"A Christmas Story" Chapter 4


Blood. His paralysis was shattered as he heard the low clinking of a knife against the hardwood floor. Rushing over to Heero he knelt down in front of him, grabbing the closest cloth thing he could. Blue eyes looked up, startled, as Duo grabbed his bleeding wrist and firmly pressed the material against it.

"What the hell are you doing?" Duo demanded his grip tightening as Heero tried to pull away. Duo turned toward the door before yelling, "Relena!"

"No! Don't call her... she can't see me like this," Heero cried hoarsely like he was losing his voice. It was then Duo noticed the track of spilled tears. He's almost cried himself hoarse; Duo noted hearing feet hurrying down the hall.

"I'm sorry she needs to know. Why would you do this? Heero tell me," Duo finally said as Relena appeared in the doorway.

"What's going on?" She asked concerned.

"Get the first aid kit," Duo replied his eyes focused on Heero's, which turned away in shame. He could hear Relena cry softly in the background knowing she had to be upset. "Relena I need to tie this off, go get the kit," he said with a little force.

Relena hurried from the room leaving them alone again while Duo kept the pressure on Heero's wrist. His eyes were focused on the young man's turned away face. "Heero... please explain this to me."

Empty blue eyes turned to focus on him before falling to the wrist Duo gripped tightly. He tried to pull his hand away only Duo just tightened his grip. Heero's lips finally moved but his voice was almost too soft to hear. "I'm not important."

"Of course you are!" Duo snapped. "You're important to Relena, and to me. Very important."

Heero's blue eyes grew impossibly wide at the words, no one had ever said that to him. Relena had always said she loved him, did that mean the same thing. His thoughts were interrupted when Relena reappeared in the room. As she neared them he could see the tears in her eyes and those she had already shed on her cheeks. She was crying because of him, he had caused her to cry again. Why did he keep hurting her? If he wasn't here anymore she wouldn't be hurt by him, he was sure of that.

Relena set the small white box beside them before speaking, "Heero why did you do this? If something happens to you I'll just die. Can't you see that? I love you so much and yet you won't let me help. Why won't you believe me when I tell you it wasn't your fault?"

Duo listened and allowed her to speak before trying to enlist her help. "Relena would you hold this in place? Be firm or he'll pull his hand away."

"Okay," she replied, her slightly trembling hands coming up to replace Duo's. Her grip was firm but Heero didn't seem to be trying to pull away. "Please talk to me; you're always pushing me away."

Heero looked at her a moment longer then turned his head away, everything she had said stabbing at his brain and heart. She would die if something happened to him. No she would be free of him if he was gone... all her suffering would end. He hated seeing her cry because of him, hated seeing her in any pain. She would be better off his he was dead. Suddenly he jerked his arm back freeing himself from her loosened grip.

Only before he could do anything Duo's warm hands returned pulling the now stained shirt away before wrapping white gauze around the open wound. Using a couple pieces of tape to hold it in place he made sure it was secure. He didn't release the wrist even as he finished the task.

Relena stood up collecting the box and shirt. "Duo help him please," she whispered before leaving the room.

"Can't you see what you're doing to her?" Duo asked the young man.

"If I die she won't cry anymore," Heero replied his voice low and harsh.

"I can't believe you just said that! She will cry until her eyes are empty if you die," Duo retorted. "How can you think otherwise?"

Heero pried his hand free from Duo his eyes flashing. "How dare you? You don't even know me! Just leave me alone!"

"Heero your death will not solve anything. It will just bring more pain to those people who love you."

"No one... loves me except Relena."

Duo stared at him shocked, "What? Your parents love you."

Heero's body stiffed before he quickly pulled himself to his feet. "You don't know anything! Leave me alone!" He shouted pushing Duo back, who had stood up as well. "How can you say that? If they love me they wouldn't have left! They would still be here, they wouldn't have argued about me!"

Duo regained his balance his own eyes going wide. He reached out and took hold of Heero's shaking wrists pulling the upset youth close to him. Wrapping his arms securely around Heero he spoke gently. "Shh, it's okay."

Heero couldn't stop the tears no matter how hard he tried. His body ached for the release of all his pent up frustration and sadness. He tried to shove Duo away only the older man held him snugly. "Stop it!" He cried al his fight leaving him. "You don't know anything."

"I know that you're hurting and trying to hide it," Duo replied soothingly, his hand gently running up and down Heero's back. "Let it out... you'll feel better."

"Never... it's never going to be the same," Heero's quiet tear filled voice said. "I hate Christmas."

"Don't hate Christmas. Christmas is one of the best times of the year."

"Shut up! I hate it," Heero cried finally breaking free of Duo. "And I hate you!"

"Heero..." Duo was almost speechless there was so much venom in the young man's voice.

"Get out! Leave me alone! I don't ever want to see you again!" Heero shouted turning away from Duo.

Duo watched frozen by the words, his heart raced. No one had ever said that to him before. Stepping back he turned to go to the door, with only a glance over his shoulder. Stepping into the hall he felt like it all had just crumbled in his hands. His brisk steps took him away from Heero's room and toward the front door.

"What happened?" Relena's voice stopped him.

Duo turned around to face her, "He told me to get out... that he hated me."

"That's not true! He didn't mean it," she replied quickly. "He says it but he never means it. Just go look."

Duo wasn't sure why but he decided to follow her advice. As he neared the open door he heard a heart wrenching sob. Peering into the room he saw Heero crumpled on the floor his whole body wracked this sobs. Why is he putting himself through all this? Why won't he let anyone inside? Stepping into the room he was overcome with the desire to comfort the young man. He held back though something inside of him afraid it would do more harm then good if he tried to help Heero now.

Heero tilted back on his ankles his moist eyes focusing on his wrapped wrist. Why had Duo helped him? Why was he seeing the man everywhere? Why did he care? Why did he even try? He had been nothing but cold to him and yet Duo had only been nice to him. Why couldn't he just die than everyone's suffering would end? Gripping his wrist tightly he caused the wound to bleed through the bandage leaving it red.

"Why?" Heero whispered unaware that he was being watched. "Why can't I just die? That's what they wanted... they never loved me..." His hands came up on either side of his head as if to close his ears off. "Stop it! Stop arguing! Please stop... I love you... but you hated me!"

Duo couldn't take anymore he had to say something, if only to save Heero's slipping sanity. Stepping behind the young man he knelt down wrapping his arms around Heero's shaking shoulders. The youth stiffened in the embrace his head turning sharply to see who was delivering it.

Duo... even after what I said he still tries to comfort me. Why? He couldn't understand this at all. "Why?" His quiet voice asked finally.

"Because you've touched a special place in my heart since the first time I had seen you walk into the diner. Have you lost faith in all people?" Duo answered squeezing his arms slightly.

"People are stupid," Heero replied his voice suddenly devoid of any emotion. "They only care about themselves."

"That's not true, I care about my friends, about your sister, and especially about you," Duo observed. "Since you don't seem to care about anyone I find what you said very hypocritical."

"Why care when no one cares back?"

"Your sister cares about you, and so do I."

"I care about Lena, I love her... but I destroyed her world. Took her parents from her... I ruined her life with my love. If you're smart you'll stay away from me," Heero's voice was a low whisper.

"No way, and you're wrong. She doesn't blame you at all," Duo said shaking his head slightly. "How many times has she told you it wasn't your fault?"

"I don't know..."

"Must be more then one can count. What do you think she was trying to say to you?"

"But it was! It was my fault! I caused everything... they left because of me!"

"Why would you say that so strongly?" Duo asked curiously and hoping to get Heero to open up to him more. He felt he was right on the edge of the breaking point here. Maybe if Heero had gotten it out in the open he could deal with it better, instead of just bottling it up inside.

"They fought... they always fought about me, over me. Screamed and yelled at each other. Then it just became silent one day...." Heero finally said his voice cracking. "Relena had always been there holding me while they fought downstairs. I can still hear their screams. I had gone to his office to apologize only he told me he hated me and that I ruined everything... that was the last time I saw you."

Duo felt his mouth open but no sound came out. Why would that do that? What kind of hateful parents did he have?

"They left for good that night, leaving while I slept. Relena had tried to comfort me... but I died that day. They left because of me..."

"No!" Duo's voice finally worked. "Their problem wasn't you... they just didn't know how to handle their problems. So they heartlessly and shamelessly took it out on you. They weren't parents, they were just wolves in people clothing. Never blame yourself for their mistakes... they are the ones who hold the blame."

Heero's head rested back against Duo's chest. "I don't feel anything anymore."