Disclaimer: Sorry this is taking me so long to write; I have to be in a certain mood to get this done. But I like how this part turned out. Originally I was going to have three parts, but I may have more, since this part is taking longer than I thought. The parts are short, but oh well. I loved writing this one! Sorry it's so short! Long live mister tree! ^.^;; R and R!

The Wizard of Bob

A fic by Kasu-chan

Part Two

"Are we there yet?" The Relena puppy whined, her head lowered and her ears nearly drooping in the dirt.

"No one ever asked you to come along." Heero responded dryly, knowing that she would not keep quiet no matter how silent he was—it was like being around Duo; whenever you were quiet, he was the one to provide the constant clamor. Heero only wished that he had the heart to kick animals. Maybe that would make her shut up.

She sighed gently, sniffing at the ground as they walked, ever so slowly trying to move closer to Heero's leg, so he wouldn't notice. But whenever she got somewhat close, he glared at her and she scurried back to where she was beforehand. It was frustrating. He was so mean, and so stubborn, and so quiet; but that really did add to his appeal. She smirked, somewhat prancing behind him, her head held high and proud.

Heero growled to himself silently; stupid dog…

"Heero… you don't like me much, do you?" The Relena puppy looked up at him with those sickeningly big, saucer eyes.

"No."

So much for being discrete. "No as in… no, I do like you?" She hopefully asked, continuing to look up at him with those large eyes.

"No as in I don't like, nor will I ever." He grumbled gently, becoming all to irritated with not only all of her questions, but the whole world as well… as messed up as it was. It was like being in one of Quatre's fairy tale fantasies, or something like that.

The Relena puppy whined gently, plopping down to the ground and sniffling gently. "You don't like me, Heero? But… but I thought…" She looked up, seeing Heero walk off without a second glance. "HEY! HEY, I'M POURING MY HEART OUT TO YOU, AND YOU RUN AWAY?! WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?!"

"GO AWAY! OMAE O KOROSU!!" He screamed back at her, reaching for his gun and finding… a very bad, crappy plastic toy replica. He twitched once violently; just when he had gotten the urge to bring harm to an animal…

Heero kept walked, trying to keep his temper. First the dog, then a plastic gun. Most likely something that Lavender did. Oh would she feel his anger…

"WHAAAA! WATCH OUT!!" The Relena puppy yelled as Heero was off in his own world, grumbling and complaining; sometimes it took a woman to notice some things and not complain about others.

"I SAID GO A-GAHK!" Heero began to shout, turning toward the Relena puppy before something smacked into the back of his head, toppling him over.

"Told you to watch out." The Relena puppy smirked smugly.

"Ita… Stupid walking, prickly tree. Here I am, flying around and minding my own business, and some stupid prickly tree decides to walk in my way… Guh… I want your license plate number; I'm suing!" The bat that had flown into Heero's head grumbled, then passed out.

"EWWWWW!" The Relena puppy screamed, hiding behind Heero's leg. "It's an icky bat! Kill it! KILL IT, HEERO!" She nudged at his leg.

He glared at her, then looked at the bat, lying spread-eagle on the ground, a braid laid in a wave at his side. Heero walked over, picking the bat up by the leg. "Duo no baka." He muttered. "You never did have any sense of direction." He almost threw him off into the woods—and would have, too—until the bat started waving his wings around violently.

"LEMME GO! LEMME GO! I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY; TAKE ME, SPARE MY CHILDREN!" And it passed out again.

Heero's eyebrow twitched, and he poked at the bat's wing. "Hey. Get up."

"Just throw it into the woods and lets LEAVE!" The Relena puppy whined, nudging at Heero's leg again.

"NO! Don't leave me, mister tree!" The bat suddenly came to, causing Heero to almost drop him. "I'm sorry I ruined your luscious leaves!" He wept. "I'm an orphan bat, and I'm not all that smart either, mister tree."

"Obviously…" The Relena puppy grumbled, then yelled at the bat, "And his name is not mister tree! It's Heero!"

The bat thought about this for a moment. "I've never heard of a Heero tree…"

"HE IS NOT A TREE!"

The bat blinked—if bats do blink. "He's not?"

"NO!" The Relena puppy blurted.

"Well then what is he?" The bat tilted his head, waving it's leg out of Heero's grip and flying into him again. "GAH! ANOTHER TREE!"

The Relena puppy twitched. "What is WRONG with you?! Are you defective?!"

Heero said in a monotone voice, "Bats are blind."

"I AM NOT BLIND!" And he flew into Heero's chest; after recovering, he mumbled something that sounded like I meant to do that.

The Relena puppy watched as the braided bat fell to the ground and walked up to him, sniffing him. "Not blind, huh?"

He grumbled. "I was out looking for bugs; I like bugs." And the bat smiled proud, then looked over in the opposite direction of the Relena puppy. "And stop sniffing me, miss kitty!"

"C-c-cat?!" The Relena puppy growled, moving down low. "You. Called. Me. A. …Cat?!"

"You're not?" The Relena puppy fell over due to the bat's naïve nonchalance.

"No!" She yelled. "I'm a dog! A DOG!"

Heero started to say something, but stopped when the Relena puppy bit at his leg.

"Hmn… My eyes must be bad." The bat said, flying up toward Heero and missing his shoulder by a few inches, then circling, and stopping in the air and looking around. "Mister Heero tree, where are you? I want to sit on your shoulder."

He twitched. "Why?"

"Well, uh…" The bat thought for a moment, color coming to his tiny face. "I like trees."

"HE'S NOT A TREE!"

"SHUT UP, CAT!" The bat yelled.

"What did you call me?!" The Relena puppy barked.

"C…" The bat smirked wildly, "A…"

"AHHHH!" And the Relena puppy ran after the bat, while Heero took the time to make his get away.

As Relena went into another fit, Heero started walking off again. It took a moment for the Relena puppy to notice, the bat trying to go at her ears.

"HEEEEEEEEROOO! MAAAAAATAAA!" And she went running after him as the bat bit into her left ear, whining the whole way.

"Relena, a plastic gun, and a tree-loving Duo…" Heero grumbled to himself, hearing the two yell and cry in the background, the bat latched onto the Relena puppy's left ear. "I'm gonna kill Lavender for this…"