TWENTY-ONE.
I glanced at the numbers on the doors as I walked along the hall. The hall was alive with people either visiting or studying, and I smiled as I thought about how much I really did like college. I had to admit to having some apprehension when I'd first got into UCLA, but it was Darry who convinced me to go. "Pony, if I had of had the chance to go to college I would have gone. You're the smartest one in the family, don't blow this chance." Thinking about that got me to thinking about what had happened this weekend, and about how I had changed. Well maybe they were right, maybe I had changed. But was it that bad? Was growing up, maturing, really a bad thing? I didn't think it was anymore, and I was prepared to grow up and be the person Mandy wanted me to be. In fact there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her, although beating the hell out of Daniel was probably asking a bit too much considering I was still pretty small and skinny. I found the room and knocked on the door. There was a moment before it was answered, and to my complete and utter shock Brian answered the door wearing only boxer shorts.
"Pony?" He asked.
"Brian?" I repeated, and then, as though by instinct, I pushed past him into the room. Mandy was lying in the bed, the covers pulled up to her chin looking horrified.
"Jesus Christ." I managed.
"Pony listen-" Mandy began, but I interrupted her.
"I don't need to listen Mandy, I've got eyes." I said blinking back my tears. "I was coming to find you to tell you that I had been doing a lot of thinking over the last few days about us, about our relationship and how you wanted things to be different, how you wanted me to mature, and I was going to tell you that I thought I had. And that I had decided it wasn't exactly a bad thing. And I was also going to tell you I was leaving the frat because I worked out exactly who Daniel is."
Brian was still standing there silently, watching me.
"Pony, you really-" Mandy said, but I interrupted her again.
"Save it Mandy. I don't want to hear it." I said, and I turned and hurried from the room before she could see me cry. I had tried to hard since I was a kid not to cry, and the last time I'd cried had been when I was a kid and there had been all the trouble with the socs. I'd lost one of my best friends in Johnny then, and now I felt as though I had lost another of my best friends, the one person who I cared about more than anything in the world. The one person who I had changed for, and perhaps even earnt the disgust of my friends and family for. I found a bench and sat down on it, tears burning my eyes even though I tried to blink them back. Why was it that every single time I ever thought that something good was happening to me, that things were finally going right, something bad happened to ruin it all? Like Johnny and Dally dying, like the troubles with Soda and Sandy, like this. Was I cursed or something?
"Pony." Mandy's voice spoke softly behind me.
"What do you want?" I asked harshly, and she hesitated. I could tell my words had hurt her, but did she really expect anything different?
"Can I sit down?" She asked.
"It's a free country." I replied.
She sat down next to me and we sat in silence for awhile. I didn't look at her, but I knew she was crying too.
"Why didn't you tell me who Daniel was? You let me move into the frat house with the prick?" I asked.
"I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to cause trouble." Mandy replied. "I know your history Pony, and I know where you come from. If you knew about Daniel there was no way you'd just stand back and say nothing. I didn't want you to get yourself into trouble and kicked out of here. This is your dream Pony, and I didn't want to ruin it for you."
"Oh, so you were thinking about me." I said, sarcastically. "Isn't that nice?"
"Pony, I know you're hurt. I didn't ever want to hurt you." Mandy said, and she moved uncomfortably on the seat.
"So you decided to cheat on me?" I asked, now turning to face her. "You didn't think that would hurt me? Or did you think what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me?"
"It was nothing like that." Mandy said. "Even if I tried to explain it you'd never understand."
"Wouldn't I?" I asked slowly. "Because of who I am? Because I'm not like you?"
"NO!" Mandy practically yelled. "Because you haven't been through what I've been through. I know what I told you about Daniel, but I didn't give you the full details. It was pretty horrific what happened, and it wasn't just him, it was two of his friends too."
"Eric?" I asked, praying he wasn't involved.
"No, I don't even remember him being at camp." Mandy said frowning slightly. "But if you said that he must have been..anyway, he wasn't involved. When I told my parents they actually had the gall to call me a slut. They knew the parents of the boys who did this and they refused to believe they'd do that. I told you how they thought I was lying and how they basically confined me to the house for the rest of the summer right?"
I nodded.
"Well that wasn't all. They've constantly thrown it back in my faces, and even worse, Dad actually invited Daniel's parents over for dinner one night along with him. They told me if I so much as said anything about it I'd live to regret it, so I said nothing. After the meal Daniel asked whether I could show him round the house? I didn't want to of course, but my parents made me. And then when we were in one of the other rooms he started abusing me- telling me that he didn't think it was nice of me to have lied about what he did. I was shocked. I asked him whether he honestly believed he hadn't done anything wrong, and he laughed and said I was a female, and I wanted it. And he even put his hand on my breast then, but I shrugged it off and hurried from the room. I don't know what Daniel told his parents, but two days later I was called into see my parents were I was told that I was nothing more than a tease and that they were ashamed of me. Mom even suggested that I was probably with half the boys in town at the time, and it was about then that we moved and I met you. But they never, ever let me forget it. It's like a constant demon, knowing I didn't do anything wrong in my heart, but my brain telling me differently after so long of being told I had." Mandy finished.
I was silent, not sure what to say. I felt sorry for her of course, it was a terrible thing to have to go through, but to not even have your own parents support at the same time was even worse. But how did this explain what she'd been doing with Brian?
It was as if she had read my mind. "The idea of having a relationship with someone scared me so much Pony, even if I gave you the opposite impression. I know I probably made you think I wanted commitment-"
"After being with me for a few years you could say that!" I interrupted her angrily. "Mandy, I thought you loved me."
"I do." She said. "At least I think I do. Listen Pony, I know I've got some issues here, but I want to make it better. I want to be the girlfriend you've always thought I was."
"Always thought you were?" I asked, my mind working fast. "Are you telling me this isn't the first time you've done something like this?"
"I don't want to discuss that." Mandy said. "I need you to understand, I need you to forgive me."
"Forgive you?" I was shocked. "You've cheated on me and you're asking my forgiveness. And you may have cheated on me more than one time."
"I can't help it." Mandy said, tears running down her cheeks. "I get scared and I don't know what to think or what to do, and I-"
"Go and sleep with other people?" I asked.
"Do you love me Pony?" Mandy asked.
The turn of the conversation caught me off guard and I hesitated before answering. "I thought I did."
"If I got help, if things worked out, would you be able to forgive me? Would things be able to get back to normal?" Mandy asked.
"I don't know." I admitted. "I don't know what's going to happen in the future."
[A/N. And I am going to leave it there: the reason, well the next installment in "The Curtis Saga" will deal with Pony as an adult, and I think it would be better if there were a few surprises there. I hope you enjoyed the story, although I know it wasn't as good towards the end as it was at the start, but that's because I'm lazy, and I tend to get bored with stories I am writing towards the end. I've got so many ideas going round in my head that writing and concentrating on one story is pretty hard. Nevertheless look for the fourth installment coming soon.]
I glanced at the numbers on the doors as I walked along the hall. The hall was alive with people either visiting or studying, and I smiled as I thought about how much I really did like college. I had to admit to having some apprehension when I'd first got into UCLA, but it was Darry who convinced me to go. "Pony, if I had of had the chance to go to college I would have gone. You're the smartest one in the family, don't blow this chance." Thinking about that got me to thinking about what had happened this weekend, and about how I had changed. Well maybe they were right, maybe I had changed. But was it that bad? Was growing up, maturing, really a bad thing? I didn't think it was anymore, and I was prepared to grow up and be the person Mandy wanted me to be. In fact there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her, although beating the hell out of Daniel was probably asking a bit too much considering I was still pretty small and skinny. I found the room and knocked on the door. There was a moment before it was answered, and to my complete and utter shock Brian answered the door wearing only boxer shorts.
"Pony?" He asked.
"Brian?" I repeated, and then, as though by instinct, I pushed past him into the room. Mandy was lying in the bed, the covers pulled up to her chin looking horrified.
"Jesus Christ." I managed.
"Pony listen-" Mandy began, but I interrupted her.
"I don't need to listen Mandy, I've got eyes." I said blinking back my tears. "I was coming to find you to tell you that I had been doing a lot of thinking over the last few days about us, about our relationship and how you wanted things to be different, how you wanted me to mature, and I was going to tell you that I thought I had. And that I had decided it wasn't exactly a bad thing. And I was also going to tell you I was leaving the frat because I worked out exactly who Daniel is."
Brian was still standing there silently, watching me.
"Pony, you really-" Mandy said, but I interrupted her again.
"Save it Mandy. I don't want to hear it." I said, and I turned and hurried from the room before she could see me cry. I had tried to hard since I was a kid not to cry, and the last time I'd cried had been when I was a kid and there had been all the trouble with the socs. I'd lost one of my best friends in Johnny then, and now I felt as though I had lost another of my best friends, the one person who I cared about more than anything in the world. The one person who I had changed for, and perhaps even earnt the disgust of my friends and family for. I found a bench and sat down on it, tears burning my eyes even though I tried to blink them back. Why was it that every single time I ever thought that something good was happening to me, that things were finally going right, something bad happened to ruin it all? Like Johnny and Dally dying, like the troubles with Soda and Sandy, like this. Was I cursed or something?
"Pony." Mandy's voice spoke softly behind me.
"What do you want?" I asked harshly, and she hesitated. I could tell my words had hurt her, but did she really expect anything different?
"Can I sit down?" She asked.
"It's a free country." I replied.
She sat down next to me and we sat in silence for awhile. I didn't look at her, but I knew she was crying too.
"Why didn't you tell me who Daniel was? You let me move into the frat house with the prick?" I asked.
"I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to cause trouble." Mandy replied. "I know your history Pony, and I know where you come from. If you knew about Daniel there was no way you'd just stand back and say nothing. I didn't want you to get yourself into trouble and kicked out of here. This is your dream Pony, and I didn't want to ruin it for you."
"Oh, so you were thinking about me." I said, sarcastically. "Isn't that nice?"
"Pony, I know you're hurt. I didn't ever want to hurt you." Mandy said, and she moved uncomfortably on the seat.
"So you decided to cheat on me?" I asked, now turning to face her. "You didn't think that would hurt me? Or did you think what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me?"
"It was nothing like that." Mandy said. "Even if I tried to explain it you'd never understand."
"Wouldn't I?" I asked slowly. "Because of who I am? Because I'm not like you?"
"NO!" Mandy practically yelled. "Because you haven't been through what I've been through. I know what I told you about Daniel, but I didn't give you the full details. It was pretty horrific what happened, and it wasn't just him, it was two of his friends too."
"Eric?" I asked, praying he wasn't involved.
"No, I don't even remember him being at camp." Mandy said frowning slightly. "But if you said that he must have been..anyway, he wasn't involved. When I told my parents they actually had the gall to call me a slut. They knew the parents of the boys who did this and they refused to believe they'd do that. I told you how they thought I was lying and how they basically confined me to the house for the rest of the summer right?"
I nodded.
"Well that wasn't all. They've constantly thrown it back in my faces, and even worse, Dad actually invited Daniel's parents over for dinner one night along with him. They told me if I so much as said anything about it I'd live to regret it, so I said nothing. After the meal Daniel asked whether I could show him round the house? I didn't want to of course, but my parents made me. And then when we were in one of the other rooms he started abusing me- telling me that he didn't think it was nice of me to have lied about what he did. I was shocked. I asked him whether he honestly believed he hadn't done anything wrong, and he laughed and said I was a female, and I wanted it. And he even put his hand on my breast then, but I shrugged it off and hurried from the room. I don't know what Daniel told his parents, but two days later I was called into see my parents were I was told that I was nothing more than a tease and that they were ashamed of me. Mom even suggested that I was probably with half the boys in town at the time, and it was about then that we moved and I met you. But they never, ever let me forget it. It's like a constant demon, knowing I didn't do anything wrong in my heart, but my brain telling me differently after so long of being told I had." Mandy finished.
I was silent, not sure what to say. I felt sorry for her of course, it was a terrible thing to have to go through, but to not even have your own parents support at the same time was even worse. But how did this explain what she'd been doing with Brian?
It was as if she had read my mind. "The idea of having a relationship with someone scared me so much Pony, even if I gave you the opposite impression. I know I probably made you think I wanted commitment-"
"After being with me for a few years you could say that!" I interrupted her angrily. "Mandy, I thought you loved me."
"I do." She said. "At least I think I do. Listen Pony, I know I've got some issues here, but I want to make it better. I want to be the girlfriend you've always thought I was."
"Always thought you were?" I asked, my mind working fast. "Are you telling me this isn't the first time you've done something like this?"
"I don't want to discuss that." Mandy said. "I need you to understand, I need you to forgive me."
"Forgive you?" I was shocked. "You've cheated on me and you're asking my forgiveness. And you may have cheated on me more than one time."
"I can't help it." Mandy said, tears running down her cheeks. "I get scared and I don't know what to think or what to do, and I-"
"Go and sleep with other people?" I asked.
"Do you love me Pony?" Mandy asked.
The turn of the conversation caught me off guard and I hesitated before answering. "I thought I did."
"If I got help, if things worked out, would you be able to forgive me? Would things be able to get back to normal?" Mandy asked.
"I don't know." I admitted. "I don't know what's going to happen in the future."
[A/N. And I am going to leave it there: the reason, well the next installment in "The Curtis Saga" will deal with Pony as an adult, and I think it would be better if there were a few surprises there. I hope you enjoyed the story, although I know it wasn't as good towards the end as it was at the start, but that's because I'm lazy, and I tend to get bored with stories I am writing towards the end. I've got so many ideas going round in my head that writing and concentrating on one story is pretty hard. Nevertheless look for the fourth installment coming soon.]