Disclaimer: I'm not sure if the dead guy who wrote this would want to sue me, but incase he does, I don't own Antigone or anyone in the play (forgot to mention that before, oh well).

A/N: I tried this story out on a test audience (don't ask where I got them, kidnapping is illegal, j/k) and they seemed to like it, especially the parts with Creon. I really have a problem with accepting that my own writing would be interesting to anyone other than me so please prove me wrong by reviewing (good or bad as long as you care enough to write)

The Death Sentence, A Few Odd Prophecies, and Some Not So Random Events

While foresight was never one of Antigone's strong points, she had prepared to bury her brother. She tossed a small cloth sack on the ground next to the body and pulled ceremonial oil out of it. She began to sprinkle it on her brother's lifeless form but the body's protectors had recovered from seeing Antigone emerge from the storm. The messenger sentry was closest and grabbed Antigone by the arm and jerked her away from the others.

"I found her, I get to take her back to Creon!" he declared to the others. While they seemed disappointed at not getting to her first, the other sentries acceded to the messenger. This was most likely due to the fact that he had a death sentence hanging over him and they didn't. Antigone tried to yank her arm free to save her self from the indignity of being dragged around. Of course her capture took that for and escape struggle and only closed his hand tighter.

"Come on then, we have to get you to Creon quick or we're both going to hang." The sentry said as he walked off still holding Antigone's wrist. He waved cheerfully at his comrades who he had robbed of potential glory as they went back to their post as body watchers. As soon as they got out of sight Antigone felt it necessary to have the sentry release her.

"Unhand me. I have no wish to escape, I have fulfilled my duty to my brother and will go to Creon with you or not." Antigone said irately. Surprised at her audacity the guard dropped her arm without comment. After only a few short minutes of travel the sentry's need to idly comment surfaced.

"Nice day isn't it?" he asked for lack of something meaningful to say. Antigone looked around at the barren desert of a field. It was strewn with body parts and bits of armor and cloth with scavengers flitting from carcass to carcass. The sun was shining down making the smell and looks of the place that much more unpleasant. She refused to respond. At this lack of conversation the sentry felt compelled to try again.

"My names Timothy, that's if you cared what my name is or anything," he said seeming slightly nervous.

"That does not sound Greek," Antigone only said this to calm Timothy. Apparently he was one of those people who were bothered when their conversations were one sided.

"Oh, that" he said much relieved now that they were talking, "that's because I'm not Greek,"

"You are not Greek?"

"No, I have a sense of humor," he said cheerfully, chuckling to himself. Suddenly realizing that was an unfair generalization he clarified, "that is all the Greeks I've meet have no sense of humor."

"Please, list for me all the Greek people you have met," Antigone tinged this with sarcasm but also said it so that Timothy could prattle for a while and she wouldn't have to talk.

"Well, there's all the guards, but they don't count cause most of them are prisoners, and everyone knows criminals tell great jokes. But then there's you, and Creon. Maybe it's because your related three or four different ways, but you guys really take things seriously. I mean, a death sentence for burying someone? Isn't that counterproductive, cause once you kill the person that broke the law, you probably have to keep them unburied with the same death penalty too. Then someone tries to bury one or both of the people, and you have another body. Eventually Thebes would consist of Creon and a pile of corpses. And then there is you, if you want to bury your brother and…" the sentry barely even paused for breath the entire time. Antigone simply ignored what he said. She had to prepare herself for facing Creon's wrath.

P.o.v switch!And we go back in time to the beginning of the story to follow Creon!

Creon unrolled some scrolls on his brand new, very expensive desk. He loved being king. It'd only been a couple of days but he thought he could really get used to his new job. He shook his head and concentrated on the scrolls. It was his new plan to promote citywide togetherness, threaten death to all who oppose him. He reviewed it then stamped it with his royal seal of approval. Polynices had been a rotten brat, and dared to go against Thebes, so he didn't deserve to be buried. His brother, Eteocles, was an equally rotten brat, but at least he liked the city, that definitely got him full burial rites. Creon smiled at his new law, if anything would make people support him, this would be it. Creon was determined to be a better king than his predecessors. But that wasn't hard, considering it was two homicidal brothers then Oedipus.

"What kind of idiot marries his mother," Creon said to himself. He couldn't believe that he had been Oedipus' right hand man. He walked out of his royal study and was met by an irritating and always present chorus. It was court policy to have them around. Ever since old king Laius had died, "mysteriously" right before Oedipus showed up, their job was to go around and bemoan whatever horrible thing was going on. Rather useless as far as Creon was concerned.

A senator stepped out from the chorus.

"Your kingliness?" he asked politely.

"Yes," Creon said smiling moronically at the title.

"It's time for your speech."

"Right, let's inform the people then," he said practically skipping along the castle halls. The senator followed him to the balcony where proclamations were usually made. Creon made a pretty little speech about how anyone would die if they tried to bury Polynices because he'd gone against their city. The people looked shocked then started to mummer to each other. They are so clueless, Creon thought to himself, I guess I'll just have to help them understand.

"This is a good thing, so says your King" he announced to crowd. There was a spattering of claps, then it quickly turned to full-fledged applause.

"That's better," he muttered. This wasn't exactly the response he had expected. The citizens of Thebes were supposed to be enthused by his every statement. Creon finally decided that the chorus had been out depressing people. He'd have to fire them.

All in all today had been pretty good for Creon. The senator was saying something but Creon wasn't really listening, so he assumed it was praise. But when Creon was headed back to his very luxurious rooms a sentry interrupted his path.

"um… King Creon… I have some… unfortunate news," the man said nervously. Creon did not like the sound of that at all.

"Continue," Creon said in his most grave and kingly voice.

"Well, you see, the other sentries and I thought that picking straws would be fair. But I don't think the guy who held the straws likes me, and so I'm sure he have me the short one on purpose. In any case I got picked to tell you the really, really terrible news. Which is why we had to pick straws of course, no one wanted to tell you bad news. So, while I was walking here, I was thinking 'how am I ever going to tell King Creon'. So I kinda took a long-cut around to the palace instead of a short cut. Course that doesn't mean I was trying to make you wait or anything, definitely not, I ran the whole way. Absolutely…"

"GET TO THE POINT!" Creon shouted exasperated. The sentry had talked so much and not said a single thing.

"Well, the point would be…that is to say… um…someone buried Polynices."

"You didn't say what I just thought you said did you?" Creon asked, he was starting to develop a headache quickly.

"Well, I…um…did, sir," the sentry was looking more nervous by the moment. Gritting his teeth Creon was trying very hard not to loose his temper.

"Do you know who did this?"

"No, no one saw."

"You petty, stupid, greedy fools. You let them by didn't you!"

"No sir we…"

"Shut up! If you don' t get out of here now and find who did this you will be hanging in the gallows next to them. Leave my sight!" Creon said pointing angrily. The sentry was shaking as he dashed away. Creon's entire day was ruined, and it was going so well. He than turned to the innocent senator to vent his new rage.

"They can't do this! I am king, not them! I'm the only one who can go around doing whatever I want. Everyone else has to do what I say." The wide-eyed senator just nodded in agreement. Just then the chorus walked in and started babbling something about how unfair it was to not bury your kin. Creon plugged his ears and started humming the national anthem he had written the day before. When he was finally able to lose the chorus by locking them out of his private rooms he still could not relax. He had to reduce his stress by smashing several priceless vases and kicking the wall so much he almost broke his foot.

He knew something was different when the chorus went silent. He hoped that meant good news. He left the safety of his room to find the sentry waiting outside.

"Well sir, I have found the culprit, so you won't kill me, um, right?"

"No no no, If your right, you've made me very happy, and that means no death for you. It's your lucky day." Creon said now smiling again.

"Well, here she is," the sentry said moving to the left to let Creon see the perpetrator.

"Antigone!?" Creon said shocked. Great, it wasn't just some random idiot defying his law, it was a random idiot that was related to him. "But why'd you have to go and bury Polynices, now I have to kill you!"

"I am duty bound to bury my brother." She said holding her head high.

"Look, I'm king, and if I thought anyone had to bury their brothers I would have made a law about it. See how it makes sense that you shouldn't have done anything?"

"This is the gods' law, not yours. I follow what the gods decree."

"Antigone, Antigone," Creon said shaking his head in wonder at her ignorance, "if anyone knows what the gods want it me, cause I'm king. And as king, I'm not gonna do anything to make them mad. Again I make perfect sense." He said smiling smugly.

"I will not listen to you foolish drivel anymore. Just be done with my death, I have done what I must." She said haughtily.

"I can't believe this, I'm king you can't be acting like this! That's it, if you continue to be insolent and unrepentant I'm going to have to make the punishment worse."

"Just try, there is nothing you can do to break my spirit."

"That's it, your going to the cave, and I'm shutting you in permanently!" Creon was very angry at this point, but he thought bringing up the cave where the worst criminals were sent would have an effect. She didn't even blink. He was about to launch into another tirade and Ismene ruined it by bursting in at that moment.

"Please Creon, wait. I did it! I'm the one that buried Polynices leave Antigone alone!"

Creon's headache was back with a vengeance "Please, no. Why can't at least one of you be sane and listen to me?"

"Liar!" Antigone said, looking furiously at Ismene, "You have done no such thing, I am the only one who can claim to have helped our brother!"

"No, I'm guilty too, please Creon, let me die like Antigone!" Ismene pleaded.

"I refuse to allow this travesty to continue," Antigone argued, "do not allow her to share an honorable death with me."

Creon felt rather annoyed and like he was a rope in a tug of war game. "That's it! You can both die now, but I'll make sure Ismene's death is slightly less honorable than yours Antigone. Does that work for everyone?"

"Sounds fair to me!" Timothy piped up. All three royals glared at him.

"What are you still doing here?" they said together. At the lack of hospitality the sentry felt the sudden need to leave quickly. As he did so the nobles turned back to each other.

"The king declares that these two have broken the law. Guards, take them away, you know the punishments." Creon shouted. As his nieces/sister-in-laws were taken away he felt relieved. He'd certainly asserted his authority there. Not even his own family was safe! That proved how effective a king he was. Now just as long as there were no more unpleasant interruptions his day would be almost perfect at least.

"Father! What have you done?" never mind.

"Ah, Haemon my son. What is it you want." Creon asked politely hoping for a favorable answer.

"How could you sentence my fiancé Antigone to death? Are you insane?"

"Me? Insane? Have you ever listened to her?" Creon asked in disbelief.

"Sigh, I know that I should listen to you because you're my father, and respect you very much,"

"You better, the only good son is an agreeable son."

"And I am an agreeable son. I think that you are a just and wise king, but the people of the city are restless, they don't agree with your death sentence for Antigone." Haemon said kindly, his gentle tone was quickly making up for his harsh entrance.

"That's okay, she's not going to be killed anymore." Creon reassured.

"Really?" Haemon said excitedly.

"No, she's being shut in a cave to starve to death. Does that make you feel better, sure helps me."

"NO! That's horrible! I've got to go right now!" Haemon seemed rather agitated as he ran off. Creon couldn't imagine why, the family didn't really need anymore inbreeding. Creon thought he was doing everyone a favor in that sense. His ideal day effectively ruined for good Creon paced a bit to work off his frustration. Yet again an interruption came. This was a welcome one though, because it was Tiresias and the ever-present boy who helped him. Creon had always liked Tiresias, mostly because his prophecies had landed Creon in the throne.

"Creon, I have a new prophecy for you," The blind man said with slight disinterest. It always struck Creon as odd how his words seemed like they should have emotion but never did.

"Of course Tiresias, I always enjoy hearing your prophecies," Creon said with much anticipation. Hopefully it was something good to brighten up his day.

"I come with great news," the prophet said blandly. Creon still couldn't tell whether this was good or bad.

"I hang on your every word!" Creon's sugar coated sentence was meant to hurry the prophet up.

"That is it!" the boy suddenly shouted. Creon couldn't figure out what had set the youngster off. In fact, Creon had never even heard him speak before.

"I am sick of you Tiresias! What am I your walking stick!" The boy was rather exasperated, "everyone goes around about how 'great and wise' the wonderful prophet Tiresias is! I can't take it anymore! You wouldn't have anything if it weren't for me!" The older man didn't speak, he seemed confused by the boys outburst. The young boy turned his anger to Creon.

"You don't even know my name do you? Guess what, I'm the real prophet! I just hooked up with this guy because no one believes a kid. He says what I tell him and immediately gets famous. People come from all around to hear what I have to say and he gets the credit. That's not how I planned it. It's enough to drive someone crazy." Creon didn't want to get in the middle of this "business" dispute so he tried to change the subject slightly.

"About my prophecy, what is it?" He asked kindly.

"You want a prophecy, I've got enough prophecies to fill Thebes!" the boy said sounding like a practiced salesman, "I have an inside connection to Apollo, so I've got the info you want."

"Which is…" Creon was really starting to wonder how stable the people around him were, there seemed to be an over abundance of insanity today.

"Antigone dies, your whole family goes with her." The boy said simply.

"What!"

"Yeah, that's what the gods say, your whole family, kaput, gone, bye-bye. Get it?"

"Um, yeah…thank you," Creon said, more than a little worried. The boy and blind man left, still arguing while Creon was left to ponder. He had a lot to pontificate about but he didn't have time. Had he been wrong all along? Actually, now that he thought about it, things made more sense that way. He started running to the cave where Antigone was being held, he might be able to make it before he lost his family, and it would look bad to the public if he didn't have one.

Finally reaching the cave he was dismayed at what he found. Antigone had beaten her own record for stupidity. When Creon arrived she had tried to hang herself.

"Is she alive?" he asked worriedly

"Yes, I should thank you, when you made me mad I rushed out here just in time to save her." Heamon responded. Creon saw good and bad in this. The good was that Antigone was alive so his family got to stay. The bad was that Antigone was alive and would most likely continue being a pain in his neck. Creon decided to think about the good.

"Yes! Take that you stupid prophecy! She's not dead yet!," Creon said with a grin. Haemon gave him an odd look as a breathless messenger from the palace ran up.

"King Creon! I'm so glad I found you, Ismene just heard about Antigone and locked herself in her room and is trying to hang herself so she can die with her sister!" The messenger quickly blurted.

"Oh bloody! Can't anyone stay alive for more than five minutes in this family!" Creon said starting to get aggravated. He left Haemon with his fiancée and ran all the way back to the palace to deal with the newest idiocy under his roof. He got the guards to find a battering ram and smash down Ismene's door.

"Ismene Stop!" Creon yelled. But as he said this he realized he wouldn't be cursed for Ismene's death. Right now he didn't care though he just wanted to keep everyone alive. "Antigone is not dead, you don't need to compete for a better death okay?" he said carefully.

"Oh, good, I didn't really want to die anyway and I didn't even break the law." Ismene said taking her head out of the noose she had constructed.

"Okay, good, everyone is calm, everyone is not dead, and the people of Thebes will hail me as the greatest king ever!" Creon crowed triumphantly. Haemon helped Antigone walk into the room. It seemed that all was resolved and they were a happy family. But the senator came in the room and shut the splinted door behind him to keep out the chorus. They all looked at him expecting horrible news.

"What?" he said confused, "I just came to see if you were all right." They all sighed, but then Antigone just dropped dead.

"What is going on!" Creon shouted surprised. The senator ran over to check her slumped form.

"It appears she had a brain aneurysm," the man said shocked. Creon knelt by Antigone and started shaking her.

"You can't die! If you die everyone dies, and if everyone dies, then I have to hang out with Tiresias and that punk kid!" He said angrily. He looked up just in time to see his wife, Eurydice, go flying by out side the window.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…. Actually I married her for money but still, it's the principle." Creon moaned running to the window. While he was there a water buffalo that had some how escaped from the indoor zoo of the palace entered the room. The large beast grabbed Haemon in its mouth and dashed back out of the room.

"What was that!!!" Creon said too stupefied to fully understand what had happened. He looked at Ismene nervously wondering what would happen. She just stood there blinking dumbly. The senator looked a little ruffled from almost being trampled but other wise fine. It was then when Tiresias and the boy came back.

"Oh, hey Creon," the boy said amiably, "I just came back to tell you, I messed up. It's not your family that's supposed to all die. That was meant for this guy named Hamlet. Sorry bout that."

"What are you talking about? You're saying that a brain aneurysm, a suicide jump, and a rampaging water buffalo all within five minutes were coincidences?" Creon asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, pretty much," the boy didn't really look apologetic.

"Hey Reggie!" a small girl said skipping into the room. She appeared to be speaking to the boy.

"Honey," Creon said talking to girl, who was his daughter, "do you know this boy?"

"Sure daddy, we played sand castle outside the city, but there was a man in the way and we had to cover him up."

"Polynices!?" Creon was finally realizing what had happened. "You little sneak!" He said glaring at the boy, Reggie.

"Hey, sometimes even prophets have to get things going. What was better for a good prophecy than that?" The boy looked only slightly sheepish at this.

"Makes sense to me," Creon said, "I gotta respect a good businessman. Just don't do it again or I'll exile you, got it?"

"Loud and clear King!" the boy said saluting.

And so ends the sort of story of Antigone, and her tragic family, which really has lots more problems because the have to catch the water buffalo and then deal with Medea, but we are done for now.