I would like to start this by saying that I really genuinely dislike this show and these characters, although micheal rosenbaum is kind of a fox and if I had to pick one character that' ok it would be lex b/c I hate superman (clark) and they're enemies. This is not supposed to be a romantic story and you shouldn't feel bad for clark because he's a huge loser. –k.

"Hmmm…" said clark, "I wonder where I left my pin-wheel cap. Oh! I see. It's under my strange santa costume…? That's weird, I don't remember being dressed as Santa. Mom! Dad!"

"Yes son", said his father, "You know your mother and I will always love you, right?"

"Of course Dad."

"Good. Now what did you want to know?"

"I was wondering where this Santa costume came from."

"Oh Clark", said his mother, who had just walked in, "I love you and that Santa costume is from when you were trying to impress Lana and you passed out, remember?"

"Oh…ah…yeah. Well, I'd better get to school."

"Run, Clark, run!" yelled his father for no appearant reason.

* * *

When Clark got to school he saw Lex leaning against his car in the parking lot, looking very suave I might add. "Hi Lex!" exclaimed Clark.

"Good afternoon Clark," replied Lex, suavely. "I noticed that you were going to school so I decided to follow you in my shiny car."

"Ok. There's something I have to tell you. Let's go to the boy's room where no one will disturb us."

"Ok…But I should tell you—," Lex was unable to finish his sentence because Clark was dragging him off to the "boy's room" by his elbow.

When they reached the bathroom Clark began to pace akwardly back and forth. "Lex," he stammered. "There's something I have to tell you." Then there was a long, long pause.

"Just say it!" Lex gasped, sounding incredibly exasperated, "God, you're so boring."

"I can't keep it pent up inside any longer." Continued Clark.

"Good! Jesus christ."

"Well I've noticed lately that the sexual tension between us could be cut by a knife…"

"oh my God," muttered Lex.

"…And at first it made me uncomfortable, you should have seen my range of facial expressions! But then I had a heart to heart discussion with my dad and he said that I should tell you because honesty is the best policy. So what I want to say is that…I'm in love with you. Now wrap me up in your suave arms, you sexy beast!"

"um…what about Lana?" Lex asked, feebly, knowing that there was no hope and feeling trapped.

"I don't care about Lana! I only love you! But maybe we could have a three-some!"

"No! Oh God no! Look Clark, you're a nice guy …you're very…nice…but you're also incredibly boring! So incredibly boring and there's no way I ever, ever want to be "involved" with you. Ever. So goodbye, I'm going to ride away, suavely, in my shiny car to my mansion now and I don't ever want to see you again."

"I'M SUCH A LOSER!!!!!!!!" Clark yelled after Lex left the room.

The end, please review…if you value your soul…bwahahah!!!!!