**Georgetown VA. December 20, 2002**
There was a thick blanket of clouds over Eastern Virginia that only filtered the sunlight enough to look like a dreary gray day, but those clouds made up for it with giant flakes of snow. The pine trees looked like they had been drenched in icing. Soft, artistic-looking drifts swooped over the unused sections of sidewalk. Cars occasionally skidded down the street and the landlord was walking her Pekinese dog with the cutest red bow behind the left ear.
Inside the apartment was dark and warm, and the peach-colored sheets were tangled in all directions. Harm was on his back. One hand had fallen to the pillow over his head and the other rested on his naked chest. He opened his eyes with a few groggy blinks, licked the sleep from his lips, and inhaled sharply through his nose as he woke up. He focused on the ceiling.
Harm smiled as wide as his mouth would go.
It wasn't his ceiling.
Blue eyes glowed when he turned his head and found exactly what he was looking for. Mac was still asleep, and still was wearing nothing but a pair of diamond earrings.
The pale peach sheets were tangled around her, but there was enough of a corner to cover the middle section of him. He rolled slowly onto his side, tucked his elbow under his ear, and just watched her sleep for several minutes.
He smiled again.
When Mac started to wake up, she bumped into him before she opened her eyes. She paused, surprised.
His voice rumbled out soft and playful, but still quiet with sleep, "Your on my side of the bed."
She snickered as she dove her face into the pillow and tried to get a grip on this. The Morning After always had a tendency to feel a little strange; the first Morning After she had with this man topped the charts, but this one felt much different. Her breath made lots of noise against the pillow as she pulled in a sigh and blew it out again. Her soft whine was grinning, "What have we done?"
Harm only chuckled, but it withered away too quickly. "I don't know," he sighed.
Mac turned her head up to finally look at him. He had dropped his eyes to the sheet, considering things. He sighed again and seemed to force a grin when he met her eyes. It was a look that admitted he had no more answers than she did.
Mac folded her lips closed and shifted to roll to her side, but it turned out that her body was wrapped in the sheet backwards. As she rolled to him, the corner that covered him slid off.
Mac's eyes widened as she realized what was happening. She reached and scrambled to keep it from slipping completely away, but all her efforts to reach for it made it slip away that much faster.
By the time she figured out why one movement caused the next, she was nearly sitting up and grabbing for the last dribbling corner, but she missed. Her hand whipped back in the air before she accidentally grabbed the body part that was underneath.
Harm fell onto his back and laughed.
Mac's face reddened as she slapped his knee. She pressed the front of the sheet to her body an untangled it from her legs. He kept cackling an Alan Alda laugh with tears seeping from his sparkling eyes. She grumbled at him, deliberately threw half the sheet back over his naked body, and plopped her back down onto her bed, stiff and prone.
Harm was still calming his giggles when he rolled to look at the side of her pent face. She'd simply had a knee jerk reaction, he understood that, but he couldn't help himself getting into trouble. He reached slowly over and gathered the sheet in his hand above her stomach.
Mac grabbed it and held it down with both flat arms. "Harm," she warned the hand that threatened to rip the cotton membrane from her body.
His teeth gritted an evil grin and his fingers tightened hard around the sheet.
Her eyes flared, "Harmon!"
He bit his lower lip, yanked, and was already laughing again when the sheet fluttered away in the air with the flowing art of a bull-fighter teasing a Toro. She instantly yanked it back, but that was okay because female flesh had to scramble across his midsection to grab it out of the air. which was the whole intent in the first place.
She wrapped it around her torso again but a pair of big hands was already trying to pull her in.
Mac huffed and flicked an angry look down at him. It was only funny to a point.
"I'm sorry," he said honestly but didn't let her go. His eyes urged her to relax a little.
She blew up at her fitful hair and ducked her forehead down to his shoulder. She wasn't on top of him, not really even cuddled up next to him, but it was still too close and too naked for her to be comfortable with.
Harm stared up at the ceiling again and his whole glee about it evaporated. "We've been friends too long, haven't we?"
Her forehead nodded against his shoulder without hesitation.
They'd worked so hard for so many years to see each other only as working buddies that this was going to take a lot of getting used to. Suddenly, their relationship was on the rockiest, most dangerous ground it had ever been: from one moment to the next, neither knew where they stood with the other.
"Do you have any plans today?" He asked respectfully.
She shook her head at first, then shrugged a shoulder, "I have couple of errands.."
He looked down and lazily tried to comb the new dread lock she had forming on the back of her crown. "Well, let's go on errands together. We can talk."
She shook her head and shifted so she could lift herself up on her elbows. She sniffed and rubbed her nose with the back of her hand. "Every time we try to 'redefine' this thing, we just end up in the same place again." She looked over at him at the end, making him admit it was true with her eyes.
Harm lifted his brows. He grinned wide and pointed at the bed they're naked bodies were laying in. "*This is* a different place, Mac."
She blushed a smile and ducked her face into the back of her hand again. The male laughter in her bedroom felt too good to deny.
He was getting loud now and in argumentative mode, but the smile was still in his voice. "You're obviously uncomfortable. Let's get showered, dressed, and into a neutral environment. We can talk about our relationship, the law we just broke, or the price of rice for all I care.." His chuckle started to die again as he realized they did just break a law. "But let's just go talk."
She was quiet for a moment and still hiding her mouth in the back of her hand. Harm slumped back from his soapbox and went back to the task of combing the knot from her hair.
Eventually, he stopped and dropped his hand with a small huff.
Mac flicked her face up, whipping the long hair away from her face and looked at him with an open mouth. "You're right."
He gave her a quiet nod and smile.
She deliberately pulled the sheet off of him this time so she could wrap herself up in it. "But I want breakfast first."
Harm batted out several blinks at once, let the sailor shine through his smile, and ducked his voice with a you-don't-have-to-tell-me-twice, "Aye aye."
She sat up, slapped his arm, and wrapped herself up in the sheet to climb off the bed. "I meant food."
"Oh." He fought a grin. "Okay."
Mac tried to stay indignant with him, but was shaking her head and sighing out a smile by the time she disappeared into the bathroom.
It turned out that Mac had no food in her refrigerator to speak of, but Harm didn't discover this until he was showered and back into the same wrinkled suit he'd arrived in, and by the time he discovered it, she was dressed and pocketing her keys to leave.
She was in a pair of jeans, a big sweater, her suede snow-coat over all of that and was stomping her feet into thick hiking boots by the time Harm emerged to realize what was happening.
"My cupboards are bare," she reported as she hurried about her apartment to leave. "We'll have to grab something on the way."
Harm winced as he tried to smooth the jacket down over his breasts. *Grab something? Are we in a hurry?* "Can we stop by my place so I can change?"
She flicked a nod and stuffed her wallet in her big pocket. "Sure."
His brows flicked at how she was flitting about her apartment. He stepped over to her and leaned to try to get into her line of sight. "Mac."
She continued to fumble through her purse to find if there was anything else in there that she needed. A few items were stuffed into her big coat pockets so she wouldn't have to take the bag with her.
Harm shifted his feet a little closer, and raised his voice, "Mac." It was like she was nervous around a stranger. He was driven to remind her that it was just *him*. He noticed her naked earlobes. She'd stripped the earrings.
Harm hadn't expected her to wear them today, but somehow it made him realize what was going on. He took her elbow and gently tried to pull her from her task. "Mac, listen to me-"
"Neutral environment," she insisted quickly. She pulled her elbow from him and put her palms in the air to get him to back off. "You promised me a neutral environment first." She didn't actually look at his eyes until she was done saying it.
Harm pressed his mouth closed, put his hands on his hips, and nodded at the floor.
Mac stepped quickly away to snap off the lights in the kitchen and living room. Harm watched her from the side of his eyes as he slipped on his black overcoat, and pretended not to notice the way she stormed out the door and locked it behind them both.
The drive over to his apartment wasn't silent, but it wasn't deep either. Harm tried not to force the conversation anyway. He trusted the ice would melt as the day progressed. When they reached his place, she looked even more on guard. As he closed and locked his own front door, she took two steps in, shoved her hands in her coat pockets, and looked around the place as if it were the first time she'd seen it.
"I'll just be a minute," he muttered, watching her with worry until he'd completely stepped away.
She looked at his kitchen and his black refrigerator. She looked at the couch and the coffee table. She saw his stereo and his guitar case, the bookshelf and the pictures.. Mac's mouth dropped open with a brave sigh. This used to be Renee's turf. Mac's feet were firmly planted as she looked around some more. It was Jordan's turf and Annie's turf. It was his apartment but it was their turf. And now it was her turf..
She looked up into the rafters and managed to turn a little. He was behind the frosted, seventies-style glass and already donning a fresh set of clothes. She wondered how many women had been behind that glass.
Mac felt like the odd-man out. She felt like the last to be picked in a childhood game at recess. *Red Rover Red Rover Send Sarah on over!* If nobody else could break that hard chain of hands and into his soul, what in the world made her think that she could?
Harm stepped out again, fully dressed and ready for marching through the snow if the need arose. He hooked a blue scarf around his neck as he looked at her. "You all right?"
She lifted her chin, faking it like a pro, and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."
But that never worked with him. He lifted a brow, shoved gloves into his coat pockets, and visibly left her comment unhindered. "So, which neutral environment would you like to visit first?"
"Break-" her eyes closed when she stopped herself and bloomed into an aggravated smile.
Harm licked his lower lip and tried not to chuckle again. He forced his voice to stay neutral. "How about pancakes?"
Mac's shoulders shuddered a little and she, too, forced her voice to stay neutral. "Yes. Pancakes work."
Harm nodded once, stepped to the door and opened it for her.
She walked through it, already relaxing as she waited for him to lock up. "But I want some meat for breakfast," she admitted easily and knowing it wasn't something she could talk him into. She led the way to the elevator as soon as he was ready.
Harm's mind tripped into the gutter for only a split second, and mumbled behind her, "Not bacon though, I'm assuming."
She squinted and motioned the severity with her hand as she turned in the elevator. "No, like steak or ham."
Harm pulled down the elevator door and winced. "Steak for breakfast?"
Mac leaned against the wall, "Haven't you ever heard of steak and eggs? It's a rancher's breakfast."
Harm activated the elevator and fought not to pull the conversation back into the gutter. He smiled and admitted it, "Yes, I have."
Mac smiled, "There's a good greasy spoon in Crystal City."
He paused in a long blink, and grinned what this greasy spoon probably looked like, "You want to go out for breakfast at Mel's Diner?"
"They're the only places that can cook a decent plate of steak and eggs." She pulled the elevator door open and shrugged as she strutted out. "Besides, no one we know will be there."
Harm had to acknowledge that with a nod and followed her to his SUV, but they'd barely hit the road when he decided that his car was neutral enough. His eyes occasionally flicked over to get clues on her demeanor. She was staring out at the Lincoln Memorial as they went around the loop and continued to stare blankly at the half-frozen Potomac as they went over it.
"Talk to me, Mac," his voice was the same old, soft order.
She inhaled and lifted her face away from her daze. Her mouth was open and her eyes were clear, but she didn't speak.
Harm's eyes flicked over again and worry crossed his mouth. Hardened eyes moved back to watch where he was driving, and the anger yelled in the back of his mind. *Don't do this to me again!* He pulled in a deep breath to cool his gut reaction and softened his voice before it had a chance to grow stiff. "You want me to start?"
Mac's chin lowered with the thought. She nodded without looking at him. "Yes, please."
He nodded carefully. "Okay." But he didn't know where to start either. He bit his lower lip until it hurt. "Damnit," he muttered.
She did look because she already knew the expression on his face, and she had to smile at it. "I think you had it right the first time: We've been friends for too long."
His voice was barely there. "Too long for what?"
Mac looked over, a little shocked, then she looked out the windshield, searching for the answer. He had a valid argument. Where *had* they intended to go with this, anyway?
"I think," he said defeated, "that we have been friends too long to have problems with a topic like this." Blue eyes could have sliced through her if she dared enough to look that direction.
But Mac had closed her eyes at it. She looked out the passenger window again and barely motioned directions for him to the restaurant.
Harm swallowed hard and drove all the way to the parking lot without saying anything more. His discontent was clear enough - it was time for the next neutral environment.
"Two please," Mac muttered and the waitress showed them to a booth.
Harm wasn't far off when he imagined the place. Booths lined the window, bar seating was across the aisle, and the kitchen was behind the bar, that was it. Patrons in flannel and work clothes were already wolfing down big stacks of pancakes and gallons of boot-leather coffee. And the turquoise, plastic covered booth-seat had a permanent indentation from the weight of thousands of fat asses.
Mac sat down with her back to the door, and Harm took off his coat to throw it to the window end of the booth. As soon as the waitress was sent to fetch coffee, he settled in, folded his hands on the table, and leaned back in the seat to stare at her.
Mac watched out the window like she was bored, but she didn't pull off the act very well.
He leaned into the table and rested his weight on his elbows. "You're afraid," he pointed out.
Her eyes flicked over indignantly. "And your not?"
He angled his head and winced at her. "Of course I am."
Mac thought on this a moment, rested her elbows on the table and lowered her voice. "What are you afraid of?"
His breath quivered as he pulled it in. He looked at her, at the table, and shrugged at the air around him when he grinned pitifully, "You."
She actually smiled at that and lifted a brow. "Would you mind elaborating?"
He sat back up and smiled a little as the coffees arrived. They killed time sipping and stirring milk until the waitress went away again. This gave Harm time to think over his words first. "I'm afraid I'm going to fall too hard, and you won't." He said carefully, but faced her honestly about it.
Her brown eyes warmed at that, almost to the point of being embarrassed about it. It was the first warm look he'd seen all day.
She pulled her mug to her full lips and talked behind it before she sipped. "Has that ever happened to you before?"
Harm thought long and hard on that one, really trying to figure out if it had, but he had to shake his head in the end. "Not to the extent I'm fearing now."
Mac put down her mug. "You're a control freak," she pointed out easily. "As long as I've known you, you can't let go of enough control to even get close to such a risk."
Harm stuck his tongue into his molar and, this time, he was the one to look out the window at anything else.
"Me? I'm just." she burst out an smile of discomfort, "terrified of-" she stopped and swallowed.
"The same thing," he said, looking at her again. "You're not a control freak, but you're terrified of the same thing." He leaned forward again, curling his cup into him so he could lean on his elbows. "As long as I've known you, you haven't let any man get near you."
She winced and searched the air, "What about Mic?"
"*Mic left* because you wouldn't let him near you."
Mac leaned forward caustically, "I almost married the man."
His face soured comically. "Don't remind me."
"Harm," she hissed. She closed her eyes in a silent curse and tried to rub an eyebrow to relax. "Where do you intend to go with this? How far could this possibly go with the two of us still in the same command?"
His whole face wrinkled like he'd just swallowed a mouthful of curdled milk. "We don't need a battle plan, Mac."
She pressed her mouth and looked away.
"You certainly didn't seem to need one yesterday," he pointed out. "We've been fine with this for two months. Why the sudden change of heart?"
"*We broke the law, Harm.*" Mac almost shouted to point this out to him. Her eyes were firm.
Harm dropped his eyes to the table. He thought long and hard for a rebuttal, but there was none to be had.
*Bebebebebeeep*
Harm groaned at the sound of his muffled cell phone and dropped his forehead to his fists.
*Bebebebebeeep*
Harm lifted his head quickly and scrambled his folded coat to retrieve the phone from his pocket. "Rabb."
Mac motioned to the waitress to come back in a few minutes for their orders. She sipped her coffee and waited patiently.
"Yes, sir." Harm's face went serious. "Is she all right?"
Mac lifted her face again, alert.
"Yes, sir. I'll be there in a few minutes." He started collecting his coat. He gave Mac an apologetic glance as her face died in disappointment.
"Yes, sir, I will." He hung up.
"What happened?" Mac asked, pulled out money for the coffee.
Harm inhaled to speak-
Beedlebeedlebeedlebeep
Mac sighed in disbelief and exchanged glances with him as she dug out her phone. "Colonel MacKenzie."
The Admiral's voice was cool and serious. "Colonel. I need a personal favor. Are you available to spend an hour at my place this morning?"
"Yes, sir," she said, getting up.
"There's been an incident at Ms. Cavanaugh's college. I need you and Rabb here to help me ease her concerns."
Mac looked at Harm, "*Us*, sir?"
The Admiral clearly nodded, knowing it sounded strange. "I'll explain when you get here."
"Yes, sir. I'll be there as soon as I can." She hung up the phone just as Harm was donning his coat again. "So much for steak and eggs, I guess."
He waved apologies at the waitress and turned back to Mac. He held out a hand.
Mac looked at it. Her eyes flicked up to him. "You want my cell phone?"
Harm closed his eyes for a quiet moment, opened them again and gritted his teeth when he took a step to her. He reached down to her side, grabbed her hand, and turned to walk out the door while practically dragging her behind him.
Mac snickered as she got the general idea, but grinned at his broad back that he managed it as romantically as a caveman with a club over his shoulder.
There was a thick blanket of clouds over Eastern Virginia that only filtered the sunlight enough to look like a dreary gray day, but those clouds made up for it with giant flakes of snow. The pine trees looked like they had been drenched in icing. Soft, artistic-looking drifts swooped over the unused sections of sidewalk. Cars occasionally skidded down the street and the landlord was walking her Pekinese dog with the cutest red bow behind the left ear.
Inside the apartment was dark and warm, and the peach-colored sheets were tangled in all directions. Harm was on his back. One hand had fallen to the pillow over his head and the other rested on his naked chest. He opened his eyes with a few groggy blinks, licked the sleep from his lips, and inhaled sharply through his nose as he woke up. He focused on the ceiling.
Harm smiled as wide as his mouth would go.
It wasn't his ceiling.
Blue eyes glowed when he turned his head and found exactly what he was looking for. Mac was still asleep, and still was wearing nothing but a pair of diamond earrings.
The pale peach sheets were tangled around her, but there was enough of a corner to cover the middle section of him. He rolled slowly onto his side, tucked his elbow under his ear, and just watched her sleep for several minutes.
He smiled again.
When Mac started to wake up, she bumped into him before she opened her eyes. She paused, surprised.
His voice rumbled out soft and playful, but still quiet with sleep, "Your on my side of the bed."
She snickered as she dove her face into the pillow and tried to get a grip on this. The Morning After always had a tendency to feel a little strange; the first Morning After she had with this man topped the charts, but this one felt much different. Her breath made lots of noise against the pillow as she pulled in a sigh and blew it out again. Her soft whine was grinning, "What have we done?"
Harm only chuckled, but it withered away too quickly. "I don't know," he sighed.
Mac turned her head up to finally look at him. He had dropped his eyes to the sheet, considering things. He sighed again and seemed to force a grin when he met her eyes. It was a look that admitted he had no more answers than she did.
Mac folded her lips closed and shifted to roll to her side, but it turned out that her body was wrapped in the sheet backwards. As she rolled to him, the corner that covered him slid off.
Mac's eyes widened as she realized what was happening. She reached and scrambled to keep it from slipping completely away, but all her efforts to reach for it made it slip away that much faster.
By the time she figured out why one movement caused the next, she was nearly sitting up and grabbing for the last dribbling corner, but she missed. Her hand whipped back in the air before she accidentally grabbed the body part that was underneath.
Harm fell onto his back and laughed.
Mac's face reddened as she slapped his knee. She pressed the front of the sheet to her body an untangled it from her legs. He kept cackling an Alan Alda laugh with tears seeping from his sparkling eyes. She grumbled at him, deliberately threw half the sheet back over his naked body, and plopped her back down onto her bed, stiff and prone.
Harm was still calming his giggles when he rolled to look at the side of her pent face. She'd simply had a knee jerk reaction, he understood that, but he couldn't help himself getting into trouble. He reached slowly over and gathered the sheet in his hand above her stomach.
Mac grabbed it and held it down with both flat arms. "Harm," she warned the hand that threatened to rip the cotton membrane from her body.
His teeth gritted an evil grin and his fingers tightened hard around the sheet.
Her eyes flared, "Harmon!"
He bit his lower lip, yanked, and was already laughing again when the sheet fluttered away in the air with the flowing art of a bull-fighter teasing a Toro. She instantly yanked it back, but that was okay because female flesh had to scramble across his midsection to grab it out of the air. which was the whole intent in the first place.
She wrapped it around her torso again but a pair of big hands was already trying to pull her in.
Mac huffed and flicked an angry look down at him. It was only funny to a point.
"I'm sorry," he said honestly but didn't let her go. His eyes urged her to relax a little.
She blew up at her fitful hair and ducked her forehead down to his shoulder. She wasn't on top of him, not really even cuddled up next to him, but it was still too close and too naked for her to be comfortable with.
Harm stared up at the ceiling again and his whole glee about it evaporated. "We've been friends too long, haven't we?"
Her forehead nodded against his shoulder without hesitation.
They'd worked so hard for so many years to see each other only as working buddies that this was going to take a lot of getting used to. Suddenly, their relationship was on the rockiest, most dangerous ground it had ever been: from one moment to the next, neither knew where they stood with the other.
"Do you have any plans today?" He asked respectfully.
She shook her head at first, then shrugged a shoulder, "I have couple of errands.."
He looked down and lazily tried to comb the new dread lock she had forming on the back of her crown. "Well, let's go on errands together. We can talk."
She shook her head and shifted so she could lift herself up on her elbows. She sniffed and rubbed her nose with the back of her hand. "Every time we try to 'redefine' this thing, we just end up in the same place again." She looked over at him at the end, making him admit it was true with her eyes.
Harm lifted his brows. He grinned wide and pointed at the bed they're naked bodies were laying in. "*This is* a different place, Mac."
She blushed a smile and ducked her face into the back of her hand again. The male laughter in her bedroom felt too good to deny.
He was getting loud now and in argumentative mode, but the smile was still in his voice. "You're obviously uncomfortable. Let's get showered, dressed, and into a neutral environment. We can talk about our relationship, the law we just broke, or the price of rice for all I care.." His chuckle started to die again as he realized they did just break a law. "But let's just go talk."
She was quiet for a moment and still hiding her mouth in the back of her hand. Harm slumped back from his soapbox and went back to the task of combing the knot from her hair.
Eventually, he stopped and dropped his hand with a small huff.
Mac flicked her face up, whipping the long hair away from her face and looked at him with an open mouth. "You're right."
He gave her a quiet nod and smile.
She deliberately pulled the sheet off of him this time so she could wrap herself up in it. "But I want breakfast first."
Harm batted out several blinks at once, let the sailor shine through his smile, and ducked his voice with a you-don't-have-to-tell-me-twice, "Aye aye."
She sat up, slapped his arm, and wrapped herself up in the sheet to climb off the bed. "I meant food."
"Oh." He fought a grin. "Okay."
Mac tried to stay indignant with him, but was shaking her head and sighing out a smile by the time she disappeared into the bathroom.
It turned out that Mac had no food in her refrigerator to speak of, but Harm didn't discover this until he was showered and back into the same wrinkled suit he'd arrived in, and by the time he discovered it, she was dressed and pocketing her keys to leave.
She was in a pair of jeans, a big sweater, her suede snow-coat over all of that and was stomping her feet into thick hiking boots by the time Harm emerged to realize what was happening.
"My cupboards are bare," she reported as she hurried about her apartment to leave. "We'll have to grab something on the way."
Harm winced as he tried to smooth the jacket down over his breasts. *Grab something? Are we in a hurry?* "Can we stop by my place so I can change?"
She flicked a nod and stuffed her wallet in her big pocket. "Sure."
His brows flicked at how she was flitting about her apartment. He stepped over to her and leaned to try to get into her line of sight. "Mac."
She continued to fumble through her purse to find if there was anything else in there that she needed. A few items were stuffed into her big coat pockets so she wouldn't have to take the bag with her.
Harm shifted his feet a little closer, and raised his voice, "Mac." It was like she was nervous around a stranger. He was driven to remind her that it was just *him*. He noticed her naked earlobes. She'd stripped the earrings.
Harm hadn't expected her to wear them today, but somehow it made him realize what was going on. He took her elbow and gently tried to pull her from her task. "Mac, listen to me-"
"Neutral environment," she insisted quickly. She pulled her elbow from him and put her palms in the air to get him to back off. "You promised me a neutral environment first." She didn't actually look at his eyes until she was done saying it.
Harm pressed his mouth closed, put his hands on his hips, and nodded at the floor.
Mac stepped quickly away to snap off the lights in the kitchen and living room. Harm watched her from the side of his eyes as he slipped on his black overcoat, and pretended not to notice the way she stormed out the door and locked it behind them both.
The drive over to his apartment wasn't silent, but it wasn't deep either. Harm tried not to force the conversation anyway. He trusted the ice would melt as the day progressed. When they reached his place, she looked even more on guard. As he closed and locked his own front door, she took two steps in, shoved her hands in her coat pockets, and looked around the place as if it were the first time she'd seen it.
"I'll just be a minute," he muttered, watching her with worry until he'd completely stepped away.
She looked at his kitchen and his black refrigerator. She looked at the couch and the coffee table. She saw his stereo and his guitar case, the bookshelf and the pictures.. Mac's mouth dropped open with a brave sigh. This used to be Renee's turf. Mac's feet were firmly planted as she looked around some more. It was Jordan's turf and Annie's turf. It was his apartment but it was their turf. And now it was her turf..
She looked up into the rafters and managed to turn a little. He was behind the frosted, seventies-style glass and already donning a fresh set of clothes. She wondered how many women had been behind that glass.
Mac felt like the odd-man out. She felt like the last to be picked in a childhood game at recess. *Red Rover Red Rover Send Sarah on over!* If nobody else could break that hard chain of hands and into his soul, what in the world made her think that she could?
Harm stepped out again, fully dressed and ready for marching through the snow if the need arose. He hooked a blue scarf around his neck as he looked at her. "You all right?"
She lifted her chin, faking it like a pro, and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."
But that never worked with him. He lifted a brow, shoved gloves into his coat pockets, and visibly left her comment unhindered. "So, which neutral environment would you like to visit first?"
"Break-" her eyes closed when she stopped herself and bloomed into an aggravated smile.
Harm licked his lower lip and tried not to chuckle again. He forced his voice to stay neutral. "How about pancakes?"
Mac's shoulders shuddered a little and she, too, forced her voice to stay neutral. "Yes. Pancakes work."
Harm nodded once, stepped to the door and opened it for her.
She walked through it, already relaxing as she waited for him to lock up. "But I want some meat for breakfast," she admitted easily and knowing it wasn't something she could talk him into. She led the way to the elevator as soon as he was ready.
Harm's mind tripped into the gutter for only a split second, and mumbled behind her, "Not bacon though, I'm assuming."
She squinted and motioned the severity with her hand as she turned in the elevator. "No, like steak or ham."
Harm pulled down the elevator door and winced. "Steak for breakfast?"
Mac leaned against the wall, "Haven't you ever heard of steak and eggs? It's a rancher's breakfast."
Harm activated the elevator and fought not to pull the conversation back into the gutter. He smiled and admitted it, "Yes, I have."
Mac smiled, "There's a good greasy spoon in Crystal City."
He paused in a long blink, and grinned what this greasy spoon probably looked like, "You want to go out for breakfast at Mel's Diner?"
"They're the only places that can cook a decent plate of steak and eggs." She pulled the elevator door open and shrugged as she strutted out. "Besides, no one we know will be there."
Harm had to acknowledge that with a nod and followed her to his SUV, but they'd barely hit the road when he decided that his car was neutral enough. His eyes occasionally flicked over to get clues on her demeanor. She was staring out at the Lincoln Memorial as they went around the loop and continued to stare blankly at the half-frozen Potomac as they went over it.
"Talk to me, Mac," his voice was the same old, soft order.
She inhaled and lifted her face away from her daze. Her mouth was open and her eyes were clear, but she didn't speak.
Harm's eyes flicked over again and worry crossed his mouth. Hardened eyes moved back to watch where he was driving, and the anger yelled in the back of his mind. *Don't do this to me again!* He pulled in a deep breath to cool his gut reaction and softened his voice before it had a chance to grow stiff. "You want me to start?"
Mac's chin lowered with the thought. She nodded without looking at him. "Yes, please."
He nodded carefully. "Okay." But he didn't know where to start either. He bit his lower lip until it hurt. "Damnit," he muttered.
She did look because she already knew the expression on his face, and she had to smile at it. "I think you had it right the first time: We've been friends for too long."
His voice was barely there. "Too long for what?"
Mac looked over, a little shocked, then she looked out the windshield, searching for the answer. He had a valid argument. Where *had* they intended to go with this, anyway?
"I think," he said defeated, "that we have been friends too long to have problems with a topic like this." Blue eyes could have sliced through her if she dared enough to look that direction.
But Mac had closed her eyes at it. She looked out the passenger window again and barely motioned directions for him to the restaurant.
Harm swallowed hard and drove all the way to the parking lot without saying anything more. His discontent was clear enough - it was time for the next neutral environment.
"Two please," Mac muttered and the waitress showed them to a booth.
Harm wasn't far off when he imagined the place. Booths lined the window, bar seating was across the aisle, and the kitchen was behind the bar, that was it. Patrons in flannel and work clothes were already wolfing down big stacks of pancakes and gallons of boot-leather coffee. And the turquoise, plastic covered booth-seat had a permanent indentation from the weight of thousands of fat asses.
Mac sat down with her back to the door, and Harm took off his coat to throw it to the window end of the booth. As soon as the waitress was sent to fetch coffee, he settled in, folded his hands on the table, and leaned back in the seat to stare at her.
Mac watched out the window like she was bored, but she didn't pull off the act very well.
He leaned into the table and rested his weight on his elbows. "You're afraid," he pointed out.
Her eyes flicked over indignantly. "And your not?"
He angled his head and winced at her. "Of course I am."
Mac thought on this a moment, rested her elbows on the table and lowered her voice. "What are you afraid of?"
His breath quivered as he pulled it in. He looked at her, at the table, and shrugged at the air around him when he grinned pitifully, "You."
She actually smiled at that and lifted a brow. "Would you mind elaborating?"
He sat back up and smiled a little as the coffees arrived. They killed time sipping and stirring milk until the waitress went away again. This gave Harm time to think over his words first. "I'm afraid I'm going to fall too hard, and you won't." He said carefully, but faced her honestly about it.
Her brown eyes warmed at that, almost to the point of being embarrassed about it. It was the first warm look he'd seen all day.
She pulled her mug to her full lips and talked behind it before she sipped. "Has that ever happened to you before?"
Harm thought long and hard on that one, really trying to figure out if it had, but he had to shake his head in the end. "Not to the extent I'm fearing now."
Mac put down her mug. "You're a control freak," she pointed out easily. "As long as I've known you, you can't let go of enough control to even get close to such a risk."
Harm stuck his tongue into his molar and, this time, he was the one to look out the window at anything else.
"Me? I'm just." she burst out an smile of discomfort, "terrified of-" she stopped and swallowed.
"The same thing," he said, looking at her again. "You're not a control freak, but you're terrified of the same thing." He leaned forward again, curling his cup into him so he could lean on his elbows. "As long as I've known you, you haven't let any man get near you."
She winced and searched the air, "What about Mic?"
"*Mic left* because you wouldn't let him near you."
Mac leaned forward caustically, "I almost married the man."
His face soured comically. "Don't remind me."
"Harm," she hissed. She closed her eyes in a silent curse and tried to rub an eyebrow to relax. "Where do you intend to go with this? How far could this possibly go with the two of us still in the same command?"
His whole face wrinkled like he'd just swallowed a mouthful of curdled milk. "We don't need a battle plan, Mac."
She pressed her mouth and looked away.
"You certainly didn't seem to need one yesterday," he pointed out. "We've been fine with this for two months. Why the sudden change of heart?"
"*We broke the law, Harm.*" Mac almost shouted to point this out to him. Her eyes were firm.
Harm dropped his eyes to the table. He thought long and hard for a rebuttal, but there was none to be had.
*Bebebebebeeep*
Harm groaned at the sound of his muffled cell phone and dropped his forehead to his fists.
*Bebebebebeeep*
Harm lifted his head quickly and scrambled his folded coat to retrieve the phone from his pocket. "Rabb."
Mac motioned to the waitress to come back in a few minutes for their orders. She sipped her coffee and waited patiently.
"Yes, sir." Harm's face went serious. "Is she all right?"
Mac lifted her face again, alert.
"Yes, sir. I'll be there in a few minutes." He started collecting his coat. He gave Mac an apologetic glance as her face died in disappointment.
"Yes, sir, I will." He hung up.
"What happened?" Mac asked, pulled out money for the coffee.
Harm inhaled to speak-
Beedlebeedlebeedlebeep
Mac sighed in disbelief and exchanged glances with him as she dug out her phone. "Colonel MacKenzie."
The Admiral's voice was cool and serious. "Colonel. I need a personal favor. Are you available to spend an hour at my place this morning?"
"Yes, sir," she said, getting up.
"There's been an incident at Ms. Cavanaugh's college. I need you and Rabb here to help me ease her concerns."
Mac looked at Harm, "*Us*, sir?"
The Admiral clearly nodded, knowing it sounded strange. "I'll explain when you get here."
"Yes, sir. I'll be there as soon as I can." She hung up the phone just as Harm was donning his coat again. "So much for steak and eggs, I guess."
He waved apologies at the waitress and turned back to Mac. He held out a hand.
Mac looked at it. Her eyes flicked up to him. "You want my cell phone?"
Harm closed his eyes for a quiet moment, opened them again and gritted his teeth when he took a step to her. He reached down to her side, grabbed her hand, and turned to walk out the door while practically dragging her behind him.
Mac snickered as she got the general idea, but grinned at his broad back that he managed it as romantically as a caveman with a club over his shoulder.