**Harm's Apartment. Washington D.C. Christmas Eve 2002**
Harm tried to plan a speech as he drove, but then decided he didn't need a speech. If there was friction, he'd chock it up to just visiting as a friend. After all, he did have quite a shock just now.
But Mac wasn't in her apartment. He could see her lights were off before he came to a complete stop in front of her building. He pulled out his phone and tried her land line just to see if she was hiding in there somewhere, but it was as he expected. The answering machine came on.
Harm hung up and tossed his phone the passenger's seat. He sighed in acceptance that he'd missed his chance for today, and slapped his hand on the steering wheel to drive home.
Suddenly his thoughts weren't on his father anymore. He wondered where she'd gone on Christmas Eve. If there wasn't a dinner thrown by somebody at the office, she was usually home. He couldn't imagine someone throwing a dinner and not mentioning it to him. Did she have a new boyfriend?
No. Harm parked his car at his building and insisted that she did not. The two may have still been dancing around this thing, but they were sleeping together. Well, twice anyway.. And the first one didn't really count..
"No," he insisted allowed this time, just so his mind wouldn't go there. "She wouldn't do that."
He fought with all this as he stepped into his building and rode up the elevator. He wanted to talk to someone about his father..
No, not just someone. He wanted to talk to Mac.
He flipped out the keys to his apartment and admitted to himself that he wanted to talk to Mac. about *anything*. It didn't matter what the topic was anymore.
Where the hell did she go on Christmas Eve?
He put the key in the bolt lock as he gritted his teeth about it, and when he turned it, he realized it wasn't locked.
His eyes narrowed. He pulled the key out and gingerly touched the doorknob. It wasn't locked either.
Harm suddenly wished he'd brought a gun with him. He stuffed his keys into his pocket and stepped back behind the door jam. Careful not to make any more noise than he already had, he turned the knob and pushed it silently open.
A female hand grabbed the door to open it the rest of the way and friendly brown eyes were teasing his caution. "I didn't want to interrupt your visit."
Harm breathed, tucked a grin, and breathed again as he stepped into his apartment. "I went to your place just now," he admitted as he locked them in and started taking off his coat. "I was at a loss at where you'd gone off to."
Mac shrugged a shoulder, "Keeper of the spare set, remember?"
Harm nodded and hung his coat up. He forced his tone to stay light, "So, what catastrophe can I thank for this visit?"
Mac turned and strolled back to the kitchen counter where she'd helped herself to make some hot chocolate. Her voice was warm, "You went to my place first. So what catastrophe can I thank for *your* visit?"
Harm beamed so wide at that he practically bit his tongue between his teeth. It didn't matter why she was here. He was just glad she was here. "You first. Mine is long."
Mac sat on the bar stool, held the seat between her knees and shrugged her shoulders. "I wanted to break the silence." She angled her head at him and raised a brow. "You've been avoiding me for four days."
Harm stepped up to his bedroom but not without a wagging finger at her as he went. "I was giving you space," he insisted.
"I didn't ask for space." Her voice called sing-song to reach over the frosted glass at him.
Harm changed out of uniform as quickly as he could and smiled at the voice of the grizzly bear in his kitchen. "You asked for neutral territory and time to think." He jumped into a pair of jeans. "To me, that means 'space'."
Mac looked up at the air to think on that. She nodded at her mug as she picked it up. "Fine."
Harm buttoned up a turquoise and yellow Hawaiian shirt over his chest. "Does that mean you're done thinking?"
"For now."
He flicked his eyes to do a quick roll in the air, but chuckled silently at himself about it when he sat and stuffed on his tube socks and old sneakers.
"It's your turn," she called. "Why did you come to see me?"
He stepped out from his bedroom and strutted down to the kitchen. "Hang on, Mac. I suspect we're not finished talking about your reasons yet." He moved to the cupboard and fetched himself a mug.
Mac swiveled to face him and shook her head. "No. That was it."
Harm poured some cocoa from the saucepan to his cup but his eyes flicked to her twice during the maneuver. "No. It wasn't."
She pressed her mouth in thought, and ducked so her eyes wouldn't admit it. "Maybe I just didn't want to spend Christmas Eve alone."
Harm put the pan down and flicked a grin. "Good. Neither did I."
She watched him gingerly take a taste of the cocoa and lift his brows with a quick compliment about it. He looked at her again, but she lifted her brows expectantly. It was his turn to answer questions.
He loudly sucked the chocolate from his lower lip and stepped around the counter to sit in the other barstool. "I saw Jodi and Tiner at the Wall tonight."
Mac blinked at this. "What were they doing at the wall on Christmas Eve?"
"Getting rubbings," he said, putting his mug and one elbow on the counter to face her. "Turns out Senior Chief Young pre-flighted my father the night he went down."
Mac blinked until her eyes nearly popped out of her head.
Harm remembered his previous unrest over it. "Makes me wonder if he did his job right that day.. But I have no real reason to believe that he didn't." He dropped his eyes to the counter and tried to stare into thirty-three years ago.
Mac turned her head to try to see his expression, but he lifted it quickly. His tone was beaten. He tried to grin at her. "I guess I just needed a friendly ear."
*Red Rover Red Rover Send Sarah on over!*
Mac lips parted when the chain of hands broke for her and she fell to a roll onto the untouchable grass beyond.
Her eyes slowly glowed until it rolled out of her mouth too. "I love you."
Harm blinked like she'd slapped him, and nearly chuckled when he recovered. Where did *that* come from? Happily surprised, he wasn't sure what else to say. "Thank you."
Mac coughed disbelief at the ceiling.
"I mean," he shrugged a shoulder, still clueless, "I love you too?"
She chortled and debated whether or not to nail him in the nose for that.
Harm rubbed his lips together, chuckled a little, and climbed off the barstool. He took both mugs. "Come here."
Mac swiveled around in the stool to see where he'd gone. He was putting the mugs on the coffee table. "What are you doing," she asked accusingly.
Harm winced at her tone. "I'm moving this to the living room. Is that a crime?"
She put her hands out in the air. "Harm! It's all the same room!"
Harm waved her off and put on some music. It was just supposed to be quiet background noise, not a deliberate mood-setter, so he just played whatever CD was already in there.
"So tell me more about Senior Chief Young," she said easily as she sat down on the couch. She picked up her mug and turned sideways, hooking her right ankle under her left knee to face him. "It bugs you than you can put a face and a name to his preflight, doesn't it?"
"Yeah, unfortunately it does." He sat down at the opposite end, leaned his back up against the armrest and plopped a foot on the couch. "Jodi was getting rubbings of a list of names her father had given her, I tried to stay out of the way, but then, she started rubbing my dad's name too.."
Mac listened to his tale, sipping the cocoa on occasion, and propping her temple on her palm to watch him talk. He didn't look at her the whole time, but he never forgot whom he was talking to. His tone was casual for much of it, but his eyes expressed pain and anger and exasperation as he spoke. Mac put in a comment from time to time, asking the right questions, pointing out the right facts, and finishing sentences he couldn't find the words for.
And though she was involved in the conversation and attentive to what he was saying, there was a solid thread of being honored in the back of her mind. He was really talking. She noticed the way he scratched his ear when he winced and the way his foot occasionally bumped her knee when he shifted. He found a paperclip on the coffee table, hung one elbow off his knee and spun the metal gently between his fingers. And finally, he sighed heavily and shrugged that he didn't know where to go with the conflict beyond that.
Harm realized he'd been babbling for over an hour now and was just as shocked that he did it as he was that she was still sitting there listening to it. His eyes flicked up to see her, to see if he was boring her, or scaring her off, or whathaveyou.. But Mac waited with the patience of a saint, with her chin resting on the back of her fingers and her pinky curled up to fumbled with her bottom lip.
Her eyes smiled innocently when he focused on her. He blushed a grin back. "Sorry."
She shook her head easily, "Don't be."
He looked around a little and found the empty mugs on the table. "Would you like some more cocoa?"
She shook her head again. Her voice smiled more than her mouth did. "No."
Harm's brows lifted to her before his sight managed to. The intent was clear in her eyes.
He took in a long, cleansing breath and sat up. He set his leg down so he could do so and dropped his hands and eyes into his new lap. He wanted her to stay, he really did, but more so he wanted to be able to talk to her tomorrow too. He wasn't convinced he could have both. And he wasn't sure how, or *if*, he could turn her down.
"Mac-"
"Get your mind out of the gutter," she grinned.
Blue eyes dashed up from under his brows.
She sucked in air through her smile as she formed the words. "I'm just complimented."
His expression sprung in three directions at once. "From what?"
She waved a palm at him, "You just sat there and talked for hours." She angled her head when he didn't get it. "You don't do that."
Harm closed his mouth as he considered this. His eyes glanced up again when he realized why she was complimented by it. Renee had complained so many times..
Mac shifted over and tucked her face to his temple, kissed him on the cheek and closed her eyes.
Harm closed his eyes and relaxed into it for a moment, but when she came to a rest, he pealed them open again to sneak a glance at her face. He could see her shoulder and her hair, her smooth cheek and the corner of her mouth. He turned a sliver more.
She knew he was sneaking over to steal a kiss and her mouth opened to smile accordingly. "You want me to stay," she whispered like she was catching him red handed.
He burst into a smile and the side of his eyes found hers. He was serious about it. "But I also want you to still be talking to me in the morning."
Mac sat up just a little. She hadn't realized that was a common result. She licked her lips thoughtfully.
Harm cocked his head aside with a light offer, "So stay. just don't do anything that scares you that badly."
Her head bounced back a little at the profound suggestion. Stay without sex? She was more complimented now than she was before.
Harm shrugged a shoulder. *Take it or leave it. I'll pretend it doesn't bother me.*
She studied the downtrodden eyes. "Then, why do you want me here?"
He shrugged a shoulder again and faced her, "I don't know." His eyes looked at a dozen parts of her face and hair before he muttered it honestly, "I just want you here."
Mac inhaled at the fuzz in her chest the same time he sighed in near defeat. She leaned into him again, kissing his chin as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and Harm looked like he'd died and gone to heaven when he pulled her in to nearly sit on his lap and held her close.
The moment was pure peace, the closest he was ever going to get without moving to Tibet and studying Buddhism for seven years, and she shattered it when she climbed out of his arms after only a few seconds.
Harm woke his mind up again and looked up, reluctantly accepting whatever it was she had gotten up to do. She pulled his hand to stand up after her, and he obliged slowly, then he realized what she was up to when she started pulling him across the room.
Harm stood hard on his feet.
She paused and looked back.
He gave her a look of warning out of the corner of his eye.
Mac smiled, nodded, and promised softly. "Tomorrow's Christmas," she pointed out. "We can talk all day long."
Harm shuffled his feet forward, weaved his fingers into hers, and Mac kept two steps out of the rest of his reach until she finally made it behind that wall of frosted glass.
**Navy Lodge. Falls Church, Virginia. December 25th, 2002**
Jason could smell the cigarette smoke before he opened his eyes. The Navy Lodge was no smoking from stem to stern, but that little regulation didn't seem to sway her any. Jason had tolerated the first couple of days, they hadn't seen each other in twelve years after all, but the habit was already getting annoying.
He turned his head to look over at where she sat. She was in a giant AC/DC t-shirt and little else, and she had a leg curled underneath her in the chair as she sipped her coffee and smoked her cigarette. He rubbed his eyes to wake up, and realized how old they were now. and they still needed to escape to a hotel to get any alone time.
Jodi combed her sandy hair with her fingers and grinned sleepily. "Merry Christmas."
Tiner lifted his brows at the realization, sighed, and ended up wrinkling his nose at the smell. He did a sit up to peal his back off the bed. "Merry Christmas," he mumbled. "Why aren't you on the phone with the boys?"
She hissed out humor, "It's friggin' three o'clock in the morning over there, dude." Her voice softened to explain. "Dad's gonna call when they wake up."
He had no idea what time it was in *this* time zone, much less that one. His eyebrows shrugged for him.
"Coffee's hot," she offered quietly and dashed the ash from her cigarette.
Jason whipped the blankets off of him and picked his jeans up off the floor. He turned his legs over the opposite side of the bed so that his back would be to her when he said it. "You promised you'd smoke outside."
"It's thirty below out there," she whined righteously.
He stuffed his feet into his jeans without troubling himself to hunt out the BVDs still hiding somewhere in the pile, and wrinkled his mouth at her answer.
"That comment I made at the brunch still bugs you, huh?"
He shook his head, but it wasn't convincing, and stood to button up his Levi's. "Nah, I'm just waking up." He moved to the kitchenette without looking at her and scratched the back of his head.
She didn't believe him, but she shrugged it off and let him wake up in peace.
Twelve years, Jason thought. How much could a person change in twelve years? He poured himself some coffee and stirred in some sugar as he wallowed in thought. The two and a half months they talked over the phone, through email and private chat rooms made him feel like she was the same girl, but this visit was making it clear that she wasn't.
He tossed the spoon to rattle on the.
Her eyes flicked over.
His mouth was pressed to a fine line as he glared at the back wall. "Yeah, it does."
She angled her head the other way and lifted her chin, "Why?"
Jason's mouth rippled a little. "It's not fair." He picked up his coffee and strolled to the table. "You changed. A lot." He sat down in the other chair and narrowed his eyes at her. "You know how I feel about you," he flapped a hand, "but we're never going to get the chance if you're living in California. And *you know* it's dumb to jump in head first just to get you to move out here, especially seeing how much you *have* changed." He finally sat back in the chair, moping about it, and fumbled with his mug. "It's not fair."
Jodi sighed wisely through her nose. "It's not just me I'm worried about, Jas."
He pulled his mug to his mouth and sighed stiffly behind it. He'd heard that before.
Her voice spoke lightly, "How did I change?"
Jason looked over with a wince. Didn't she know?
She shrugged. "I mean, the changes that bother you. What's so different now that its bothering you?"
He thought on this a moment, took another sip, and slid his cup on the table so he could shift and face her over it. "Okay. You talk to the officers like their equals." It was the first of a list of complaints but he wanted to deal with them one at a time.
She curled her lip dramatically. "I'm a civilian now. I can do that."
Jason pointed a stiff finger at the table top, "Not as *my* girlfriend."
Her breath caught in disbelief. She searched the air for the words. "Jason, grow up! You stutter and shuffle around them like your still nineteen years old! You're almost a Chief for cryin' out loud. You have every right to walk as tall as they do."
"I'm still enlisted," he muttered.
"That doesn't make you less! You're blue collar and their white collar. *So what?* That's no reason to dust their chairs like their royalty. The only difference between and Ensign and a Seaman is OCS and a college degree, remember?"
"That's not nothing," he pointed out.
She whapped her hand in the air. "Hey, you and I are both going to college now. A moron could get through this stuff. Now, I know it isn't law school and for that, sure, I'll give ya'll brownie points, but please.." She took a hard drag of her cigarette and crushed it out.
Tiner huffed out his nose. He hadn't made his point.
Jodi turned to face the table and slide her elbows onto it until her chin was nearly on the surface. "Do you remember that day in the E-club in Orlando."
His eyes looked over. "Which one?"
She started to grin, "That asshole from TM school came over and told you Happy Secretary's Day." Tiner started to blush and smile. She continued, "and you knocked him so silly with a left hook he fell onto three pitchers of beer at the next table."
"Nolan," Tiner reminded her.
"Yeah, Seaman Nolan." She brightened that she got a smile out of him. She eyed him and pointed at his nose. "That's the guy I fell in love with twelve years ago. Now I know you have to deal with Zero's all day long, sweetie, but that doesn't forgive you for turning into a blithering idiot every time the Admiral looks at you funny. And it certainly doesn't give you the right to be spineless around me."
Tiner pursed his mouth and fumbled with his coffee some more, but his eyes glanced back up from time to time as she continued.
Her words may have been harsh, but her voice and eyes were gentle and caring, "That in mind, you *do* need to consider my position. If you want the job as a father figure to my boys, you're gonna *be* a father figure, commitment and all. You can't walk in half-assed."
He twisted his head a little, "I don't know how to be a father, Jodi."
She let the breath out of her nose. "I know. But that's what you've got me for. I'll give you OJT 'til the cows come home. But if you step in, you are *instantly* gonna be the male role model. And I don't have any say in that, that's just the way it is. and I'm not gonna have a role model for my rapidly growing little men unless he can pull his balls out of his throat every once in a while and be more of a man than *I* am."
Blue eyes flicked up at that, as insulted as they were surprised.
She winced and shrugged. It was the hard cold truth, insulting or not. "I'm not the only one that changed, Tin Man."
Jason dropped his eyes to his coffee again and pulled up a slurp.
"Look," she said quietly, trying to ease this down. "It's way too soon to be talking about marriage. I don't want you to think I was trying to pressure you." She put her hand on his wrist and tried to look him in the eye, "But I can't move my boys here on a whim. And I can't afford to live alone out here and still finish college. I'd love to. I really would, but the logistics *just don't work*."
Jason looked over at her, trying to see through her eyes and into her soul. "If you didn't have the boys, I mean, if it was just you," his mouth twisted. "What would you have done then?"
She pressed a grin of honesty. "I would have come out this Christmas in a moving truck instead of an airplane," she whispered and smiled through small tears.
His baby blues twinkled at that.
She got up and kissed his temple. "I love you."
He closed his eyes to feel that as thoroughly as he could.
She pulled both mugs away and refreshed their coffees.
Tiner closed his eyes and rested his forehead on the heals of his palms. She had changed, but not in the places that mattered. He gritted his teeth and thought about Seaman Nolan. He smiled again, sucked in a breath and sat up straight as she returned with the coffees.
"So," she said as she pulled out another cigarette. "What do you want to do today? Before the football game, I mean." She pulled in a deep drag and blew it out the side of her mouth as she tossed the lighter back on the table.
Tiner watched her go through this motion. She smoked occasionally when he dated her before, but he forgave her for that because her brother had just died and they were about to go to war with Iraq. His brows lifted again. What timing?!
Jason snicked at this, and it called her attention, but he didn't explain or look at her. He licked his lips, smiled some more, and climbed out of his chair. "I have an idea."
She sat back, attentive, and let him have his say.
Jason Tiner finally found his spine. Wearing nothing but a pair of jeans, he slid open the glass door to the patio behind her and not for a moment flinched at the freezing breeze that poured over them. She shuddered and curled up in a ball in the chair, her brows already wrinkling to spit a dozen cuss words at him, but he stepped over with a pressed mouth, snatched the cigarette from her hand and threw it out to the yard beyond.
"Wha-"
He turned again, picked up the pack, the lighter and the ashtray and gave them each a baseball pitch into the snow.
"What the hell are you doing! Those are four bucks a pack!"
He turned and slammed the door shut with an angry mouth.
Jodi blinked and lifted her brows.
Jason leaned over and slapped his palm loudly on the table in front of her, locking his elbows and narrowing his eyes directly into hers. "If you want me to take this job as the father figure of your kids, then you are going to have to make the deal sweeter than that, *Petty Officer Young*."
Jodi's head whip-lashed backwards.
"When you get home from this trip, you are *going* to work your 'logistical problem' to figure out what it would take to move here. And *then* you are going to figure out what precisely you need from me so that you can still go to school." He put a hard index finger on the table in front of her. "I want detailed *lists*, *explanations* and *risks*, and I want it within a week of your returning to California. Then, and *only* then, will I consider taking the job."
By the time he was finished, she was smiling from ear to ear.
Jason tried to ignore her expression. He backed up a pace, squared his shoulders and jerked his chin down with a stiff, 'so there.'
Jodi's voice was smooth as silk and warm as a soft bed. "I knew you were still in there somewhere."
Jason wrinkled his nose and started silently laughing. He tucked his blushing face away and slapped his sides. "Now if I could just do that at work."
She laughed with him at that and then whined an order. "Go get my cigarettes, will yeah?"
His face splashed with disbelief at her request after he worked so hard for his outburst. He flapped his arm at the door. "Get your own damned cigarettes!"
She stood and dropped her forehead on the sliding glass door wondering if it was worth it.
"On second thought," he said loudly. "Don't get them. Come here."
She turned and her shoulders melted. "What now?"
His brows slanted angrily at her but the glitter was still in his eyes. "Front and center!"
She bit the tip of her tongue and giggled shyly over.
"I may not outrank them, but I sure as hell outrank *you*." He said boisterously as he poked the tip of her nose. She tucked her face into his bare chest and snickered at his sudden mood. "Now, we are going to shit shower and shave so we can go see the cost of apartments around here before we go to the Q to watch the football game."
She looked up, fighting a smile, "Is that the plan of the day?"
He nodded fervently and gritted a grin, "That's the plan of the day. And that's final."
She snickered 'til her face turned red. He smacked her on the lips and pushed her in the direction of the bathroom, but not without slapping her ass as she went. "Move it."
Jodi was cackling by the time she closed the door.
The only people that hung out in the barracks on Christmas day were the ones on watch, the ones with no leave on the books, and the ones too broke to afford a ticket home. That left about thirty people, male and female, to hang out in the TV room and kill time watching the football game. The barracks was the last place Tiner wanted to spend Christmas day, and pizza was the last thing he wanted to eat for Christmas dinner. Jodi didn't even know anybody there, but he understood exactly why she opted for the football game over anything else.
*Maybe I never wanted to be a civilian in the first place.*
Tiner ended up enjoying the game. Gunny Galindez was there. He was just as loud and Budweiser-buzzed as the rest of them. They lazed around on old tweed couches to shout and tease and laugh and drink. And Jodi just fell asleep.
Jason glanced over to where the woman had cuddled up against his shoulder and drifted to a happy doze right there in the middle of the activity. She'd been away from the barracks scene, the navy smell, the loud voices and the profanity, the strangely instant camaraderie and the insider lingo for so many years, this day felt like she was coming home.
Jason weaved his fingers in to hers, sucked down more beer with the other and easily watched the game so she could go to sleep. He knew he would never get her back in black, but it was best that she didn't, so he started to imagine what she'd be like as a Navy wife instead. He started to grin again.
Gunny threw a piece of popcorn at Tiner.
He looked over.
Gunny was buzzed, clearly, but not too drunk. He gave the man a face and mocked his sleeping girlfriend and cute cuddle. "Awe. Look at that."
Tiner's eyes were in love even if he wasn't looking at her. He watched Gunny come behind the couch and started shaking his head wisely. "Don't do it," he warned softly.
Gunny tucked behind the couch and behind their heads as silently as he could. Tiner glanced back at him and tried to warn him again with his eyes.
Gunny paid no attention to him. He was certain the petty officer would get just as much of a laugh from scaring the bejesus out of the woman. In a flash move, he set his hands on the back of the couch and yelled at the top of his marine lungs. "WAKE UP SAILOR!"
Jodi didn't flinch or open her eyes. She simply lifted her free hand over her head and flipped him off.
The gathering laughed at Gunny and he eventually realized that Tiner had warned her with a soft squeeze of her hand. That's when Gunny knew that Tiner's bachelor days were numbered.
But he wasn't the only one whose bachelor days were numbered..
The Admiral's found a simple envelope on his desk right before everyone knocked off for the holiday. It's contents was nothing more than a business card to a custom jewelry store in D.C. AJ Chegwidden made sure that it was hidden deep in his wallet when he went out to spend Christmas day meeting Meredith's extended family. And AJ silently guessed, correctly, how the bearer of that business card was spending his Christmas.
Harm woke up in his own bed and immediately curled around the soft, naked body that was next to him. Mac kept her eyes closed and blushed with discipline not to hop away in fear and get quickly dressed. She let him scoop her body in and tucked her face into his collarbone.
Harm realized she wasn't trying to slip away. He closed his eyes and hummed happily, "Mmm, Santa came this year. and I *must* have been good."
by Kesselia Banta Thanks for reading
Harm tried to plan a speech as he drove, but then decided he didn't need a speech. If there was friction, he'd chock it up to just visiting as a friend. After all, he did have quite a shock just now.
But Mac wasn't in her apartment. He could see her lights were off before he came to a complete stop in front of her building. He pulled out his phone and tried her land line just to see if she was hiding in there somewhere, but it was as he expected. The answering machine came on.
Harm hung up and tossed his phone the passenger's seat. He sighed in acceptance that he'd missed his chance for today, and slapped his hand on the steering wheel to drive home.
Suddenly his thoughts weren't on his father anymore. He wondered where she'd gone on Christmas Eve. If there wasn't a dinner thrown by somebody at the office, she was usually home. He couldn't imagine someone throwing a dinner and not mentioning it to him. Did she have a new boyfriend?
No. Harm parked his car at his building and insisted that she did not. The two may have still been dancing around this thing, but they were sleeping together. Well, twice anyway.. And the first one didn't really count..
"No," he insisted allowed this time, just so his mind wouldn't go there. "She wouldn't do that."
He fought with all this as he stepped into his building and rode up the elevator. He wanted to talk to someone about his father..
No, not just someone. He wanted to talk to Mac.
He flipped out the keys to his apartment and admitted to himself that he wanted to talk to Mac. about *anything*. It didn't matter what the topic was anymore.
Where the hell did she go on Christmas Eve?
He put the key in the bolt lock as he gritted his teeth about it, and when he turned it, he realized it wasn't locked.
His eyes narrowed. He pulled the key out and gingerly touched the doorknob. It wasn't locked either.
Harm suddenly wished he'd brought a gun with him. He stuffed his keys into his pocket and stepped back behind the door jam. Careful not to make any more noise than he already had, he turned the knob and pushed it silently open.
A female hand grabbed the door to open it the rest of the way and friendly brown eyes were teasing his caution. "I didn't want to interrupt your visit."
Harm breathed, tucked a grin, and breathed again as he stepped into his apartment. "I went to your place just now," he admitted as he locked them in and started taking off his coat. "I was at a loss at where you'd gone off to."
Mac shrugged a shoulder, "Keeper of the spare set, remember?"
Harm nodded and hung his coat up. He forced his tone to stay light, "So, what catastrophe can I thank for this visit?"
Mac turned and strolled back to the kitchen counter where she'd helped herself to make some hot chocolate. Her voice was warm, "You went to my place first. So what catastrophe can I thank for *your* visit?"
Harm beamed so wide at that he practically bit his tongue between his teeth. It didn't matter why she was here. He was just glad she was here. "You first. Mine is long."
Mac sat on the bar stool, held the seat between her knees and shrugged her shoulders. "I wanted to break the silence." She angled her head at him and raised a brow. "You've been avoiding me for four days."
Harm stepped up to his bedroom but not without a wagging finger at her as he went. "I was giving you space," he insisted.
"I didn't ask for space." Her voice called sing-song to reach over the frosted glass at him.
Harm changed out of uniform as quickly as he could and smiled at the voice of the grizzly bear in his kitchen. "You asked for neutral territory and time to think." He jumped into a pair of jeans. "To me, that means 'space'."
Mac looked up at the air to think on that. She nodded at her mug as she picked it up. "Fine."
Harm buttoned up a turquoise and yellow Hawaiian shirt over his chest. "Does that mean you're done thinking?"
"For now."
He flicked his eyes to do a quick roll in the air, but chuckled silently at himself about it when he sat and stuffed on his tube socks and old sneakers.
"It's your turn," she called. "Why did you come to see me?"
He stepped out from his bedroom and strutted down to the kitchen. "Hang on, Mac. I suspect we're not finished talking about your reasons yet." He moved to the cupboard and fetched himself a mug.
Mac swiveled to face him and shook her head. "No. That was it."
Harm poured some cocoa from the saucepan to his cup but his eyes flicked to her twice during the maneuver. "No. It wasn't."
She pressed her mouth in thought, and ducked so her eyes wouldn't admit it. "Maybe I just didn't want to spend Christmas Eve alone."
Harm put the pan down and flicked a grin. "Good. Neither did I."
She watched him gingerly take a taste of the cocoa and lift his brows with a quick compliment about it. He looked at her again, but she lifted her brows expectantly. It was his turn to answer questions.
He loudly sucked the chocolate from his lower lip and stepped around the counter to sit in the other barstool. "I saw Jodi and Tiner at the Wall tonight."
Mac blinked at this. "What were they doing at the wall on Christmas Eve?"
"Getting rubbings," he said, putting his mug and one elbow on the counter to face her. "Turns out Senior Chief Young pre-flighted my father the night he went down."
Mac blinked until her eyes nearly popped out of her head.
Harm remembered his previous unrest over it. "Makes me wonder if he did his job right that day.. But I have no real reason to believe that he didn't." He dropped his eyes to the counter and tried to stare into thirty-three years ago.
Mac turned her head to try to see his expression, but he lifted it quickly. His tone was beaten. He tried to grin at her. "I guess I just needed a friendly ear."
*Red Rover Red Rover Send Sarah on over!*
Mac lips parted when the chain of hands broke for her and she fell to a roll onto the untouchable grass beyond.
Her eyes slowly glowed until it rolled out of her mouth too. "I love you."
Harm blinked like she'd slapped him, and nearly chuckled when he recovered. Where did *that* come from? Happily surprised, he wasn't sure what else to say. "Thank you."
Mac coughed disbelief at the ceiling.
"I mean," he shrugged a shoulder, still clueless, "I love you too?"
She chortled and debated whether or not to nail him in the nose for that.
Harm rubbed his lips together, chuckled a little, and climbed off the barstool. He took both mugs. "Come here."
Mac swiveled around in the stool to see where he'd gone. He was putting the mugs on the coffee table. "What are you doing," she asked accusingly.
Harm winced at her tone. "I'm moving this to the living room. Is that a crime?"
She put her hands out in the air. "Harm! It's all the same room!"
Harm waved her off and put on some music. It was just supposed to be quiet background noise, not a deliberate mood-setter, so he just played whatever CD was already in there.
"So tell me more about Senior Chief Young," she said easily as she sat down on the couch. She picked up her mug and turned sideways, hooking her right ankle under her left knee to face him. "It bugs you than you can put a face and a name to his preflight, doesn't it?"
"Yeah, unfortunately it does." He sat down at the opposite end, leaned his back up against the armrest and plopped a foot on the couch. "Jodi was getting rubbings of a list of names her father had given her, I tried to stay out of the way, but then, she started rubbing my dad's name too.."
Mac listened to his tale, sipping the cocoa on occasion, and propping her temple on her palm to watch him talk. He didn't look at her the whole time, but he never forgot whom he was talking to. His tone was casual for much of it, but his eyes expressed pain and anger and exasperation as he spoke. Mac put in a comment from time to time, asking the right questions, pointing out the right facts, and finishing sentences he couldn't find the words for.
And though she was involved in the conversation and attentive to what he was saying, there was a solid thread of being honored in the back of her mind. He was really talking. She noticed the way he scratched his ear when he winced and the way his foot occasionally bumped her knee when he shifted. He found a paperclip on the coffee table, hung one elbow off his knee and spun the metal gently between his fingers. And finally, he sighed heavily and shrugged that he didn't know where to go with the conflict beyond that.
Harm realized he'd been babbling for over an hour now and was just as shocked that he did it as he was that she was still sitting there listening to it. His eyes flicked up to see her, to see if he was boring her, or scaring her off, or whathaveyou.. But Mac waited with the patience of a saint, with her chin resting on the back of her fingers and her pinky curled up to fumbled with her bottom lip.
Her eyes smiled innocently when he focused on her. He blushed a grin back. "Sorry."
She shook her head easily, "Don't be."
He looked around a little and found the empty mugs on the table. "Would you like some more cocoa?"
She shook her head again. Her voice smiled more than her mouth did. "No."
Harm's brows lifted to her before his sight managed to. The intent was clear in her eyes.
He took in a long, cleansing breath and sat up. He set his leg down so he could do so and dropped his hands and eyes into his new lap. He wanted her to stay, he really did, but more so he wanted to be able to talk to her tomorrow too. He wasn't convinced he could have both. And he wasn't sure how, or *if*, he could turn her down.
"Mac-"
"Get your mind out of the gutter," she grinned.
Blue eyes dashed up from under his brows.
She sucked in air through her smile as she formed the words. "I'm just complimented."
His expression sprung in three directions at once. "From what?"
She waved a palm at him, "You just sat there and talked for hours." She angled her head when he didn't get it. "You don't do that."
Harm closed his mouth as he considered this. His eyes glanced up again when he realized why she was complimented by it. Renee had complained so many times..
Mac shifted over and tucked her face to his temple, kissed him on the cheek and closed her eyes.
Harm closed his eyes and relaxed into it for a moment, but when she came to a rest, he pealed them open again to sneak a glance at her face. He could see her shoulder and her hair, her smooth cheek and the corner of her mouth. He turned a sliver more.
She knew he was sneaking over to steal a kiss and her mouth opened to smile accordingly. "You want me to stay," she whispered like she was catching him red handed.
He burst into a smile and the side of his eyes found hers. He was serious about it. "But I also want you to still be talking to me in the morning."
Mac sat up just a little. She hadn't realized that was a common result. She licked her lips thoughtfully.
Harm cocked his head aside with a light offer, "So stay. just don't do anything that scares you that badly."
Her head bounced back a little at the profound suggestion. Stay without sex? She was more complimented now than she was before.
Harm shrugged a shoulder. *Take it or leave it. I'll pretend it doesn't bother me.*
She studied the downtrodden eyes. "Then, why do you want me here?"
He shrugged a shoulder again and faced her, "I don't know." His eyes looked at a dozen parts of her face and hair before he muttered it honestly, "I just want you here."
Mac inhaled at the fuzz in her chest the same time he sighed in near defeat. She leaned into him again, kissing his chin as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and Harm looked like he'd died and gone to heaven when he pulled her in to nearly sit on his lap and held her close.
The moment was pure peace, the closest he was ever going to get without moving to Tibet and studying Buddhism for seven years, and she shattered it when she climbed out of his arms after only a few seconds.
Harm woke his mind up again and looked up, reluctantly accepting whatever it was she had gotten up to do. She pulled his hand to stand up after her, and he obliged slowly, then he realized what she was up to when she started pulling him across the room.
Harm stood hard on his feet.
She paused and looked back.
He gave her a look of warning out of the corner of his eye.
Mac smiled, nodded, and promised softly. "Tomorrow's Christmas," she pointed out. "We can talk all day long."
Harm shuffled his feet forward, weaved his fingers into hers, and Mac kept two steps out of the rest of his reach until she finally made it behind that wall of frosted glass.
**Navy Lodge. Falls Church, Virginia. December 25th, 2002**
Jason could smell the cigarette smoke before he opened his eyes. The Navy Lodge was no smoking from stem to stern, but that little regulation didn't seem to sway her any. Jason had tolerated the first couple of days, they hadn't seen each other in twelve years after all, but the habit was already getting annoying.
He turned his head to look over at where she sat. She was in a giant AC/DC t-shirt and little else, and she had a leg curled underneath her in the chair as she sipped her coffee and smoked her cigarette. He rubbed his eyes to wake up, and realized how old they were now. and they still needed to escape to a hotel to get any alone time.
Jodi combed her sandy hair with her fingers and grinned sleepily. "Merry Christmas."
Tiner lifted his brows at the realization, sighed, and ended up wrinkling his nose at the smell. He did a sit up to peal his back off the bed. "Merry Christmas," he mumbled. "Why aren't you on the phone with the boys?"
She hissed out humor, "It's friggin' three o'clock in the morning over there, dude." Her voice softened to explain. "Dad's gonna call when they wake up."
He had no idea what time it was in *this* time zone, much less that one. His eyebrows shrugged for him.
"Coffee's hot," she offered quietly and dashed the ash from her cigarette.
Jason whipped the blankets off of him and picked his jeans up off the floor. He turned his legs over the opposite side of the bed so that his back would be to her when he said it. "You promised you'd smoke outside."
"It's thirty below out there," she whined righteously.
He stuffed his feet into his jeans without troubling himself to hunt out the BVDs still hiding somewhere in the pile, and wrinkled his mouth at her answer.
"That comment I made at the brunch still bugs you, huh?"
He shook his head, but it wasn't convincing, and stood to button up his Levi's. "Nah, I'm just waking up." He moved to the kitchenette without looking at her and scratched the back of his head.
She didn't believe him, but she shrugged it off and let him wake up in peace.
Twelve years, Jason thought. How much could a person change in twelve years? He poured himself some coffee and stirred in some sugar as he wallowed in thought. The two and a half months they talked over the phone, through email and private chat rooms made him feel like she was the same girl, but this visit was making it clear that she wasn't.
He tossed the spoon to rattle on the.
Her eyes flicked over.
His mouth was pressed to a fine line as he glared at the back wall. "Yeah, it does."
She angled her head the other way and lifted her chin, "Why?"
Jason's mouth rippled a little. "It's not fair." He picked up his coffee and strolled to the table. "You changed. A lot." He sat down in the other chair and narrowed his eyes at her. "You know how I feel about you," he flapped a hand, "but we're never going to get the chance if you're living in California. And *you know* it's dumb to jump in head first just to get you to move out here, especially seeing how much you *have* changed." He finally sat back in the chair, moping about it, and fumbled with his mug. "It's not fair."
Jodi sighed wisely through her nose. "It's not just me I'm worried about, Jas."
He pulled his mug to his mouth and sighed stiffly behind it. He'd heard that before.
Her voice spoke lightly, "How did I change?"
Jason looked over with a wince. Didn't she know?
She shrugged. "I mean, the changes that bother you. What's so different now that its bothering you?"
He thought on this a moment, took another sip, and slid his cup on the table so he could shift and face her over it. "Okay. You talk to the officers like their equals." It was the first of a list of complaints but he wanted to deal with them one at a time.
She curled her lip dramatically. "I'm a civilian now. I can do that."
Jason pointed a stiff finger at the table top, "Not as *my* girlfriend."
Her breath caught in disbelief. She searched the air for the words. "Jason, grow up! You stutter and shuffle around them like your still nineteen years old! You're almost a Chief for cryin' out loud. You have every right to walk as tall as they do."
"I'm still enlisted," he muttered.
"That doesn't make you less! You're blue collar and their white collar. *So what?* That's no reason to dust their chairs like their royalty. The only difference between and Ensign and a Seaman is OCS and a college degree, remember?"
"That's not nothing," he pointed out.
She whapped her hand in the air. "Hey, you and I are both going to college now. A moron could get through this stuff. Now, I know it isn't law school and for that, sure, I'll give ya'll brownie points, but please.." She took a hard drag of her cigarette and crushed it out.
Tiner huffed out his nose. He hadn't made his point.
Jodi turned to face the table and slide her elbows onto it until her chin was nearly on the surface. "Do you remember that day in the E-club in Orlando."
His eyes looked over. "Which one?"
She started to grin, "That asshole from TM school came over and told you Happy Secretary's Day." Tiner started to blush and smile. She continued, "and you knocked him so silly with a left hook he fell onto three pitchers of beer at the next table."
"Nolan," Tiner reminded her.
"Yeah, Seaman Nolan." She brightened that she got a smile out of him. She eyed him and pointed at his nose. "That's the guy I fell in love with twelve years ago. Now I know you have to deal with Zero's all day long, sweetie, but that doesn't forgive you for turning into a blithering idiot every time the Admiral looks at you funny. And it certainly doesn't give you the right to be spineless around me."
Tiner pursed his mouth and fumbled with his coffee some more, but his eyes glanced back up from time to time as she continued.
Her words may have been harsh, but her voice and eyes were gentle and caring, "That in mind, you *do* need to consider my position. If you want the job as a father figure to my boys, you're gonna *be* a father figure, commitment and all. You can't walk in half-assed."
He twisted his head a little, "I don't know how to be a father, Jodi."
She let the breath out of her nose. "I know. But that's what you've got me for. I'll give you OJT 'til the cows come home. But if you step in, you are *instantly* gonna be the male role model. And I don't have any say in that, that's just the way it is. and I'm not gonna have a role model for my rapidly growing little men unless he can pull his balls out of his throat every once in a while and be more of a man than *I* am."
Blue eyes flicked up at that, as insulted as they were surprised.
She winced and shrugged. It was the hard cold truth, insulting or not. "I'm not the only one that changed, Tin Man."
Jason dropped his eyes to his coffee again and pulled up a slurp.
"Look," she said quietly, trying to ease this down. "It's way too soon to be talking about marriage. I don't want you to think I was trying to pressure you." She put her hand on his wrist and tried to look him in the eye, "But I can't move my boys here on a whim. And I can't afford to live alone out here and still finish college. I'd love to. I really would, but the logistics *just don't work*."
Jason looked over at her, trying to see through her eyes and into her soul. "If you didn't have the boys, I mean, if it was just you," his mouth twisted. "What would you have done then?"
She pressed a grin of honesty. "I would have come out this Christmas in a moving truck instead of an airplane," she whispered and smiled through small tears.
His baby blues twinkled at that.
She got up and kissed his temple. "I love you."
He closed his eyes to feel that as thoroughly as he could.
She pulled both mugs away and refreshed their coffees.
Tiner closed his eyes and rested his forehead on the heals of his palms. She had changed, but not in the places that mattered. He gritted his teeth and thought about Seaman Nolan. He smiled again, sucked in a breath and sat up straight as she returned with the coffees.
"So," she said as she pulled out another cigarette. "What do you want to do today? Before the football game, I mean." She pulled in a deep drag and blew it out the side of her mouth as she tossed the lighter back on the table.
Tiner watched her go through this motion. She smoked occasionally when he dated her before, but he forgave her for that because her brother had just died and they were about to go to war with Iraq. His brows lifted again. What timing?!
Jason snicked at this, and it called her attention, but he didn't explain or look at her. He licked his lips, smiled some more, and climbed out of his chair. "I have an idea."
She sat back, attentive, and let him have his say.
Jason Tiner finally found his spine. Wearing nothing but a pair of jeans, he slid open the glass door to the patio behind her and not for a moment flinched at the freezing breeze that poured over them. She shuddered and curled up in a ball in the chair, her brows already wrinkling to spit a dozen cuss words at him, but he stepped over with a pressed mouth, snatched the cigarette from her hand and threw it out to the yard beyond.
"Wha-"
He turned again, picked up the pack, the lighter and the ashtray and gave them each a baseball pitch into the snow.
"What the hell are you doing! Those are four bucks a pack!"
He turned and slammed the door shut with an angry mouth.
Jodi blinked and lifted her brows.
Jason leaned over and slapped his palm loudly on the table in front of her, locking his elbows and narrowing his eyes directly into hers. "If you want me to take this job as the father figure of your kids, then you are going to have to make the deal sweeter than that, *Petty Officer Young*."
Jodi's head whip-lashed backwards.
"When you get home from this trip, you are *going* to work your 'logistical problem' to figure out what it would take to move here. And *then* you are going to figure out what precisely you need from me so that you can still go to school." He put a hard index finger on the table in front of her. "I want detailed *lists*, *explanations* and *risks*, and I want it within a week of your returning to California. Then, and *only* then, will I consider taking the job."
By the time he was finished, she was smiling from ear to ear.
Jason tried to ignore her expression. He backed up a pace, squared his shoulders and jerked his chin down with a stiff, 'so there.'
Jodi's voice was smooth as silk and warm as a soft bed. "I knew you were still in there somewhere."
Jason wrinkled his nose and started silently laughing. He tucked his blushing face away and slapped his sides. "Now if I could just do that at work."
She laughed with him at that and then whined an order. "Go get my cigarettes, will yeah?"
His face splashed with disbelief at her request after he worked so hard for his outburst. He flapped his arm at the door. "Get your own damned cigarettes!"
She stood and dropped her forehead on the sliding glass door wondering if it was worth it.
"On second thought," he said loudly. "Don't get them. Come here."
She turned and her shoulders melted. "What now?"
His brows slanted angrily at her but the glitter was still in his eyes. "Front and center!"
She bit the tip of her tongue and giggled shyly over.
"I may not outrank them, but I sure as hell outrank *you*." He said boisterously as he poked the tip of her nose. She tucked her face into his bare chest and snickered at his sudden mood. "Now, we are going to shit shower and shave so we can go see the cost of apartments around here before we go to the Q to watch the football game."
She looked up, fighting a smile, "Is that the plan of the day?"
He nodded fervently and gritted a grin, "That's the plan of the day. And that's final."
She snickered 'til her face turned red. He smacked her on the lips and pushed her in the direction of the bathroom, but not without slapping her ass as she went. "Move it."
Jodi was cackling by the time she closed the door.
The only people that hung out in the barracks on Christmas day were the ones on watch, the ones with no leave on the books, and the ones too broke to afford a ticket home. That left about thirty people, male and female, to hang out in the TV room and kill time watching the football game. The barracks was the last place Tiner wanted to spend Christmas day, and pizza was the last thing he wanted to eat for Christmas dinner. Jodi didn't even know anybody there, but he understood exactly why she opted for the football game over anything else.
*Maybe I never wanted to be a civilian in the first place.*
Tiner ended up enjoying the game. Gunny Galindez was there. He was just as loud and Budweiser-buzzed as the rest of them. They lazed around on old tweed couches to shout and tease and laugh and drink. And Jodi just fell asleep.
Jason glanced over to where the woman had cuddled up against his shoulder and drifted to a happy doze right there in the middle of the activity. She'd been away from the barracks scene, the navy smell, the loud voices and the profanity, the strangely instant camaraderie and the insider lingo for so many years, this day felt like she was coming home.
Jason weaved his fingers in to hers, sucked down more beer with the other and easily watched the game so she could go to sleep. He knew he would never get her back in black, but it was best that she didn't, so he started to imagine what she'd be like as a Navy wife instead. He started to grin again.
Gunny threw a piece of popcorn at Tiner.
He looked over.
Gunny was buzzed, clearly, but not too drunk. He gave the man a face and mocked his sleeping girlfriend and cute cuddle. "Awe. Look at that."
Tiner's eyes were in love even if he wasn't looking at her. He watched Gunny come behind the couch and started shaking his head wisely. "Don't do it," he warned softly.
Gunny tucked behind the couch and behind their heads as silently as he could. Tiner glanced back at him and tried to warn him again with his eyes.
Gunny paid no attention to him. He was certain the petty officer would get just as much of a laugh from scaring the bejesus out of the woman. In a flash move, he set his hands on the back of the couch and yelled at the top of his marine lungs. "WAKE UP SAILOR!"
Jodi didn't flinch or open her eyes. She simply lifted her free hand over her head and flipped him off.
The gathering laughed at Gunny and he eventually realized that Tiner had warned her with a soft squeeze of her hand. That's when Gunny knew that Tiner's bachelor days were numbered.
But he wasn't the only one whose bachelor days were numbered..
The Admiral's found a simple envelope on his desk right before everyone knocked off for the holiday. It's contents was nothing more than a business card to a custom jewelry store in D.C. AJ Chegwidden made sure that it was hidden deep in his wallet when he went out to spend Christmas day meeting Meredith's extended family. And AJ silently guessed, correctly, how the bearer of that business card was spending his Christmas.
Harm woke up in his own bed and immediately curled around the soft, naked body that was next to him. Mac kept her eyes closed and blushed with discipline not to hop away in fear and get quickly dressed. She let him scoop her body in and tucked her face into his collarbone.
Harm realized she wasn't trying to slip away. He closed his eyes and hummed happily, "Mmm, Santa came this year. and I *must* have been good."
by Kesselia Banta Thanks for reading