Chapter six: My struggle to make sure everyone feels as though everything
is normal at "Hogwarts".
After seeing the classes disaster with the simple Cornish Pixies I wisely decided to refrain from taking live creatures to class. It was easier for me to do something else which would not be such a problem.
"Perhaps," I suggested to McGonagall. "They just weren't ready for something like that."
She frowned slightly. "I'm sure they are Gilderoy, if you'd give them another chance. That class appears to be fairly smart."
"With the exception of Longbottom." I corrected.
McGonagall sighed, and a funny look came over her face. "Sometimes Gilderoy the best wizards start off as the worst." She offered.
I felt my face redden- did she know about my own disasters at Hogwarts in the beginning? From my very first day the teachers had all expected me to be as brilliant as my older brother, Leroy, and from the very first day, I'd failed to be. "Nonetheless," I said firmly. "I think I shall wait awhile before I attempt any more creative teaching within that class."
McGonagall sighed again, and she glanced around the staff room which was empty apart from us. "Don't you think, Gilderoy, that with what happened the other day teaching them some of the more important defenses would be perhaps prudent?"
"I assume you're referring to the Chamber of Secrets?" I asked slowly.
She nodded, her face concerned. "I hate to think of students not knowing how to defend themselves. But I suppose the problem is we can't let the students know how worried we are."
"Fear not Minerva." I assured her. "I'm a master of disguise."
Her mouth twitched slightly, but she didn't smile. "That's the last of my concerns at the moment Gilderoy."
*****
"Now class," I said pacing the room later that afternoon. "Due to your um.lack of success with simple Cornish Pixies which should have been rounded up easily, I have decided not to bring any creatures into the class for awhile. Today I thought it might be fun if I read to you from one of my books- maybe we could even have a reenactment?"
To their credit the class didn't show their excitement at my news.
"Well let's see, which of my books is your favorite? Let's have a vote shall we. Who says my first book, Break with a Banshee was my best work?" I asked. A few people put up their hands. In the end it was decided that Voyages with Vampires was the class favorite, so I grabbed my copy of that and flicked through the pages until I came to my favorite section- the first time I met a vampire.
I cleared my throat and began to read from the book: "When I first went to Romania in search of what I believed was the fabled vampire I was a naïve thirty something man. So of course you could imagine my surprise when, on my very second night in the country, I ran directly into one." I paused to show them the look of shock and fear on my face. "The vampire, however, was actually quite pleasant. He must have known I was a wizard- perhaps word of my fame had already traveled to the country and they knew I was on my way?- and to that end he was most accommodating. I asked him about the rumors that things such as crucifixes would kill a vampire, and he laughed. 'Too many movies' he told me. And then he admitted that only some things would kill vampires, but he wouldn't elaborate on which." I paused in my reading to see whether the class were enjoying my story. All of my books up until this one have been edited, however with this one at the moment, I am debating it not being edited. I want my experiences to sound real, to come from my heart. The class were all silent, and some had glazed expressions on their faces. I suppose they were in shock over my bravery at simply asking a vampire these questions.
I decided to skip a bit forward and come to another of my favorite parts- my first fight with an evil vampire. "Let's see- does anyone want to volunteer to come up here and be the vampire? I need a volunteer." I called. To my surprise nobody raised their hands. I laughed. "Come now, don't be afraid, I promise I won't hurt you." Still no takers. I sighed and decided I would have to pick someone. My gaze wandered around the room before coming to land on Harry. He was in the process of drawing something on his paper and I smiled slowly. Another chance to teach Harry who really was the star at this school, another chance to put him in his place- how could I resist? "Alright then Harry, come on up here. You're going to be my vampire."
"Oh but Professor-" Harry began, but I interrupted.
"Now, now, I said I wouldn't hurt you. I always keep my word." I promised him.
Slowly Harry came to the front of the room and stood beside me. I saw his friend Ron give him a sympathetic look. "Now Harry- you're an evil vampire, so look evil." I told him. He tried to look evil, but really it just looked stupid. "Not evil enough Harry." Harry's face contorted again, but before we could continue the lesson was up. It had been taken up with the voting process as well as my readings.
"Right class, the homework for today stems from our vote. I want an essay about what you consider to be my best book and why. No less than two pieces of parchment." I called. "And if you're really stuck and need some good quotes feel free to come and see me about it."
The class left the room and I sank back into my chair. I had tried my hardest to make sure that there was an air of normalcy in these uncertain times. Maybe McGonagall might think I should be teaching these students how to defend themselves, but in my opinion I didn't see why they'd need to learn things like that- especially not with me around to protect them.
*****
A few days later Harry played a werewolf for me and I demonstrated my moves in pinning the werewolf to the ground. Harry looked less than pleased at being chosen to be my victim again, but what did he expect? That I'd play the werewolf and let him play me? And besides, it was all part of my grand plan to take the famous Harry Potter down a peg or two. Since the writing on the wall and the cat incident he'd been more subdued, and I hadn't noticed him trying to outdo me round the school, and I hoped he had at last realised that aside from me being three times the wizard he was, he was not yet as famous as me, that he was still a kid. After the class was over Hermione approached me, with Ron and Harry in the background. She held a piece of paper.
"Professor Lockhart?" She asked. "I wanted to get this book out of the library. Just for background reading. But the thing is, it's in the restricted section of the library, so I need a teacher to sign for it. I'm sure it would help me understand what you say in Gadding with Ghouls about slow-acting venoms."
I took the piece of paper off her, giving the title of the book a cursory glance, then smiled at her. "Ah, Gadding with Ghouls- possibly my very favorite book. You enjoyed it?"
"Oh yes!" Hermione exclaimed. "So clever, the way you trapped that last one with the tea strainer."
"Well I'm sure no one will mind me giving the best student in the year a little extra help." I admitted pulling out my favorite quill to sign the slip. I noticed Ron staring at it strangely. "Yes, nice isn't it? I usually save it for book signings." I signed the slip and then handed it back to Hermione. She folded it and put it into her bag, and whilst she was doing so my attention wandered to Harry who had been standing there quietly.
"So Harry, tomorrow's the first Quidditch match of the season, I believe? Gryffindor against Slytherin is it not? I hear you're a useful player. I was a seeker too. I was asked to try for the National squad, but preferred to dedicate my life to the eradication of the Dark Forces. Still, if ever you feel the need for a little private training, don't hesitate to ask. Always happy to pass on my expertise to less able players."
Harry made a strange noise in his throat, and the three of them left the room. I gathered up my things and went downstairs to the staff room. Snape was sitting there, along with Flitwick the charms teacher, and McGonagall. "I must tell you all," I said as I dropped into my seat. "I am glad I decided to keep acting as though things were normal here- it's saving a lot of trouble."
Snape raised an eyebrow. "You decided did you?" He asked coldly. "Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't it the headmaster's decision on what does and doesn't happen in this school?"
I was surprised at the venom in his tone- clearly the man was jealous of me also. "In case you're wondering Severus," I told him. "I convinced the headmaster to keep playing Quidditch this season. I'm quite a fan you know- could have had quite a career in it."
Snape snorted, but didn't comment. I buried my head in the book I was reading and chose to ignore the looks I felt coming from the various teachers in the room. Perhaps they were all jealous of me, just like Harry. I only hoped that my various tips and treatment of Harry lately had been enough to put him back in his place or one day there could be trouble here at Hogwarts.
After seeing the classes disaster with the simple Cornish Pixies I wisely decided to refrain from taking live creatures to class. It was easier for me to do something else which would not be such a problem.
"Perhaps," I suggested to McGonagall. "They just weren't ready for something like that."
She frowned slightly. "I'm sure they are Gilderoy, if you'd give them another chance. That class appears to be fairly smart."
"With the exception of Longbottom." I corrected.
McGonagall sighed, and a funny look came over her face. "Sometimes Gilderoy the best wizards start off as the worst." She offered.
I felt my face redden- did she know about my own disasters at Hogwarts in the beginning? From my very first day the teachers had all expected me to be as brilliant as my older brother, Leroy, and from the very first day, I'd failed to be. "Nonetheless," I said firmly. "I think I shall wait awhile before I attempt any more creative teaching within that class."
McGonagall sighed again, and she glanced around the staff room which was empty apart from us. "Don't you think, Gilderoy, that with what happened the other day teaching them some of the more important defenses would be perhaps prudent?"
"I assume you're referring to the Chamber of Secrets?" I asked slowly.
She nodded, her face concerned. "I hate to think of students not knowing how to defend themselves. But I suppose the problem is we can't let the students know how worried we are."
"Fear not Minerva." I assured her. "I'm a master of disguise."
Her mouth twitched slightly, but she didn't smile. "That's the last of my concerns at the moment Gilderoy."
*****
"Now class," I said pacing the room later that afternoon. "Due to your um.lack of success with simple Cornish Pixies which should have been rounded up easily, I have decided not to bring any creatures into the class for awhile. Today I thought it might be fun if I read to you from one of my books- maybe we could even have a reenactment?"
To their credit the class didn't show their excitement at my news.
"Well let's see, which of my books is your favorite? Let's have a vote shall we. Who says my first book, Break with a Banshee was my best work?" I asked. A few people put up their hands. In the end it was decided that Voyages with Vampires was the class favorite, so I grabbed my copy of that and flicked through the pages until I came to my favorite section- the first time I met a vampire.
I cleared my throat and began to read from the book: "When I first went to Romania in search of what I believed was the fabled vampire I was a naïve thirty something man. So of course you could imagine my surprise when, on my very second night in the country, I ran directly into one." I paused to show them the look of shock and fear on my face. "The vampire, however, was actually quite pleasant. He must have known I was a wizard- perhaps word of my fame had already traveled to the country and they knew I was on my way?- and to that end he was most accommodating. I asked him about the rumors that things such as crucifixes would kill a vampire, and he laughed. 'Too many movies' he told me. And then he admitted that only some things would kill vampires, but he wouldn't elaborate on which." I paused in my reading to see whether the class were enjoying my story. All of my books up until this one have been edited, however with this one at the moment, I am debating it not being edited. I want my experiences to sound real, to come from my heart. The class were all silent, and some had glazed expressions on their faces. I suppose they were in shock over my bravery at simply asking a vampire these questions.
I decided to skip a bit forward and come to another of my favorite parts- my first fight with an evil vampire. "Let's see- does anyone want to volunteer to come up here and be the vampire? I need a volunteer." I called. To my surprise nobody raised their hands. I laughed. "Come now, don't be afraid, I promise I won't hurt you." Still no takers. I sighed and decided I would have to pick someone. My gaze wandered around the room before coming to land on Harry. He was in the process of drawing something on his paper and I smiled slowly. Another chance to teach Harry who really was the star at this school, another chance to put him in his place- how could I resist? "Alright then Harry, come on up here. You're going to be my vampire."
"Oh but Professor-" Harry began, but I interrupted.
"Now, now, I said I wouldn't hurt you. I always keep my word." I promised him.
Slowly Harry came to the front of the room and stood beside me. I saw his friend Ron give him a sympathetic look. "Now Harry- you're an evil vampire, so look evil." I told him. He tried to look evil, but really it just looked stupid. "Not evil enough Harry." Harry's face contorted again, but before we could continue the lesson was up. It had been taken up with the voting process as well as my readings.
"Right class, the homework for today stems from our vote. I want an essay about what you consider to be my best book and why. No less than two pieces of parchment." I called. "And if you're really stuck and need some good quotes feel free to come and see me about it."
The class left the room and I sank back into my chair. I had tried my hardest to make sure that there was an air of normalcy in these uncertain times. Maybe McGonagall might think I should be teaching these students how to defend themselves, but in my opinion I didn't see why they'd need to learn things like that- especially not with me around to protect them.
*****
A few days later Harry played a werewolf for me and I demonstrated my moves in pinning the werewolf to the ground. Harry looked less than pleased at being chosen to be my victim again, but what did he expect? That I'd play the werewolf and let him play me? And besides, it was all part of my grand plan to take the famous Harry Potter down a peg or two. Since the writing on the wall and the cat incident he'd been more subdued, and I hadn't noticed him trying to outdo me round the school, and I hoped he had at last realised that aside from me being three times the wizard he was, he was not yet as famous as me, that he was still a kid. After the class was over Hermione approached me, with Ron and Harry in the background. She held a piece of paper.
"Professor Lockhart?" She asked. "I wanted to get this book out of the library. Just for background reading. But the thing is, it's in the restricted section of the library, so I need a teacher to sign for it. I'm sure it would help me understand what you say in Gadding with Ghouls about slow-acting venoms."
I took the piece of paper off her, giving the title of the book a cursory glance, then smiled at her. "Ah, Gadding with Ghouls- possibly my very favorite book. You enjoyed it?"
"Oh yes!" Hermione exclaimed. "So clever, the way you trapped that last one with the tea strainer."
"Well I'm sure no one will mind me giving the best student in the year a little extra help." I admitted pulling out my favorite quill to sign the slip. I noticed Ron staring at it strangely. "Yes, nice isn't it? I usually save it for book signings." I signed the slip and then handed it back to Hermione. She folded it and put it into her bag, and whilst she was doing so my attention wandered to Harry who had been standing there quietly.
"So Harry, tomorrow's the first Quidditch match of the season, I believe? Gryffindor against Slytherin is it not? I hear you're a useful player. I was a seeker too. I was asked to try for the National squad, but preferred to dedicate my life to the eradication of the Dark Forces. Still, if ever you feel the need for a little private training, don't hesitate to ask. Always happy to pass on my expertise to less able players."
Harry made a strange noise in his throat, and the three of them left the room. I gathered up my things and went downstairs to the staff room. Snape was sitting there, along with Flitwick the charms teacher, and McGonagall. "I must tell you all," I said as I dropped into my seat. "I am glad I decided to keep acting as though things were normal here- it's saving a lot of trouble."
Snape raised an eyebrow. "You decided did you?" He asked coldly. "Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't it the headmaster's decision on what does and doesn't happen in this school?"
I was surprised at the venom in his tone- clearly the man was jealous of me also. "In case you're wondering Severus," I told him. "I convinced the headmaster to keep playing Quidditch this season. I'm quite a fan you know- could have had quite a career in it."
Snape snorted, but didn't comment. I buried my head in the book I was reading and chose to ignore the looks I felt coming from the various teachers in the room. Perhaps they were all jealous of me, just like Harry. I only hoped that my various tips and treatment of Harry lately had been enough to put him back in his place or one day there could be trouble here at Hogwarts.