Chapter Twenty-one

"Are you sure?" Giles asked, as he balanced the phone between his shoulder and his ear, trying to flip through the pages of the book cradled in his arm.

"I'm positive," Willow said, on the other side of the phone. "I did it this morning and everything's fine. Nothing to worry about Giles. Whatever curse has been hanging over Buffy's head has been lifted. Gone. Poof. Just like that."

"Yes, well, nothing is ever gone 'just like that.'" He snapped the book shut in frustration and put it down on the table, switching the receiver to his other ear. "Willow, are you positive?"

"Yes Giles. The curse is gone. I don't know how or why, but it's definitely dissipated. I'm not the only one who saw it either. I was working with the coven and we all saw the same thing."

"Splendid."

"Hey Giles, why so glum? I thought this was a good thing. You know? Buffy, released from Spike's evil curse?"

"Yes, if you believe that Buffy is released from Spike's curse. Her attitude toward him has been rather odd lately. I don't believe she sees him as a threat. I was hoping that we'd find a way to break the spell and everything would go back to normal, but now, I don't know what we're dealing with."

"Well, maybe things have gone back to normal. Have you seen Buffy yet today?"

"Thankfully no."

"Giles!" Willow scolded.

"Oh right, right, sorry. It's just, her blithely optimistic attitude is becoming unbearable. She thinks she knows him, and she's prepared for anything he tries. But she's not. He's blindsided her, and she refuses to see it."

He heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Look Willow, I think Buffy's awake. I'm going to try to have an intelligent conversation with her. Call me if you find anything else."

"Will do, Giles. And call me and let me know how things work out with Buffy. I don't want to see her get hurt."

"Neither do I. Goodbye Willow."

"Bye Giles."

Buffy entered the kitchen just as Giles hung up the phone. "Hey, was that Willow?" she asked, wearily shuffling across the tiled floor.

Giles turned to address her. "Yes, that was Willow." He stopped for a moment to stare at her. She was still dressed in her pajamas, her hair piled in a makeshift knot on her head. She looked tired, like she hadn't slept in weeks. "Buffy," he began gently, "is everything all right?"

She looked over her shoulder at him as she opened the fridge and pulled out a container of milk. "Yeah, everything's fine. Why wouldn't it be?"

"Because you look like death warmed over." He moved across the room and stood beside her. "Are you sure you're all right? Are you having the dreams again?"

Buffy closed the refrigerator door and moved to get herself a bowl and cereal. She wouldn't look Giles in the eye as she spoke. "I had a dream last night. Just one. And it wasn't like any of the others."

"In what way?"

Buffy sighed heavily, as she sat down at the island, her shoulders sagging under the weight of her frustration. She looked up to meet Giles' curious gaze. "I told Spike that . . ." She couldn't finish. It was the last thing on earth Giles wanted to hear, and she knew it. How was she supposed to tell Giles that she was in love with Spike?

"You told him what?"

"I . . . Giles, I don't know how to say this. You're not going to like it. You're going to tell me it's all the spell. But it's not all the spell. That wasn't the point of the spell. I get it now. Somehow I get it. It all makes sense to me."

"What does?"

"The dreams. Me, dreaming about Spike. About being with Spike. I know why now. I know what it was that Spike wished for."

"Yes, for you to get what you deserve," Giles sat down in the stool across from her and leaned forward trying to engage her attention, "but Buffy--"

"I love him Giles."

"What?!" Giles nearly fell off the chair. "You . . . you don't know what you're saying."

"I do," she said calmly. "I know, it doesn't seem to make much sense. And I know it's the last thing you ever wanted to hear. But it's true Giles. That's what all the dreams were about. I love Spike, and I need him to be happy. And that happiness is what I deserve."

"This is preposterous! Buffy, Spike is a killer. A monster. A demon. He's only going to hurt you. It's all he's ever done. You can't trust him. And you can't tell me he's what you deserve. I know you Buffy. And if you don't mind my saying so, you're like a daughter to me. I have always wanted better for you. Certainly better than Spike. Don't throw you're life away on this."

Buffy rested her hands on the table and Giles covered hers with his own.

"Don't let him do this to you. Not because of some ridiculous spell."

"It's not the spell," she reassured him. "The spell was just a means to an end. A way to get me to see the truth. To accept it."

Giles pulled back in frustration and rose from his chair. He began pacing the floor. "This is insane Buffy! Completely and totally beyond reason. He's bewitched you and you don't even see it."

Buffy got up and crossed around the table, standing before Giles defiantly. "And you won't see that he sacrificed for me. That he risked everything to get his soul back and to make me happy."

"Happy?" he scoffed. "Have you ever been happy with Spike? Even once in all the time you've known him?"

"That's not the point."

"It is the point. Buffy, you deserve a lot of things in this life, but Spike isn't one of them. He will only bring you heartache and pain. Buffy, please, don't do this to yourself."

Buffy looked away from him, trying to think, trying to sort through her own feelings. She loved Giles. He was like a father to her. And although she hadn't expected him to be happy for her, she had hoped that he would at least understand. It wasn't an easy thing, facing her feelings for Spike. It was something she herself was tempted to run from, but she had spent too much of her life running, and it was time she stopped. She had always had feelings for Spike, but she had never been able to admit it. Not even to herself. It had seemed too hard, too complicated. It would have left her vulnerable and she hadn't wanted to risk that. Now she had no choice. She had admitted the truth to herself and the rest simply had to follow.

Buffy had thought long and hard about everything last night. It had been so easy to deny that she had any feelings for Spike when he was halfway across the world. Even when her dreams had told her that she wanted him, she had been able to ignore it, more or less, bury those thoughts and feelings in the light of day.

But now, things were different.

Until Spike had come back, Buffy hadn't realized just how much she had missed him. Sunnydale had become a very lonely place that summer, with everyone gone. Something in Buffy came to life again when Spike walked back into her world. She knew it was wrong, knew it went beyond reason, but she was beginning not to care. In spite of his past sins, Spike had proven something to her; he had proven that he was more man than beast. He had apparently risked a great deal to get his soul back. And he had done it all for her. What greater act of contrition was there? He had cursed himself to an eternity of guilt and torment, and then had willingly tried to sacrifice his life to her. Somehow, those acts spoke louder than any simple "I'm sorry." He was sorry, and she knew it. Now she just had to convince him that he was worthy of forgiveness.

Finally, she looked up at Giles again. Maybe changing the subject would help. "What did Willow want?" she asked.

Giles sighed and moved back toward the table, avoiding her gaze. "Just to tell me that the coven had done a little experiment. It seems they tried their own protection spell on you, and it appears that . . ." He sighed again. "The curse has been lifted."

"What?"

"Apparently, there is no longer a black cloud hanging over your head. They, of course, seemed quite thrilled about it. I'm not so sure."

"Wait. The curse is gone? When did this happen?"

"Apparently sometime within the past few days."

"Last night," she said to herself.

"What was that?" Giles looked up at her.

"Last night. The curse must have been lifted last night when I had that dream, when I woke up, I realized . . ."

"Buffy."

"Giles, it's your proof. This isn't a spell. It's me, just dealing with my own feelings for once. You know Spike was having dreams too?"

"Spike?"

"Yeah, although I'm not quite sure what they were about. What if his dreams led him back here? They led us together Giles. That was the point."

"No. I don't like this."

"Do you have some other explanation?"

"I'm sure there are plenty. Spike wished that you would fall in love with him and you did."

"You don't believe that."

"No, you're right. I don't." Giles removed his glasses and began cleaning them furiously. "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"Yes, Giles I'm sure. I get it now. I get everything. And it's time I stopped being so afraid."