Chapter 2
See Chapter 1 for disclaimers. Thank you to my very kind reviewers, Sara Jaye, Lucky Star and Lire. This my first attempt at fan fiction so please keep reviewing.
Tired seems to be only emotion I'm capable of right now, I can't even get angry anymore, I just want to sleep. Sleep is my only escape. It's so hard just to open my bedroom door and walk down the stairs, I feel like I've just run a marathon just walking into the kitchen.
The energy I need to fix my life just isn't there, I don't know where it is, I eat and exercise, my studies aren't that draining, but all I feel capable of is either sitting in my room or following my boyfriend.
What sort of normal person stalks their boyfriend? Even if I loved him it would be no excuse for my behaviour and I certainly don't love him. I can't just break up with Kevin though, I blame my mother for this, but it's my responsibility too, if I wasn't a coward I could at least control my love life, if nothing else in my life.
What's Mom's excuse for her behaviour though? Okay there were seven of us, hard for any parent, especially when your Dad has a demanding job. Why does she act as if she resents us? I think it started when Mary came home, but we could cope, we thought it was just a part of menopause, but she never changed back. Then her favourites left and it was just me, Simon and Ruthie against Mom.
That's what this feels like, a war, everyday our defences are chipped away a little more, until we submit to her will. She seems to be focussing her energy on Simon at the moment; I guess she feels that I'm already beaten. I hear her sharp voice berating him again.
"Simon your grades aren't really that spectacular, they are certainly no where near Matt's. You have to realise that we have limited funds, Matt might have a scholarship but he still needs money to support him and Sarah, along with Lucy's tuition we simply can't afford to put you through college. If your grades were better and you picked a course that we approved of then we might consider it, but since you have failed on both counts." My mother's hectoring voice floated up the stairs.
"But Mom I could get student loans and work." Simon pleaded with Mom.
"Firstly I don't believe in student loans, debt is wrong Simon, you should read your bible more carefully, secondly the course you have selected is unsuitable, Modern Literature, I seen the reading list for that subject and I do not approve. Select a career like the police or the military, bring up college again Simon and I will put you on restriction". Mother could barely contain the fury in her voice, Simon stomped up the stairs.
I can't believe her words; she's twisting the words of the Bible to control him. I want to run to him, tell him there is another way, we can fight her, but I don't. I hate her, when did I start hating her? I don't want to hate my mother, but she has made me hate her and I will use it to my advantage.
I need to change this, but I'm too weak to directly confront her, I . I need to be subtle, to confuse her, to win.
See Chapter 1 for disclaimers. Thank you to my very kind reviewers, Sara Jaye, Lucky Star and Lire. This my first attempt at fan fiction so please keep reviewing.
Tired seems to be only emotion I'm capable of right now, I can't even get angry anymore, I just want to sleep. Sleep is my only escape. It's so hard just to open my bedroom door and walk down the stairs, I feel like I've just run a marathon just walking into the kitchen.
The energy I need to fix my life just isn't there, I don't know where it is, I eat and exercise, my studies aren't that draining, but all I feel capable of is either sitting in my room or following my boyfriend.
What sort of normal person stalks their boyfriend? Even if I loved him it would be no excuse for my behaviour and I certainly don't love him. I can't just break up with Kevin though, I blame my mother for this, but it's my responsibility too, if I wasn't a coward I could at least control my love life, if nothing else in my life.
What's Mom's excuse for her behaviour though? Okay there were seven of us, hard for any parent, especially when your Dad has a demanding job. Why does she act as if she resents us? I think it started when Mary came home, but we could cope, we thought it was just a part of menopause, but she never changed back. Then her favourites left and it was just me, Simon and Ruthie against Mom.
That's what this feels like, a war, everyday our defences are chipped away a little more, until we submit to her will. She seems to be focussing her energy on Simon at the moment; I guess she feels that I'm already beaten. I hear her sharp voice berating him again.
"Simon your grades aren't really that spectacular, they are certainly no where near Matt's. You have to realise that we have limited funds, Matt might have a scholarship but he still needs money to support him and Sarah, along with Lucy's tuition we simply can't afford to put you through college. If your grades were better and you picked a course that we approved of then we might consider it, but since you have failed on both counts." My mother's hectoring voice floated up the stairs.
"But Mom I could get student loans and work." Simon pleaded with Mom.
"Firstly I don't believe in student loans, debt is wrong Simon, you should read your bible more carefully, secondly the course you have selected is unsuitable, Modern Literature, I seen the reading list for that subject and I do not approve. Select a career like the police or the military, bring up college again Simon and I will put you on restriction". Mother could barely contain the fury in her voice, Simon stomped up the stairs.
I can't believe her words; she's twisting the words of the Bible to control him. I want to run to him, tell him there is another way, we can fight her, but I don't. I hate her, when did I start hating her? I don't want to hate my mother, but she has made me hate her and I will use it to my advantage.
I need to change this, but I'm too weak to directly confront her, I . I need to be subtle, to confuse her, to win.