Author's Note: As you'll find out, I'm very loosely following the season 7 storyline here. I still can't believe how out of character everyone is! Rude, unhelpful Giles? Ice princess Buffy? Mack daddy Willow? Oh Joss, what have you done?

*~*~*

Giles emerged from behind closed doors several hours later, shirt untucked and feathery hair all askew. He clomped down the stairs, immediately trying to assume his favorite no-nonsense 'why aren't you all taking this as seriously as I am?' expression.

Buffy tore her gaze away from Spike's bare chest to greet him. "Hey Giles, did you get the new girl settled in?"

The Watcher gaped in disgust at the scene before him. Buffy apparently had been using Spike as a human, er vampire punching bag. While the fact that the cheeky vamp was being pummeled senseless didn't bother him, the look of mutual enjoyment on both the Spike and the slayer's face was considerably annoying.

Giles scowled. "Yes," he replied more monotone than necessary, "she's being prepped by Kennedy as we speak."

Buffy's rolled her eyes derisively. "I'll bet she's being 'prepped.' I can't believe you left her alone with that ho-bag."

The Englishman didn't know the exact definition of the term, but he guessed it was contemptuous by nature. He sighed, prepared to deliver a patented Giles 'we must all work together or we will surely fail' speech. However, Buffy beat him to the punch and then beat Spike for emphasis.

"That abusive loud-mouth is giving everyone low morale, you know? All she does is whine about how the girls aren't good enough. She even calls them words like 'maggot' and other things I can't pronounce." The slayer caught Spike in the stomach with a mean right hook. He winced and doubled over, signaling in a serious of low grunts that he needed a break. Buffy maintained her typically oblivious state of mind. "Isn't that mean of her?"

"Indeed," Giles sighed, wondering for the millionth time what it would have been like to have a sweet, obedient slayer assigned to him. Like that Sarah girl; yes, she was most agreeable...

Buffy stretched and tossed her boxing gloves aside, accidentally nailing Dawn in the face. "Whoops, careful there, Dawnie. Anyway, I gotta get going." She beamed with perky pride. "I've got a date."

"A date?" Giles blanched with disbelief.

"A date?" Spike wheezed from the floor.

"Yeah," Buffy confirmed, getting a little pouty over the fact that no one was there to tell her how great she was for getting the hook-up even with an apocalypse on. "What's the big? It's just that Principal guy I work for."

Giles sputtered his disapproval. "A date? At a time like this?" He folded his arms and switched to full stern mode. "Buffy, as the slayer, you have a sacred obligation to these girls to prepare them for what is to come. We have a bloody apocalypse on our hands and you feel that your free time is better spent behaving like a trollop?"

Buffy glared at him. "I don't even know what a trollop is, but the way you said it made it sound yucky. Besides Principal Wood is kind of creepy..." she paused to consider this for a moment, "either that, or really sexy. And it's my job to figure out which one."

Spike let loose a hacking cough/laugh at this. "His name is Wood?"

"That's his last name. His first name is Robin," Buffy corrected sharply.

"Oh yeah, that's a right manly name, Robin. Robin Wood. Sounds like a nancy--"

"Shut it." The slayer warned, banishing Spike to the basement with the point of a finger.

Giles made several snorting sounds to express his exasperation. "Surely there are more important matters that demand your utmost in focus...like me." Her watcher sniffled uncharacteristically sentimental. "You hardly look happy to see me. I've devoted the entirety of my life to you and what gratitude do I get? I could have bloody well been the First and you treated it as if-- Will you stop ogling Spike and look at me when I'm speaking to you?!"

Buffy blinked a few times to shake off the mental image of the Spike/tuna scenario before preparing to give her watcher a severe tongue-lashing. (Ew, not that kind of tongue-lashing! Get your mind out of the gutters, readers!)

"Well, maybe if you showed up now and again when it wasn't the end of the world!" She stomped her foot to show just how mature and responsible she was. "And how dare you judge me!"

Presently, Andrew slunk by, video camera in hand, quietly narrating to himself. "Oh Xander, you carpenter extraordinaire, could you ever learn to care for an evil genius turned redemptive Luke Skywalker type?" The quirky blonde nerd glanced up at there bewildered faces, muttered something about a documentary and scuttled out of the room.

"Will you look at him? He's such a creepy little weirdo with that video camera and his action figures." Buffy complained loudly, apparently having forgotten her previous 'judging' comment. "And have you noticed that smell of his?"

"We're getting remarkably off subject," Giles reminded her crossly.

Overhearing the argument, Willow rounded the corner, just in time to provide helpful validation. "Buffy really needs to know these things, Giles. If Principal Wood's not a Hellmouth sympathizer, maybe he could, you know, be on our side. Besides...there's nothing wrong with um, exploring your emotional...er options at a time like this."

The Englishman gave them all a filthy look and retreated to the kitchen to make up another batch of flash cards. Some of the SIT's were a little slower than the others, but at least they appreciated him...

Buffy turned to Willow, eying the wicca curiously. "Is that what you call it? Are you 'exploring your emotional options' with Kennedy?"

Willow chuckled nervously and gestured a lot for no reason in particular. "No, of course not. I mean, um, there'd be nothing wrong if I, or anyone else, really...um did. You know it's all about living for the moment 'cause you never know when hyena possessed kids or wormy man-eating mayors or rogue slayers or shape-shifting demons from other dimensions are gonna mess things up for you."

Buffy offered a patronizing smile. "Thanks for the recap there, Will."

A pathetic series of cries and triumphant woops signaled the arrival of Xander, who looked more than pleased with himself. "Guess who has a date?" He puffed out his flannel clad chest with pride.

"Anya? Geez, she sure got over you fast!"

Xander looked positively deflated. "No Buff, me. That's right Hellmouth, you hear that? Xander Lavelle Harris is back in the game of love!"

The chosen one and her witch sidekick exchanged knowing glances. "Aw sweetie," Willow wrapped a comforting arm around her childhood friend's shoulders. "You know she's probably just a big demon, don't you?"

"Yeah, Xand. Maybe you shouldn't go, because I don't have time to save you tonight." Buffy advised shrewdly.

"She's got a date tonight," Willow explained as the slayer preened shamelessly.

"That is so not fair! Tonight was my night to get lucky!" He griped in an overly whiny tone. "You can't get lucky too!"

Buffy and Willow nearly collapsed into collective giggles. "Oh, you wouldn't have gotten lucky even if you tried. So you're really not missing out on anything."

"Yeah, she'd probably tie you up and eat you or something," Willow joined in the half-hearted attempt to make him feel better.

Xander sighed forlornly. "Well, that's better than nothing. Guess it's another night with the scrappy girl gang and the Moulin Rouge dvd."

"That's the spirit," Buffy concluded with disinterest. "Well, better go pick out something slutty, yet functional, to wear!"

Willow patted his shoulder a few times to fulfill her best friend duties. "And maybe if you're lucky, I'll let you watch Kennedy and me make out."

*~*~*

"Didn't I tell you not to go?" Buffy growled between roundhouses, as she sent the demon Lyssa flying to another corner of the room. "Didn't I say 'she's probably all demony and you're not gonna get any tonight?' Well, didn't I Xander?!"

Xander flinched at the steely tone of her voice. "She didn't seem evil. Maybe a little forward, but that's not a bad thing. How was I supposed to know?" When his Hellmouth date strung him up with rope in her garage, he had really gotten his hopes up. It would have been kind of kinky if she hadn't been trying to cut him to death.

The slayer beheaded Lyssa in a massive display of PMS driven girl power. Then she threw the axe at Xander's head. He dodged it just in time. "What do you mean 'how was I supposed to know?' Xander, look at your track record, you demon gigolo! And besides, I'm always right. You should know that by know." She sighed and helped him up, then added grouchily, "I'm starving, so we're going to stop by McDonalds and you're going to buy me dinner."

"I'm sorry I ruined your date, Buff," he made an attempt at being contrite. It just didn't work for him.

She retrieved her axe and wiped the blood off on his pants. "No you're not."

He heaved a sigh of relief. "You're right. Man, I'm glad I don't have to fake that the whole ride home."

"Yeah, well, you're riding in the back with Spike."

(To be continued... Urgh Agh)