He had saved her life and now he suffered for it.
Just because of her.
Finally Buffy gave up sleeping, got out of bed and put on her clothes.
Silently she opened Dawn's bedroom door to make sure that her sister was still asleep. The girl had cried for nearly two hours before she finally had been able to sleep and Xander had carried her up to her bedroom.
After making sure that Dawn was alright Buffy left the house.
She had to visit Spike's grave once more.
**********
She easily found her way through the trees, slowly approaching the place she now visited for the second time.
Now it was completely dark, only the stars were shining as bright as if nothing bad had ever happened. But they couldn't help her to forget, not now.
When she stood before the tombstone she hesitated for a moment.
Even when her mother had died Buffy hadn't gone to the grave to talk to her. Of course she had been there to bring her some flowers or to remember her, but she had never talked to her after she had died.
But now she felt that it was something she had to do. There was no other way to find some peace.
"Hi", she whispered. "I wish I knew wether you can hear me. You probably don't want to listen to me after all I have done to you. There's so much I could... should have done differently, I know it wasn't fair how I treated you. Now I understand that you really loved me but I just couldn't believe it then." It had never been so hard for her to say a few words, but she continued anyway. "I thought that you couldn't feel without having a soul, I thought you only wanted to have sex with me." A bitter laugh escaped her lips. "Look who's talking. I shouldn't have slept with you without love, Spike, it must have hurt you terribly. I should have acted entirely different towards you. But that's just like me, I always realize things when it is too late to do anything about it. I actually liked you, Spike. I didn't love you like Angel, but I cared about you. Still do. And now I wish I had told you. Maybe I didn't want to admit it to myself." She looked up to the sky, billions of stars were shining there as if to comfort her, but she couldn't stop crying. She had held it back but now, that she had started, it was impossible for her to do anything about it. "Dawn said she hopes that you are happy where you are now. I also do, really. I so hope that you are where I was and that we will meet there again when my time is over. But to be honest I can't believe it." Slowly she sat down on the soft grass and gently touched the letters on the headstone. 'May your sins be forgiven'. "Though you have changed so much you were still a vampire and vampires don't go to heaven, do they? I hope they will make an exception for you. I'll pray for it every night, I promise." Suddenly she stood up as if she was in a hurry. "I have to go now. It was probably wrong to leave Dawn alone tonight, she misses you so much. By the way, we all do, even Xander and Giles. I just came here because... because I wanted you to know that... I'm sorry."
With that she turned to leave.
The wind was playing with her hair and blew away the tears she had shed.
Of course she still didn't know wether he had heared her or not, but she finally felt a little better.
The End
Please review once more (-;