CHAPTER FIVE: SHOPPING
"Get a cart, Seto," Yami instructed, looking down his grocery list.
"What's a cart?"
"Those things," Yami said, pointing toward the shopping carts. With much difficulty, Seto managed to get a cart. Ryou looked at the baby seat.
"Ooh, can I ride in there?"
Yami grabbed a pack of chips off a shelf as they went by. "Sure."
Seto picked up Ryou and put him in the cart. Ryou instantly reverted to chibi mode.
"He looks like he's three years old," Seto muttered to Yami as he went off to fetch eggs and more chili powder for Bakura. Yami rolled down another aisle and got huge amounts of plastic cups, plates and utensils. "What's all that for?" Seto asked, putting six cartons of eggs and three bottles of chili powder in the cart.
"No dishes," Yami explained.
"Yami, why are you getting so much?" Seto asked, following Yami's directions and snatched about ten packs of hot dogs off a shelf.
Yami put the hot dogs on top of the raw chicken and steak. "So I do not have to come here for another month or so."
"Ah, I knew there was a reason," Seto said. A store attendant passed by then stopped as she saw Ryou. "Aww, he's so cute! Do you need any help?" She asked Seto and Yami.
"Uh, no thanks," Yami said quickly, stepping on Seto's foot.
"OK. Hello, cutie! Do you want some candy?" The attendant ran into a nearby aisle and came out with several mixed packs of candy. She stuck "paid for" labels on them and gave one to Ryou. "Here you go, baby! Hmm, actually, why don't you take all of these?" She thrust the roll of "paid for" stickers at Seto and then hurried off.
Ryou looked down at the candy. "If you stick one of those labels on each thing, you won't have to pay for anything," he remarked.
Seto and Yami nodded, grinning. "Well, let's get to work."
Ducking into a relatively quiet aisle (low-fat prune juice and lime cranberry pop tarts) they began to stick the labels on each piece of merchandise. When they were done, they still had about half of a roll left. Yami, Ryou and Seto, each smiling rather evilly, stocked up on jams, soft drinks, chips, raw steak, chicken and pork (to be frozen), barbecue sauce, plates, cups, utensils, and anything else they could lay their hands on. It was a rather productive trip.
When the roll of labels had been used up, Yami easily rolled the cart toward the door. A store employee stopped them. "Hey! Where'd you get all those labels?"
"Hi-hi," Ryou said, unleashing all adorability on the store guy.
"All right," the employee said, "Go on, just make sure no one sees you!"
Yami hurriedly pushed the cart toward the exit. "Bye-bye," Ryou said, waving.
As they left the store, Yami and Seto heard the by then familiar "he's so cuuuute!" trailing behind.
"Ryou," Seto said, lifting the chibified Ryou out of the cart, "We owe you about a thousand dollars for all this stuff."
Chibi-Ryou grinned and unchibified. "I'll have my Yami collect for me."
Yami winced and began to load groceries into the back of the car. "If you don't help, I don't cook," he reminded them.
"We could do it," Seto protested as they got in the car.
"Ra help us, you'd burn down the house."
"Takeout food every day, then?" Ryou suggested. "Seto's a billionaire. He can pay for it."
Seto glared.
Yami smirked and turned onto the highway.
"Yami?" Seto asked curiously, eating a bag of Dorito chips that he had stuck a "paid" label on earlier.
"Yes?" Yami asked, absently reaching behind him and stealing the chips.
"Hey! Those are mine!" Seto protested.
"No, actually they're mine," said a scratchy, squeaky, nasty, hissing, clicky, and rumbling voice from the backseat.
Ryou was in the front seat. The next moment, he chibified and rolled into a ball, shrieking in terror.
"Hello, Evil Platypus," Yami said calmly, pulling into the driveway.
"Hello. I've come on behalf of."
"Yami Malik. Yes, I know." Yami opened the door and got out, giving an "if-you-say-a-single-word-I-will-rip-your-brains-out" look to Seto. Yami opened Ryou's door. Unfortunately, he was still rolled into a ball and rolled out of the car, and then began spontaneously rolling down the driveway.
"Seto, go get him," Yami said.
Seto ran after the rapidly rolling Ryou and soon caught him. He then began shooting at the basketball hoop with him.
"Hey - OW! - Seto! - STOP IT! - Ow!"
"Be nice, Seto," Yami chided, then turned back to the platypus.
"Yami Malik wants to speak with one of you," the platypus said. "He feels lonely and unloved."
"Riiiiight," said Yami, feeling very disturbed. "Um," he added helpfully.
"Hi, guys!" Téa said, waving as she walked up the driveway.
"Um, Téa, you're going out with Pegasus, right?" asked Yami, a very evil Yami plan forming in his mind.
"Well, yeah."
"Well there's this really cool Tomb Raider guy who wants to meet you."
"Really?" Téa looked interested.
"Yeah, this is his guy here. You want to go meet him?"
Seto stood behind making strangling noises. Ryou's hair had caught in the basketball hoop and he was suspended about 15 feet off the ground.
"Sure!" Téa said, smoothing her very tight shirt.
"Evil Platypus, would you bring Téa to meet . Yami Malik?" Seto said, finally catching on.
"Certainly," said the evilly smirking Evil Platypus.
The two of them vanished.
"Well, that's got her out of the way," Seto commented.
Yami nodded, then suddenly realized what Seto had done to Ryou.
With some help from several rubber bands, a nearby tree, and Seto/slingshot, Ryou was removed from the basketball hoop.
Yami Bakura stood on the porch. "What were you doing to my Hikari?" he asked Seto in an *extremely* evil and sadistic voice.
"We were just playing," Seto said quickly, stepping on Ryou's foot and muttering "say it or die" in Ryou's ear.
"Um, yeah," Ryou said lamely, hopping on one foot and clutching the injured one.
"Hn," said the unconvinced Bakura. His eyes narrowed.
"Hey, guess what, Bakura? Good news!" Yami turned off the car and tugged Seto and Ryou toward the house.
"What?" Bakura's eyes glowed red. "You're going to let me kill people?"
"No!" Yami and Seto said in unison. "Téa is going to be with Yami Malik for a while now!" Yami continued.
"Ah, good," Bakura said, still looking slightly disappointed. "I feel sorry for Malik, though."
"Get a cart, Seto," Yami instructed, looking down his grocery list.
"What's a cart?"
"Those things," Yami said, pointing toward the shopping carts. With much difficulty, Seto managed to get a cart. Ryou looked at the baby seat.
"Ooh, can I ride in there?"
Yami grabbed a pack of chips off a shelf as they went by. "Sure."
Seto picked up Ryou and put him in the cart. Ryou instantly reverted to chibi mode.
"He looks like he's three years old," Seto muttered to Yami as he went off to fetch eggs and more chili powder for Bakura. Yami rolled down another aisle and got huge amounts of plastic cups, plates and utensils. "What's all that for?" Seto asked, putting six cartons of eggs and three bottles of chili powder in the cart.
"No dishes," Yami explained.
"Yami, why are you getting so much?" Seto asked, following Yami's directions and snatched about ten packs of hot dogs off a shelf.
Yami put the hot dogs on top of the raw chicken and steak. "So I do not have to come here for another month or so."
"Ah, I knew there was a reason," Seto said. A store attendant passed by then stopped as she saw Ryou. "Aww, he's so cute! Do you need any help?" She asked Seto and Yami.
"Uh, no thanks," Yami said quickly, stepping on Seto's foot.
"OK. Hello, cutie! Do you want some candy?" The attendant ran into a nearby aisle and came out with several mixed packs of candy. She stuck "paid for" labels on them and gave one to Ryou. "Here you go, baby! Hmm, actually, why don't you take all of these?" She thrust the roll of "paid for" stickers at Seto and then hurried off.
Ryou looked down at the candy. "If you stick one of those labels on each thing, you won't have to pay for anything," he remarked.
Seto and Yami nodded, grinning. "Well, let's get to work."
Ducking into a relatively quiet aisle (low-fat prune juice and lime cranberry pop tarts) they began to stick the labels on each piece of merchandise. When they were done, they still had about half of a roll left. Yami, Ryou and Seto, each smiling rather evilly, stocked up on jams, soft drinks, chips, raw steak, chicken and pork (to be frozen), barbecue sauce, plates, cups, utensils, and anything else they could lay their hands on. It was a rather productive trip.
When the roll of labels had been used up, Yami easily rolled the cart toward the door. A store employee stopped them. "Hey! Where'd you get all those labels?"
"Hi-hi," Ryou said, unleashing all adorability on the store guy.
"All right," the employee said, "Go on, just make sure no one sees you!"
Yami hurriedly pushed the cart toward the exit. "Bye-bye," Ryou said, waving.
As they left the store, Yami and Seto heard the by then familiar "he's so cuuuute!" trailing behind.
"Ryou," Seto said, lifting the chibified Ryou out of the cart, "We owe you about a thousand dollars for all this stuff."
Chibi-Ryou grinned and unchibified. "I'll have my Yami collect for me."
Yami winced and began to load groceries into the back of the car. "If you don't help, I don't cook," he reminded them.
"We could do it," Seto protested as they got in the car.
"Ra help us, you'd burn down the house."
"Takeout food every day, then?" Ryou suggested. "Seto's a billionaire. He can pay for it."
Seto glared.
Yami smirked and turned onto the highway.
"Yami?" Seto asked curiously, eating a bag of Dorito chips that he had stuck a "paid" label on earlier.
"Yes?" Yami asked, absently reaching behind him and stealing the chips.
"Hey! Those are mine!" Seto protested.
"No, actually they're mine," said a scratchy, squeaky, nasty, hissing, clicky, and rumbling voice from the backseat.
Ryou was in the front seat. The next moment, he chibified and rolled into a ball, shrieking in terror.
"Hello, Evil Platypus," Yami said calmly, pulling into the driveway.
"Hello. I've come on behalf of."
"Yami Malik. Yes, I know." Yami opened the door and got out, giving an "if-you-say-a-single-word-I-will-rip-your-brains-out" look to Seto. Yami opened Ryou's door. Unfortunately, he was still rolled into a ball and rolled out of the car, and then began spontaneously rolling down the driveway.
"Seto, go get him," Yami said.
Seto ran after the rapidly rolling Ryou and soon caught him. He then began shooting at the basketball hoop with him.
"Hey - OW! - Seto! - STOP IT! - Ow!"
"Be nice, Seto," Yami chided, then turned back to the platypus.
"Yami Malik wants to speak with one of you," the platypus said. "He feels lonely and unloved."
"Riiiiight," said Yami, feeling very disturbed. "Um," he added helpfully.
"Hi, guys!" Téa said, waving as she walked up the driveway.
"Um, Téa, you're going out with Pegasus, right?" asked Yami, a very evil Yami plan forming in his mind.
"Well, yeah."
"Well there's this really cool Tomb Raider guy who wants to meet you."
"Really?" Téa looked interested.
"Yeah, this is his guy here. You want to go meet him?"
Seto stood behind making strangling noises. Ryou's hair had caught in the basketball hoop and he was suspended about 15 feet off the ground.
"Sure!" Téa said, smoothing her very tight shirt.
"Evil Platypus, would you bring Téa to meet . Yami Malik?" Seto said, finally catching on.
"Certainly," said the evilly smirking Evil Platypus.
The two of them vanished.
"Well, that's got her out of the way," Seto commented.
Yami nodded, then suddenly realized what Seto had done to Ryou.
With some help from several rubber bands, a nearby tree, and Seto/slingshot, Ryou was removed from the basketball hoop.
Yami Bakura stood on the porch. "What were you doing to my Hikari?" he asked Seto in an *extremely* evil and sadistic voice.
"We were just playing," Seto said quickly, stepping on Ryou's foot and muttering "say it or die" in Ryou's ear.
"Um, yeah," Ryou said lamely, hopping on one foot and clutching the injured one.
"Hn," said the unconvinced Bakura. His eyes narrowed.
"Hey, guess what, Bakura? Good news!" Yami turned off the car and tugged Seto and Ryou toward the house.
"What?" Bakura's eyes glowed red. "You're going to let me kill people?"
"No!" Yami and Seto said in unison. "Téa is going to be with Yami Malik for a while now!" Yami continued.
"Ah, good," Bakura said, still looking slightly disappointed. "I feel sorry for Malik, though."