Disclaimer- please see previous chapters for disclaimer information and add on the fact that don't own Casablanca or any of the characters in that amazing movie. If you haven't seen I highly recommend it.
Authors notes- I want to send a huge thanks to those that have reviewed my story so far. It means a heck of a lot to me to know that someone is actually reading this story besides me. I am always up for constructive critism so if there is something that you don't think works please let me know, of course I would love any type of feedback.
I would also like to thank my sister for her awesome Betaing skills, she has really helped me get and keep this story in line and moving forward and is quick to point out when I stop making sense.
Chapter 6 : A Time You May Embrace
It was still early in the morning when Malone arrived at the airport terminal and spotted a small collection of his team. Malone had slept very little the night before thanks to an over active brain and too many unanswered questions he hadn't dared to ask. He was still confused about what happened and how all these puzzle pieces fit together. He walked up to his team which seemed to be missing Jack Bristow, and the other Base Agents. He assumed they were escorting Vaughns father back to the States via a chartered plane. Looking around he saw Sydney sitting alone reading a book. Well more like staring at a book, she had not turned a page in a few minutes. She was sitting about 20 feet from Weiss and Vaughn who were having an animated conversation about the state of the LA Kings.
Malone noticed that Sydney was listening to their conversation. When they laughed or got rowdy she would smile just slightly, when Vaughn found out his dog had died the previous year, she looked sad. He wondered why she didn't join in on the conversation but knew it was not his place to ask questions. He watched, as Vaughn would crack a joke and shift his head just slightly to see if Sydney had laughed, when she had, his smile grew. 'But why didn't he talk to her?' Malone wondered to himself. Finally the flight was called and everyone started to board the plane. He looked at his ticket and proceeded to 22F. He sat down after stowing away his luggage and Weiss did the same. They started talking about everyday issues and mutually complaining about all the paperwork that awaited them in LA.
"Weiss do you mind if we switch seats?" Malone turned and saw Sydney looking at Weiss with a questioning look.
"Why?" he asked back.
Sydney just glared at him and said in an even but obviously put out tone, " Because I prefer the view from here."
Weiss turned and saw that Sydney had been seated next to Vaughn and got out of his seat. "You can't put off talking to him forever Syd."
"I can at least put it off for a few hours though." Sydney sat down in Weiss' vacated seat and opened the book she had been reading, never sparing a glance in Malone's direction. Weiss stood there looking at her until the flight attendant came by and asked him to take his seat. Malone watched as he left and saw a look of pained resignation on Vaughns face.
2 hours into the flight Sydney started to cry. It was dignified crying, not the bawling and histrionics you often see when girls are upset, just tears rolling down her face and the occasional hiccup. Malone had no idea what to do. This woman could easily snap his neck if she so desired and no one would notice until the end of the flight, but he couldn't let he just sit there and cry. Normally when girls cried he left the room, but there was no place to hide so he did the only other thing he could think of. He got out a handkerchief and wordlessly handed it her. She took it and muttered thanks through her tears. Malone went back to his magazine and tried to tune out the obviously upset woman next to him. She stopped crying and he again turned to her as she handed back his hanky. He waited to see if she wanted to talk but she just sat stoically staring straight a head so he went back to his article.
"I didn't think it would hurt this much." He heard her say softly. He didn't think this required a response so he put down his magazine and turned to her, and waited till she qualified the statement. "Him coming back. I mean I should be happy, and I am, but I feel so betrayed. I don't have a right to feel betrayed and the fact that I do makes me feel even worse. I should only be happy but I'm not"
"You can't control what you feel, there is not "right" way to feel, there just is" he tried to console her. She turned to him and gave a small smile.
Sydney looked down at her hands clasped in her lap. Malone knew he was taking a chance with what he was about to say but he did not get where he was by being cautious.
"If you need a sounding board I'm here, I'm a good listener and I know how to keep a secret. People are always telling me I should be a spy, oh wait I am a spy." He tried to ease her tension with a joke. It seemed to work; she gave a little chuckle and then went silent for a few minutes, he assumed to gather her thoughts.
"I've always been a spy, since I was 7. My father put me through rigorous spy training then covered up the memories with hypnosis" Malone was stunned but sat there waiting to hear more. "I never knew it, I always wanted to be a teacher, like my mom. I got recruited into the CIA while in college and I loved it. I loved the fact that I was doing good, helping to bring the bad guys down, being my own woman and being a woman of power. It was exhilarating. I got engaged to a wonderful man, he was a med student and I was madly in love." Malone watched a small wistful smile grace her face "I hated keeping secrets from Danny so one day I told him what I did. The CIA found out and had him killed. I found him dead in the bathtub. At the time it was the lowest point in my life but because of it I found out that I was not working for the CIA but for a rogue agency named SD-6. I wanted revenge; I wanted them to pay for Danny's death; so one day I walked into Agency headquarters and told them everything I knew. The man I talked to was Agent Vaughn."
Ah, so that's how they he had figured it was on an Op seeing as how they were both Field agents. Sydney went on to explain that Vaughn became her handler with the Agency. Malone was surprised; Vaughn did not seem the desk job type. Sydney told of their adventures, breaking into the Vatican, getting her to Mt Sebacio, Vaughn almost dying at the hands of her mother and her goons, his illness as a result and her resulting deal with Sark. The story was detailed and long, but Malone was enthralled. The life these two had led as "partners" was incredible. In every adventure, Vaughn played a significant role, in every story she told of how he helped her, supported her, became her everything. Malone wondered why Vaughn had been allowed to stay on as her handler seeing as how it must have been obvious that they had feelings for each other. He asked Sydney how that played out within the Agency.
She laughed for a minute before answering, "Oh trust me they tried, they threatened, they even had us both in therapy. But they wouldn't dare to replace Vaughn as my handler. We worked to well together, we were a well oiled machine, I trusted him, and only him, completely, I would not work with someone else and they knew it, so unless one of us asked to be transferred or reassigned we got to stay together."
"How did that work, I cant imagine being able to concentrate on a mission when the person I care about the most is off trying very hard not to get killed?" Malone interjected. Sydney gave him a piercing look and Malone quickly added what he was really thinking, "It just seems stupid to get involved like that, especially when so much rides on your professionalism." Malone was afraid that she would be offended by the tone he took.
Sydney eyed him for a long moment and then answered. "Have you ever been in love Mr. Malone?" when he shook his head in the negative she went on, "then don't you dare presume to tell me how to do my job and do it well. Or what I should and should not be allowed to feel to get that job done. It was my love for someone that got them killed and it was my love for another that kept me alive. On all the missions I went on, of all the close calls, the one thing I held onto was the fact that I needed to get back and see Vaughn. We never dated while I was with SD-6; we were professional, all the time. But I knew that the faster we brought down SD-6 and the Alliance, the faster we could be together." She took a deep breath and sip of water, "You see my desire for vengeance had waned, my purpose had changed. I was no longer fighting against something, I was fighting FOR something and that made our relationship so strong. " She was still angry with him for his earlier tone but calmed down a bit after her outburst. She shifted in her seat, and for a moment he thought she wouldn't finish her story.
"In the weeks that preceded the take down of the Alliance, Vaughns and my relationship had taken a turn. We were no longer hiding our feeling for each other, but we knew we had to wait, too much was riding on what we were doing. The second SD-6 came down we were together. There was no hesitation, no second thoughts; it was what was meant to be. I had done it; I had gotten justice for Danny and had fallen in love again. I thought everything was perfect. A little over a year went by, Vaughn proposed and we started planning our wedding," Malone looked down and saw that Sydney was wearing an engagement ring, "one day he came to me and shared some intel that had been given to him. He had suspicions that his father may well be alive and he wanted to go and find out. I panicked, he couldn't leave, we had just started our lives together, and things were going good. He had never been a true field agent and I told him it would be too dangerous. He wouldn't listen to me, we just kept fighting and finally I told him that if he left we were through." She was crying again and Malone gave her a moment to pull herself together.
"Why? He had supported you through everything, why could you not support him in his?"
"Because I was pregnant and I didn't want the father of my baby dying for the CIA because he was chasing a ghost."
Malone was stunned, no one had ever mentioned that Sydney had a child, he had not heard Vaughn even ask about the child. "Does Agent Vaughn know?"
"No, I never told him, I had just found out the day he told me about the mission. I guess I was being selfish. I wanted him to come home from the Op and then tell him, to make him feel bad for leaving me. I don't know why, but I wanted to hurt him, the way felt he was hurting us. I never thought he wouldn't come home at all. God I was so stupid. I am so sorry," at this point she broke down into full-blown crying and a few seconds later Malone felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned and saw Weiss standing next to him and got up. Weiss took his seat and proceeded to pull Sydney into a hug. She clung to him like her life depended on it. Malone stood there for a moment debating on whether or not he should say what on his mind, in the end he decided that he could get away quickly if she got angry.
"You know Sydney, I don't know you very well, I know Agent Vaughn even less, but I can say that you need to let this go. It's been 5 years. I understand that you still feel guilty for what happened and you are obviously still angry with Agent Vaughn but I think you are angrier with yourself. What you are not doing is looking at this objectively. You were pregnant and hormonal. I mean, you did not really have the best parental role models in the world, it's a given that you would be freaked out. It's understandable that you would feel like your world was falling apart. I can't condone what you did, not telling Agent Vaughn about the baby. You took away any choice he may have had. He left thinking that after all the support he gave you, you could not reciprocate. But it's not fair to either of you to stay mad at him for leaving. You forced his hand with your omission, but you can't stay mad at yourself. Its time to let the past be the past. You guys finally have the chance to make this right, but not if you cant let go." Malone finished his speech and turned to the seat that Weiss had vacated next to Agent Vaughn. He sat down wondering if he had overstepped his bounds in talking to Sydney that way but figured it was far to late to worry about it.
He was not interested in talking to Vaughn at that moment so he put on his headphones and tried to get some sleep. He felt a tap on his shoulder and looked over at the haggard agent next to him.
"Is she okay?" Vaughn asked. He looked worried and exhausted.
"No she's not. I don't know her well, but I do know you two have a lot to work out and I don't want any part of it." Malone put his earphones back on and tried to sleep but he heard Vaughn say softly "I'm not sure if I even want a part of it." The two did not speak for the rest of the trip home and Malone was glad. He had learned more about this group of people than any sane person should be subjected to. He was uncomfortable with the information hat Sydney had given him regarding hers and Vaughns child and he did not want to let anything slip. He feigned sleep and thankfully Vaughn left him alone.
When the plane landed he found Weiss and made sure that it was okay for him to go home. He never thought that he would want to be away from the Agency but right now all he wanted was to be at home, in his apartment, relaxing without the drama that this mission had brought.
"I'm going to head home if that's all right." He said after finding Weiss in front of the luggage carousel.
"Yeah man that's fine. Good work by the way. You are well on your way."
Malone felt himself grow warm with the unexpected praise from his mentor.
"Thanks. So I'm just going to....." he started heading away from the group. He purposely did not look back, hoping to just forget about the two agents that were currently occupying his mind. Tomorrow would be soon enough to deal with that. He had almost made it to the door and outside to the always-waiting cabs when he heard his name being called.
"Malone!" He debated whether or not to pretend he hadn't heard Sydney calling him but manners drilled into him by his mom forced him to turn and face her.
"Look, I'm sorry for losing it on the plane, but I want to thank you for listening. You gave me a lot to think about." He gave a slight smile in acceptance of her thanks and again turned to leave.
"What I said, about my son...." She hesitated but Malone knew what she was asking.
"I won't say anything to Agent Vaughn, it's not my place. But you need to tell him, don't wait, he deserves to know." She nodded her head in the affirmative and then turned back to where Weiss was still waiting for his bags. Once he saw that their conversation was over he made a quick exit and headed home.
Authors notes- I want to send a huge thanks to those that have reviewed my story so far. It means a heck of a lot to me to know that someone is actually reading this story besides me. I am always up for constructive critism so if there is something that you don't think works please let me know, of course I would love any type of feedback.
I would also like to thank my sister for her awesome Betaing skills, she has really helped me get and keep this story in line and moving forward and is quick to point out when I stop making sense.
Chapter 6 : A Time You May Embrace
It was still early in the morning when Malone arrived at the airport terminal and spotted a small collection of his team. Malone had slept very little the night before thanks to an over active brain and too many unanswered questions he hadn't dared to ask. He was still confused about what happened and how all these puzzle pieces fit together. He walked up to his team which seemed to be missing Jack Bristow, and the other Base Agents. He assumed they were escorting Vaughns father back to the States via a chartered plane. Looking around he saw Sydney sitting alone reading a book. Well more like staring at a book, she had not turned a page in a few minutes. She was sitting about 20 feet from Weiss and Vaughn who were having an animated conversation about the state of the LA Kings.
Malone noticed that Sydney was listening to their conversation. When they laughed or got rowdy she would smile just slightly, when Vaughn found out his dog had died the previous year, she looked sad. He wondered why she didn't join in on the conversation but knew it was not his place to ask questions. He watched, as Vaughn would crack a joke and shift his head just slightly to see if Sydney had laughed, when she had, his smile grew. 'But why didn't he talk to her?' Malone wondered to himself. Finally the flight was called and everyone started to board the plane. He looked at his ticket and proceeded to 22F. He sat down after stowing away his luggage and Weiss did the same. They started talking about everyday issues and mutually complaining about all the paperwork that awaited them in LA.
"Weiss do you mind if we switch seats?" Malone turned and saw Sydney looking at Weiss with a questioning look.
"Why?" he asked back.
Sydney just glared at him and said in an even but obviously put out tone, " Because I prefer the view from here."
Weiss turned and saw that Sydney had been seated next to Vaughn and got out of his seat. "You can't put off talking to him forever Syd."
"I can at least put it off for a few hours though." Sydney sat down in Weiss' vacated seat and opened the book she had been reading, never sparing a glance in Malone's direction. Weiss stood there looking at her until the flight attendant came by and asked him to take his seat. Malone watched as he left and saw a look of pained resignation on Vaughns face.
2 hours into the flight Sydney started to cry. It was dignified crying, not the bawling and histrionics you often see when girls are upset, just tears rolling down her face and the occasional hiccup. Malone had no idea what to do. This woman could easily snap his neck if she so desired and no one would notice until the end of the flight, but he couldn't let he just sit there and cry. Normally when girls cried he left the room, but there was no place to hide so he did the only other thing he could think of. He got out a handkerchief and wordlessly handed it her. She took it and muttered thanks through her tears. Malone went back to his magazine and tried to tune out the obviously upset woman next to him. She stopped crying and he again turned to her as she handed back his hanky. He waited to see if she wanted to talk but she just sat stoically staring straight a head so he went back to his article.
"I didn't think it would hurt this much." He heard her say softly. He didn't think this required a response so he put down his magazine and turned to her, and waited till she qualified the statement. "Him coming back. I mean I should be happy, and I am, but I feel so betrayed. I don't have a right to feel betrayed and the fact that I do makes me feel even worse. I should only be happy but I'm not"
"You can't control what you feel, there is not "right" way to feel, there just is" he tried to console her. She turned to him and gave a small smile.
Sydney looked down at her hands clasped in her lap. Malone knew he was taking a chance with what he was about to say but he did not get where he was by being cautious.
"If you need a sounding board I'm here, I'm a good listener and I know how to keep a secret. People are always telling me I should be a spy, oh wait I am a spy." He tried to ease her tension with a joke. It seemed to work; she gave a little chuckle and then went silent for a few minutes, he assumed to gather her thoughts.
"I've always been a spy, since I was 7. My father put me through rigorous spy training then covered up the memories with hypnosis" Malone was stunned but sat there waiting to hear more. "I never knew it, I always wanted to be a teacher, like my mom. I got recruited into the CIA while in college and I loved it. I loved the fact that I was doing good, helping to bring the bad guys down, being my own woman and being a woman of power. It was exhilarating. I got engaged to a wonderful man, he was a med student and I was madly in love." Malone watched a small wistful smile grace her face "I hated keeping secrets from Danny so one day I told him what I did. The CIA found out and had him killed. I found him dead in the bathtub. At the time it was the lowest point in my life but because of it I found out that I was not working for the CIA but for a rogue agency named SD-6. I wanted revenge; I wanted them to pay for Danny's death; so one day I walked into Agency headquarters and told them everything I knew. The man I talked to was Agent Vaughn."
Ah, so that's how they he had figured it was on an Op seeing as how they were both Field agents. Sydney went on to explain that Vaughn became her handler with the Agency. Malone was surprised; Vaughn did not seem the desk job type. Sydney told of their adventures, breaking into the Vatican, getting her to Mt Sebacio, Vaughn almost dying at the hands of her mother and her goons, his illness as a result and her resulting deal with Sark. The story was detailed and long, but Malone was enthralled. The life these two had led as "partners" was incredible. In every adventure, Vaughn played a significant role, in every story she told of how he helped her, supported her, became her everything. Malone wondered why Vaughn had been allowed to stay on as her handler seeing as how it must have been obvious that they had feelings for each other. He asked Sydney how that played out within the Agency.
She laughed for a minute before answering, "Oh trust me they tried, they threatened, they even had us both in therapy. But they wouldn't dare to replace Vaughn as my handler. We worked to well together, we were a well oiled machine, I trusted him, and only him, completely, I would not work with someone else and they knew it, so unless one of us asked to be transferred or reassigned we got to stay together."
"How did that work, I cant imagine being able to concentrate on a mission when the person I care about the most is off trying very hard not to get killed?" Malone interjected. Sydney gave him a piercing look and Malone quickly added what he was really thinking, "It just seems stupid to get involved like that, especially when so much rides on your professionalism." Malone was afraid that she would be offended by the tone he took.
Sydney eyed him for a long moment and then answered. "Have you ever been in love Mr. Malone?" when he shook his head in the negative she went on, "then don't you dare presume to tell me how to do my job and do it well. Or what I should and should not be allowed to feel to get that job done. It was my love for someone that got them killed and it was my love for another that kept me alive. On all the missions I went on, of all the close calls, the one thing I held onto was the fact that I needed to get back and see Vaughn. We never dated while I was with SD-6; we were professional, all the time. But I knew that the faster we brought down SD-6 and the Alliance, the faster we could be together." She took a deep breath and sip of water, "You see my desire for vengeance had waned, my purpose had changed. I was no longer fighting against something, I was fighting FOR something and that made our relationship so strong. " She was still angry with him for his earlier tone but calmed down a bit after her outburst. She shifted in her seat, and for a moment he thought she wouldn't finish her story.
"In the weeks that preceded the take down of the Alliance, Vaughns and my relationship had taken a turn. We were no longer hiding our feeling for each other, but we knew we had to wait, too much was riding on what we were doing. The second SD-6 came down we were together. There was no hesitation, no second thoughts; it was what was meant to be. I had done it; I had gotten justice for Danny and had fallen in love again. I thought everything was perfect. A little over a year went by, Vaughn proposed and we started planning our wedding," Malone looked down and saw that Sydney was wearing an engagement ring, "one day he came to me and shared some intel that had been given to him. He had suspicions that his father may well be alive and he wanted to go and find out. I panicked, he couldn't leave, we had just started our lives together, and things were going good. He had never been a true field agent and I told him it would be too dangerous. He wouldn't listen to me, we just kept fighting and finally I told him that if he left we were through." She was crying again and Malone gave her a moment to pull herself together.
"Why? He had supported you through everything, why could you not support him in his?"
"Because I was pregnant and I didn't want the father of my baby dying for the CIA because he was chasing a ghost."
Malone was stunned, no one had ever mentioned that Sydney had a child, he had not heard Vaughn even ask about the child. "Does Agent Vaughn know?"
"No, I never told him, I had just found out the day he told me about the mission. I guess I was being selfish. I wanted him to come home from the Op and then tell him, to make him feel bad for leaving me. I don't know why, but I wanted to hurt him, the way felt he was hurting us. I never thought he wouldn't come home at all. God I was so stupid. I am so sorry," at this point she broke down into full-blown crying and a few seconds later Malone felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned and saw Weiss standing next to him and got up. Weiss took his seat and proceeded to pull Sydney into a hug. She clung to him like her life depended on it. Malone stood there for a moment debating on whether or not he should say what on his mind, in the end he decided that he could get away quickly if she got angry.
"You know Sydney, I don't know you very well, I know Agent Vaughn even less, but I can say that you need to let this go. It's been 5 years. I understand that you still feel guilty for what happened and you are obviously still angry with Agent Vaughn but I think you are angrier with yourself. What you are not doing is looking at this objectively. You were pregnant and hormonal. I mean, you did not really have the best parental role models in the world, it's a given that you would be freaked out. It's understandable that you would feel like your world was falling apart. I can't condone what you did, not telling Agent Vaughn about the baby. You took away any choice he may have had. He left thinking that after all the support he gave you, you could not reciprocate. But it's not fair to either of you to stay mad at him for leaving. You forced his hand with your omission, but you can't stay mad at yourself. Its time to let the past be the past. You guys finally have the chance to make this right, but not if you cant let go." Malone finished his speech and turned to the seat that Weiss had vacated next to Agent Vaughn. He sat down wondering if he had overstepped his bounds in talking to Sydney that way but figured it was far to late to worry about it.
He was not interested in talking to Vaughn at that moment so he put on his headphones and tried to get some sleep. He felt a tap on his shoulder and looked over at the haggard agent next to him.
"Is she okay?" Vaughn asked. He looked worried and exhausted.
"No she's not. I don't know her well, but I do know you two have a lot to work out and I don't want any part of it." Malone put his earphones back on and tried to sleep but he heard Vaughn say softly "I'm not sure if I even want a part of it." The two did not speak for the rest of the trip home and Malone was glad. He had learned more about this group of people than any sane person should be subjected to. He was uncomfortable with the information hat Sydney had given him regarding hers and Vaughns child and he did not want to let anything slip. He feigned sleep and thankfully Vaughn left him alone.
When the plane landed he found Weiss and made sure that it was okay for him to go home. He never thought that he would want to be away from the Agency but right now all he wanted was to be at home, in his apartment, relaxing without the drama that this mission had brought.
"I'm going to head home if that's all right." He said after finding Weiss in front of the luggage carousel.
"Yeah man that's fine. Good work by the way. You are well on your way."
Malone felt himself grow warm with the unexpected praise from his mentor.
"Thanks. So I'm just going to....." he started heading away from the group. He purposely did not look back, hoping to just forget about the two agents that were currently occupying his mind. Tomorrow would be soon enough to deal with that. He had almost made it to the door and outside to the always-waiting cabs when he heard his name being called.
"Malone!" He debated whether or not to pretend he hadn't heard Sydney calling him but manners drilled into him by his mom forced him to turn and face her.
"Look, I'm sorry for losing it on the plane, but I want to thank you for listening. You gave me a lot to think about." He gave a slight smile in acceptance of her thanks and again turned to leave.
"What I said, about my son...." She hesitated but Malone knew what she was asking.
"I won't say anything to Agent Vaughn, it's not my place. But you need to tell him, don't wait, he deserves to know." She nodded her head in the affirmative and then turned back to where Weiss was still waiting for his bags. Once he saw that their conversation was over he made a quick exit and headed home.