Short but sweet. Okay . . . not sweet. Angsty, to say the least. A bit of insight into what's been going on in my man's head this whole time, as well as explaining actions he takes in the next chapter that Kagome doesn't exactly understand. Hell, if I were her, I wouldn't understand either. So I'm clearing up what goes through his head. I'm trying to keep him in character, but as my own worst critic, I think I'm failing miserably. I did try really hard, though. SPOILERS FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!! Lol! =) Betcha can't wait for that one . . . my my, what predicament has Kagome gotten herself into now? . . .
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Why shouldn't I?
That is the first question in my mind—what would be so wrong should I take the course of action that has been present in my mind since my battle with Inuyasha? The answer is almost so easy, however, that I do not press the subject.
A human has never faced me in battle and survived. I regard humans with the utmost contempt: vermin, useless, beneath my time and effort. Certainly beneath my mercy. And yet this human leveled an arrow at me and pushed the Tetsusuiga to transform again, revert back to the way it was. And had I been further off my guard, she could have killed me with another arrow. She. A human female dared to stand up to me in battle and challenge me. Had Inuyasha not been the first thing on my mind that night, I believe I would have killed her for even having the thought. And yet later on that very night, she stood before me again and I allowed her to live.
Why?
I am not entirely sure. I have met few women who will face me and conquer their fear by not running the opposite direction. Fewer have been mortal. None have been human. None until her.
Perhaps that is why I allowed her to go free—because she intrigues me. And she is not a fool, although she spoke directly to me without leave to do so. She invited me to kill her, even, by stating that my fool brother would not miss her, should that be my objective. I have my whims; even I do not claim to be free of them. Letting her live was one of them. And I am a proud man—I should be sorely disappointed if another demon were to revoke that mercy. Happenings like that do not encourage me to be merciful. Perhaps that is why I ensured that she returned to her campsite and companions safely, though I risked my brother sensing me.
I could care less for the challenge he presents. On that night, I wanted only the sword, and I did not give heed to what kind of fight he would put up. For all I cared, he could have rolled over and died, so long as I had the Tetsusuiga.
I did not have the excuse of mercy at my hands when I faced Naraku before her. Certainly, I had warned him early on that she was off-limits, though the context that I used that in is beyond me. I know the mind of evil, however, as I have that mind as well, and I realized only too soon that bringing up the human to Naraku was a mistake. He has already tried to deceive me once, and I will not be the fool again. So I followed him—not for the human, and not for the mercy I granted, but for the dignity I stood to lose should he kill her when I warned him not to. His bounty is with Inuyasha, and if he manages to kill the little prick, then I wish him well and will congratulate him on doing what I have been unable to. He is free to take out the monk and the little fox as well. But to go and believe I will be duped so easily is beyond my patience.
I had expected nothing of her as I battled Naraku—to be specific, I had actually expected her to run screaming when she had the chance, or to faint dead away, as has been the pattern in years past. But she did not. Foolishly, in my opinion, she remained and watched us struggle, her dark eyes wide with fascination and fear.
Damned fool. She almost lost her life for that.
Had I been a moment slower, she would have been burned to a crisp and blown away in the wind as the trees and grass were, and despite the poisonous burn in my skin, I was resolved to keep Naraku from his victory, one way or another. She would live, even if I risked my life to ensure that.
I did not expect her to aid me in treating my wounds—I had actually been unconcerned as to having them treated immediately. But she insisted. And I faltered for a moment, unsure as to whether I should turn her away like the burden she had proven to be, or accept her aid.
Still I could not forget the fierce determination in her eyes when she fired upon me days earlier. Neither could I forget that I had been impressed with her courage. I do not know what shifted in me that night, but my disregard for humans was being slowly discredited by one who should be counted among the least. Perhaps I had put too much thought into her bravery.
Nonetheless I allowed her to place her oils on my skin. Her tiny hand, slicked with the ointment, rested in the large mark of Naraku's hand and cooled the fire almost instantly. Certainly it stung, but I keep little time for minor pains. And I watched her continue to apply it ever so carefully, somewhere along the lines of confused.
I do not claim to be mortal, nor do I claim to be human, but . . . I am a man. I am not blind to the world around me, nor to the beauty it contains. She was not the most beautiful woman I had seen, but she carried in her a fire that would not be burned out. I cannot explain what has begun to draw me to her. But as a man (mortal or otherwise) of such power as I have, I am used to getting what I want. And as though I were blinking and opening my eyes . . . I wanted her.
So why not? Why should I ignore this? Why should I ignore her now, as she stands before me with nothing separating us but my own stubborn will? I have seen her look at me these past moments, and I see her face burn with the embarrassment of doing so—I know she desires me, even if she does not know it herself. She does not know many things—she does not know that I am inches now from tearing off the scant material that covers her and taking her here and now, though whether I mean to take her away or simply take her is a mystery. Hot springs are supposed to be a sedative, not a stimulant . . . and yet here we are, and the choice is mine. I am above question in my lands . . . I would not be challenged should I take a step forward and pull her to me.
I will not. I am Sesshoumaru, Lord of the Western Lands and am above such foolish things as toying with humans. They are vermin. They are still beneath me. And a human so slight as this one would do nothing but become a burden to my mind. I will speak my mind to her and leave. She is trespassing in my land; she will be lucky should she survive the trip.
So why then do I reach out for her suddenly? Why do I not cease this madness where it is? . . . And why can I not bring myself to remove her from my arms now? . . .
