A Tale of Two Shippos
by ArtikGato
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha the tv series, or Inuyasha the bishounen (but I can dream...). I do not own any character from Inuyasha, and, as far as I know, the only made up character I insert into the fic is Farfignuten, this trash talking tree whose purpose in life is to annoy Jakan to no extent. In conclusion, I own nothing but my sanity, which my Yami pawned off for popsicle money... eheh...
Author's Notes: Nope, I'm STILL not back to normal. Well, more normal than The Wizard of Oz and Chapter Five...but still... Anyway, this is contains direct material from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. If you haven't seen it then GO SEE IT!! It's the BEST movie ever!! (by the way, I do not own Monty Python and I'm not receiving money for promoting them, either...) Anywho, it makes the chapter that much more funny if you've seen Holy Grail. If not, it's still pretty darn funny... oh, and there's some minor cussing and violence...
Chapter Five of A Tale of Two Shippos placed our favorite characters, Inuyasha and Kagome, in the middle of a snowstorm!! Soon, they found shelter, but then Miroku, Sango and Shippo stumbled in... it really added nothing to the plot whatsoever...but it was fun anyway!! ^___^
A Tale of Two Shippos... Chapter Six!!!
The Troupe were once again skipping down a random road. They had previously recovered from their earlier adventures in Oz and in the snowstorm of doomfulness. Now, they were just skipping. Merrily, might I add.
"Umm...I'm tired of skipping," Sango complained.
"Yeah, and this hurts my feet," the besandeled monk replied.
Quiet! Skip, fools, SKIP!!
"Okay, okay!" they chorused.
There, that 's better. The Troupe skipped not-so-merrily down the random road, having no idea where they were going. They suddenly came upon a battle scene. A knight, clad in black armor, was fighting a buggish demon thing. The Black Knight slew the demon, and grabbed his shard of the Shikon no Tama that was floating in the air magically. Inuyasha stepped forward.
"Brave Sir Knight, you fight well. Would you like to join me and my companions in our search for the Sacred Shikon Jewel of Four Souls?" the hanyou asked. The Knight was silent.
"Umm...we'd really appreciate your help," Kagome piped up. The Knight was silent.
"What's the deal with this guy?" Miroku asked. Silence.
"SNARL!!" snarled Shippo, rabidly.
"Umm...when was that medicine supposed to kick in?" Sango asked.
"An hour ago..." Kagome answered. Everyone but the Knight and the snarling kitsune sweatdropped. The Knight was, expectantly, STILL silent, even as Shippo started to rabidly gnaw on his metal boots.
"Come on, guys. This moron obviously doesn't want to join us," Sango said. She stepped forward, only to have the Knight stop her.
"No one passes," said the Knight. Inuyasha's ears twitched, and a look of murderous rage appeared on his face.
"KOUGA!!" the half dog-demon screamed, not-so-gently ripping the Knight's helmet off to reveal...yup, you guessed it, KOUGA!!
"Oh! Hey Kouga!" exclaimed Kagome, cheerily. He looked at her, and got hearts in his eyes. He zoomed over to her and kneeled down before her, presenting her with a bright red rose that was ABSOLUTELY perfect. She gasped overdramatically and took the rose from him, looking as if she was about to cry. Miroku, Sango and Inuyasha made gagging noises, and Shippo STILL gnawed on Kouga's black metal boots.
"Fair Kagome, it is as great as the morning rays of sun reflecting off of water to see you again," Kouga said.
"Huh?" asked Miroku, confused. Inuyasha and Sango shrugged, equally as confused.
"When I see you, my heart beats faster than a hummingbird's wings...even though I have no idea what a hummingbird is..." Kouga continued.
"Must be the author's influence," Inuyasha concluded. Damn straight!! ^___^
"You are more beautiful than the fairest rose in the world...which I went to great pains to get you, by the way..." the wolf youkai continued. Kagome blushed, fakely. Inuyasha was getting increasingly more and more pissed off.
"I should write this down, it's good material!" Miroku exclaimed, frantically fumbling around for paper and a writing utensil. Sango sighed, and shook her head.
"You are more angelic than a dove, more graceful than a goddess, more nimble than a dove, with hair as black as raven's feathers, lips as red as apples, breasts as big as-"
The wolf demon was quickly cut off by Inuyasha, who had drawn the Tetsusaiga, and proceeded to hit him on the head with the blunt side. Very VERY forcefully.
"&^^*&^*(&%*&^$%()*&*(&@#!!" Inuyasha shouted at the wolf demon, who was now stumbling around drunkly with @'s for eyes. Kagome was blushing more now than she had before. The wolf demon soon regained his senses, and glared at Inuyasha.
"Ow!! *#$%^#$!! That HURT!! Prepare thyself for the cold hand of death!" Kouga shouted.
"Bring it on, bitch!" Inuyasha shouted.
"Oh, it has already been brought!!" Kouga countered. Inuyasha found himself very much confused and a total loss for words...so instead he charged Kouga and slashed the Tetsusaiga at him. Kouga's arm fell off an instant later. Sango screamed and fainted into Miroku's arms at the sight of blood.
"Kouga! Your arm! You're hurt!" Kagome screamed overdramatically. Kouga looked smug.
"No, thou art mistaken, fair maiden! It is not I that is hurt, but that half-breed mutt!"
"Yeah, you wish," Inuyasha replied.
"But, Kouga! Your arm!" Kagome protested. Kouga looked down at where his arm used to be. He blinked, and looked back up at her.
"What is it that is wrong with my arm?" he asked. Kagome thought over the previous sentence in her head, then translated it into normal human conversation.
"It's been CUT OFF!!!" she shouted.
"No it hasn't!" Kouga argued, calmly. Inuyasha was quickly becoming just about as pissed as he was before.
"SHUT UP!!" the half-youkai shouted, slashing with the Tetsusaiga again. Kouga's other arm also fell of (looking very much fake.)
"Kouga!" Kagome exclaimed.
"HA!!!" Inuyasha shouted triumphantly.
"'Tis only a fleshwound," Kouga replied, seemingly undaunted.
"FLESHWOUND?! Your ARMS are cut off!!" Inuyasha demanded, incredulously.
"What then? I'll still kick your ass, hanyou!!" Kouga exclaimed, rushing forward in an attempt to tackle Inuyasha. Inuyasha, furious, slashed his legs off. He fell to the ground standing on his stumps-for-legs, quite fakely.
"What are you going to do, Kouga?!" Inuyasha sneered. Sango and Miroku stepped past them, followed by Shippo and Kagome. Inuyasha finally turned and walked off, grinning because of his victorious victory of victoriousness.
"Hey, come back here!!" Kouga shouted. They ignored him, and continued. "Come on! What then? I'l bite your kneecaps off!!" Kouga yelled after them. They disappeared into the countryside. A few minutes later, a magical fairy flew up to him and sprinkled fairy dust on him. He "magically" regrew arms and legs. The fairy snickered and flew off.
The Troupe continued through the forest, but were not the least bit scared by the owl-ey noises of the "creatures" moving slowly and stupidly through the somewhat dark forest on each side. Well...Inuyasha was, anyway. Yes, he was. A cricked chirped, and he quivered. Suddenly, a.... TANUKI jumped out in front of them!
"YAAAAAARGHHHHH!!" the hanyou shouted, jumping into Kagome's arms.
"Relax, Inuyasha, it's just a Tanuki," Miroku and Kagome chorused.
"AWWWW!!! WOOK AT DE WITTLE TANUKI!!" Sango exclaimed, scooping up the raccoon-dog and cuddling it. Shippo stopped snarling rabidly and, when Sango set the poor creature down, he sauntered up to it.
"Hey, baby. How you doin'?" he asked in his best Joey Tribiani voice (ala Friends).
"STEP AWAY FROM THE TANUKI! I REPEAT, STEP AWAAAAAAY FROM THE TANUKI!!" shouted someone random.
"Eh?" Shippo exclaimed. A man in black armor on stilts appeared before them.
"W-who are you?" asked a VERY timid Inuyasha, who, after five tense minutes, had FINALLY climbed out of Kagome's protective arms.
"We are the Knights who say....NEE!!" the man exclaimed. Inuyasha's ears twitched and, once again, he drew the Tetsusaiga.
"Dammit, Kouga!" the half-demon growled.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" cackled Kouga.
"Kouga?" Kagome asked. Inuyasha glared and muttered obscene things under his breath. He then jumped up and removed Kouga's black helmet somewhat rudely.
"How is he still alive?" Miroku asked, somewhat amused.
"Kagome!" Kouga exclaimed, overjoyed.
"Oh! Hey Kouga! How are you?" she asked, obliviously.
"Umm...he JUST got his arms and legs chopped off by Inuyasha..." Sango pointed out.
"No I didn't!" protested Kouga. Inuyasha growled, and prepared to lunge forward, but Kagome and Sango held him back. Miroku sighed, no longer amused, and stepped in front of the valiantly struggling Inuyasha.
"Waddyawantfromus?" he asked.
"Eh?" asked Kouga. Miroku exhaled, annoyed.
"Knight Who Says Nee, what...do...you...want...from...US?!" Miroku exclaimed. Kouga looked thoughtful for a second.
"First, my Knights and I would like...(dramatic pause) a shrubbery! (Audience: NO! No! Not a SHRUBBERY!! Oh the humanity!) Then, you must cut down the biggest tree in the forest with...a...HERRING!!" Kouga exclaimed dramatically, holding up a herring and pointing to a HUGELY HUGE tree nearby.
"Absurd!" Miroku protested.
"And finally, I would like the hand of yonder fair maiden," he started, pointing to Kagome, "so that I may wed her, and so that I may bed her-"
It all happened so fast. Kagome and Sango let go of Inuyasha, shocked, appaled and disgusted by Kouga's words. Inuyasha lunged forward, and cut Kouga's words off along with his head. Kagome ran up and kicked Kouga's carcass, glomping Inuyasha appreciatively. The Tanuki and Shippo slipped off into the woods alone... Er, anyway, back to the story...
Kouga's severed head fell to the ground, his body a few seconds later.
"Damn wolf!" Inuyasha exclaimed.
"Well...I guess that works too," Miroku said.
"Personally, I don't want to even try to cut down that tree with a herring," Sango commented. Everybody looked at everybody else, and they all shrugged simultaneously. Shippo stumbled out of the woods nearby, clothing disaray and hair muffled up. Everyone just gaped in suprize as the Tanuki peeked around a tree and waved at Shippo, winking suggestively.
"Well...that's cheery," Kagome said. Then they all shrugged again, and laughed heartily, skipping away merrily. Two more snickering fairies flew up and sprinkled magical fairy dust on Kouga and his severed head. He magically jumped up, stilts forgotten, and ran after the Troupe.