I do not own Gundam Wing or its characters. They belong to their appropriate owners.
It contains or will contain yaoi, strong language and more. Heero's
POV (trying hard to be in character).
Rediscovered
by solange channonix
Chapter V
I needed to talk with Duo about what was going on here. I headed to the bathroom after him, finding the door locked. I knocked. There was no answer. My sensitive hearing caught distinctive sound of panting, silent, stifled moans. Images of what he had to be doing flooded my mind. I knocked again, harder. Still no answer. I grimaced slightly.
" Wait a minute !" Duo shouted from inside, his words followed by a full-out moan.
I didn't want him to get aroused because of me and make himself come then. Maybe I wanted to make him come myself, maybe it was confusing the hell out of me, most likely both, I hadn't time to really think it over.
I pushed on the door, hard enough to get it off its hinges and stormed inside. Duo looked up at me, startled, from kneeling on the floor, his pants pulled down, both hands on his throbbing erection. He was flushed, his hair disheveled, cheeks and eyes burning. He turned even more red feeling my gaze on him.
" Get out !" He spilled, his eyes narrowing dangerously. " Get the fuck out of here !" He screamed, his voice breaking at the end.
He began to shudder, tears filling his eyes. He looked away, resuming frantic moves of his hands over his crotch.
I wasn't going to get out. I approached him and kneeled down next to him, wrapping one arm around him and steadying his hands. I caught his chin with the second hand and forced his head up.
" Duo..."
" I have nothing to tell you ! You turn me on, that's all, since the very first moment I laid my eyes on you now. It wasn't like that during the war, don't worry. If it repulses you, if you're straight, then..."
" I'm not so sure if I'm straight anymore, Duo, let me..."
" What ?" His eyes widened to at least twice their size.
I leaned in to kiss him, sneaking a hand between his slightly parted thighs. I didn't want him to be doing this on his own, I wanted rather to see him come for me. He was beautiful and... I was acting on some kind of auto-pilot, giving in to the desire that overwhelmed me as well yesterday, when we'd been kissing. Maybe it isn't fair with our friendship for us to reek after each other, but there was no way to stop it. We were both too passionate for that. Duo gave in into the kiss, his hands grasping the cloth on my chest as I laid him down. I knew barely the concepts lying behind anal sex between two males and so I wasn't going to have him in that way, yet. I continued to kiss him and pump on his pulsing erection, until he came screaming my name over and over, taking his head back, his eyes wide open and strangely empty as he cumed into my hand.
I felt that distant ache in my chest again, looking into his empty eyes.
`I could love you if you let me...` Duo didn't want it like that, he wanted
for us to be lovers in the real meaning of the word, if anything, but...
could I ever give him that much ?
Was I even capable of giving so much to anyone ?
He pushed me aside gently, sitting up, still panting heavily.
" This can't continue." He said firmly. " We need to..."
" I won't go with you, if..."
" No !" He caught my sleeve, something akin to panic filling his eyes. " Don't leave me with this, Heero." He lowered his head, long bangs covering half his face. " I don't know what I feel for you, I don't know what I could feel, what you'd let me... I don't know..." He took his hands to his head, then his knees, hugging himself in the corner, like if I wasn't there, like if he was talking only to himself. " But it isn't a right way to start a relationship, don't you think ?"
" We have a relationship already."
His head shot up, like if he noticed me at all only then.
" I mean, bring it to the new level. We should date, kiss, touch, not just... I had it that way with Hilde."
" Not that it worked at the longer run."
" I don't know." His head slid down again.
" If we knew from experience how to start a working relationship, we wouldn't have been here at all, like that."
" Right... but... Do you even want to have anything to do with me now ?" He asked, not looking at me, but at the tiled floor.
" Yes." I told without second thought.
" Do you feel like loving me ? Do you think that it is even possible ?" He looked at me, with strangely wide eyes.
" I'm not sure."
The light in his eyes, that could be hope or something close to it, went out.
" What will we do ?" He asked, sounding resigned.
" Try not to force anything out." I told, closing the distance between us. Duo made an attempt on pushing me away, but I caught his arm.
" If I don't force anything out, I'll end up having sex with you even tonight." He spilled bitterly.
" So what ? Neither of us will get pregnant."
" Which doesn't mean it won't matter, at least for me." He told, accenting the last part.
I felt ashamed then for thinking about him the way I had at all, for thinking about just fucking him so it would go away.
" I don't want it like that, you understand ?! I'll feel like a slut, like I always felt after sleeping with Hilde when I knew we don't love each other anyway, that we were just doing this because it was the appropriate thing to do at the moment. I don't want to ! If you don't love me, keep your hands off me, regardless of what I'm doing !"
I didn't see that coming, Duo yelling at me, to leave him in peace unless I can't give him all of myself. He wanted a lot, for just a single fuck. I could have it with someone else for nothing. I'd have it with someone else and stop thinking about him in that way all together. We'd be just friends and he'd worry alone about finding someone who would really love him. It was none of my business.
" I'm sorry..." Duo whispered after long moment of silence.
" No problem. We're still friends."
" So... May I ask you something ?"
I nodded.
" You've slept with guys before ? Because you seem... experienced..."
I blushed.
" No... Only with Relena..."
" Well... She's not a guy, that's for sure. For your information, I haven't, either. You still have the chance to be my first, just work on it a bit." He said, standing up, his eyes shining misheviously. I could swear a shadow of wicked smile passed over his features as he was saying that.
`Work a bit.` Like what ? Get to love him, say him so on my knees and marry him, if it was even possible ? He wasn't one to order me and I really didn't want him that much. If he was playing that, which I didn't really believe, remembering his blush, his eyes widened in horror, how he was trembling with delight mixed with disgust under my hands, he wasn't playing it well enough to win my heart. Whatever... There were way more important things to do at the moment, like repackaging and rushing to the airport.
I left Duo alone at the bathroom to let him wash himself out of semen and headed back to the living room to finish sorting through my things. Around 11 a.m., we went to the airport with Duo's motorbike, left it there and got onboard the ship. We were going to be there in a few hours.
Duo was anxious, squirming in his seat and talking stupidities without stop, laughing nervously most the time. He had a reason. He was going to meet his mother in the matter of hours. And he had me by his side, after all that had happened between us today. But it was his decision, to take me, of all people, with him. I'd just try to make so he wouldn't regret it, the best I can.
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