Disclaimer: Okay, I officially hate this laptop. Because of my injury (which isn't carpal tunnel, and isn't anything that my doctor can diagnose; I hate doctors), I have to type in my class via this old, clunky laptop that my dad let me use. I can't write anything out, which means no drawing, which really sucks. Anyway, I've wanted to write this for a while, so here we go. Anything already copyrighted by Gundam Wing is… theirs. …Yeah. Random fluff; some implied yaoi (heh).
The Wizard of Bob
A fic by Kasu-chan
Part One
It was an early morning, and the sun blared through the window in the G-Boys' apartment.
…But that wasn't the only thing blaring so early in the morning.
"HEE-CHAN? HEE-CHAN?! WHERE ARE YOU?!" Relena called rather sing-songlike, in her own, somewhat grating way, knocking on each one of the doors and waking up all of the neighbors.
Heero twitched in the corner each time, shuddering uncontrollably at the very hated pet name. Hee-chan? Who else could come up with that but the likes of Relena…
"Relena's looking for you again, Heero." Trowa said flatly, Quatre sleeping in his lap—it was far too early for Quatre—surpressing a smile as Heero twitched again.
"Don't. Say. That. Name." Heero growled, fingers twitching, wanting so much to be around that clown's neck.
"HEE-CHAN? Hee-chan, are you in he—oh, gomen nasai!" Someone slammed their door.
Quatre stirred in Trowa's lap, looking up with big, sleepy seagreen eyes. "Make her stop." He yawned. "I don't want to explain another crazy person to the neighbors. I already have to justify—"
"OHAYO!!" Quatre and Heero jumped; Trowa closed his eye and chuckled.
Braid dripping wet from the shower and a light blue towel wrapped around his waist, Duo closed his eyes and cleaned the water out of his ear with one finger, then looked over at the boys and waved cheerfully.
"Him…" Quatre said dryly.
"Good morning! Quatre, you sleepy head, wake up!"
Quatre only whimpered and covered his head with the inside of Trowa's shirt.
Duo shrugged and sighed. "Well, I guess that you just can't please some people." He looked over at Heero, who looked like he was going to kill the braided priest on the spot. He blinked. "Hee-kun?"
"No."
"But I didn't say—"
"No."
Duo sighed again, pushing his wet braid over his shoulder. "No rest for the wicked."
Quatre peeked his head out from under Trowa's shirt and looked at Duo, still clutching the ends of it. "Relena's on the rampage, and your being loud isn't helping."
He pursed his lips together. "Again? Oy, doesn't that girl take a hint?"
"Obviously not." Trowa crossed his arms.
"Well…" Duo snorted, rolling his non-existent sleeves up and cracking his knuckles—then shaking his hands in front of him—headed for the door. He had had just about enough of Relena the stalker.
Quatre blinked, looking up at Trowa. "He wouldn't be do dumb as to…"
Duo opened the door and stuck his head out, taking a breath and shouting at the top of his lungs. "RELENA!"
"He would…" Trowa sweatdropped.
"HOW DARE YOU STALK MY HEE-KUN LIKE THIS! HE DOESN'T LIKE—GAHHK!" Heero yanked him in by his braid, Duo doing all that he could to hold his towel on and in a modest fashion while Quatre hurried to open the door.
"DUO NO BAKA!" Heero pulled his braid again, and Duo started crying. "NOW SHE KNOWS—"
"HEE-CHAN, I FOUND YOU!" She opened the door wide and WHAM! It hit Heero in the back of the head.
Wufei walked out like a zombie as soon as the door opened, eyes half open.
"Oh my GOSH! HEE-CHAN? HEE-CHAN, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?!"
* * *
Heero saw stars swirl around his head; whatever had hit him hit him hard. Probably that damn door… As he came to, he looked around, seeing the apartment empty, and sans color. "O…kay…" He furrowed his eyebrows—must have hit his head harder than he thought—and walked out of the apartment to a sudden flood of technicolor.
He shielded his eyes, hearing the sound of something odd singing; it sounded like chipmunks on fast forward, and off key too. Putting his arm down, he saw before him what he would have imagined Quatre would have done to his room had he a bucket of rainbow paint and about ten dozen singing lawn gnomes.
Heero watched as the little gnomes grouped around the apartment that he had just left—the one that looked like a corny play prop for some very odd reason—and the pair of large boots suddenly curl under it. He twitched.
The little gnomes then turned toward Heero and a cheer erupted from the middle of the crowd. He began to back up until one of the gnomes—which bore an uncanny resemblance to Doctor J; maybe it was the odd glasses, or maybe the lack of hand… He turned forward, the closest thing to total terror painted on his face.
"You've saved us from the evil Trez!" One of the gnomes cried, and all of the gnomes squealed in reply.
Heero twitched again.
And in that moment of cheer, a light filled the sky and landed next to Heero, Cathleen in a Fairy Godmother-like purple dress and long silver wand.
"Cathleen…" Heero began, putting up his finger slightly, "what are you doing in that?"
"Why young one, I do not know of who you speak! I am Lady Lavender (okay, so I'm not that creative), and I am here to help you." And she gave just the slightest bow.
Heero had had just about enough of this. Midgets, and now a Fairy Godmother thing? He must have really hit his head hard.
"Because you have liberated the Chibies of Bob," Heero rose an eyebrow as Lavender spoke, "I shall give you a reward. Chibies, bring this noble man his gift!"
"Why can't you just wave your little stick around and give me a gift?"
Lavender hit him on top of the head with her wand.
The crowds split as one chibi—holding a striking resemblance to that weirdo Howard brought up a gold basket, a pink blanket rested over the top of it. He handed it to Lavender, who rose her wand over it with one hand.
"On behalf of the chibies and myself—"
"Can I come out now? Pleeeeease? It's dar—wait…" A pink nose rose from under the blanket, followed by two ears tied with dark blue bows. "I smell something…"
Heero looked at the basket and whatever-it-was peeking from within it and took a step back as a small, warm yellow puppy fell out, shaking her head and looking up.
"I KNEW IT! I SMELLED A HEE-CHAN!"
"No…" Heero backed up into the crowd. "I don't want it!"
The Relena puppy pouted, and Lavender hit Heero over the head with her wand. "It isn't polite to denounce a reward!"
"It isn't nice to give that as a reward!" Heero shouted.
Lavender hit him again. "HOW DARE YOU! Now go!"
"Where?!" He blurted.
"I-I don't care! Go… go kill the wicked evil in the northwest, and you will be rewarded."
Heero rolled his eyes a little. "With another one of… those?"
"Hey!"
Lavender sighed. "No, baka, of course not! I will grant you one wish."
He shook his head and started walking, the crowd parting for him. "Phh. I'll find my own way out of here." The Relena puppy was close underfoot.