Chapter Eleven

Another night out patrolling. Buffy held the stake firmly in her right hand, waiting for something, anything, to pounce. Nothing did. It was a quiet night for slaying. She had only killed one vamp, and that had been a fledgling, just crawling out of its grave. Not really a challenge, but apparently all the fulfillment she would get tonight.

She walked through the cemetery, trying desperately to stay focused. But all she could think about was Spike. Something was wrong with him. She couldn't figure out what it was, but there was something different about him. Something had changed. Something important, integral to his character. Buffy started to wonder if that was what her dreams had been about. Whatever had happened to Spike, perhaps it was affecting her too. Maybe, on a psychic level, she had felt the change. Whatever it was, she was sure it wasn't good.

Somehow Buffy found herself at Spike's old crypt. It hadn't been her intention to visit, but there she was. She had no way of knowing if he was inside. When Spike had disappeared months earlier, he had left Clem in charge of the place. But Clem had long since abandoned the vampire nest - apparently feeling, after what Riley had done to it, that it was no longer up to even the most basic standards of demon habitation. Buffy didn't know if Spike would return to the old haunt, but she was still drawn to it.

Cautiously, Buffy approached the door, her heart starting to beat faster. She knew there was only a small chance that Spike would be inside, but still her pulse raced. She pushed open the door and stepped into the crypt. Buffy looked around. The faint glow of moonlight filtered in through the one large window, providing just enough light for her to make out her surroundings. Not much had changed since the last time she had been there. The place was a mess, but the walls were still standing. She walked around the room, looking for any sign of life, but there was none. She turned to leave.

And then, she felt something. A presence. Behind her. She swung around on her heels to see Spike standing just inches away.

"Somethin' I can help you with?"

"What?" Buffy was caught off-guard. "No. I was just patrolling. I heard a noise in here and I thought I'd check it out."

"A noise?" He cocked a mocking eyebrow.

"Yes. A noise. You know, like vampires make? I was just doing my job. That's all!" she said emphatically.

"Right, of course." He took a step away from her. "So, find any monsters lurking about?"

"Just one."

He laughed to himself. "Yeah, well, shoulda known."

She watched him curiously for a moment. His head was down and he seemed to be someplace else. Finally, she realized, she had to ask him. "So, are you going to tell me what happened? Or do I just turn around and leave right now?"

"What?" He came back to reality.

"What happened to you? Something's different. What is it?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," he croaked, his voice raspy with emotion.

"Try me."

"No. Can't do that pet. There's no way for me to tell you. I think you'd better just leave."

Buffy approached him, determination in her stride. She stopped a hairsbreadth away from him, and raised her hand to his chin, pulling his face toward her. He flinched at her touch, but Buffy didn't care. She needed to know what he was hiding.

He closed his eyes, refusing to meet her gaze.

"Open your eyes Spike."

"Buffy . . ."

"Now!"

He did as she commanded.

Buffy stared back at him. She searched his eyes looking for what, she didn't know. He was having difficulty facing her. Tears brimmed behind his eyes, and she could tell he was on the brink of losing it. Buffy narrowed her gaze, and searched his more closely. And that's when she saw it.

Buffy dropped her hand, as if she had just been burned. Spike lowered his eyes again, and she stared at him for a long, hard moment. She couldn't speak, couldn't find the words to give voice to her confusion. There was something new in his eyes, something deep that she knew she had never seen before - at least, not in real life. Something that was intimately familiar. She had seen it once before, in a dream. Her dream about William.

Spike moved away from her, crossing to the door and opening it for her. "I really think you should go."

"No," Buffy said, still dazed. "We need to talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Nothing to talk about? So, you don't want to tell me why . . . oh God, I can't even say it. Is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"You. I saw you. Well, not you . . . William."

Spike slammed the door shut and took a step toward her. "You don't know what you saw."

"Oh really? 'Cause, you know Spike, I don't remember you ever having a soul before. I mean, yeah, there was that one dream I had, but . . ."

"You had a dream about me?" He seemed genuinely surprised.

"No, I just like thinking about you even when I'm asleep. Yes, I have had dreams about you. They plague me like nightmares." Buffy wrapped her arms across her chest in an unconsciously protective gesture.

Spike seemed stunned. "Did I hurt you?"

"What?"

"In these dreams, did I hurt you?"

Buffy thought for a moment. "No, not really. Not anymore than usual."

"Oh, and that's saying something."

"They're just dreams. They don't mean anything." She took a step toward him and tried to look up into his eyes. "Tell me what's going on. Is it true, or am I just seeing something that isn't there?"

Spike sighed heavily and turned away. "You know it isn't that easy to get your soul back. I haven't crossed any Romanian gypsies lately, and I certainly don't have any magically inclined friends to do my bidding."

"But there are other ways?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah, I suppose there are. But if you think," he looked up at her, "that I used any of them, you are crazy. Even I wouldn't be damn fool enough to ask for my soul back."

Spike couldn't tell her the truth. If she knew he had gotten his soul back, there was no way she would ever kill him. She'd let him wallow in his own guilt and misery for the rest of eternity. He knew he deserved it. But Buffy didn't. Buffy needed to kill him - to punish him, to take her revenge - so that she might, someday, find peace.

"So, what? William's just coexisting in your body of his own accord?"

"You don't know what you're talking about." He turned his back on her and crossed the floor, trying to escape her incessant gaze.

"I know what I saw," she said emphatically.

"You don't know anything. You're not a demon, luv. You can't sense things like that. You're just the Slayer. The only superpower you have is your strength."

"I don't need to be a demon to sense that there's something different about you." She came up to stand behind him. "You've changed."

"Oh," he laughed bitterly, "wouldn't you just love that? Big, bad Spike got his soul back, just for Buffy, and now she's free to forgive him and love him, and everything's all hearts and flowers and happy endings," he mocked.

"That's not what I meant," she said, her voice painfully hard. "Something has changed, and I want to know what it is."

"You want to know what's changed?" He turned on her. "This." He vamped out and grabbed for Buffy.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Just what comes natural baby." He bared his fangs and lowered his head to her neck.

Instinctively, Buffy reacted, raising her foot to his abdomen and pushing him away. He crashed into the wall behind him, falling to the floor.

"So? Surprised, are we?" he asked, as he stood and took a series of slow, purposeful steps toward her.

"What is wrong with you?"

"Nothin', luv." He laughed. "At least, not anymore. Tell me Buffy, do you think you can hold me off this time? I've been practicing. Maybe you won't be so lucky this time around."

He reached for her in one quick movement, grabbing her wrist and pulling her to him. Buffy pulled back her free arm and slugged him in the face. Still, he didn't let her go.

"That's right pet. Let it all out. Show me what you've got. You know I like it rough."

Buffy punched him again, and kicked him in the stomach, dislodging his hold on her in the process. He stumbled backward a few steps, but quickly regained his balance.

He laughed again. "Good. High marks for effort. But really Buffy, once I get you on the ground, how are you ever going to get away?"

Spike could hear her heart begin to race, her breath coming in short, agitated bursts. He was getting to her. Good. Maybe if he pushed her far enough, she'd overcome her aversion to using that stake of hers and kill him.

Buffy lunged at Spike, slamming him up against the wall, holding him there by his shoulders. "What is wrong with you? Why are you doing this?"

"Because it's what I am!" He brought his hands up between them and knocked both her arms away in one move, freeing himself from her grasp. Then, before she could react, he grabbed her by the arms, and pulled her to him. He searched her eyes. She made no move to defy him. She still seemed unconvinced by his attempt to hurt her. What the hell was is going to take?

Breathing heavy - in spite of his lack of a need for oxygen - his mind tortured and desperate, he pulled her closer and kissed her violently.

Immediately, Buffy began to struggle, tearing herself from his grasp and slapping him solidly across the face. "You son-of-a-bitch! How dare you! How dare you lay your hands on me!" Buffy reached into her coat and pulled out her stake. "I swear it Spike. If you ever come near me again, I will kill you. End you're meaningless, miserable life."

"I don't think you've got the guts," he prodded.

"Oh don't I?" Buffy brought the stake to his chest and looked up into his eyes defiantly. "I'll show you guts." She pulled the stake back over her shoulder and got ready to strike.

Spike closed his eyes and waited for it. Waited for the sweet release he had wanted for so long. It was just like in his dream. She would kill him. Stake in hand, Buffy would raise it to his chest and pierce his heart, in one profound, definitive move.

Spike waited. And waited. Finally, he felt Buffy moving away from him. His game face melted away and he opened his eyes. "I thought you were going to do it Slayer," he said, trying to taunt her, but afraid his voice was trembling too much from the shock.

"I told you last night I couldn't do it. And I meant it. Just how stupid do you think I am?" She turned to look at him.

"I don't think you're stupid at all."

"Right. And that's why you provoked me just now? You want me to kill you Spike?" She came up to him, placing the point of her stake against his chest. "You're going to have to do a lot better than that." She let go of the stake and it fell to the floor with a decisive "clank." "You know, for a vampire, you really suck," she said, backing away. "And not in the good way either. Well, a good way for vampires," she corrected. "You are not going to coerce me into killing you. So, you can just forget it. You want to die? Go bask in the blazing sun. You won't get any help from me."

She turned and walked toward the door. "And if you think you've sold me on the whole non-soul-having issue, you're wrong," she said over her shoulder. As she opened the door to leave, she turned back to look at him again. "I'll find out the truth. Whether you like it or not."