Chapter four: My attempt to put Harry back in his place.
As you know when Snape told me about Harry's detention I immediately decided it would be a good idea for him to spend it with me. I decided to show him some of the pitfalls of fame. Seeing him handing out signed pictures of himself the other day troubled me greatly and I wanted him to know he could perhaps be a great wizard one day, but he had to grow into it. Whilst I waited for his arrival I started reading some of my fan mail:
"Dear Gilderoy,
I have read every one of your books at least ten times, but I think perhaps my favorite of the lot is probably "Voyages with Vampires." The way you dealt with the vampire was so amazing. I've never heard of a wizard as brave as you- nor as handsome, but I am sure you know that.-"
I sighed as I balled the letter up and threw it in the bin. "The way you dealt with the vampire was so amazing..you were so brave." I said out loud, in a mock falsetto tone. "Great Scott I never knew it would be like this- that it would go this far." When I was a child attending wizard school I wasn't much of a wizard- my charms spells were disasters, my potions were dangerous. In fact I wasn't much of anything, and always my older brother Leroy was there, smiling at me and telling me one day I'd get it right. I suppose many younger siblings have something of an inferiority complex though, don't they? Now I was so famous I wondered sometimes whether he regretted being nice to me, and whether he knew that indirectly the idea for my fame was his?
Footsteps coming along the corridor alerted me to Harry's impending arrival, and I hurried towards the door. When the knock came I opened the door almost at once. "Ah, here's the scallywag! Come in, Harry, come in." I noticed Harry glance around my office, and saw a strange look cross his face when he saw the signed pictures of myself hanging on the walls. I imagined he was thinking of when he'd have an office like this, with his pictures everywhere. On my desk lay two piles: one was pictures I was in the process of signing, and the other was envelopes.
"You can address the envelopes!" I told Harry, in what I hoped sounded like a grand voice- like I was doing him a favor by letting him address the envelopes. I wanted him to get annoyed by the end of the detention and perhaps realise there was more to fame than met the eye, and that he didn't have to keep trying to outdo me. "The first one's to Gladys Gudgeon, bless her- huge fan of mine." I tried not to shudder as I said that. In my opinion I had too many letters from the annoying old witch, all gushing over me like I was some piece of meat. The very idea of fat Gladys thinking that made me feel sick.
As Harry got busy addressing the envelopes I started signing pictures often with large love hearts, and things like Dear Samantha, my number one fan, or Happy birthday Ellen. I sighed occasionally, wishing that this was one chore I didn't have to do, but my objective was certainly not to let Harry think that, it just wouldn't do. "Fame's a fickle friend, Harry." I said putting aside another signed picture. "Celebrity is as celebrity does, remember that." I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye when I said that but he didn't seem to be listening. His head was dropping over the addresses he was writing and he looked bored more than anything. He just didn't realise how lucky he was that was all- I never had anyone around to help me when I was starting out, nobody to advise me and tell me what it was like being famous.
"Ah," I muttered. "This one's for Elisha Smithers, one of my biggest fans for sure. She actually bought three copies of Year with the Yetti- one for me to sign, and one to keep in pristine condition, and one for reading. Would you believe it? I wonder how many copies she has of Magical Me? Maybe I should ask her, and since it is my most popular book to date- sold over a million copies already you know-"
Harry jumped all of a sudden. "What?" He asked loudly.
I looked at him, a bit surprised by his reaction. Of course it was good news having a book that popular, but his reaction still confused me. And then I realised he might have been shocked at the amount of books I'd sold. "I know! Six solid months at the top of the bestseller list! Broke all records!"
"No," Harry said somewhat frantically. "That voice!"
"Sorry?" I asked wondering if he really had lost his marbles, as there was no voice around other than my own. "What voice?"
"That- that voice that said- didn't you hear it?" Harry asked looking worried.
I was now sure Harry'd gone crazy. Maybe all the addressing of envelopes from fans of me, not him was pushing him over the edge? "What are you talking about Harry? Perhaps you're getting a little drowsy." I cleverly substituted the word drowsy for crazy and glanced up at the clock out of interest. "Great Scott- look at the time! We've been here nearly four hours! I'd never have believed it- the time's flown hasn't it?" I began to pack up my stack of pictures. "But Harry you shouldn't go being naughty again just because this detention wasn't so bad. I know this was something of a treat for you, but it won't be like that always."
Harry nodded, and then hurried out of the room looking distracted. I sighed as I made my way up to my bed. I didn't know whether Harry had got out of the detention what I had intended, but I sure hoped so. I was beginning to get a bit sick of the famous Harry Potter and his attitude that was for sure. Maybe if he kept on misbehaving it was time to come down a little harder on him?
As you know when Snape told me about Harry's detention I immediately decided it would be a good idea for him to spend it with me. I decided to show him some of the pitfalls of fame. Seeing him handing out signed pictures of himself the other day troubled me greatly and I wanted him to know he could perhaps be a great wizard one day, but he had to grow into it. Whilst I waited for his arrival I started reading some of my fan mail:
"Dear Gilderoy,
I have read every one of your books at least ten times, but I think perhaps my favorite of the lot is probably "Voyages with Vampires." The way you dealt with the vampire was so amazing. I've never heard of a wizard as brave as you- nor as handsome, but I am sure you know that.-"
I sighed as I balled the letter up and threw it in the bin. "The way you dealt with the vampire was so amazing..you were so brave." I said out loud, in a mock falsetto tone. "Great Scott I never knew it would be like this- that it would go this far." When I was a child attending wizard school I wasn't much of a wizard- my charms spells were disasters, my potions were dangerous. In fact I wasn't much of anything, and always my older brother Leroy was there, smiling at me and telling me one day I'd get it right. I suppose many younger siblings have something of an inferiority complex though, don't they? Now I was so famous I wondered sometimes whether he regretted being nice to me, and whether he knew that indirectly the idea for my fame was his?
Footsteps coming along the corridor alerted me to Harry's impending arrival, and I hurried towards the door. When the knock came I opened the door almost at once. "Ah, here's the scallywag! Come in, Harry, come in." I noticed Harry glance around my office, and saw a strange look cross his face when he saw the signed pictures of myself hanging on the walls. I imagined he was thinking of when he'd have an office like this, with his pictures everywhere. On my desk lay two piles: one was pictures I was in the process of signing, and the other was envelopes.
"You can address the envelopes!" I told Harry, in what I hoped sounded like a grand voice- like I was doing him a favor by letting him address the envelopes. I wanted him to get annoyed by the end of the detention and perhaps realise there was more to fame than met the eye, and that he didn't have to keep trying to outdo me. "The first one's to Gladys Gudgeon, bless her- huge fan of mine." I tried not to shudder as I said that. In my opinion I had too many letters from the annoying old witch, all gushing over me like I was some piece of meat. The very idea of fat Gladys thinking that made me feel sick.
As Harry got busy addressing the envelopes I started signing pictures often with large love hearts, and things like Dear Samantha, my number one fan, or Happy birthday Ellen. I sighed occasionally, wishing that this was one chore I didn't have to do, but my objective was certainly not to let Harry think that, it just wouldn't do. "Fame's a fickle friend, Harry." I said putting aside another signed picture. "Celebrity is as celebrity does, remember that." I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye when I said that but he didn't seem to be listening. His head was dropping over the addresses he was writing and he looked bored more than anything. He just didn't realise how lucky he was that was all- I never had anyone around to help me when I was starting out, nobody to advise me and tell me what it was like being famous.
"Ah," I muttered. "This one's for Elisha Smithers, one of my biggest fans for sure. She actually bought three copies of Year with the Yetti- one for me to sign, and one to keep in pristine condition, and one for reading. Would you believe it? I wonder how many copies she has of Magical Me? Maybe I should ask her, and since it is my most popular book to date- sold over a million copies already you know-"
Harry jumped all of a sudden. "What?" He asked loudly.
I looked at him, a bit surprised by his reaction. Of course it was good news having a book that popular, but his reaction still confused me. And then I realised he might have been shocked at the amount of books I'd sold. "I know! Six solid months at the top of the bestseller list! Broke all records!"
"No," Harry said somewhat frantically. "That voice!"
"Sorry?" I asked wondering if he really had lost his marbles, as there was no voice around other than my own. "What voice?"
"That- that voice that said- didn't you hear it?" Harry asked looking worried.
I was now sure Harry'd gone crazy. Maybe all the addressing of envelopes from fans of me, not him was pushing him over the edge? "What are you talking about Harry? Perhaps you're getting a little drowsy." I cleverly substituted the word drowsy for crazy and glanced up at the clock out of interest. "Great Scott- look at the time! We've been here nearly four hours! I'd never have believed it- the time's flown hasn't it?" I began to pack up my stack of pictures. "But Harry you shouldn't go being naughty again just because this detention wasn't so bad. I know this was something of a treat for you, but it won't be like that always."
Harry nodded, and then hurried out of the room looking distracted. I sighed as I made my way up to my bed. I didn't know whether Harry had got out of the detention what I had intended, but I sure hoped so. I was beginning to get a bit sick of the famous Harry Potter and his attitude that was for sure. Maybe if he kept on misbehaving it was time to come down a little harder on him?