Title: Soul Searching
Author: Aislin
Season: Takes place after "Grave"
Characters: Mostly Willow and Spike. There may also be some W/S shippage, I'll just have to wait and see how the story plays out
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters; I just amuse myself by playing with them when I'm bored. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and whoever else owns them. Please don't sue me, I have no money.
Feedback: I would love that, thank you. This is my first attempt at a Buffy fic, so please tell me how I do. No major flammage, please. I don't know that I could handle it.
Rating: I'm gonna call it R cuz it deals with some heavy issues and there will be some adult situations.
Authors Note: Okay, chapter number two! I would just like to thank the lovely, lovely people who reviewed chapter one. I love you! I just watched the season premiere of Buffy, ooh, it's gonna be a good season, I can tell. Well, I hope it is anyway. So, my soulled Spike isn't gonna be much like the one in the show cuz it won't be very much fun if he's insane, ya know? Not to mention that the story wouldn't work. I don't really know what's going to happen yet, my stories have this tendency to take on a life of their own and if I try to make something happen that doesn't fit, the story gets ruined. I should also tell you that I see Willow as more bi-sexual than gay. She's had one boyfriend and one girlfriend, that makes it even. So, I think that's all I really have to say about this chapter. Go read chapter two now!
Willow had found the perfect job. Well, it seemed perfect anyway. It was only her first day, so she couldn't be sure, but she had to look on the plus side. She had a job, and it was at a cute little, out of the way, bookstore. At least, the front part of the shop held books. The back was a magic shop, with any of the ingredients for spells Willow could ever want. Not to mention they were half off with her employee discount.
The front of the shop was well lit from floor to ceiling windows and warm because of the southern exposure those windows provided. Large dumpy chairs in all colors gave the place a comfortable atmosphere. Clients often came in and curled up in one of those huge chairs with a book, sipping a drink. (The shop sold a wide variety of strictly non-alcoholic beverages. Everything from ice-cold lemonade or soda to steaming-hot chocolate and tea.)
The back of the store was just as well lit, though this time from an assortment of candles and lamps as most of the natural sunlight was blocked by the many bookcases. There was a huge fireplace in the back that made Willow yearn for colder weather so she could sit by the crackling and popping of a nice warm fire. She hadn't ever been able to sit in front of a nice warm fire back in California; the weather had never been cold enough.
Willow shook herself out of her memories before they could land on anything specific. She looked up as the door opened and a man came in with his daughter. The girl didn't look like she could be more than four or five years old. Willow wondered how old the father was before mentally slapping herself. She wouldn't let herself be attracted to this man. She loved Tara. But maybe she and the man could be friends. It would be nice to have a friend.
"Hi, my name's Willow. How can I help you?" she asked, approaching the twosome.
The little girl looked up at her, blonde pigtails bobbing. "My name's Sophie. You're new, aren't you?"
"Yeah. This is my first day here." Willow bent down so that was on the same level as Sophie. "Do you come here often?"
"Uh-huh." The child nodded, sending the pigtails bouncing again. "Daddy comes to get supplies for his spells and sometimes I get a book or something." Sophie's bright blue eyes sparkled with her smile.
Willow looked up at the father. "You practice? Oh, of course you do. I mean, why else would you be here? Can I help you find anything?" Willow babbled.
"I'm Greg," the man extended his hand to Willow. "I was actually wondering whether the sandalwood oil is in. Beth said that it should be in either today or tomorrow."
"Um, let me go check real quick." Willow walked quickly to the back where her boss was stocking various animal parts. "Beth?" The woman raised her head, rewarding Willow with a bank expression. "Do we have sandalwood oil?" Beth jerked her head to the shelf just behind her. Willow smiled her gratitude and quickly scanned the labels before grabbing a small vial.
"Here you go sir. Can I help you find anything else?" Greg glanced down at his daughter with a knowing smile. Sophie smiled at him before looking back at Willow.
"Do you have any books with dragons?" she asked.
"Well, why don't we go look?" Willow extended her hand to the small girl and led her to the children's books. After looking through a handful, Sophie chose one with especially detailed pictures and told her father that she was ready.
Willow took the vial of oil and the big picture book over to the cash register and stared to ring them up. Suddenly, the cash register began beeping, loudly and incessantly. She threw her hands up and squeaked, her brain frantically searching for the solution. It took only a second and she quickly pushed the 'cancel' button. The beeping stopped and Willow smiled sheepishly. "Let's try that again, shall we?"
Once Willow had successfully rung up Greg and he had left the store, Beth appeared beside her.
"Hi. Sorry about that. I'm still sorta getting used to the cash register. I mean, I've never worked one before. My friend-" Willow stopped short. She couldn't bear to think about Anya.
Beth smiled gently at her. "Don't worry. You're doing fine. It's your first day, everyone has a rough time their first day. It will get easier, I promise. Especially once you start to get to know some of the regulars." Beth gave Willow a reassuring pat on the shoulder and started walking away. "He's twenty-two. And he's single. He got her pregnant the summer after they graduated high school, but she died during child birth," she called over her shoulder.
"Who?" Willow asked, pretending to be bewildered, but she couldn't help being the slightest bit intrigued.
"I don't know. He's never told me her name. But, I think he's ready to start dating again," Beth spun on her heel to look at Willow. Her hair was just beginning to gray, the only indication of her age. She had a friendly face, and was full of life. Willow stood a full head taller than the woman and was a good deal thinner, but Beth was much more energetic than Willow. "Greg seemed pretty interested and Sophie definitely likes you. I could ask…" Beth trailed off, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.
"What? Oh no. Oh, Goddess no. I just, I mean. Well, I was," Willow couldn't continue.
"Bad breakup?" Beth asked, sympathetically.
"Its, well, T-Ta. She died." Willow began furiously scrubbing the counter with a handy rag. The 'died' had come out as more of a gasp than an actual word. She wasn't entirely sure that the woman had heard it. Staring at her hand wiping the counter, Willow fought to keep a lid on her emotions. She had always been so good at it; it had been part of her training as a witch. But, ever since, well, it was much harder now.
"I'm sorry. If you need someone to listen, I'm here." Beth said. She gave Willow a warm pat on the shoulder and went to the back to continue stocking shelves.
~~~~~~~~~~*
"I can't just sit here and not do anything, Giles. I should try to help her or find her. I mean she's my best friend and she left because of me."
"There's nothing you can do for her right now. None of us know what she is going through. And, believe me Buffy, she would have left regardless."
"Still, can't we try to find her? She left her pager number. I could call her…"
"What would you say Buffy? She said that the pager is for emergencies. You don't want to betray that trust. She will be found when she wants to be found." Giles comforted his slayer.
"That sounds familiar. Didn't you say that when Buffy left?" Xander asked. He had been sitting silently in a chair, blaming himself for not giving his life-long friend more support.
"Yes, and I was right, wasn't I? Buffy returned when she was ready. She needed to get away from everything for a while. Convince herself that she could still live, even support herself. Willow is going through the same thing right now. She will return soon, probably in a few months time."
The three sat in silence for a long time. Since the beginning, it had been Buffy, Giles, Willow and Xander. Other people had come and gone. Angel, Riley, Oz, Tara, Cordelia, Anya, Mrs. Calendar, Ophelia. But in the end, they had always known that the four of them would be together. They were there for the beginning and they would be there for the end. After leaving twice only to return, Giles had realized that he could never really leave Sunnydale. Buffy had left and returned. Xander had left for a summer. It was Willow's turn now. She would be back in a few months time, he was sure.
~~~~~~~~~~*
Willow lay on her belly on her bed. Her room was modest, to be kind. But, she was working on decorating it to her liking. And, on the bright side, she had found a decent apartment. It had a bedroom with a bed, an alarm clock, and a dresser. There was a kitchen with a mini fridge, a small table with two chairs, and enough cabinets for her dishes and food. The last room was a bathroom with a shower, but no bathtub. Willow missed her bubble baths; they had helped her unwind so many times. But, she could live without them.
In front of her face, a pencil slowly rose. Willow smiled; she could control her emotions when she concentrated. She had learned before, she would just teach herself to do it all over again. Slowly Willow made the pencil rotate. She remembered the first time she had tied this spell. She grinned and muttered "Buff Buff" under her breath. Immediately the pencil flew up and lodged itself in the ceiling.
Willow collapsed, burying her face in her blanket. This was going to be much harder than she thought. Willow rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling where six pencils were sticking. Another two were in the wall be the door. Willow sighed. She couldn't get discouraged. That wouldn't help her magic at all.
Standing on her bed, Willow pulled the pencils out of the ceiling. She had to jump a little bit to reach them, but she got them all out. She threw the pencils on the table by her bed that also held her alarm clock and a lamp. She had had enough magic for today, her head hurt. Besides, she had to be at work in a little bit.
Willow ran a comb through her hair and headed out the door, passing the two pencils that still stuck in the wall. She checked that the door was locked, descended three flights of stairs to the ground floor and was on the street.
~~~~~~~~~~*
Willow had grown to love her job. She loved Beth, she loved the customers, and she could finally work the cash register without it going ballistic on her. She had only been working there a week, but Willow felt completely at home. Well, maybe not completely, but she felt comfortable.
The door opened and Willow looked up from where she had been reorganizing books. She gasped and dropped a particularly large volume right on her foot without noticing the pain. What were the odds?
A/N: Ooh, cliffhanger. But, I'll bet you all actually know what's coming anyway. So, what do you think of this chapter? Please review and tell me! Oh, and I included the little blurb about Buffy and them because I do love Buffy and I sorta wanted to redeem her, or begin to redeem her. I might keep you updated on Sunnydale, I might not. Tell me what you want and I'll try to fit it into my story. So, go review now! And, thanks to the lovely people who reviewed chapter one!