Chapter One: My first encounter with the famous Harry Potter, and his
faithful sidekick Ronald Weasley.
I wasn't planning on announcing my new position so dramatically at my book signing. In fact Albus Dumbledore and I had agreed that it would be best NOT to announce it until the students returned to school, as it could cause quite an excited furore that the students would be better off without. It was only a few weeks before the school term was due to begin that I was approached by the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry with the offer of taking up the position of "Defence Against the Dark Arts" teacher there for the coming year. As any wizard or witch worth their due will tell you perhaps one of the most important subjects to be taught to young witches and wizards is DADA. It is important to know how to defend oneself from some of the terrible and terrifying creatures, which dwell within our world. And therefore I considered it an honor to be asked to take this class. And no doubt Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster, considered it an honor that someone of my class and pedigree would agree to take up something as humble as a teaching spot. After all a man such as myself could command, and receive, far more money doing other things.
I wasn't at all surprised at the amount of people who turned up to my book signing; after all I am very popular. The owner of the bookshop was looking harassed when he came out the back to where I was waiting to make my grand entrance.
"That bloody crowd." He complained. "They're like a pack of vultures, all jostling and arguing over who had what spot."
I favored him with one of my largest smiles. "And I thank you very much for agreeing to host this book signing. I'm sure it will be mutually beneficial since there is no doubt you'll sell a lot of my books during the day."
He sighed. "I've already sold a lot of your books in the lead up to it." He admitted.
"There you are my good man!" I said clasping him on the shoulder. "Exactly what I told you when I first proposed this."
"I had no idea it would be so big though." The man grumbled. "We're having trouble holding them back. If we're not careful sooner or later one is going to break through the crush and come and grab you and plant a kiss on your cheek, or declare their undying love."
I laughed half-heartedly. The idea of one of the witches getting through and touching me was far from appealing. In fact it was downright disgusting. I know perfectly well I shouldn't say that, after all my fans are the ones who allow me to sell as many books as I do, but I prefer to keep myself to myself, sort of like an enigma, a mystery to the fans even.
The clock struck twelve thirty and I got up from my chair and checked my image in the mirror. Hair- perfect, teeth-perfect, smile-perfect, robe- perfect, overall-perfect. The shop owner proceeded me as we walked out of the back room and onto the stage which had been specifically set up for me. There was a table on the stage and different photographs of me smiled from it at the huge line of people down below. As I walked onto the stage they all began to scream and clap, and I gave them all a big smile as I sat down.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" The shop owner yelled over the noise. "May I welcome Gilderoy Lockhart to 'Flourish and Blotts' where he will be signing copies of his latest book 'Magical Me' for the next four hours. If people could remain in the line and behave in an orderly manner this will be a lot easier for Mr. Lockhart."
And then the circus began. The first witch upon onto the stage was an elder one, with three of her front teeth missing, and her gray hair straggly and unattractive. But I still managed to give her a big smile. "How are you today?" I asked as she handed me a well-worn copy of "Magical Me."
"How am I?" She managed. "I'm wonderful now I've seen you. I haven't been able to sleep for days in anticipation of this."
I nodded as I signed my name in gold with a flourish. "Yes, I can tell. Let me tell you something my dear lady, try teabags under the eyes, plain, common muggle ones. They get rid of some of the bags. I've used them before an important photo shoot myself." I said, handing her back her copy of my book.
She looked delighted. "Thank you so much Mr. Lockhart. I'll treasure that tip, and this book, forever." She said, clutching it to her as if it were a lifeline.
I smiled. "I am sure you will." I said.
The shop owner gently steered her off the stage and the next witch stepped up. She was younger this time, and more attractive. She handed me her copy of "Magical Me" and asked whether I could sign it to Anika, with love from Gilderoy. I winked at her. "No problems for someone as pretty as you." I said. As I signed I asked her "Who's your favorite celebrity?"
"You are." She assured me. "I voted for you in every witch weekly contest!"
"Good, good." I said as she was maneuvered off the stage.
Next up was a tired looking witch and her two children. The children looked as though they'd rather be anywhere than here, and the witch looked as though she wished they were anywhere but there. "I especially liked your guide to making household chores easier. With two kids to look after I don't have much time." She confessed to me. "And my husband, bless him, he works such long hours."
"Mmm-hmmm." I murmured in what I hoped was a soothing voice. Honestly the problems the witch was having with her time didn't bother me in the least.
"If only he were more like you.." The witch sighed, taking the book I'd signed from my hand. "I don't suppose you're married Mr. Lockhart?"
"No." I said. "No time." What I actually meant was it was hard to find a woman who would love me as much as I loved me.
"Ah well...we can dream.." The witch took her children's grubby hands in hers and moved off the stage.
I stifled a yawn: I'd done book signings before so I knew how boring they could be, but I also knew it was very important to let your fans think you liked them. A glance at the clock told me I'd only been there five minutes. I stifled another yawn thinking of how long this day was going to end up being as the next witch came up to me crowing about how much she enjoyed this new book and how she'd already read it about five times, but she never, ever got sick of it. And how she had also lent it to her mum who was as delighted with it as she was.
"That's great to hear." I said smiling at her.
Towards the end of my book signing people were beginning to get impatient, and I couldn't blame them- I wanted to go home myself. I noticed a man taking photographs out of the corner of my eye (luckily he was on my good side!), and I noticed him push a young red haired kid out of the way to get a better shot. "Out of the way there," He snarled. "This is for the Daily Prophet."
"Big deal." The kid muttered rubbing his foot where the photographer had stepped on it, and giving him a look which indicated he didn't care who it was for. My eyes wandered to the kid on his other side. I didn't need any time to realise who it was standing there: the scar on his forehead gave it all away. It was none other than the famous Harry Potter, perhaps the one person in our world more famous than me, although had I been a little older when Voldemort was terrorising our world there is no doubt that I would have been able to stop him myself! In my mind I saw the front page: Harry and I. So I leapt to my feet shouting, "It can't be Harry Potter?"
The crowd parted whispering in excitement. I hurried forward to grab Harry's arm and pull him up on the front. This act brought nothing but applause from the crowd. "Nice big smile, Harry" I told him as the photographer snapped away. "Together you and I are worth the front page."
The look which crossed Harry's face indicated he didn't want to be on the front page with me. I supposed being so famous on his own he's not used to company. When I let go of Harry's hand as the photographer finished his photos he tried to hurry away to his friends, but I threw an arm around his shoulders and wouldn't let him escape. He'd have to get used to being second best now I was going to be at Hogwarts, that was for sure. No mere kid could match my exploits that was for sure. I decided then, on a whim, to announce my new appointment at Hogwarts.
"Ladies and Gentlemen." I waved for silence and got it almost instantly. "What an extraordinary moment this is! The perfect moment for me to make a little announcement I've been sitting on for some time. When young Harry here stepped into 'Flourish and Blotts' today, he only wanted to buy my autobiography- which I shall be happy to present him now free of charge- he had no idea that he would shortly be getting much, much more than my book, 'Magical Me'. He and his school fellows will, in fact, be getting the real magical me. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have great pleasure and pride in announcing that this September, I will be taking up the post of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!" The crowd cheered and clapped, although I noticed that neither Harry, nor his redheaded friend looked too happy at the prospect. This further reinforced my view that Harry was used to being the only celebrity at Hogwarts, and his little friend reveled in the attention it brought him. Well they were just going to have to get used to it, I thought as I presented Harry with my entire collected works. He staggered under their weight as he left the stage. I saw him dump them into the cauldron of another redhead, this time a girl. I frowned slightly. The ungrateful brat didn't even want my books. He clearly thought he was far better than me, but he'd be in for a shock when we got back to Hogwarts. After all, did he have all these women crowding to get his autograph? I didn't think so!
I wasn't planning on announcing my new position so dramatically at my book signing. In fact Albus Dumbledore and I had agreed that it would be best NOT to announce it until the students returned to school, as it could cause quite an excited furore that the students would be better off without. It was only a few weeks before the school term was due to begin that I was approached by the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry with the offer of taking up the position of "Defence Against the Dark Arts" teacher there for the coming year. As any wizard or witch worth their due will tell you perhaps one of the most important subjects to be taught to young witches and wizards is DADA. It is important to know how to defend oneself from some of the terrible and terrifying creatures, which dwell within our world. And therefore I considered it an honor to be asked to take this class. And no doubt Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster, considered it an honor that someone of my class and pedigree would agree to take up something as humble as a teaching spot. After all a man such as myself could command, and receive, far more money doing other things.
I wasn't at all surprised at the amount of people who turned up to my book signing; after all I am very popular. The owner of the bookshop was looking harassed when he came out the back to where I was waiting to make my grand entrance.
"That bloody crowd." He complained. "They're like a pack of vultures, all jostling and arguing over who had what spot."
I favored him with one of my largest smiles. "And I thank you very much for agreeing to host this book signing. I'm sure it will be mutually beneficial since there is no doubt you'll sell a lot of my books during the day."
He sighed. "I've already sold a lot of your books in the lead up to it." He admitted.
"There you are my good man!" I said clasping him on the shoulder. "Exactly what I told you when I first proposed this."
"I had no idea it would be so big though." The man grumbled. "We're having trouble holding them back. If we're not careful sooner or later one is going to break through the crush and come and grab you and plant a kiss on your cheek, or declare their undying love."
I laughed half-heartedly. The idea of one of the witches getting through and touching me was far from appealing. In fact it was downright disgusting. I know perfectly well I shouldn't say that, after all my fans are the ones who allow me to sell as many books as I do, but I prefer to keep myself to myself, sort of like an enigma, a mystery to the fans even.
The clock struck twelve thirty and I got up from my chair and checked my image in the mirror. Hair- perfect, teeth-perfect, smile-perfect, robe- perfect, overall-perfect. The shop owner proceeded me as we walked out of the back room and onto the stage which had been specifically set up for me. There was a table on the stage and different photographs of me smiled from it at the huge line of people down below. As I walked onto the stage they all began to scream and clap, and I gave them all a big smile as I sat down.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" The shop owner yelled over the noise. "May I welcome Gilderoy Lockhart to 'Flourish and Blotts' where he will be signing copies of his latest book 'Magical Me' for the next four hours. If people could remain in the line and behave in an orderly manner this will be a lot easier for Mr. Lockhart."
And then the circus began. The first witch upon onto the stage was an elder one, with three of her front teeth missing, and her gray hair straggly and unattractive. But I still managed to give her a big smile. "How are you today?" I asked as she handed me a well-worn copy of "Magical Me."
"How am I?" She managed. "I'm wonderful now I've seen you. I haven't been able to sleep for days in anticipation of this."
I nodded as I signed my name in gold with a flourish. "Yes, I can tell. Let me tell you something my dear lady, try teabags under the eyes, plain, common muggle ones. They get rid of some of the bags. I've used them before an important photo shoot myself." I said, handing her back her copy of my book.
She looked delighted. "Thank you so much Mr. Lockhart. I'll treasure that tip, and this book, forever." She said, clutching it to her as if it were a lifeline.
I smiled. "I am sure you will." I said.
The shop owner gently steered her off the stage and the next witch stepped up. She was younger this time, and more attractive. She handed me her copy of "Magical Me" and asked whether I could sign it to Anika, with love from Gilderoy. I winked at her. "No problems for someone as pretty as you." I said. As I signed I asked her "Who's your favorite celebrity?"
"You are." She assured me. "I voted for you in every witch weekly contest!"
"Good, good." I said as she was maneuvered off the stage.
Next up was a tired looking witch and her two children. The children looked as though they'd rather be anywhere than here, and the witch looked as though she wished they were anywhere but there. "I especially liked your guide to making household chores easier. With two kids to look after I don't have much time." She confessed to me. "And my husband, bless him, he works such long hours."
"Mmm-hmmm." I murmured in what I hoped was a soothing voice. Honestly the problems the witch was having with her time didn't bother me in the least.
"If only he were more like you.." The witch sighed, taking the book I'd signed from my hand. "I don't suppose you're married Mr. Lockhart?"
"No." I said. "No time." What I actually meant was it was hard to find a woman who would love me as much as I loved me.
"Ah well...we can dream.." The witch took her children's grubby hands in hers and moved off the stage.
I stifled a yawn: I'd done book signings before so I knew how boring they could be, but I also knew it was very important to let your fans think you liked them. A glance at the clock told me I'd only been there five minutes. I stifled another yawn thinking of how long this day was going to end up being as the next witch came up to me crowing about how much she enjoyed this new book and how she'd already read it about five times, but she never, ever got sick of it. And how she had also lent it to her mum who was as delighted with it as she was.
"That's great to hear." I said smiling at her.
Towards the end of my book signing people were beginning to get impatient, and I couldn't blame them- I wanted to go home myself. I noticed a man taking photographs out of the corner of my eye (luckily he was on my good side!), and I noticed him push a young red haired kid out of the way to get a better shot. "Out of the way there," He snarled. "This is for the Daily Prophet."
"Big deal." The kid muttered rubbing his foot where the photographer had stepped on it, and giving him a look which indicated he didn't care who it was for. My eyes wandered to the kid on his other side. I didn't need any time to realise who it was standing there: the scar on his forehead gave it all away. It was none other than the famous Harry Potter, perhaps the one person in our world more famous than me, although had I been a little older when Voldemort was terrorising our world there is no doubt that I would have been able to stop him myself! In my mind I saw the front page: Harry and I. So I leapt to my feet shouting, "It can't be Harry Potter?"
The crowd parted whispering in excitement. I hurried forward to grab Harry's arm and pull him up on the front. This act brought nothing but applause from the crowd. "Nice big smile, Harry" I told him as the photographer snapped away. "Together you and I are worth the front page."
The look which crossed Harry's face indicated he didn't want to be on the front page with me. I supposed being so famous on his own he's not used to company. When I let go of Harry's hand as the photographer finished his photos he tried to hurry away to his friends, but I threw an arm around his shoulders and wouldn't let him escape. He'd have to get used to being second best now I was going to be at Hogwarts, that was for sure. No mere kid could match my exploits that was for sure. I decided then, on a whim, to announce my new appointment at Hogwarts.
"Ladies and Gentlemen." I waved for silence and got it almost instantly. "What an extraordinary moment this is! The perfect moment for me to make a little announcement I've been sitting on for some time. When young Harry here stepped into 'Flourish and Blotts' today, he only wanted to buy my autobiography- which I shall be happy to present him now free of charge- he had no idea that he would shortly be getting much, much more than my book, 'Magical Me'. He and his school fellows will, in fact, be getting the real magical me. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have great pleasure and pride in announcing that this September, I will be taking up the post of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!" The crowd cheered and clapped, although I noticed that neither Harry, nor his redheaded friend looked too happy at the prospect. This further reinforced my view that Harry was used to being the only celebrity at Hogwarts, and his little friend reveled in the attention it brought him. Well they were just going to have to get used to it, I thought as I presented Harry with my entire collected works. He staggered under their weight as he left the stage. I saw him dump them into the cauldron of another redhead, this time a girl. I frowned slightly. The ungrateful brat didn't even want my books. He clearly thought he was far better than me, but he'd be in for a shock when we got back to Hogwarts. After all, did he have all these women crowding to get his autograph? I didn't think so!