Chapter three: My second encounter with Harry as his head grows even bigger
by the day.
It was a gorgeous day outside as I strolled the grounds hoping my tan would get a bit deeper. A darker tan sets off my hair and eyes much better than pale skin does. I thought about the events of the last few days. Most of the time was spent getting to know the students and the school. A few students stood out in my mind for particular reasons. Harry Potter obviously for being a fame hungry kid who needed to be taken down a peg or two. Sure he might not know any better, but who better to guide him through the experience than someone like me? His friend Ronald Weasley, who'd I learnt wasn't like Harry, who was part of a large family who didn't earn much money. And then there was their friend with the bushy hair, who apparently was one of the best students Hogwarts had ever seen, although I hadn't taught any of them yet.
I glanced over to my left and then stopped. Standing in a bunch were a group of Slytherins and Gryffindors. I noticed that Harry was amongst them. Malfoy, a Slytherin with pale skin and a pointy face smirked. "Weasley would like a signed photo Potter. It'd be worth more than his family's whole house." Ron whipped out his wand then, but before he could do anything Harry's friend with the bushy hair glanced up from her book and muttered something at him. The wand was put back in his robes.
"What's all this? What's all this?" I asked as I moved into the group. I saw Harry make a face and move away out the corner of my eye, but for the moment I pretended not to have noticed him. "Who's giving out signed photos?"
Then I turned to Harry who started to speak, but I didn't give him the chance since I was sure he'd deny it or something like that. I flung a friendly arm about his shoulder mentally deciding that my little talk with him earlier had clearly not worked. "Shouldn't have asked! We meet again Harry!"
Harry squirmed but my grip was firm. I wondered what I should do now since he hadn't seemed to get the message that certain actions were not prudent at this time in his life. I also wondered-briefly- if it had been my appearance at Hogwarts which had led to his dramatic actions of recent times. Spotting Creevey, another Gryffindor standing nearby with his camera in his hand I beamed in his direction. "Come on then, Mr. Creevey. A double portrait and we'll both sign it, can't say any fairer than that, and we'll both sign it for you."
Creevey fumbled for his camera excited, knowing that this was one heck of a photo he was being offered. As he took it the bell rang for afternoon classes. "Off you go, move along there." I called, and the crowd began to disperse, and with it Harry. I hurried to join him as we walked up towards the castle. In what I hoped was a fatherly tone, rather than that of a teacher I said to him, "A word to the wise Harry, I covered up for you back there with Creevey- if he was photographing me too, your schoolfellows won't think you're setting yourself up so much.."
Harry tried to protest but I didn't believe him- I'd heard the evidence with my very own ears- Harry had been giving out signed photos of himself to his many fans among the students. I hadn't known his head would grow that big, and wished I'd spoken franker when I first advised him. "Let me just say that handing out signed pictures at this stage of your career isn't sensible- looks a tad bigheaded, Harry, to be frank. There may well come a time when, like me, you'll need to keep a stack handy wherever you go. But I don't think you're quite there yet." I let go of Harry as we reached my classroom and he went back to his friends. I waited for the whole class to be seated before I cleared my throat loudly. Silence fell and I reached over to the nearest boys copy of "Travels with Trolls" where my own portrait winked from the front cover.
"Me." I said winking as well. "Gilderoy Lockhart. Order of Merlin third class, Honorary member of the Dark Force Defence League, and five times winner of Witch Weekly's most Charming smile award- but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her." A few people smiled weakly. I pointedly looked at Harry, hoping he was taking all this in, that I was the famous one here and his head better start shrinking soon.
"I see you've all bought a complete set of my books-well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about- just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in..." I handed the papers out and gave them thirty minutes to complete it. I noticed Harry roll his eyes at Ron, but I chose to ignore it. Whilst they completed their test I continued reading the book on me I had been reading the other day. When the thirty minutes was up I collected the papers and began to check the answers. I have to admit I was pretty disappointed at the answers: It seemed to me as though next to nobody had read the books or even if they had they didn't remember much. Then I came to one which made me smile.
"..but Miss Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair-care potions- good girl! In fact-" I turned the paper over and scanned the other side. "Full marks! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?"
Harry's bushy haired friend slowly raised a hand. "Excellent! Quite excellent. Take ten points for Gryffindor. And so...to business.." I lifted a covered cage onto the desk. "Now- be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind! You may find yourself facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am in here. All I ask is that you remain calm." I moved my hand dramatically over to the covering of the cage. "I must ask you not to scream. You may provoke them." I whipped the cover off the cage with a flourish to reveal "Freshly caught Cornish Pixies."
One of the Gryffindor students let out a snort of laughter.
"Yes?" I asked him with a smile.
"Well they're not- they're not very- dangerous are they?" The boy choked.
I glanced quickly around the room. Rather than looking scared by the pixies they looked amused. I saw Harry peeping around his books at the cage with a smirk on his face, and I saw his friend Ron, give him another funny look. I had to admit I felt rather annoyed at seeing this. "Don't be so sure." I told them, trying to remain casual in my tone. "Devilish tricky blighters they can be!" Nobody's expression changed and I sighed inwardly. "Right then. Let's see what you make of them!" And I pulled the cage door open.
The pixies shot out happily, one of them raced towards my photos, two grabbed one of the Gryffindor students by the ears and whisked him into the air, another couple shot through the window, and others were emptying ink, ripping books and other things. The class crawled under their desks to shelter from the pixies.
"Come on now, round them up, round them up, they're only pixies.." I shouted at the class, but nobody moved from under their desks. I sighed and rolled up my sleeves and waved my wand shouting "Peskipipski Pesternomi!" Unfortunately it had no effect as the nearest pixie seized my wand and threw it out the window. I dived under my own desk then, and watched as the pixies continued to wreck havoc on my classroom. This was meant to be a test for my students to see how brave and smart they were, but none were budging. The bell rang and there was a mad rush towards the door. I jumped up too, but I wasn't in time to intercept any of the students. I turned towards the remaining students: Harry, Ron and Hermione who weren't quite at the door yet. "I'll just ask you three to just nip the rest of them back into their cage."
They didn't look too impressed at this plan but I left the room in a rush not giving them a chance to say no. That would teach Harry I thought with a wry grin. After all they had to learn to confront certain creatures, and that was my job as teacher here after all. The fact that it was bigheaded Harry was simply a bonus in my mind.
It was a gorgeous day outside as I strolled the grounds hoping my tan would get a bit deeper. A darker tan sets off my hair and eyes much better than pale skin does. I thought about the events of the last few days. Most of the time was spent getting to know the students and the school. A few students stood out in my mind for particular reasons. Harry Potter obviously for being a fame hungry kid who needed to be taken down a peg or two. Sure he might not know any better, but who better to guide him through the experience than someone like me? His friend Ronald Weasley, who'd I learnt wasn't like Harry, who was part of a large family who didn't earn much money. And then there was their friend with the bushy hair, who apparently was one of the best students Hogwarts had ever seen, although I hadn't taught any of them yet.
I glanced over to my left and then stopped. Standing in a bunch were a group of Slytherins and Gryffindors. I noticed that Harry was amongst them. Malfoy, a Slytherin with pale skin and a pointy face smirked. "Weasley would like a signed photo Potter. It'd be worth more than his family's whole house." Ron whipped out his wand then, but before he could do anything Harry's friend with the bushy hair glanced up from her book and muttered something at him. The wand was put back in his robes.
"What's all this? What's all this?" I asked as I moved into the group. I saw Harry make a face and move away out the corner of my eye, but for the moment I pretended not to have noticed him. "Who's giving out signed photos?"
Then I turned to Harry who started to speak, but I didn't give him the chance since I was sure he'd deny it or something like that. I flung a friendly arm about his shoulder mentally deciding that my little talk with him earlier had clearly not worked. "Shouldn't have asked! We meet again Harry!"
Harry squirmed but my grip was firm. I wondered what I should do now since he hadn't seemed to get the message that certain actions were not prudent at this time in his life. I also wondered-briefly- if it had been my appearance at Hogwarts which had led to his dramatic actions of recent times. Spotting Creevey, another Gryffindor standing nearby with his camera in his hand I beamed in his direction. "Come on then, Mr. Creevey. A double portrait and we'll both sign it, can't say any fairer than that, and we'll both sign it for you."
Creevey fumbled for his camera excited, knowing that this was one heck of a photo he was being offered. As he took it the bell rang for afternoon classes. "Off you go, move along there." I called, and the crowd began to disperse, and with it Harry. I hurried to join him as we walked up towards the castle. In what I hoped was a fatherly tone, rather than that of a teacher I said to him, "A word to the wise Harry, I covered up for you back there with Creevey- if he was photographing me too, your schoolfellows won't think you're setting yourself up so much.."
Harry tried to protest but I didn't believe him- I'd heard the evidence with my very own ears- Harry had been giving out signed photos of himself to his many fans among the students. I hadn't known his head would grow that big, and wished I'd spoken franker when I first advised him. "Let me just say that handing out signed pictures at this stage of your career isn't sensible- looks a tad bigheaded, Harry, to be frank. There may well come a time when, like me, you'll need to keep a stack handy wherever you go. But I don't think you're quite there yet." I let go of Harry as we reached my classroom and he went back to his friends. I waited for the whole class to be seated before I cleared my throat loudly. Silence fell and I reached over to the nearest boys copy of "Travels with Trolls" where my own portrait winked from the front cover.
"Me." I said winking as well. "Gilderoy Lockhart. Order of Merlin third class, Honorary member of the Dark Force Defence League, and five times winner of Witch Weekly's most Charming smile award- but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her." A few people smiled weakly. I pointedly looked at Harry, hoping he was taking all this in, that I was the famous one here and his head better start shrinking soon.
"I see you've all bought a complete set of my books-well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about- just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in..." I handed the papers out and gave them thirty minutes to complete it. I noticed Harry roll his eyes at Ron, but I chose to ignore it. Whilst they completed their test I continued reading the book on me I had been reading the other day. When the thirty minutes was up I collected the papers and began to check the answers. I have to admit I was pretty disappointed at the answers: It seemed to me as though next to nobody had read the books or even if they had they didn't remember much. Then I came to one which made me smile.
"..but Miss Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair-care potions- good girl! In fact-" I turned the paper over and scanned the other side. "Full marks! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?"
Harry's bushy haired friend slowly raised a hand. "Excellent! Quite excellent. Take ten points for Gryffindor. And so...to business.." I lifted a covered cage onto the desk. "Now- be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind! You may find yourself facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am in here. All I ask is that you remain calm." I moved my hand dramatically over to the covering of the cage. "I must ask you not to scream. You may provoke them." I whipped the cover off the cage with a flourish to reveal "Freshly caught Cornish Pixies."
One of the Gryffindor students let out a snort of laughter.
"Yes?" I asked him with a smile.
"Well they're not- they're not very- dangerous are they?" The boy choked.
I glanced quickly around the room. Rather than looking scared by the pixies they looked amused. I saw Harry peeping around his books at the cage with a smirk on his face, and I saw his friend Ron, give him another funny look. I had to admit I felt rather annoyed at seeing this. "Don't be so sure." I told them, trying to remain casual in my tone. "Devilish tricky blighters they can be!" Nobody's expression changed and I sighed inwardly. "Right then. Let's see what you make of them!" And I pulled the cage door open.
The pixies shot out happily, one of them raced towards my photos, two grabbed one of the Gryffindor students by the ears and whisked him into the air, another couple shot through the window, and others were emptying ink, ripping books and other things. The class crawled under their desks to shelter from the pixies.
"Come on now, round them up, round them up, they're only pixies.." I shouted at the class, but nobody moved from under their desks. I sighed and rolled up my sleeves and waved my wand shouting "Peskipipski Pesternomi!" Unfortunately it had no effect as the nearest pixie seized my wand and threw it out the window. I dived under my own desk then, and watched as the pixies continued to wreck havoc on my classroom. This was meant to be a test for my students to see how brave and smart they were, but none were budging. The bell rang and there was a mad rush towards the door. I jumped up too, but I wasn't in time to intercept any of the students. I turned towards the remaining students: Harry, Ron and Hermione who weren't quite at the door yet. "I'll just ask you three to just nip the rest of them back into their cage."
They didn't look too impressed at this plan but I left the room in a rush not giving them a chance to say no. That would teach Harry I thought with a wry grin. After all they had to learn to confront certain creatures, and that was my job as teacher here after all. The fact that it was bigheaded Harry was simply a bonus in my mind.