**I apologize wholeheartedly for the delay in my updates but I've been drowning in end-of-semester "do this or you won't graduate" stuff lately. Thankfully, writing this story provides a nice respite. This chapter is definitely more serious than the past few, but they can't all be funny, now can they? Read on and let me know what you think.
In their room, the "Parkers" latched the door securely behind them, drew the blinds, and instantly assumed positions on opposite sides of the living space. Whether consciously or not, the two managed to turn on every light in their small quarters as they entered – including the bathroom. Sydney moved quickly to a seat at the table in the far right corner and Gage perched on the edge of the couch as far from her as possible, elbows resting on his knees while he clasped and unclasped his hands in front of him nervously. He was very clearly attempting to sit casually on the couch, but his efforts instead gave him the appearance of someone who needed to use the bathroom very badly. Sydney didn't look any better and kept chewing nervously on her bottom lip. The silence that had overtaken them on the walk back from their evening session became heavy, hovering between them like a thick gray fog.
After five minutes that felt to both as though it was five days, Sydney summoned up a deep breath and asked, "What are we doing here?"
Gage's ears went red for the tenth time in fifteen minutes. "I can tell you what we're not doing."
"Gage!" she snapped, standing abruptly in a manner that emphasized her discomfort. She threw up her hands. "Why is this such a big deal? It's not as though we're actually married. We're only pretending to be married for work. Just because Dr. Ehrlich told all of the couples to… well…" She paused. "Just because he gave everyone this crazy assignment doesn't mean we have to do it. We're pretending to be married so what's so hard about pretending that something actually happened here tonight?"
Her partner was obviously following her line of reasoning because he was nodding along with her words, but she could tell that something was still bothering him because he remained silent when she finished.
She stepped closer to him and lowered her tone so that it was softer and more concerned. "Am I missing something or do you not agree with me?"
His blue eyes looked up into her own and she struggled to interpret what she saw there. Was it disappointment? Anger? Frustration? For the amount of time she spent with him on a regular basis, Sydney was surprised at her own inability to read his facial expression at that moment. Startled, she discovered that she was instantly afraid – not because she was unable to make sense of what she saw, but because she sensed that they were about to enter new territory as soon as he responded.
Gage shook his head as though to assuage her fears, but his words only heightened them. "It's nothing, Syd. Really. You're completely right."
She saw the restraint he was exercising with his words and pressed him. "Gage, what is it? What am I missing?"
"Nothing," he insisted with another shake of his head.
"It has to be something," she felt her tone raise a notch and her hands went to her hips as she reflexively assumed her no-nonsense Texas Ranger pose.
"No," he stood and vehemently disagreed with her. There was a paused and then softer: "It's nothing – it's always nothing with us."
"What?" she cried.
An ironic and not at all friendly smile split his face and he told her in a level tone, "I knew you wouldn't get it. You never get it, Syd – either that or you never want to."
"Gage, what are you talking about?" she demanded. Her initial fear had begun to manifest itself in a more definite manner and she felt her stomach muscles tense in response.
"I'm talking about us, Syd," he told her, stepping closer so that the words were delivered directly into her face. "You and me. I'm talking about all of the things that have happened that we're not allowed to talk about, that we're not allowed to acknowledge. I'm talking about the way you manage to avoid everything that happens between us that doesn't fit in with our platonic partner relationship."
"Like what?" she demanded, even though she knew very well what he was referring to.
His mouth tightened. "Oh I don't know, maybe the kiss you planted on me after Walker and Alex's plane landed safely – the one that wasn't 'real.' Or how about what you said to me in the hospital after I got my hearing back that I couldn't tell you I knew about because you'd panic? Or better yet what about this afternoon in the file room? You want to know what's going on here? Well so would I!"
Sydney couldn't remember ever seeing her partner so upset. His breathing had become rapid and there was a vein standing out prominently in his neck. The thing that upset her most, however, was the look in his eyes, a look that she now pinpointed as being one of pure frustration and even disappointment. Instantly she felt guilty for being the cause of his state and took a step backwards to regroup – then realized her mistake as she watched the result of her movement increase the painful intensity of his gaze.
"Gage, I'm sorry if I've upset you," she said softly in a tone that was almost a whisper, stepping forward again and reaching out a hand to him.
"Upset me?" he rolled his eyes and shoved the hand away. "Syd, we're a little beyond upset here. We're to the point of me wanting to fling myself off the top of a tall building every time something happens because I know it's one more thing we're going to have to tiptoe around in conversation!"
It hit home for her then. She didn't know why it hadn't before but she suspected that the reason she hadn't arrived at her revelation previously was that she had been ignoring it, hoping that if she didn't think about it the situation would resolve itself. She now knew without a doubt that it wouldn't. Gage had definite feelings for her and she needed to acknowledge that fact.
She took a deep breath, willing the words to form on her tongue in the way that they seemed reluctant to in her brain. "Gage, I'm sorry."
"You said that already," he snapped, frowning.
She shook her head. "No, not for upsetting you. I'm sorry for avoiding what's been going on between us. It's not fair to either of us."
He raised his eyebrows with interest and folded his arms across his chest, assuming his characteristic listening pose. Still, Sydney could tell from his expression that he wasn't through pressing her. "What has been going on between us, Syd? Tell me that."
Sydney chewed thoughtfully on her lower lip before answering. She knew that the future of their partnership – and their friendship - rested on what she was about to say and that she needed to tread carefully. She lifted her eyes to his, "What's been happening between us is complicated, Gage."
He opened his mouth angrily and she waved him silent with her hand, continuing quickly with, "Don't say that I'm copping out because I'm not, okay? It is complicated and you know it. We're partners first and foremost and everything comes second to that. Everything. In addition, we're good friends – best friends, even. I don't think there's anyone in the world who understands me as well as you do half the time."
"Half the time is right," he put in, but his face had relaxed and his eyes had regained some of their charming sparkle. Everything about him seemed tuned into her words and she was surprised to find herself feeling better as she spoke them. Holding everything in had been harder than she thought.
She continued. "But work and friendship aside, I can't deny that there's something else between us. I've tried – even when you've called me out on it – and I know that if I were to deny it now, I could kill everything that we have. So there, I admit it. Happy?"
Gage smirked in disbelief but when he spoke his words were slow and neutral. "That's it? I yell and rant and rave at you and that's all I get?"
"What else did you want?" Sydney asked him, her defenses going back up. "I admitted that there's something going on but if you think I'm going to act on anything – especially now – you've been hit in the head by a few too many bad guys, Gage."
He sighed. "Look, Syd, I appreciate your admission – I really do. I think getting all of that into the open has been great, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. I mean, don't you think we should talk through some of the stuff we've been avoiding so that we don't have arguments like this in the future? Besides, I'd like for you to pinpoint exactly what that 'something between us' you referred to is."
Sydney felt deflated and she wasn't sure why. It seemed as though the walls she usually put up around conversations like the one she and Gage were having had not only been brought down, but that they'd been blown into dust. Her partner and best friend was asking her to bare her soul and though part of her thought she should be able to do so with no trouble, another part of her held back. She had one last defense tactic left and she decided to try it.
"Look, Gage," she began, "I don't think this is really the time or place for us to be getting into this. I'm going to grab some files and…"
Work had always saved her before – paperwork, phone calls, bringing in suspects – but this time she knew instantly that it wasn't to be. She watched the boyish face of her partner fall and the anger flare up in his eyes once more and knew that she was unequipped to deal with the fury of the storm she was about to face.
"Not the time or place?" he fumed. "What is the time and place? Huh? Are you going to wait until the next time I lose my hearing in an explosion to resume this conversation? Or maybe we'll just keep tiptoeing around issues until we have nothing left to talk about – that ought to be fun!" He mimicked a verbal exchange between the two: "'Hi, Syd, how was your evening last night?' 'Gage, we have paperwork to do.' 'Oh, my mistake, I forgot that I wasn't supposed to mention the fact that you kissed me. Good thing that wasn't a real one but you sure had me fooled! Ha, ha, ha.'"
The pretend conversation he'd just demonstrated had been delivered with bitterness that Sydney had not thought her partner capable of. Gage was usually so easygoing and affable that to hear such scathing commentary come from his mouth was frightening. She stood rooted to the wooden floor, staring.
"You know what?" he threw up his hands in surrender, his tone still bitter. "I give up. I quit. Let's just go back to the way things were before; it was certainly a lot easier than this." He took a deep breath, "I'm going to go for a walk and cool off."
He touched the door handle before stopping and turning to her one more time. His voice sarcastic, he said, "I guess this goes to prove that couples' therapy isn't for everyone, huh?"
He snorted and was opening the door when Sydney heard a female voice call, "Wait!"
It took her a split second to realize that the voice was her own and it startled her.
Gage turned. "Why?"
"Just don't go," Sydney fumbled with the words.
"Why?" he repeated. "We're through here."
Sydney didn't think the words but heard them for the first time when they rolled from her lips. "What do you want me to say? What do I have to say to make you understand this? Do you want to hear about how jealous I get whenever I see you look at or kiss another woman? Or maybe I should tell you that I keep that picture of us from Walker and Alex's wedding by my nightstand so it's the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning. Oh, I know – I should tell you that the reason I pulled that stunt in the file room was because it was a reflex. I'd fantasized about doing the exact same thing so many times it just made sense to me to go with it right then. Is that what you wanted to hear or would it be enough to say that that mysterious 'something' between us is pure attraction?"
She spat the words in anger, so frustrated with her own reactions to his questions and the uncomfortable way he made her feel that she could find no other emotion to lock onto. Francis Gage had to be the most infuriating man on the planet and yet as she looked into his face, she saw nothing but an angelic expression and a goofy grin. The sight increased her rage twofold.
"What?" she demanded, feeling her body temperature rise with her increased fury.
Gage's shoulders began to shake slightly with held laughter and his blue eyes were twinkling as though he was withholding a secret. Had he stared at her for another moment, she would have thrown the vase of flowers on the coffee table at him. Luckily, he chose her moment of decision to speak.
"Feel better, Shorty?" he asked lightly and she instantly regretted not throwing the vase. It was still within reach, though.
"Should I?" she wanted to know, her tone prickly.
He shrugged innocently. "I just figured since you've probably been holding that in for a while it probably felt good to let it all out."
Her eyes shot sparks and she spun on her heel, headed for the kitchenette and a glass of water so that she wouldn't forcibly remove the smile from his face.
"Hold on a minute," he hurried after her and grabbed her elbow, turning her around to face him. "Don't I get to say anything?"
"Don't you think you've said enough already?" she frowned.
"No," he told her. "I haven't gotten to tell you that I did hear what you said when I got my hearing back and that it meant a lot. I haven't gotten to tell you that the only times I've ever been scared on the job are when you've been in danger. I haven't told you that the picture by my nightstand is of you and I at Alex's baby shower when we played Frisbee in the backyard and you tripped and I caught both you and the Frisbee and Erika got it on film. But most importantly I haven't told you that you're the most amazing person I know and when we're not together nothing seems right to me. So no, I haven't said enough because I haven't gotten to tell you all of that."
Gage's words washed over Sydney and carried her anger away, replacing it with new respect and admiration for her partner. She both hated and loved how he could drive her into a rage and yet pull her back with just a few words. She felt like a puppet when he did that and yet she surprised herself in that she didn't mind. She always felt safe with Gage, no matter what the situation.
She gave a half-smile and asked jokingly, "Feel better, Francis?"
He chuckled. "Actually yeah."
She shook her head to clear it, then asked him, "So are you still up for that walk?"
"Sure," he agreed, going over to the couch and picking up their jackets.
Outside their cabin, the pair began to stroll in the direction of the river that cut through part of the Arroyo Grande property. Behind the main lodge they found a trail and followed it, moonlight stretching their shadows eerily over the ground and lighting the way before them.
"I feel like I need to tell you why I never said all of that before," Sydney began, listening to the crunch of their footsteps and Gage's easy breathing beside her. She only realized now how comforting she found that sound.
Offhandedly, he remarked, "I figured you just weren't mad enough."
She slapped his shoulder lightly. "Gage!"
"Ow!" he cried in mock protest. After he'd sobered, he asked, "So why didn't you?"
Surprised at how easily the words came now, she told him, "Part of it was just the fact that we work together, I guess. I mean, office relationships are really hard and our partnership is so good that I didn't want to do anything to jeopardize it. But I'd be lying if I didn't say that the big reason I pushed everything that happened aside was just because I was scared of what you'd say. I'm not exactly your type of girl and I don't think I ever can be." She snorted and added, "In fact, I'm not the type of girl a lot of guys like. My track record with dating is filled with a lot of guys who wanted me to be something that I can't."
"When did I ever say that you're not my type of girl?" Gage wanted to know.
"Gage," Sydney raised her voice a notch, "I've never seen you date a girl who wasn't tall, blonde, and employed in some fashionable, cushy job where no one shoots at her and she doesn't risk breaking a nail."
"Syd, I'm hurt!" he cried, feigning indignation.
"Name one girl who wasn't like that," Sydney challenged him.
He shrugged casually. "The girl I took to my high school reunion was short, dark-haired, and gets in fights with drug dealers on a regular basis."
"I don't count," she shook her head.
"Why not?" he asked. "Wasn't that a date?"
"Gage, I…" she began, then faltered.
"Exactly," he cut in. "Besides, when have I gone out with any of those other girls more than once?"
"So what are you saying?" Sydney was confused.
"I'm saying you're different from them," Gage told her. They'd reached the riverbank and were staring out across the water, both standing with their hands in the pockets of their jackets.
He continued. "I'm saying that you mean more to me than them. I'm saying that I think I'm in love with you."
He'd spoken the last words so softly that Sydney wasn't sure she'd heard him correctly at first and she took pause. It must have been too long for Gage, though, because he said, "Come on, Syd – don't leave me hanging here."
"I'm sorry," she finally regained her powers of speech. "I just wasn't sure I heard you right. I could have sworn you just said that you're in love with me…"
"Yeah, you heard me right," he nodded and even in the dark she could tell that he had turned bright pink.
"I'm glad," she told him, "because I think I feel the same way about you."
He smiled and seemed incapable of saying anything at that moment so shyly she asked, "Hey Gage?"
"Hmm?" he breathed.
"Remember how I told you that neither of those kisses earlier were for real?" she began.
"Yeah," he frowned suspiciously.
"Would you like to see if you can tell the difference?" she asked almost coyly.
He took a small step backward. "You're not going to kick me in the head again, are you?"
"Not exactly," she chuckled.
"Okay then," he stepped closer.
Sydney stood on her tiptoes and placed her hands on either side of her partner's face, feeling how flushed he was as the heat made her palms tingle. Without a moment's hesitation, she planted her lips firmly on his and gave him a kiss she sincerely hoped he wouldn't forget anytime soon.
When they finally pulled apart, she was about to say something when a sudden movement behind her partner caught her eye.
"Gage, come here," she hissed, grabbing his arm.
"Just let me catch my breath, Syd," he grinned and she grabbed his chin with her hand, turning his head to the rear so he could see what she was looking at.
"The Tylers?" he whispered.
"One way to find out," she shrugged.
"Lead the way, Shorty," he told her.