Disclaimer: Still don't own them...Darn it.
Warning: Shounen-ai, fluffiness, confusing at points, somewhat angsty and some OOCness.
Touketsu
Dear Bakura,
How long has it been now? Six, or is it seven months that we've been together?
It might seem long, but it's not actually that much time, after all, we did spend three millenniums in the shadows.
As I think back on how we finally got together, a bittersweet smile graces my lips.
Despite everything Fate has done to keep us apart, we have managed to come out of it together, though not totally unscathed.
I remember this every time I see the scars on your body, the ones you inflicted upon yourself because of me...
Why did it have to take so much pain, tears and blood before Fate allowed us any happiness?
But happiness, what is it really?
Contentment with what you have?
Peace in your life?
Being with the one you cherish the most?
Being able to love and be loved by them?
If that's happiness, then I should be happy.
So then, why aren't I?
Don't get me wrong, I'm satisfied with my life, with us.
I don't want anything more, or at least I don't think I do.
But tell me then, why do I feel so incomplete?
You're with me, that's all that really matters, right?
But at the same time though, you're not really with me.
I don't feel like I don't know you anymore.
Then again, have I ever truly known you?
I've noticed that, even now that we're together, you still keep your heart locked away.
You still have all those walls around your heart.
All those walls that I haven't been able to break down.
You tell me you love me.
That we'd be together forever.
But what are words worth when you refuse to let me in? When you refused to let me share your joys and sorrows?
When you refuse to let me see your vulnerabilities, when you won't let me see you scared.
Maybe that's why I love to watch you when you sleep.
You're so calm, so peaceful, so vulnerable, just like a child.
When you have a nightmare, I can see the fear on your face.
I see these emotions that I would never see otherwise.
I love you.
I know that.
And I know that you do as well.
I want to know you, is that so wrong? I want to know everything
about you, but how can I when your heart is cold? When you hide
your emotions behind indifference?
You love me. I believe that, but sometimes I feel that you don't truly love me.
You know as much about me as I know about myself, so why can't I know just as much about you?
Why do you hide within yourself?
All I want is for you to let me through.
There's been so many times that I've felt alone, even when I'm with
you. There's a distant look in your russet eyes that I can never
understand.
When I ask you what is wrong, all you say is that everything is fine. Then you wrap your arms around me and just hold me.
We fear what we do not know.
I guess that is why I fear that you might not love me and that you will
leave. I fear it because I do not know what your heart truly
desires.
You've allowed me in, but just barely, there's so much more that I've never seen and that I wish to know.
I hurts to know you and yet not know you at the same.
I will not push you, I will wait until you're ready.
But my greatest wish is that you will unlock that door and break down the walls that surround your heart to let me in.
Let me see all of you, as you are.
No matter what though, I will always love you.
Always.
Yami
The tri-colored hair Pharaoh put the pen down with a sigh.
Crimson eyes scanned over the letter, lips curled into a ruthful smile.
"Too bad he'll never read this."
Rereading his words, he shook his head, "What was I thinking when I wrote this?"
A loud ringing pulled him out of his thoughts.
It took him a minute to realize that it was the phone.
Yami got up and went into the hall to pick up the phone.
"Hello? Yami speaking."
"What! Yuugi broke his leg! How!"
"Will he be alright?"
"I'll be right there, Ryou!"
Yami hung up the phone and grabbed his jacket, rushing out the door.
The slam of the door as it closed shut was the last sound before the house fell silent.
The letter laid forgotten on the coffee table in the living room.
"Yami? Are you home?" Bakura asked as he stepped into the house. "Yami? YAMI?"
When he recieved no reply, Bakura shrugged and headed to the kitchen. "Guess he's out."
He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and headed for the stairs, "I'll catch a nap 'til he gets back."
As he passed the living room , a piece of paper on the coffee table caught his eye.
His curiousity strong, Bakura walked into the living room to get a close look.
"I wonder what this is." Picking up the paper, he noticed whom it was
addressed to. "Seems like this is for me. Well, I have time to
kill, I might as well see what this says."
He made himself comfortable on the couch before he started to read.
Yami walked into the house, shivering as the autumn winds blew harshly. "Geez, it feels like winter's already here."
He shut the door quickly, sighing contently as the warmth of the house washed over him.
"Yami? Is that you?" A familiar voice called from upstairs.
"Yeah, it's me, love." Yami shrugged his jacket off and hung it
in the hall closet before going to the kitchen to make something to
warm himself up.
With his tea done, he walked into the living room and immediately
noticed the missing leter. Yami could feel his heartbeat speed up.
Placing his cup down, he look around for the letter before deciding
reluctantly to ask Bakura. "Bakura? Did you by chance see-"
"This?"
Yami jumped and turned around, a sheepish look on his face. "Oh, I
didn't see you there. Uh, yeah, that's it. Can I have it
back?"
He laughed nervously, praying silently that Bakura hadn't read it.
No such luck for our dear Pharaoh.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Bakura asked quietly, holding the letter in his hand as he leaned calmly against the doorframe.
"What do you mean?"
"Don't play dumb, you know perfectly well what I mean."
"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about." Yami smiled innocently.
"That you weren't happy."
"I'm perfectly content. Whatever gave you the idea that I wasn't happy, love?"
"This letter."
"Oh," Yami laughed, "The letter's just a joke. I was bored and wanted to see what you would say.
"What do you play me for? An idiot?"
"Well-"
"Yami!" Bakura was getting frustrated as Yami evaded the truth.
"What?"
"Stop it, alright? Why didn't you tell me I was hurting you?" Bakura walked toward Yami.
"You're not hurting me." Yami unconsciously backed away.
"You're a horrible liar, did you know that?"
"I am? I didn't realize that. I'll make a note of it and
practice my lying." Yami said as he found hismelf backed against the
wall.
Coffee eyes glared at him. "Stop joking about this! It's not funny!"
"And here I thought it was."
"Why?" Bakura forced Yami to meet his gaze.
"Why didn't I tell you?" Yami sighed.
Bakura nodded.
"Because it doesn't matter. I'm just being selfish. You
don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to. You're
entitled to keep your own secrets."
"But it was hurting you." Bakura murmured.
"Maybe it was. But that's my own fault. I allowed it to get
to me. What business of mine is it that you want to keep your
heart frozen and that you choose to lock it up? I should be
content with the fact that you love me and that you've let me in what
little amount you did."
"I'm sorry." His gaze fell from Yami's face to the floor.
"It's not your fault, Bakura." Yami told him quietly.
"Yes it, damn it!" Bakura head snapped up, startling Yami with the
tears in his eyes, "I promised myself that I would never let anything
hurt you ever again. But you did get hurt! And it was my
fault yet again!"
Yami smiled, brushing away the solitary tear that slipped from Bakura's shut eyes.
He wrapped his arms around the taller, shaking teen and buried his face in the crook of Bakura's neck.
"Just let me in. That's all I ask. Give me the key to your
heart. Let me see all of you. Why do you hide
yourself? Bury yourself behind those walls?"
Bakura felt hot tears wetting his shirt and gripped Yami tightly against him.
"Because-because I'm afraid that if you see me, you might not love me,
and you'd leave. I don't think I can bear it if you go..."
Yami looked up, glaring at him fiercely, "I'd never leave you because
of who you are. I love you and no matter what your past demons, I
will always love you."
"I'm sorry, Yami. I was scared, but now, if you still want to
know, I'll still tell you. But there are some things I can never
tell you..."
"I know," Yami nodded, "We all have things that are only our own, but
I'll be satisfied with whatever you tell me. I want to be able to
share your pain and sorrow as well as your joy."
Bakura moved himself and Yami over to the sofa. He sat down,
pulling Yami against him, holding him possessively. "I'll tell you,
I'll let you in."
"Yami leaned up and kissed him softly, "Thank you. Thank you for
letting me in, for melting the walls around your heart..."
"If only I'd realize sooner, if only I'd opened up to you earlier, then you wouldn't have been hurt...I'm so-"
Yami placed a hand on Bakura's lip and shook his head, "Don't apologize, just let me in now."
Bakura nodded and began to talk.
Yami smiled as he watched Bakura sleep. "Thank you for opening your heart to me."
Snuggling against Bakura's chest, he closed his eyes and allowed sleep to overcome him.
The arms around him tightened and a soft smiled appeared on Bakura's face.
"No. Thank you for loving me despite everything I've done."
He placed a kiss ontop Yami's head before slipping into the land of dreams.
A frozen heart...can always be melted...
A broken heart...can always be mended...
An open heart... will always be accepted...
As long as love keeps trying...
©Todokanunegai 5-7-03 Edited 7-26-05