Very mild citrus. Lol, what did you expect after a chapter like that last one? What else could put poor Sesshoumaru through that kind of angst? . . . I told you there would be plenty of him in the next chapters . . . Although he does suffer a slight crisis of either conscience or dignity—he's not entirely sure about it himself. Let's see where this leads, shall we? More Sesshoumaru angst at the end of the chapter!

*

Kagome's POV

We didn't stay at Kaede's for very long, and were out the door the next day, but Kaede felt that she ought to come with us, and so our quartet went to a . . . a quintet, I guess. Our pace was slowed slightly, since she wasn't quite the strapping youth she had been fifty years ago, but no one complained, and it not only seemed to make the trip go by faster, but we seemed to cover more land than before. Who knows? With Kaede, anything was possible.

She insisted on traveling with us because she had heard of a man with powers like a demon that had passed by her village only days before, headed west, and she suspected it was a jewel shard. But these days, anyone with unusual powers was under suspicion of carrying a jewel shard, so I didn't know how seriously to take it. Serious or not, however, we headed west. I should have been tipped off as to where we would end up, but clueless me! Of course not. I just started walking to the sunset and didn't think twice about it.

We walked for days, sometimes sleeping outside under the stars, sometimes sleeping in the nicest places you could think of. It all depended on if Kaede could stop Miroku from preaching about his 'black cloud' or not. I kept a close eye on Inuyasha, if only out of habit, watching his moods to see if anything was really wrong, or if it was nothing he couldn't sort out himself.

All our spirits began to drop, though, as the lands grew darker. Not in actual appearance, mind you, but just in feeling. They seemed . . . wilder. The farther west we traveled, the more ominous the land seemed to grow. And after a while, even Kaede didn't object to getting under a roof at night, even if it was a lie that got us there.

I sat cross-legged as Miroku tossed stones into a small fish pond one evening, arguing silently over whether I should take advantage of the private hot springs our current location offered or not. We were staying in a nice little place at the base of a mountain, and a river of melted snow ran down through the lands below, definitely colder than the air outside, and indoors, villagers and businesses had taken advantage of the volcano's active heart and used the hot springs that bubbled up from the ground as a tourist attraction. This mountain range was actually known both East and West for it's abundant hot springs, and we were definitely not in the worst of it.

"Inuyasha has been awfully quiet lately," Miroku commented as he flicked his wrist and sent a flat stone dancing across the surface of the water.

"He's been thinking about Naraku," I said thoughtfully. "It's haunting him lately, you know."

"What, the fact that you're virtually his long-dead priestess born again, and even this time Naraku has it in for you?" he asked dryly. "I don't see what's so haunting about that."

The sarcasm hung in the air, although he didn't mean it maliciously. "Well you know how he gets. What he really needs, more than rest or exercise or even food, is to face Naraku for better or for worse. This is eating him up. But you didn't hear that from me," I added.

"Hear what?" he asked innocently, reaching down for another stone. "And as for you, you've been very reserved these last few days, too."

I shrugged. "Kaede has that kind of mellowing effect," I admitted. "I know I don't really have Kikyo's memories or anything, but it just feels . . . well, complete when we're around her. I guess that got left behind in me."

"And that's it?" he asked skeptically. "You seem to me like you've got a lot on your mind."

"All right, Mr. Nosy, I've been thinking a lot lately, and to be honest . . ." I had no intention of telling him who and what was on my mind. "The biggest dilemna is whether I should use those hot springs or not. It's so cold out lately that I'm really tempted to, but I just don't know."

"To help you out with that one, I think you should definitely use them, but I also think that we are in dangerous land. Whatever you choose to do, I would recommend that you not do it alone. I would be happy to accompany you to the hot springs," he continued, "as a bodyguard and a companion."

He was so slick. He just didn't let up, did he?

I sighed. "We'll see."

*

I did decide later on that evening to take up the offered hot springs, but I did not do so with Miroku. I left Inuyasha, Kaede, and Shippou in charge of him to ensure that I had some privacy, and I think that after Miroku protested that he simply wanted to ensure my safety (which would involve me being strip-searched, I'm sure), Inuyasha threw him in the river—with the best of intentions, of course. The parting words from Inuyasha were "Go sit in a tub of ice, you horndog of a monk," and then he was unceremoniously dumped into the melted snow. He later defended himself by stating that he was doing Miroku a favor, and that at least he'd be able to walk the next morning. I'm not sure whether he meant that in reference to him beating the poor monk up or not.

I slipped into the almost unbearably hot water in only a bra and panties, since I didn't want to go totally nude but had reservations about being fully clothed as well. The housekeeper or whatever had placed towels by the side of the rocky hole that passed as a tub and left me to my privacy. I stretched my arms out and relaxed, content in looking up at the sky that was spotted with stars. The constellations were all the same as my own time, but the ones I recognized rose slightly earlier than I was used to, so I just stared up.

God, this place was nice. I'd never been in a real hot spring—well, not one that wasn't doctored with chemicals to filter out any unwanted minerals, anyways. This was probably great for my skin.

I slipped into the water until it was neck-deep, shivering at the icy wind that came down the mountain. Yes, the little jacuzzi was outside, in the chilly wind, but out of sight from nosy peeping Toms. I was beginning to feel too relaxed to swim around, and also the water was just too hot to move much in, so I picked a spot and just draped my arms on the side and hung there.

I wished fiercely that Naraku had never shown up in the forest that day—Naraku, Onigumo, whoever he was. Or whatever he was. Maybe on some level he'd been driven to speak to me because I looked like Kikyo, but I suspected it was more about hurting Inuyasha. Once he found his scent all over me, it seemed to make up his mind that he'd kill me. I don't know if he would have, if I'd been a wandering priestess or something who eerily resembled Kikyo.

. . .

God, would her ghost quit haunting us all?! From the way it sounded, she had loved Inuyasha too much to just shoot him and leave him in a tree the way he had been—but she had. There was some piece of the puzzle that I knew I was missing, but it eluded me. The wildest of circumstances rose in my mind, and I tried to justify all of them. Had Kikyo been possessed—by Naraku, maybe? It was obvious that whatever had transpired, he'd been up to his nose in, but I didn't know how. Or perhaps he had found shape-shifting demons to play the part of Kikyo and deal with Inuyasha. Unless . . . Naraku could change shapes himself? . . .

Nah. We would have known.

This sucked.

But there was my point exactly: whether in body or mind, Kikyo's spirit would not die. At first it had been a part of me, but then there was that whole disaster with taking her soul and placing it into a replica of her body. I suspected that before her, Inuyasha had shied away from love and romance greatly—not because of his hatred for humans, but because on some level, I had the suspicion that he was shy. All guys are, especially when it comes to girls, but I think they all handle it differently. Some guys are cute and bashful around girls, some guys avoid girls altogether and are happy as renegades or untouchables. I guessed that Inuyasha kept his distance, as I could never see him as bashful.

But the strangest people can turn up bashful . . .

Nope. Not going there, not doing that. You have been dwelling on that since it happened—really. Find something new to ogle. Don't get your brain stuck on the same old thing, or else you'll be sorely disappointed when he shows up to kill Inuyasha and probably you.

Oh shut up. I'm not in the mood.

Seriously. You've done that before—every time Inuyasha would look at you, you'd dream about the fractional softening in his eyes. Whenever he would bitch at you to stay away from a fight, you'd be moved that he cared about you. It can't happen again. It's even less likely to happen with Sesshoumaru than it was with Inuyasha. Don't set yourself up again.

Voices of logic and reason suck. I sighed. Fine; I burst my own bubble before I could even get in the swing of things. I was actually amazed at how, thus far, I had managed to keep from daydreaming about him—not to say I didn't want to, but I have my limits. On some levels, I do agree with my voice of reason about some stuff: the reason I didn't let my imagination get too far with me was because I knew I would only be hurt and disappointed in the end, especially if I let go unchecked the idea that he possibly had an ulterior motive for stepping in and saving me. And for not killing me. And for inviting me to go with him . . .

Hello, for your own safety! There's a difference between manners and attraction, you know.

Asshole. Sometimes I hated my own rationality. But it was things like that little voice that kept me sane, especially here, far from home, family, and gossiping, shallow, lovable friends.

I kept my eyes closet and pinched the bridge of my nose to ward off my coming headache, and let out a heaving sigh. This wasn't good for my migraines—which I didn't get, actually, but I could bet money that one was coming on. Great—peachy. I was lost in my own head, torn between my voice of reason and my desire for drastic change. Where to go, who to follow . . . "Oh, man," I groaned. "Where in the hell am I?" A rhetorical question, of course.

So of course, when I was answered, I almost screamed and shot out of the tub—or lunged at the speaker, sure that it was Miroku, being a bit more persistent. But I did none of the above, once I opened my eyes and got a good, long look at the invader in question.

"You," he told me, "are currently trespassing on my lands. Inuyasha is banned from the Western Lands, and I do not appreciate him ignoring what was set up long ago." Wow. The brotherly love could be felt miles away.

I felt my breath leave my lungs in a mighty whoosh. "We didn't know," I began unsteadily. "We were in pursuit of a man who may have a jewel shard, and . . . um . . . here we are."

Sesshoumaru's arms were crossed over his bare chest, and he did not look very forgiving. In fact, he looked . . . um, angry. Really angry, to be specific. Shit—at me? But the dark look only seemed to enhance his beauty . . . stop it! I couldn't tell, as the water went up to the middle of his stomach, whether he was wearing anything or not below the waist—not that I was looking. Thank God I haven't daydreamed about him or deluded myself, I thought dryly. I'm such a dork . . . 'Oh, hi, little voice of ration. Why no, of course I haven't been thinking about him naked or anything. So what had I done this time? "I was only recently informed of your arrival. When did you enter my lands?"

"I don't know. I don't really know where they start and stop, so I can't answer that." My eyes strayed from his own to rest briefly to his chest. "That burn healed up nicely."

"I told you, I heal quickly."

"I didn't doubt it," I countered. "I was commenting. So do you keep a lookout on whoever comes and goes here?"

"I make it my business to know who travels in my land," he said shortly. "And when a company such as yours passes through without my leave to do so, I should hope I find out about it as soon as possible."

"We didn't mean to trespass," I told him in our defense. "We just started following the guy, and we ended up here for the night. I'm sure we won't even be here that long—Inuyasha wants to be moving again tomorrow morning, and you can't get mad at us for a simple accident." To make myself seem a little taller and a little more difficult to walk all over, I stood up part of the way into my argument and put my hands on my hips.

He stiffened when I stood up, eyeing me carefully and hiking up a tactful eyebrow after a moment. I didn't quite understand what he was looking at, until I glanced down and remembered what I was wearing—next to nothing. Well . . . fuck. That was about the only word that could cover it. Fuck.

The bra, which I had bought carelessly, was white and nearly sheer even when it was dry—it was one of those things you grab at a cheap store that you don't expect anyone to see, you know? I hadn't cared when I bought it that it was a sort of shimmery pearly silk stuff that constituted as solid only because the material caught the light and diverted the eyes. Now, however, there was no really big light to make it shimmer, and the only thing it did was turn into plastic wrap or wax paper or something like that. I cursed in my own mind . . . but at least I wasn't naked. It could definitely be worse.

I sank back down in the water quickly, submerging myself up to my neck and crossing my arms to ensure that nothing was visible through the water. But I shouldn't have worried; bubbles flurried up in swirling patterns around us both, and they obscured the view of both myself and him. I cleared my throat nervously, but he regarded me with contempt. "Do you feel shame for what you wear?" he asked me.

I balked. "Excuse me, but I didn't quite expect you to come barging in while I'm getting the first relaxing soak in a hot tub since I came over here, thanks a lot. So excuse me if I'm not feeling exactly presentable."

"These are my territories. I come and go as I wish," he replied smartly. "These springs, however, are considered sacred to the people who I allow to dwell in these lands. You are to enter them with a clean mind and a clean body. To ensure that the gods who granted them these gifts are not angered, clothing is not traditionally worn. Although should you enter these springs for purposes of cleansing, I was under the impression that you wore nothing when you bathed."

"So you're saying I should have gone in naked," I scoffed. "And that would have made me so much more presentable when you snuck up on me!"

"I am simply a man of tradition."

"Oh, so what do you . . ." I trailed off. He stuck with tradition? Great. Guess I knew what he had on under the water. Peachy. I was alone in a steaming basin with a very not-dressed Sesshoumaru.

Well there went my not-fantasizing vow.

Like it had ever held up.

I searched for my tongue again. "Never mind."

"You never answered me. Does the garment you wear shame you?"

I shrugged, burning bright red. "I . . . I just don't usually wear it by itself. You know . . . it goes under stuff." This was getting too weird. His eyes were burning holes in me. I rose out of the water a little bit, but not a whole lot—certainly not as much as before. I kept a close watch on his eyes, in hopes I could tell what he was thinking. If I was the embodiment of Kikyo, I had damn well better have some of her priestess gifts. Maybe the ability to read the soul through the eyes was one of them, too. Because if I got jilted on my talents right now . . . I might just go crazy.

He seemed to be having an internal struggle of sorts, although over what, I couldn't tell. I bit my lip nervously and waited for him to say something. "Then I take it you are not comfortable in what you wear now."

"Not entirely. But comfort doesn't regulate what I do," I added with a little bit of bravery (not a lot). "I deal with uncomfortable stuff all the time, and I'm doing just fine."

He reached out suddenly, and had I anywhere else to back up, I would have. But I was up against the wall as it was, so I was out of luck. His knuckle touched the bottom of my chin, and he tilted my chin up so that I was looking him directly in the eye, not just watching him cautiously. I froze with a little bit of panic and a lot more with the electricity that shot through my body as he came so close to me that I could feel him radiating a heat that was more potent than the steam.

"Do you fear me, human?" he asked, looking almost straight down at me.

I swallowed and built up the strength to lie, shaking my head 'no.'

"Then you are a fool," he growled as he brought his lips down to claim mine.

Before any coherent thought came to my head, a snide comment arose and delivered a snotty little blow to my voices of logic and reason. So what was this about not building my hopes up? . . .

And then came awareness. He was . . . he was seriously, honestly, truly kissing me! This was not happening—I couldn't let it. If I let him kiss me, I would have no control over the rest of my life. It was that simple. Domino effect—pull back, Kagome. Pull away from him and get out of the water and walk right back to your room, where Inuyasha and Miroku and Shippou and Kaede are. Get out and put an end to this.

It started out hard and impersonal, as though he was proving a point, but when it's so . . . I don't know, when it's a situation like the one we were in, it can't stay like that for very long. Slowly, gradually, he began to soften against me, his hands dropping to my waist and pulling me to him with a gentleness that I hadn't known a demon lord could possess, certainly not him.

But not even a moment after he had embraced me, his muscles hardened and he pulled away—no, more like he pushed away. It wasn't like I'd initiated the contact or anything; why pull as though he was making me stop? No, he definitely seemed to push himself back.

"You and your party will depart from my lands in the morning," he told me quietly, but with definite (and terrifying) firmness that alarmed me. He sounded . . . angry. What?? I hadn't—

"You will not return to the Western Lands, not even if a jewel shard should pass here and you pursue it," he continued. "I have no desire to see your company nor yourself here again. Should you choose to disregard my wishes, you shall sorely regret it."

I stared at him, stunned. "Are you threatening me?"

"I'm warning you."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes—he didn't seem in the best of moods suddenly. "Um—"

Arms grabbed my shoulders and pinned me to the edge of the springs. "You will not speak of this to another," he growled, very close to my face. "You will say nothing!"

Schizophrenic much?

The dry thought belied my absolute confusion, surprise, definite fear, and pain. I didn't get it—"I'm not saying anything!" I exclaimed, trying to wriggle free of his grip. "I get it!"

"Then be gone!" he snarled.

"If you'd let me go, I'd be gone faster than you can blink!"

His grip on me lessened fractionally. "Hope that you do not see me again," he said grimly. "For I hope to not see you again." And in a blink—as quickly as he had seemed to appear, he was gone.

I put a hand to my lips, which still burned, then, disregarding the hot water, sank beneath the surface and considered drowning myself.

Was it possible to die of mixed emotions?

*

I stood out in the cold pre-dawn darkness that was lit only by torches along the riverbed and the quarter moon, over a hundred arrows at my disposal and my bow clutched in my hand. Phsing, went the thirtieth arrow as it sailed across the river and hit a willow tree probably a hundred yards away. Phsing, went the thirty-first arrow, landing not more than a foot from its predecessor and surrounded by at least twenty others. My hands shook with barely-suppressed fury, and this was the only way I could think of to release anger.

Footsteps from behind me made me spin around, bow ready and my aim pretty accurate thus far. I let out a sigh when Miroku came out of the darkness and held up his hands in surrender. "You can shoot me if you must, but you'll miss me tomorrow," he told me.

I sighed and turned back to the tree I was shooting at. "You scared me."

"My apologies. We've been worried about you—after you didn't come back from the hot spring earlier, we didn't know where you'd gone."

Phsing.

"I wanted to be alone."

"Oh. Very understandable, but I wish you'd said something. This place isn't safe—you really shouldn't wander off alone." This time he wasn't coming on to me—maybe he was too tired. It was pretty early.

Phsing.

"Yeah, I know," I said thinly. "We've entered the Western Lands, did you know that?"

"Actually, no I—"

Phsing.

"I didn't know that," he finished. "You're not okay," he said slowly.

"No," I agreed, my teeth clenched, "I'm not. I am mad as hell."

"About what?"

"Nothing." Although at that moment, 'nothing' was beginning to remind me of hungry lips on mine, capturing my mouth as though it had always belonged to . . .

Phsing.

This time the arrow flew out into the blackness of the woods, missing the mark as my drawing hand began to shake. I dropped the bow to my side, uncertain as to whether I was angry at Sesshoumaru . . . or at myself, for suddenly thinking that it was possible. For thinking that a voice of logic would ever be wrong about the big stuff. For thinking that he was . . .

He wasn't attracted to me. He felt nothing for me.

Then why did he kiss me? . . .

"Doesn't look like nothing to me," Miroku told me gently.

My hand wavered and I nearly dropped the bow completely, but I whipped out another arrow angrily. "It might as well be!" I said furiously, pulling back and releasing the arrow across the river. It landed right in the middle of a large knot I had been shooting at, splitting an older bull's-eye arrow right down the middle. I threw the bow down and hurled a rock as hard as I could at the river. It didn't even make it across.

I plopped down on the ground heavily and put my head in my hands. "I don't want to talk about it."

He sat down and put his back to mine, reclining and letting me recline as well. "Did something happen?"

"Just some routine humiliation," I muttered.

That's exactly what it was, too: humiliation. I was embarrassed because . . . well duh, it seemed to me like I'd thrown myself at him, if only because I didn't shove him backwards! And I should have. It would have at least spared some dignity. "I just want to get out of these Godforsaken lands," I sighed. "You know, forget the jewel shard, forget chasing that guy . . . forget it all. What's one jewel shard going to do for us right now anyways? I just want to leave."

"I take it you're not going to tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Why the sudden change of heart," he explained. "You were as up to this as any of us. So why give up now?"

"Just trust me when I say 'you don't want to know.'"

He sighed just as heavily. "I never trust women when they say that. It always translates to 'Sorry, Miroku, but I made out with someone else.'"

I said nothing. He didn't need the nasty details anyways.

*

The minute we got back to our flat, Inuyasha was right down our throats. "Hey, wow, thanks a lot, Kagome! The whole disappearing act was really appreciated! Did you even go to the hot springs, or did you think it would be cool to just run around like a chicken with it's head cut off?"

"Hey, back off," I snapped. "I've had a bad night."

"It can't be that bad," he scoffed. "You had us all worried sick—for all we knew, something had happened to you!"

"And how do you know that it wasn't that bad?" I demanded, suddenly furious. "How do you know anything about the night I've had, huh? Can you even begin to guess? No, I didn't think so! I haven't slept at all, I feel like the damned biggest fool in the world, and I feel—"

Like I'm still in grade-school? Humiliated? Embarrassed beyond belief?

"—Like shit!"

That's one way to put it.

"So please, spare me the pain of starting on me!" I finished angrily.

Miroku cleared his throat, and Inuyasha's fierce gaze fixed on him. "I agree," he said calmly. "I know how eager you are to get after that jewel shard, but do you know where we are?"

I stared at him in surprise—he was backing me up on this?

He shrugged. "I don't care, as long as we get the shard."

"We're in the Western Lands," Miroku told him smoothly. "Your brother's territory."

"And apparently, from what I understand," I added, "you're nothing short of banned from here, and have been for a while now."

He set his jaw. "If Sesshoumaru has a problem with it, he can take it up with me."

"I have a problem with it," Miroku countered. "I say we forget the jewel shard for now and focus on Naraku. While we chase shadows and possible shards, he could well be planning an attack on us. How can we be sure that we're not being tricked the same way we were last time? A jewel shard that coincidentally makes a dash for the Western Lands, days after Naraku tries to kill Kagome and is only stopped by Sesshoumaru? It sounds too planned. I for one say that we get the hell out of here and forget anything that happened here. We can't run the risk of something happening to Kagome again," he continued. "There are no guarantees that we can get to her in time should something go wrong."

Inuyasha snorted. "Like my brother hasn't been handy the last time there was a problem."

"Hey!" I exploded. "I'm not going to rely on your brother every time something bad happens, especially not lately, okay? If Miroku feels like leaving, then I say we follow. But don't you dare make me rely on your brother for anything!"

Inuyasha took a step back. "Fine, if you're all going to gang up on me!" he snapped. "I don't feel like getting an invitation from Sesshoumaru telling me to leave, anyways. But I'm not letting you stop every ten minutes to sleep, either," he told me irritably.

I shrugged. "I don't care."

"Actually, Inuyasha, it would be just as easy if you carried her," Kaede put in. I hadn't even realized she was awake. "And certainly faster."

He eyed me. "Only if you promise not to pull anything funny."

I raised my hands. "I'm done with funny stuff. I've had my fill." I waited for a moment to hear him tell me that I would be riding on his back again, but he unfolded his arms and sighed as though the world was stupid and he was tortured.

"Fine," he sighed, "I'll carry you. But if my arms fall asleep, I'm going to drop you and wake them up," he added warningly.

I shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Thanks."

And that was that.

*

Sesshoumaru's POV

I will not!

The words resounded in my brain suddenly. No . . . I would not! I would not give in to this—I was Sesshoumaru, mightiest of the demon lords, and I would not be entranced by a simple human!

But another part of me knew better, even as I had to wrench myself back. If this continued . . . if I did not end it where it was . . . I would not stop. So I stopped it there and made it very clear, in as few words as possible, that she was not welcome in my land.

I stood outside much later, unmoving as I watched the sky fade to dawn. I was a fool. A weak, impulsive fool who allowed a human to contaminate my thoughts for even a moment. I was not attracted to her. I felt nothing for her! Why then did you save her from Naraku?

Pride. He could not use her to spite me.

And why beseech her to join you?

She . . . she was not safe with my brother . . . Why did you care? I did not! You saved her from Naraku and invited her to travel with you. You did not kill her the night she stood against you in battle—not as a victim, but as an equal. Why let her live?

I did not care whether she lived or died then. She was nothing to me.

Could it be respect? No human has faced you in battle and lived to tell the tale. She did not fear you as you faced off. And she did not fear you as much as she should have in the woods. Thrice has she stood before you and lived. How many more times?

None. It will happen no more.

Because you plan to never see her again. For the sake of her life, or your pride?

If this was a conscience speaking to me, then I did not like it.

Three times, mighty Lord. Three times she has lived and walked away. Twice have you indulged yourself. Once have you stood at the edge of control. Is that why you avoid her now?

I avoid her because I tire of her presence.

Tell me, O Mighty One, who do you enjoy lying to more—the human, or yourself?

I am no one's fool, especially not my own! And I will indulge in this mockery no longer.

You shall see her again, Lord of the West. You have something she desires. She and her fellowship will come after the jewel shard you possess. She is only gone for now. Someday, I look forward to your next meeting. Where then will your indifference be? Will you still have no cares as to whether she lives or dies?

I shall not bother myself with her. And damn you for tormenting me so.

Tell me . . . her lips were sweet, were they not?

I was as cursed a fool as my father before me.