*
The fact that Michael had never lied about her rival had strengthened her resolve.
She had no desire to listen to things she already knew nor to feel even more stupid than she already felt.
The fact was, if Michael didn't arrive for their meeting on time, their relationship would be over, no matter what.
It was the first ultimatum she had ever given him and it would probably be the last.
Glancing at her watch, she realized that she had waited for half an hour, more than necessary.
Her legs felt heavy, too heavy, and Nikita considered sitting there for a few more minutes.
Only until she didn't feel so tired, so...defeated.
After all, it wasn't like he would come by and see her in that state. He wasn't coming.
She sighed and looked in wonder at the whiteness of the snow covering the earth.
It would be a white Christmas.
But the prospect didn't fill her with the excitement it should have, which made her feel even worse.
Michael didn't deserve the power to make her feel so depressed. Even if he had gotten over his past with Simone, even if he had chosen _her_, would it have changed the fact that he didn't love her?
If he had loved her, he wouldn't have left her there, knowing the heartache he was causing her.
If he had loved her, he would have said the words.
He wanted her, probably, but he didn't love her. He didn't love her and it hurt.
Once the desire dimmed, the conclusion would still have been one and the same. The only difference being that they would have ended up hating each other until the death of them.
Nikita wouldn't permit that.
She needed to be with someone who loved her, someone who would give her the chance to build a family together along with the feeling of belonging she had longed for so much as a child after her mother left her with her grandparents.
It was too bad that Michael had never loved her. He could have made it so perfect for her. He would have answered every unanswered question and filled every empty space inside her, and she would have done the same for him if only he had let her.
Gray had lover her deeply and still did. He had told her as much when they bumped into each other at the bookshop the week before. He had read the sadness in her face, had understood it, and had promised to wait for her.
Perhaps with time, she would be able to revive the love she and Gray had once shared. An affection less absolute, more relaxing when compared with the feelings she had for Michael.
More relaxing! It was indeed a funny way to describe it.
Finally, she felt ready to walk again.
It was time to go home, pull down the blinds, and lie in bed. In the darkness, she would find the courage to cry. After her tears ran out, she would give in to exhaustion and sleep. Tomorrow would mark the beginning of a new existence.
One without Michael Samuelle.
The fact that Michael had never lied about her rival had strengthened her resolve.
She had no desire to listen to things she already knew nor to feel even more stupid than she already felt.
The fact was, if Michael didn't arrive for their meeting on time, their relationship would be over, no matter what.
It was the first ultimatum she had ever given him and it would probably be the last.
Glancing at her watch, she realized that she had waited for half an hour, more than necessary.
Her legs felt heavy, too heavy, and Nikita considered sitting there for a few more minutes.
Only until she didn't feel so tired, so...defeated.
After all, it wasn't like he would come by and see her in that state. He wasn't coming.
She sighed and looked in wonder at the whiteness of the snow covering the earth.
It would be a white Christmas.
But the prospect didn't fill her with the excitement it should have, which made her feel even worse.
Michael didn't deserve the power to make her feel so depressed. Even if he had gotten over his past with Simone, even if he had chosen _her_, would it have changed the fact that he didn't love her?
If he had loved her, he wouldn't have left her there, knowing the heartache he was causing her.
If he had loved her, he would have said the words.
He wanted her, probably, but he didn't love her. He didn't love her and it hurt.
Once the desire dimmed, the conclusion would still have been one and the same. The only difference being that they would have ended up hating each other until the death of them.
Nikita wouldn't permit that.
She needed to be with someone who loved her, someone who would give her the chance to build a family together along with the feeling of belonging she had longed for so much as a child after her mother left her with her grandparents.
It was too bad that Michael had never loved her. He could have made it so perfect for her. He would have answered every unanswered question and filled every empty space inside her, and she would have done the same for him if only he had let her.
Gray had lover her deeply and still did. He had told her as much when they bumped into each other at the bookshop the week before. He had read the sadness in her face, had understood it, and had promised to wait for her.
Perhaps with time, she would be able to revive the love she and Gray had once shared. An affection less absolute, more relaxing when compared with the feelings she had for Michael.
More relaxing! It was indeed a funny way to describe it.
Finally, she felt ready to walk again.
It was time to go home, pull down the blinds, and lie in bed. In the darkness, she would find the courage to cry. After her tears ran out, she would give in to exhaustion and sleep. Tomorrow would mark the beginning of a new existence.
One without Michael Samuelle.