This chapter was very hard to write. I spent hours and hours researching songs for this story, and could only use a fraction of them. Hope I picked the right ones.
I hope I didn't give away too much, or make you get wrong ideas about what's up with Miranda after the last chapter. There is more to it. There are only 2 people who know what's coming, at least partly. Thanks to both of you, you know who you are.
Yes, the title of the last chapter was adapted from a Beauty and the Beast lyric. Do you know where the title to this chapter came from?
I'm surprised at how many people tell me I write so well, as each of these chapters was written in about a 2 hour block, in one sitting. Once I wrote three chapters in a day. The lyrics are being added as I type each out to post.
ANYWAYS!
Disclaimer - Have no connections with Disney, Ren-Mar, etc.
All songs/lyrics used are property of respective artists, labels, writers, agents, ASCAP/BMI,etc.
On to Chapter 14.
Gordo stood holding open the door. Lizzie tried to smile, but it didnt seem natural. She was too nervous. She looked around, it had been awhile since she'd actually been inside Gordo's house. He closed the door, and motioned her to follow him into the kitchen.
"Cold drink?" He bent over into the refrigerator, and rummaged around. He was stalling.
She didn't want a drink, but didn't want to refuse either. "Uh, yeah, sure, whatever, I don't care."
He pulled out a small bottle of orange juice, and a can of apple juice. She took the orange juice, and watched as he popped the apple juice open, and drank half the can in one gulp.
He looked at her, and tried to think. His mouth felt incredibly dry. He drank the other half of the juice, but it wasn't helping. He couldn't talk. He patted his pockets. Notes, notes, where were his notes? Oops, left them in his parents' room. "Uh, excuse me a minute Lizzie, I'll be right back, I promise."
He left a stunned Lizzie in the kitchen, while he sped off. He mumbled as he ransacked the room. "What's the matter with me? If I can't talk to her, I'll never be able to show her exactly how I feel. I haven't been able to all this time, what made me think I could now?"
He found the notes, and scanned over them. "Lame, lame, lame. These are stupid!" He made confetti out them. He was supposed to be so smart, why couldn't he say out loud what was going on in his heart? He picked up the CD. Why was he constantly thinking of music? Most of these songs he would have never listened to a year ago.
Why? What did that song say?
"You've got to be in love, to love a love song. You've got to be in love like I love you."
Oh great, now he was thinking of the Brady Bunch. He remembered how it used to be one of Lizzie's favorite shows, but she hadn't watched it for awhile.
He wrote a new note, and tore it up as well. Another attempt wasn't much better, but it would have to do. He folded it twice, taped it to the CD case, then went back to the kitchen. He gave the CD and note to Lizzie. "I-I'm sorry Lizzie. I just can't say what I want. I thought I could, and, and... Please, take these." She hesitantly took them, as he turned, went to his room, and slammed the door.
She started to cry. Why was Gordo afraid to talk to her? She grabbed a paper towel from a dispenser above the sink, and wiped her eyes. It didn't look like he was coming back. She waited 5 minutes, then started to leave.
Lizzie walked down the driveway, and crossed the street to go home. She took a detour back to the park. Again, she sat in "her" swing, as she opened the note.
Lizzie,
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I know I've said that a lot, but I am. Maybe an hour wasn't long enough for me to figure things out. Please listen to some of this CD, it will sort of explain some stuff. Please pay attention to the lyrics. Just give me one more chance tomorrow after school. I have a lot on my mind, and I guess I just can't figure out how to say anything at all, so again, sorry.
Gordo
She'd give him another chance. She'd give him ten chances if he needed it. What was so important about this CD? She didn't have any idea, but if it would explain what Gordo couldn't say, she'd do what he asked.
Gordo sat on his bed, staring at the wall. Why? Why was it so difficult? It wasn't like he couldn't talk to her about "normal" things. What was he going to say anyways? "Uh, gee, Lizzie, I really think you're cute, and nice, and I like you a lot?"
Why had he wanted to play some songs for her? Because they described what he felt better than he ever could. But, he couldn't have had her listen to any of the songs while at his house. If he had played her some of the CD, it would have to be here in his room. Did he trust himself to be in his bedroom with her? He was insanely in love with her, he'd never hurt her, on purpose, that is. What if he couldn't control himself? Is that why he couldn't discuss his feelings? Was he afraid of what he might do if she rejected him?
No, he'd have to talk to her in a more public place. The park across the street. It was deserted enough during the day to have a private discussion, without being too private. Tomorrow he'd have to talk, or else.
Lizzie stayed there for at least 30 minutes, maybe an hour. She didn't bother to check the time. After awhile, she got up, and continued her walk.
No one was home. She was alone with her thoughts, a blessing and a curse at the same time. She rummaged around for something quick to snack on.
A short while later, her mother walked into the kitchen, to find her with a cooling pizza pocket, a bottle of juice, holding a CD, and gazing into the rainbow patterns on the back.
Before she could ask what Lizzie was doing she herself was asked a question. "Mom, why do boys have to be so difficult?" She offered no response, as she knew it was purely a rhetorical question.
"Mom, I went to Gordo's like he asked, and he clammed up. All he could do was give me this CD."
"Well honey, sometimes boys just have a hard time expressing themselves. Gordo's a smart guy, and that CD is probably very important."
Lizzie couldn't understand what could be important about a lousy CD, and why Gordo couldn't just talk to her. They'd always been able to tell each other everything, the good, the bad, the sad, the embarrasing even. She sighed, and posed another question.
"Is it ok if I skip dinner with you guys? I can eat this pizza pocket. I've got a lot to think about."
"Sure honey, I know you do, and don't worry, like I said before, everything will be alright. If you want to talk, I'll be here, just let me know." She gave her a hug, and Lizzie walked slowly up the stairs.
She went into her room, and pulled out her portable CD player. The CD wouldn't load. She flipped on her PC, and popped in the disc. Oh boy, MP3's. There could be hours here. She walked down the hall, and grabbed a small box of Kleenex, she'd need them.
She plugged in her headphones, sat down, took a deep breath, and opened the main folder. A song automatically started.
I can't fight this feeling any longer
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever
I say there is no reason for my fear
'Coz I feel so secure when we're together
You give my life direction, you make everything so clear
And ever as I wander I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I every thought I might
And I can't fight this feeling anymore,
I've forgotten what I started fightin' for
The song came to an end, and she sighed."Wow, Gordo, you got right to the point." After that, what else could he say? A lot, it seemed. There were about dozen folders, plus at least 50 unassorted songs.
She clicked a folder titled, "Why I Broke it off with Brooke". This should be interesting. It contained one song only.
We must have been stone crazy
When we thought we were just friends.
'Cause I miss you, baby,
And I've got those feelings again.
I guess I'm all confused about you,
I feel so in love.
Oh, baby, what can I do?
I've been thinking about you.
Wait. He's thought of her as more than a friend then? Then why hadn't he said so?
Suddenly we're strangers,
I watch you walking away.
She was my one temptation,
Oh, I did not want her to stay
Deep down, I'm still confused about you
HE was confused? SHE was confused... the chorus played out, and she exited the folder. She moved on to "What I Felt When You Went with Ronny".
Again, one song. Wait, Weird Al? Yuck. Matt loved Weird Al. But she was curious. She had to listen to it. She braced herself, and double-clicked.
Well I heard that you're leavin'
Gonna leave me far behind
'Cause you found a brand new lover
You decided that I'm not your kind
Sounded innocent enough, kinda like a doo wop song.
So I pulled your name out of my Rolodex
And I tore all your pictures in two
And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go
Just because it reminds me of you
Wait, that was odd. Not a typical love song now... She listened carefully. It was sad, funny, and wrong at the same time. Would Gordo rather hurt himself than be with her? She didn't get it... Wait, she missed something... She backed it up a few seconds...
I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork
Than watch you going out with other men
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door
Again and again and again and again and again
Oh, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, Darlin...
She could see, yes. It hurt Gordo to see her with anyone other than himself. That's what the song was about.
Her mind wandered for a few seconds, then she caught the last verse
I'd rather rip my heart out of my ribcage with my bare hands
and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it 'till I die
Than spend one more minute with you
She had no idea he felt so strongly. If only she hadn't gone on and on about boys. It was probably killing Gordo inside. She moved on to the folder titled "What I Felt When You Broke up with Ronny". She clicked on the second track.
Hold on little girl
Show me what he's done to you
Stand up little girl
A broken heart can't be that bad
When it's through, it's through
Fate will twist the both of you
So come on baby come on over
Let me be the one to show you
I'm the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues
Just to be the next to be with you
Build up your confidence
So you can be on top for once
Wake up who cares about
Little boys that talk too much
I seen it all go down
Your game of love was all rained out
So come on baby, come on over
Let me be the one to hold you
Was that was he was trying to say that day in the library? She clicked another track. Hey, she knew this one... She began to sing along...
You might've been hurt, babe
That ain't no lie
You've seen them all come and go, oh...
I remember you told me
That it made you believe in
No man, no cry
Maybe that's why
Every little thing I do
Never seems enough for you
He had done so much for her. Was he simply trying to win her affection?
You're just too blind, too see
But in the end, ya know it's gonna be me
You can't deny
So just tell me why
Why? she didn't know. She was blind. How could she have such a great guy be in her reach all this time, and not know it?
Hmmm.... A folder titled "Parker - Delete this song" Huh? She found "Short People". She quickly backed out. She had no idea Gordo was that sensitive about his height. Why did he copy this song here? It clearly said "Delete"...
She opened the "How I feel about you" folder. Oh, wow. There were as many songs here, as there were unsorted songs. Which to pick? She picked at random. A slow song started. Interesting, it was in Spanish. It SOUNDED romantic, though. She nearly fell off her chair when the English translation started.
Believe me when I say how much I love you
Believe me when I say how much I care
Forgive me, give me peace of mind
All I need is time to prove my love for you
She believed. She clicked another.
Earth Angel, Earth Angel
Will you be mine
My darling dear Love you all the time
I'm just a fool
A fool in love with you
She couldn't even listen to the next verse. She was the fool.
You might think I'm crazy
To hang around with you
Maybe you think I'm lucky
To have something to do
But I think that you're wild
And inside me is some child
You might think it's foolish
Or maybe it's untrue
You might think I'm crazy
But all I want is you
She didn't think him crazy. But her wild? Nah. She had been crying nonstop for an hour. She pushed on.
My Cherie Amour, lovely as a summer's day
My Cherie Amour, distant as the Milky Way
My Cherie Amour, pretty little one that I adore
You're the only girl my heart beats for
How I wish that you were mine
She was just bawling now. It was almost too much...
Maybe someday you'll see my face among the crowd
Maybe someday I'll share your little distant cloud
Enough with that song. She clicked one more, the last, she didn't know if she could take much more.
Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I've found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
There's just no rhyme or reason
Only this sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I've found my best friend
He found his best friend? He'd loved her before he knew her? He'd known her almost his ENTIRE life! That was it, she simply couldn't cry anymore. She laid down on her bed to do some heavy thinking. She had worn herself out. She fell asleep with the computer running, and lights on.
Jo sat and waited, and waited. She had told her husband what had happened, and talked him out of intervening. She warned Matt within an inch of his life to stay away from Lizzie tonight. Sam and Matt had started to watch the basketball playoffs after dinner, and Matt uncharacteristically went to bed at halftime. Sam followed suit around mid-3rd quarter, saying he just couldn't stay awake...
It was rare for her to be the only one downstairs at this time. She watched the rest of the game, wrote the score on a piece of paper, and taped it to the refigerator. 10:15. She picked up the remains of a cup of coffee brewed earlier in the day, the newspaper, and a paperback, and headed upstairs.
She noticed lights under both of her children's bedroom doors. It wasn't common, or unusual for them to fall asleep and forget to cut the lights. Meaning, she didn't know if they were awake or not, safer to think them as not, so she had to be quiet. Where was that squeaky floorboard? She'd have to avoid it...
Matt had gone to his room early, not to sleep, but to think. He was surprised at how his mother had told him what would happen if he so much as even thought of bothering Lizzie. He would like to talk to her, though. So Gordo had given her a CD that said how he felt. Brilliant, simply brilliant. Maybe he could copy some songs and give them to Melina. It would have to be a cassette though, unless Lizzie let him borrow her computer, fat chance of that.
Without Lizzie around, the night had been very dull. What would normally be a fantastic matchup was boring, without Lizzie there to ask why he bothered to watch "that dumb game". 10:10. He decided he had better call it a night, then nature started to call. He ignored it for a few minutes, then couldn't stand it anymore. He bounded out of bed, and down the hall.
Jo McGuire had gingerly stepped around the offending squeaky area, and was almost to her room, when suddenly Matt came rushing at her. She stepped back, right on to the squeaky floorboard, as Matt just missed her, and he made the floor squeak as well.
Some of her coffee splashed on the carpet, and Matt apologized as he ran into the bathroom, and slammed the door. She threw the newspaper on the spill. It wasn't a big mess, and she had wanted to have the carpets professionally shampooed for some time now.
Matt rushed by her the other way, again apologized, and offered to give up part of his allowance for awhile to help pay for the cleaning. She shooed him away, and he went to his room. She turned and went to her bedroom as well.
Lizzie woke up with a start. At first she didn't know where she was. She'd had several strange dreams, and wasn't exactly sure this wasn't part of another. She hadn't meant to fall asleep. Someone was out in the hall. She tried to ignore it. Finally it was quiet. She went to shut down her computer, then decided maybe she was up for another song or two. She almost had the headphones adjusted, when she heard a knock on her door...
A/N Longest chapter yet, with all the songs. No, I don't believe Gordo's a wimp for not being able to express himself. He's very much like I was.
Next chapter up, Friday AM, I think. Plenty more to come!
As always, review, or email JP5683@msn.com or JP5683@webtv.net with any comments. If you leave an email address with your review, I may contact you.
Thanks!
JP
List of songs in this chapter
Brady Bunch - You've Got To Be In Love To Love A Love Song
Reo Speedwagon - Can't Fight This Feeling
Londonbeat - I've Been Thinking About You
Weird Al Yankovic - One More Minute
Mr. Big - To Be With You
'N Sync - It's Gonna Be Me
Randy Newman - Short People
Rene y Rene - Lo Mucho Que Te Quiero
Penguins - Earth Angel
Cars - You Might Think
Stevie Wonder - My Cherie Amour
Savage Garden - I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You
March 25, 2003