So I was walking down the street and I found this review. And it made my day.
transcendent: Oh, gosh, I can just feel my ego getting bigger! Is it really that good? Well, aren't you just the best reader a writer ever had.
Chapter Seven
I was pissed. I wasn't sad. I wasn't blaming myself anymore. And I wasn't feeling any self-pity. I was livid. I replayed every word that came out of Raye's mouth from the moment I walked into the room and that only made me angrier. The fact that Artemis didn't leave with me fueled my anger.
"He told me he would leave, too!" I screamed, kicking a garbage can I passed as I walked. I suddenly discovered that I hated Raye. I no longer wanted her trust or forgiveness. I wanted her out of life. The sooner, the better. Hot tears poured down my cheeks. I hadn't realized that I was crying until I felt a tear fall onto my shirt. It startled me. And my loathing of Raye grew. I'm crying because of her! Artemis was right. It wasn't fair. Why did they have to blame me? Why did I allow them to? Why did Serena have to die? I stopped walking and turned slowly in a circle. No one was around me. Why was I all alone?
"It's not fair," I sobbed. "Oh, gods it isn't fair!" I was alone again. Just like how I was before I met the others. I was hated again, for reasons beyond me. What had I done to deserve this? Why was it always me? I was back to where I started. But I felt worse than I ever had.
"He promised me he would leave," I whispered. "Why didn't he?" I paused in the middle of the sidewalk, glanced up at the sky, then went back in the direction I had just come from. I needed Artemis. He was the only one I had. He couldn't abandon me now.
I walked Amy out of the temple, thinking about what she had said, and how right it was. I muttered a good-bye and slowly walked back. I decided that I needed to do a fire reading. My mind was too cluttered. Luna's words had hit us all hard, but even though she said them to all of us, I think she meant me in particular. And I agreed with her, I was acting ridiculous, but was it too late to fix what I had destroyed.
I wished I had someone to talk to. Or someone who could just hold me as I cried. I really wanted to cry, I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't say why. I had all these emotions bottled up, making my desire—need—to weep stronger. My life had spun out of control.
I moved through the garden without really seeing anything. I'd seen it all so many times; I could have walked through it with my eyes closed. I suppose that was how I was. I took things for granted. Like Serena. I got used to the fact that she was there, and when she left, my sense of consistency left, too. My mind wanted to scream out in agony from the very fact that I would never see her again, let alone the fact that there was nothing I could do to bring her back. I felt helpless, a feeling I despised more than anything. Now I was alone. And I couldn't blame anyone this time, but myself.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a figure standing in the shade of the biggest Cherry Blossom tree we had. I noticed that it had yet too bloom. For some reason, that made me sadder. As I got closer, I found Darien leaning against the tree with his face turned up at the sky, and his eyes closed. I stopped a few feet away. He looked lost. My heart went out to him.
"Darien?" I asked cautiously. "Are you all right? I thought you left." Darien jerked at the sound of my voice. He turned his deep blue gaze on me. He was tired, I could see, and in desperate need of a shave. I was suddenly reminded of a time when we were dating and he forgot to shave. He looked amazing, of course, he always did, but I teased him and called him a monkey. I shook my head, wondering why I thought of that.
"I'm fine," he replied snapping me out of my trance. I became conscious of the fact that I was staring at him. I reluctantly redirected my glance elsewhere. "I was just thinking. I have no where to go so I stayed here." I found myself looking into his eyes again. Those blue orbs seemed to draw me closer to him. I unintentionally took a step forward. I could now smell his cologne once more.
"Anything you want to talk about?" I inquired. I was standing next to him. What am I doing?
"No. No, that's okay. I'm fine, really." He seemed younger to me, somehow, when he said that. "I don't know. I really miss her. I didn't realize how much she meant to me until…" he trailed off. I had the tremendous desire to comfort him right then. Well, you wanted someone to hold you. He needs someone, too. Before I knew what I was doing, I hugged him, something I never would have dreamed of doing when Serena was alive. Darien stiffened then relaxed and put his arms around me. My heart fluttered. I breathed in deeply. Gods, he smells so good.
"I miss her, too," I mumbled into his shoulder. I could hear his heartbeat. I could feel his muscles through his shirt. He was comfortably warm. I had an overwhelming sense of safety in his arms. I wanted to stay like that forever. It was just like old times. Easy, Hino. This is your dead best friend's boyfriend. There are unwritten rules against this. But I had Darien first. Well, not technically, but he liked me in this world first. That had to count for something, right? No! I can't believe I'm trying to rationalize it! It's not right. It won't ever be right.
I had to let go of him before I got lost. I disliked misdirection and standing there, in his arms, feeling his warmth, smelling his cologne, and knowing that he was feeling my warmth, my unsteady heartbeat, and smelling my perfume, was intoxicating. I was getting lost. I remembered how I felt when we used to date and I wanted that time back. I wanted to return to the happiness we had. I was so carefree. I wanted to leave all this pain behind. I knew none of that could happen, but standing there with Darien felt so damn close to paradise that I wasn't sure why I ever let it go. Let him go. I held him tighter.
"Raye," he whispered into my ear. I loved the way he made my name sound.
"Hm?" I asked, blissfully.
"We can't do this. We shouldn't."
"But it feels right." He sighed deeply. He had to be thinking the same thing. I knew he was.
"Yes, but we can't."
"Why not?"
"Because—" he paused. "Because this feels too good." I gasped slightly, and slowly let him go. The words sounded so wonderful coming out of his mouth.
"What?"
"It's almost like before." I couldn't tell if he was upset or happy about this.
"There is nothing wrong with that."
"It can't be."
"Yes it can!"
"No, it can't."
"Darien, I don't understand."
"Things have changed too much, Raye. Serena is gone and—" I took a step away from him. He looked hurt that I did, but I couldn't help it. Him mentioning Serena was not what I wanted to hear.
"I know that," I whispered. I had been saying that a lot lately. Did I really know? "What does Serena have to do with us?"
"I'm sorry, Raye," he put his hand on my cheek. It was so soft. I reached up and put my hand over his. I looked up into his midnight blue eyes. They were gorgeous. I missed them. I missed him. He gazed into my eyes for a moment until he shook himself. "I'm…I'm sorry." He leaned in and kissed me on my other cheek. A tear managed to escape from my grasp. It slid down over our hands. He wiped the streak it made with his thumb. "Don't cry."
Darien took his hand from my face and started to walk away. I couldn't let him go. Not again. Not yet. Not ever. I needed him right then. I needed his warmth in a world that felt so cold. I needed his gentle touch and wonderful smell. I needed everything about him. I loved him again. Then a thought struck me: I had never stopped loving him.
"Darien wait!" He turned back and looked at me. I ran into his arms.
"Raye—"
"No! You can't leave me like this. Please don't leave me like this."
"The longer I stay, the harder it will be for me to go."
"Then don't go." Darien held onto me as I finally started to cry. I had gotten what I wanted: a shoulder to cry on. He tenderly stroked my hair, then, softly placing a finger under my chin, he tilted my head up and kissed me. I don't know how long we stayed like that, but when we pulled apart, it didn't feel like it was long enough.
"So," a bitter voice snapped from behind us. We spun around, like two kids caught stealing snacks. It was Mina, though, for a split second, I could have sworn she was Serena. Guilt washed over me. Why couldn't it have been anyone but Mina?
*****
A/N: Umm, juicy, don't you think? I'm sorry, but I always thought Darien went better with Raye than Serena. I suppose that shows here. I also never really liked Serena. But anyway, enough about me, how do you like it? I'd say this is my favorite chapter, though I don't want to influence anyone's review. If you think it's crap, tell me. Well, try to make it sweet if you do tell me that.
Until next chapter…
P. Thunder