Spoilers: full of spoilers, so if you haven't watched the anime maybe it's better to watch it first
Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me, okay?
Punishment
Chapter 01: Silent Cry
Kisaragi Yuu
No,
I don't want to kill
No,
I don't want to be a sinner
No,
I don't want to see blood
My parents were dead, my sister was in coma, and my life had reached the point with no return. I still could remember very clearly the first day I've became a member of the underworld. The day when I decided to become something that I never even dared to think about when I was young and naïve.
That day, before I made my decision, I was still confused. And when I think about it now, maybe that time was the last chance that I could ever be survived from blood and death. As it is now too late.
I looked to the face of a beautiful young girl, closing her eyes as like for an everlasting time. And her breath was so smooth and soft that I couldn't tell whether she was sleeping or dieing. I took a sit beside her white bed and I observed her face, every inch of it, every pixel of God's greatest creation, memorizing as much as I could into my brain. Since I knew that was the last chance I could ever met her without bearing any guilt.
Hesitantly, I took her pale hand. It took me a lot of resistance not to just unplug the uncoloured cable that was buried deep under her skin—the only thing that made her look 'different' from the other girls her age.
I dragged the slim, cold hand gently and paste it upon my lips. Then I stopped moving, so was the world. And the only thing that kept moving was the hand of the clock. Tic, toc, tic, toc. I savored the moment for awhile, as like it was the last time I'd ever had to meet her as 'me'.
"Please, forgive me." I whispered next to her hand. "It's okay if you don't see me as your brother anymore, it's okay if you don't love me or care for me anymore, it's okay to forget me. But please... please, my dear sister, gain your happiness. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I love you."
After done with my message to her, I put down the hand carefully and turned the other way round when suddenly something pulled my coat. I looked back, and I saw nothing. But I felt it. I really did.
And I believed, until now, that it was my sister who did it to me. Just to show how much she didn't want me to leave. But I couldn't grant her wish, that was the first time I've ever disobeyed her completely. I smiled, then I went off to look for the victim.
Night came without any hesitation.
Armed with a knife, I hid behind the trash bags around the gang that the victim always used as a shortcut to go home. I waited for a moment, and then like what my investigation informed me, he walked peacefully there. I took a deep breath.
No, I don't want to kill
It was one of the people that my father was against to. And he was also one of the reasons why my parents were killed. Anger spilled, revenge overtook me. I charged him and we both fell down, bumping to the ground. I was on top, and he was just right under me. His eyes were filled with fright, surprise, and desperation.
No, I don't want to be a sinner
"Wha-? W-Who are you?!"
"I'm the son of the Fujimiya family that you and your Takatori friends killed. Now I'm here to take my revenge."
He gasped at that and started to buzz off, "p-please, don't kill me!! I will pay you as much as you want, you can take my wallet and briefcase and my Rolex watch if you want to but just don't kill me!!" he cried to me in full desperation.
"If only your wallet, your briefcase and your Rolex watch can bring my family back to how they lived before, I would more than happy to take them."
And with that I dragged my knife up and prepared to stab him on his heart.
"No! I beg you!! I have children to take care of, my wife is waiting for me!! Please!!"
I stopped at that, and I looked to the face of the man that became one of the group members that destroyed my life. A thought of how his wife and children looked like came across my mind. But they vanished as quick as they came, when they were replaced by the face of my comatose sister, the faces of my burnt to death parents... wait, they even didn't have faces anymore.
"...why should I care, when you didn't care about me? Why should I spare your life, when you killed mine? You took everything from me, now be grateful because I don't take everything from you, just your life. Your worthless life."
"NOO! Take away everything except my life!!"
/I'd wish you take away my life but spare the rest of it.../
No, I don't want to see blood
My hand moved as fast as it could, and with the force that it could gain, it stabbed the man that ruined my life. Once. Twice. It kept stabbing as like it had a life on its own. Killing people was something new for me, it felt like stabbing a piece of meat but it had another feeling that couldn't be described in words. After some screams he stopped making any sound and died.
I watched him dieing, I watched him stopped breathing with his eyes still opened widely. Blood spurted all over my hand, dirtied my clothes, pants, every outer garment I was wearing, and some red liquid splashed to my face. After 6 or 7 mad stabs, I stopped, and I froze. Right there.
I had killed somebody.
And I thought the feelings would be sad, angry, happy, relieved, regret, anything... but I felt nothing but emptiness. I was confused why I didn't feel anything when I killed for the first time. But now I know why. When I killed that man, I also killed my own feelings. I died that day, and I, who live and survive up until now is someone with no heart. A devil. A ghost. A murderer. I am everything, but human.
Sure I can die, sure I can bleed, but no, I can't feel. I lost my smiles, I lost my sadness, only hatred, anger and avenge to a certain man remained still with me.
Or maybe, long before Takatori destroyed my everything, I already had the potential of a heartless killer. That day, I stopped asking mercy from anyone and had everyone asking mercy from me instead. It was better to become the predator, then becoming the prey.
Then, at the same night after I killed someone, I cleaned myself from the blood but not from the sin, and I went straight to the hospital to meet my one and only haven. Aya. My dear, beautiful sister.
It was as like nothing happened, I took a sit next to her white bed like usual. And I smiled at her, but of course just like the older days, my reward was just a cold expressionless face heading back at me. I tried to touch her hand, but I scared if I did, then I would dirtied her innocence too. In later time I knew, that the bond between us had been broken. Replaced by a deep, bottomless dark pit between sinners and saints.
And just as I thought, the touch in the afternoon was the last time I'd ever touched her again.
Then I started to cry. I didn't know why, even until now, but tears trailed down with no mercy. Words kept revolving in my head, words like 'forgiveness', 'murderer', 'beasts', 'angels', 'salvation' and 'blood'.
And that, also the last time I ever cried again.
The End ~ Silent Cry / Aya