Friday, October 4, 1985
My dad is so strange. I mean, really. He and mom are rarely ever home together, but when they
are, he calls her by a number. That's right; a number. Not a name, even though I'm sure she has a
perfectly good one. Come to think of it, I have no idea what it is, but that's not unusual for a
seventeen-year-old kid, right? Zack says that I worry too much, but what does he know? He's
exactly the same age as me! Actually, he's a minute or so younger and he acts like five years
younger. He is such a baby. I mean, get this, he still sleeps with a teddy bear. What a wuss!
Brothers are not supposed to be like that. They're supposed to beat you up and tease all the time.
Instead, he's always reading some adventure novel or comic. Yes, comic. He's a junior in high
school for gosh sake! He ought to find a better hobby. I guess you can really tell that he and my
dad are related. I think they should just shape up or ship out.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I hate my brother or father or anything. They just get on my
nerves a lot, which is strange since my dad is never home. It just shows how annoying he is. And
why oh why did I have to be named after him. That is so uncool. And the name isn't even pretty
or anything.
My mom, on the other hand, is about the best mom on the planet. She bakes cookies like
nobody's business and she always listens to your problems. Of course, I never tell her what I
really think of Dad. She'd have an epileptic fit or something. I mean, she is so head over heels in
love with Dad that it's not even funny. It's like duh! Parents aren't supposed to be like that.
Romance is saved for the youth. Parents are just supposed to tolerate each other and kiss every
once in a while just so their kids don't think they're going to divorce. I mean, she actually has sex
with him whenever he's around, which as I mentioned is hardly ever. How gross. I can't imagine
anyone wanting to do that with my dad. He's such a loser. And why oh why is he never around?
You wouldn't think a greeting card salesman would have so many business trips.
Well, that's the state of my life so far. And of course, I'm in high school, which is so much a
breeze that it bores me. My brother and I are both mega-geniuses or something. We must have
gotten it from mom, cause it sure didn't come from dad. Of course, we are also classified as
mega-dorks by everyone at school. My brother gets locked in his locker practically every other
day. He usually falls asleep and misses half of his classes. Boy is he lucky that we share fifth
period. When I notice he isn't there, I rush to his locker and let him out. He usually tumbles out
and hits the floor because he's asleep. What a dweeb! Then we rush to class and politely explain
to Mrs. Hooper why we are ten minutes late. How annoying.
But I don't hate everything about my life. For one thing, we live in Washington, DC, which has to
be about the coolest city in the country. There is so much to see and do, especially for nerds like
my brother. And I so love the Smithsonian museums. I could live there and never be bored
because they're always adding something new. My mom also takes us to the Capitol a lot so we
can see Congress in session. I find that extremely boring, but it amuses my brother so I deal with
it. My mom always sighs wistfully and wonders aloud if she should run for office. I think that
would be a good thing. At least I'd find out what her name is. It would be posted all around town.
Of course, we's have to move to some state we'd be representing during the campaign. Or at
least my mother would. Zack and I would probably be in college or moved out already. And
maybe Dad would show his face once in a while. Nah, he probably wouldn't even vote for her.
I don't see why. My mom is so gorgeous that everyone would vote for her no matter what party
she was affiliated with. She's got this thick dark hair the color of chocolate that she wears at in
the most attractive style imaginable. She has incredibly long eyelashes (which I've inherited!) That
set off her dark eyes beautifully. And this cute little smile that's totally to die for. I can see why
Dad fell for her. Now what she saw in HIM is a completely different story. Rumor has it that he
had to be tricked into proposing to her! Talk about a LOSER!!!!!
Well, I really need to be heading to school. Mom is giving me this stern "get the heck off the
computer" look. Yeah, we have a computer. We must be incredibly rich or something. Don't ask
why we live in an apartment.
Talk to yas later, Mr. Apple.
Maxine Smart*
Later, After School
I can't believe my ill luck. We are going to have Career Day at school. And Mr. Slacker, the
principal, has assigned MY FATHER as one of the speakers. He says that a greeting card
salesman is a very interesting profession. There aren't any other parents with that job in our whole
school and he wants as many different careers as possible. This means that I ACTUALLY have to
TALK to Dad. What if he says no? I'm already the laughingstock of the entire school, I don't
need my father to be ornery on top of it. Zak says not to sweat the small stuff. As if HE should
know. HE'S not the one who has to talk to Dad. HE'S too busy on a stupid science fair project
about cellular phones, whatever THOSE are. Zak says everyone will have one by the year 2000.
Who cares what happens in fifteen years! I'll be 31 years old and married (I hope) by then! I'm
more concerned about MY life NOW!
Dad is coming by to spend some "quality family time" with us this weekend. He hasn't done that
in like two years. But if course, as soon as I actually have to talk to him, he shows up. It figures.
He must have ESP or something. Either that or *gasp* Mom told him about Career Day! She
couldn't have! My own mother betrayed me? I have to ask her right now.
Maxi
*Max and 99's twin girl was never given a name in the series, but she is traditionally known as
"Maxine"
Her brother didn't have a name either until Get Smart '95 when he was identified as "Zachary
Smart."
A/N: What do you think? This idea just popped into my head on Friday and I had to write the
story. I may be writing just from
Maxine's POV, but then again, I may write diaries for each member of the Smart family. If you
could share your
opinions on this idea, that would be great. I'm trying to write a diary entry a day in this story so
expect
frequent updates.
My dad is so strange. I mean, really. He and mom are rarely ever home together, but when they
are, he calls her by a number. That's right; a number. Not a name, even though I'm sure she has a
perfectly good one. Come to think of it, I have no idea what it is, but that's not unusual for a
seventeen-year-old kid, right? Zack says that I worry too much, but what does he know? He's
exactly the same age as me! Actually, he's a minute or so younger and he acts like five years
younger. He is such a baby. I mean, get this, he still sleeps with a teddy bear. What a wuss!
Brothers are not supposed to be like that. They're supposed to beat you up and tease all the time.
Instead, he's always reading some adventure novel or comic. Yes, comic. He's a junior in high
school for gosh sake! He ought to find a better hobby. I guess you can really tell that he and my
dad are related. I think they should just shape up or ship out.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I hate my brother or father or anything. They just get on my
nerves a lot, which is strange since my dad is never home. It just shows how annoying he is. And
why oh why did I have to be named after him. That is so uncool. And the name isn't even pretty
or anything.
My mom, on the other hand, is about the best mom on the planet. She bakes cookies like
nobody's business and she always listens to your problems. Of course, I never tell her what I
really think of Dad. She'd have an epileptic fit or something. I mean, she is so head over heels in
love with Dad that it's not even funny. It's like duh! Parents aren't supposed to be like that.
Romance is saved for the youth. Parents are just supposed to tolerate each other and kiss every
once in a while just so their kids don't think they're going to divorce. I mean, she actually has sex
with him whenever he's around, which as I mentioned is hardly ever. How gross. I can't imagine
anyone wanting to do that with my dad. He's such a loser. And why oh why is he never around?
You wouldn't think a greeting card salesman would have so many business trips.
Well, that's the state of my life so far. And of course, I'm in high school, which is so much a
breeze that it bores me. My brother and I are both mega-geniuses or something. We must have
gotten it from mom, cause it sure didn't come from dad. Of course, we are also classified as
mega-dorks by everyone at school. My brother gets locked in his locker practically every other
day. He usually falls asleep and misses half of his classes. Boy is he lucky that we share fifth
period. When I notice he isn't there, I rush to his locker and let him out. He usually tumbles out
and hits the floor because he's asleep. What a dweeb! Then we rush to class and politely explain
to Mrs. Hooper why we are ten minutes late. How annoying.
But I don't hate everything about my life. For one thing, we live in Washington, DC, which has to
be about the coolest city in the country. There is so much to see and do, especially for nerds like
my brother. And I so love the Smithsonian museums. I could live there and never be bored
because they're always adding something new. My mom also takes us to the Capitol a lot so we
can see Congress in session. I find that extremely boring, but it amuses my brother so I deal with
it. My mom always sighs wistfully and wonders aloud if she should run for office. I think that
would be a good thing. At least I'd find out what her name is. It would be posted all around town.
Of course, we's have to move to some state we'd be representing during the campaign. Or at
least my mother would. Zack and I would probably be in college or moved out already. And
maybe Dad would show his face once in a while. Nah, he probably wouldn't even vote for her.
I don't see why. My mom is so gorgeous that everyone would vote for her no matter what party
she was affiliated with. She's got this thick dark hair the color of chocolate that she wears at in
the most attractive style imaginable. She has incredibly long eyelashes (which I've inherited!) That
set off her dark eyes beautifully. And this cute little smile that's totally to die for. I can see why
Dad fell for her. Now what she saw in HIM is a completely different story. Rumor has it that he
had to be tricked into proposing to her! Talk about a LOSER!!!!!
Well, I really need to be heading to school. Mom is giving me this stern "get the heck off the
computer" look. Yeah, we have a computer. We must be incredibly rich or something. Don't ask
why we live in an apartment.
Talk to yas later, Mr. Apple.
Maxine Smart*
Later, After School
I can't believe my ill luck. We are going to have Career Day at school. And Mr. Slacker, the
principal, has assigned MY FATHER as one of the speakers. He says that a greeting card
salesman is a very interesting profession. There aren't any other parents with that job in our whole
school and he wants as many different careers as possible. This means that I ACTUALLY have to
TALK to Dad. What if he says no? I'm already the laughingstock of the entire school, I don't
need my father to be ornery on top of it. Zak says not to sweat the small stuff. As if HE should
know. HE'S not the one who has to talk to Dad. HE'S too busy on a stupid science fair project
about cellular phones, whatever THOSE are. Zak says everyone will have one by the year 2000.
Who cares what happens in fifteen years! I'll be 31 years old and married (I hope) by then! I'm
more concerned about MY life NOW!
Dad is coming by to spend some "quality family time" with us this weekend. He hasn't done that
in like two years. But if course, as soon as I actually have to talk to him, he shows up. It figures.
He must have ESP or something. Either that or *gasp* Mom told him about Career Day! She
couldn't have! My own mother betrayed me? I have to ask her right now.
Maxi
*Max and 99's twin girl was never given a name in the series, but she is traditionally known as
"Maxine"
Her brother didn't have a name either until Get Smart '95 when he was identified as "Zachary
Smart."
A/N: What do you think? This idea just popped into my head on Friday and I had to write the
story. I may be writing just from
Maxine's POV, but then again, I may write diaries for each member of the Smart family. If you
could share your
opinions on this idea, that would be great. I'm trying to write a diary entry a day in this story so
expect
frequent updates.