Change of Heart
I burst out of the Ragnarok's cockpit, tearing madly through the corridors. My mind is a jumble of thoughts and emotions, the prevailing one being anger. Anger at Ultimecia, Edea, my so-called father, my friends, Rinoa…but mostly, I'm angry at myself.
How could I be so stupid? I went out into space to rescue her—outer freaking space, for Hyne's sake!—and for what? To stand by and watch her turn herself over to those nuts at the Sorceress Memorial? To let that lunatic Odine seal her away and send her right back up there? "But vee must seal off zee powers, or zee sorceress vill destroy zee entire civilization!"
Yeah. Whatever. It's Rinoa we're talking about, you moron. She would never use her powers like that. Never.
Exhausted, confused, I stop running. I lean against the wall, check out my surroundings…wait. I know this room, this corridor. This is where we took shelter after I rescued her, before we started clearing out the Propagators. I was standing right…here, searching the ship's outdated database for any information I could find about those monsters. That's what I was trying to do, at least. How could I focus on anything else when she was standing right over there, watching me? That hint of a smile on her face, that playful sparkle in her eyes…oh, Hyne, she was beautiful. Is. She is beautiful.
I slide to the floor, my eyes closed, my face buried in my hands. Her face appears instantly, dancing hauntingly across my mind's eye. I see myself parked near the exit, with her ever-smiling eyes peering playfully into mine. "You're-going-to-like-me…you're-going-to-like-me…you're-going-to-like-me…Is it working?"
Yeah, it's definitely working. I do like you. A lot.
I didn't want to like her, not at first. I didn't want to like anybody. I thought that it would be easier to shut away my feelings, to hide behind that tough-guy exterior. H*ll, I've spent my whole life building up those walls. I didn't want them to fall. The last person I had opened up to was Elle—Sis—and she disappeared on me. Not her fault, of course, but I didn't know that then. All I knew was that I didn't want to be hurt like that again, and so I started ignoring my feelings, ignoring other people's feelings. Ignore them, and they'll go away. It worked…usually.
Not with Rinoa, though. She was—well, she was annoying at first. She lacked discipline. She was flighty, always seeming to throw caution to the winds. She wanted to laugh and joke with her friends. She never appeared to take anything seriously, while I took "serious" to whole new levels. She was my opposite in every way, and yet she taught me so much. She taught me about friendships, loyalty, and…love.
Yeah. Love. I don't know how, I don't know when, but she managed to bust through my walls. She grew on me, and I—well, I fell for her. Hard. And now I've lost her.
I slam my fist into the wall, leaving a large dent. Hyne, this is hard! SeeD has taught me to fight the sorceress, to defeat her, to rid the world of her power no matter what the cost. SeeD wants me to protect the world, even if my friends and I have to die to do so. But is it worth the cost? Should an innocent woman die just to soothe the world's fear?
I sigh and look in the direction of the bridge. I bet my friends are up there planning mutiny. Can't say I blame them. What is the point of saving the world if the ones we're trying the hardest to save are going to die anyway?
Wait…my friends? Yeah. Thanks to Rinoa, I have friends. Real friends. Cool friends. And if there's one thing they've taught me, it's that fighting for the world just isn't enough. There has to be something else. Something special. Something worth dying for. Someone worth dying for.
And Rinoa, I realize, is worth fighting for. For the first time in my life, I care enough to die for someone—for her. I would never have promised to be her Knight otherwise.
I stand up, take a deep breath, and head for the bridge. They all look startled when I enter, except Selphie, who just waves at me and grins. Kind of wary, too, like they're about to pounce on me—can't blame them for that either, but I don't need to hear it now. I raise one hand, gesturing for silence before they can start.
"Selphie, turn around. We're gonna go rescue Rinoa."
Why must I get all my inspirations late at night? Why? Oh well.
Might this be just slightly off canon, perhaps? If so, please let me know so I can revise. :-)