It was a nice morning. Too nice for anything not to go wrong. Criminals cannot waste nice day days. They need to use the nice days whenever they can. Nice days can be rare in New York City, you see. Actually, between rain clouds, snow, and super villains destroying the city, it's nearly impossible for New York to have a nice, perfect day.
However, sometimes people with extraordinary powers (super heroes) do something to try to make a good day. Usually these super heroes end up destroying the city more than the villain ever would have and it just ends up being a total waste. Nonetheless, every now and then a hero might be lucky enough to stop a villain with no chaos at all. This is not one of those stories.
"Open it up, Joe," a security guard said as he walked by another.
The other security guard picked up a bunch of keys and flung them around on his finger using the key ring. He turned and walked to the door. The guard grabbed the door handle, unlocked the door, and opened it. A man with a suit on rushed through.
"Hello," the guard called out cheerily as he gave a gay smile.
Before the guard had even finished his one word sentence the suited man already had a gun out and was saying in a raised voice, "Please remain calm and no one gets it!"
"Gets what?" asked a man in the crowd who was apparently too slow for his own good. "The gun?"
"For Christ's sake! Just put your damn hands on your head and get on the ground like everyone else!"
The slow man did as the man with the gun said and by now other men in suits had come in and were already taking money from the vault. It took a only few seconds for all the money to be put into the bags (mind you, these were professionals) and then the men made their way to the stairway exit.
The men now put on gas masks and shot a gas bomb behind them so they could make a quick exit without trouble. Usually the gas would have been used at the beginning of the heist, but these were professionals that didn't need the assist of gas to help them steal money.
Once on the top of the building, a helicopter lowered so that the men could clumsily climb in. Some tripped a couple of times. They were professionals, though they had some trouble climbing into helicopters quickly.
"Like candy from a baby," one of the men commented.
"Dude, that's mean!" another remarked.
The helicopter was off! It flew between buildings with such perfection it would make any other great helicopter pilot gawk in disbelief. Suddenly the helicopter stopped. It flew from side to side, smashing up buildings in the progress, but it refused to accelerate.
Then the helicopter was yanked back and was flying backwards for a while with its passengers inside screaming. The helicopter stopped as the screaming died down.
The passengers looked from their left to their right and noticed a very tall building on each side. The helicopter, they also noticed, was stuck on a silly string type substance. It was in a design that resembled a spider web.
Spider-Matt swung away from the two large buildings saying to himself, "God bless my Super Silly String. I should patent this stuff!"
If Spider-Matt weren't so dumb and unobservant then perhaps he would have noticed a plane smash into one of those tall buildings. He would have also noticed another plane smash into the other building, and he might have seen both buildings eventually collapse, which killed the people inside the helicopter. Spider-Matt was not observant in slightest, however. It was luck that he even managed to see any sort of criminal activity going on in the first place.
If somebody told you that this was a happy super hero story, kiddied up for children around the age of five, somebody lied! Like all great stories, this is a tale with a very hot girl in it. However, in the beginning there had been no girl. No. Just Matt and those damn genetically altered spiders!
1
It's time to reminisce about the past. Matt Hallark was just a lad of four-years-old when both his parents died in a plane crash. It was then that he was sent to his peculiar Uncle Fred and doting Aunt ("u" not silent!) June.
Ben was a tall, well built man at the age of sixty-three. He enjoyed fishing, wrestling, and making fun of his nephew Matt. June was a little different. She was old and frail at the age of sixty-nine. Also, since she never had a child herself due to some horribly painful disease that is better to go unsaid, she loved Matt as her own. Matt wanted to shoot himself (came pretty damn close a few times) because he could hardly ever get away from "Do you have your sweater" and "Did you wet your bed again?" Matt couldn't take it anymore. He wished that he would get bitten by a genetically altered spider and die of some new crazy poison. Yeah! Like that was going to happen.
So, the day that Matt's parents died in that plane crash he was taken to his aunt and uncle's house. The two new parents of this boy tried to explain why his parents were now gone. They all sat on a plastic covered sofa (stupid old people and their obsession with plastic covered sofas) and had a little talk.
"Matt," Aunt June said in a soft, loving voice, "you understand that your parents aren't coming back, right?"
Matt's eyes started to water up.
"Oh, don't be such a pansy!" exclaimed Uncle Fred. "Hey champ, I made up this little song for you. I'll sing it for you to help you understand why your parents left."
Fed started singing as June looked on with a curious expression on her face.
Your mommy and daddy couldn't get decent jobs.
They weren't able to feed you or buy you a car.
So they both made and educated decision.
Your mommy and daddy committed suicide.
So they hopped on a plane and crashed it into the ground
Because of the love that they never found
For a crummy son like you
Your parents couldn't love such a bum
You jumped and played in all the wrong ways
You hopped on and touched other guys because you are gay
You're such a dumb child how could they stay alive
We'd all be better off if we were dead tonight
It was then that June finally smacked Fred over the head so hard that he went flying off the couch and fell on the small table in front of them. Matt was wailing by now. Tears were streaming down his face. June moved over to Matt so that she could give him a hug. It was of no consolation to Matt.