The Silence of Hope

by ILETUDRIVE

This is a somewhat violent take of an alternative ending to how Endgame could have gone. It features the players from Endgame and also brings the mob aspect in as well. Some consider it my best work. Complete

2. The Silence

Notes: Kate is fully my creation, and please see the notes on the first part.

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The Silence of Hope

Part II

~Safehouse~

Jason Morgan was feeling helpless and that was a feeling he wasn't used to. He was a man who prided himself on being in control, in taking initiative, so to suddenly be forced to sit around and wait was very frustrating to him. Sighing he looked out the window at the source of his frustration, his helplessness, and his tiredness. You wouldn't think to look at her, she was so small, thin, and fragile looking, but Elizabeth was the one person in the world who could do this to him.

In the month since she'd been back in his life he had lived in a constant state of fear, frustration, and helplessness. The fear had receded, but the frustration seemed to be building in him daily. Taking a breath he opened the door to join her on the deck. She didn't react to his presence, but he was getting used to that. Instead she kept her eyes trained on the horizon as he sat down beside her.

"You got another letter from your grandmother," Jason set a letter on the small table beside her. "Also there's one from Nikolas and one from Emily."

She didn't acknowledge his words, but that didn't surprise him. He knew that she heard him, but as usual she had chosen to ignore him. Deciding to push her he picked up the letters again. "So which one first?"

That caused her to turn her head to look at him. It was a small movement for her, but seeing her do it still thrilled him. The first thing she had regained after the antidote was administered was her head movement, but that had only happened after 17 long days. "How about your grandmothers?"

Elizabeth shook her head and turned back to the horizon.

"Okay what about Emily's?" another shake of the head. "Nikolas?" again she shook her head.

Jason set the letters down with a sigh. "How long are you going to avoid them Elizabeth? They care about you, they are worried about you."

Elizabeth turned to look at him, her eyes shooting little darts of anger.

He took a chance and touched her right hand, it was the hand that she had the most feeling in. "You can't hide forever."

Her hand moved under his and he sighed when she drew away. He watched her hand fumble with the controls of the electric wheelchair several times before she finally triggered the reverse and sent the chair in motion away from him. He kept his eyes on her when she put it in forward and sent the chair ahead with a lurch to retreat away from him and back into the house.

"Elizabeth did you need anything?" Kate, the nurse he had hired opened the door for her when she banged into the screen door.

Elizabeth didn't even pause she just rolled by her and disappeared into the house.

Jason closed his eyes and some of the tension he always felt when he was around her eased.

"That was a new record Jason," Kate moved over to lean against the railing. "That time you spurred her into moving in less then two minutes."

Opening his eyes he glared at Kate, but the nurse just met his glare with a stare of her own, and as usual he looked away first.

"I take it she didn't want you to read the letters?" Kate asked after recognizing her victory.

"No."

"And you pushed her?" Kate pressed.

"Yes," he kept his answers simple, he should have known better.

Kate snorted. "You know between her not talking because she can't and you only giving one word answers, a person could go insane in this house."

It was a familiar complaint, Jason had heard a variation of it since he had hired Kate a month ago. At first he had hired three nurses, but once the doctor had found the right mix to reverse the process of the poison, when Elizabeth began to get some movement back, he knew he didn't need three. Kate was a brash, outspoken, 50 something woman with a fondness for dangly earrings, clunky jewelry, and as he had discovered two days after hiring her, dying her hair to match her mood. As odd as she was, she was a terrific nurse and Elizabeth had responded to her the best, so she was the only one he considered keeping.

He had his eyes closed, but he could feel her glare on him, opening his eyes he focused on her. Today her eyes were purple. She seemed to have a pair of contacts in every color of the rainbow. Sometimes she even dyed her hair to match her eye color. He was relieved that on the days she wore the green ones, she had refrained from making her hair green as well. He studied her hair, yesterday it had been neon red, but today he couldn't quite figure out what shade it was. He realized she was waiting for him to speak and went on. "I just wanted to…"

"Push her," Kate sighed and leaned back on the railing. "Jason I'm not condemning you, it's right for you to push her. In fact I need you to push her before each physical therapy session because when she's mad at you she works a lot harder."

Jason stretched his long legs out and rested his feet on the railing. "But I don't want her mad at me."

"I know," her voice softened. It was easy to read the love that he had in his eyes for Elizabeth, and ever the hopeful romantic she lapped it up. "She's testing you."

"How do you mean?"

"I don't know her history, but I really don't need too, to understand her," Kate explained glancing briefly at the sky when heat lightning lit the sky. "I've worked with lots of patients over the years, and there is one phase that every one of them goes through after an injury. They test the people around them to see when they will quit on them."

"I'll never quit on her."

"I know that Jason," she smiled. "I think she knows that too, but she is still trying to push you away." Another flash of lightning lit the sky. "We're having enchilada's tonight, they'll be ready in an hour."

"Thanks," he told her absently. He kept his eyes on the darkening sky and the storm that was rolling in over the ocean. He wouldn't quit on her no matter what she did. He only wished she would give a little. Sighing Jason watched the rain move closer to him, he couldn't blame her for being scared.

~10 Days Earlier~

"Jason the last vestiges of the poison is out of her system, and those organs which had shut down are beginning to work again," Dr. Ria Krychek, informed him, after double-checking her notes. "You've already seen that she is beginning to regain some of her motor control. Last night she regained the control of her head."

"I know but she still seems so weak, her head is the only part of her body she is able to control," Jason rubbed at the kinks in his neck.

"Jason the poison did some damage before we could stop it, in fact there was more damage then I originally thought."

"Like what?" instantly concerned he stared her down.

"The poison damaged her organs, especially the heart muscle and her kidneys. It wasn't enough to destroy the organs completely but they have been severely weakened," she began to fiddle with the cross around her neck. "The effects of the poison gave her injuries that we would normally associate with a massive stroke victim."

"A stroke?" He wearily ran a hand over his face. "But she's only 20."

"I know but this is the aftermath of the poison. There is paralyzation on both sides of her body, but the left side is more severe. Our tests are showing that the right side is showing more improvement then her left."

"Is it permanent?" He got to his feet. It was strange but he didn't want to be sitting when he found out if Elizabeth would be sitting for the rest of her life.

"No I don't believe it is. We have been getting responses from her extremities," she saw Jason's shoulders sag in relief and hurried on. "But this all depends on Elizabeth. I'm not going to sugarcoat things for you, it is going to take a long time for her to recover physically. However there are no guarantees that she will fully recover."

"But you just said the paralyzation wasn't permanent," he snapped at her. Being trapped in a hospital every hour for weeks was beginning to take a toll on him.

"I don't think that it is," she replied calmly. "But she has to want it. She will have to work harder then she ever dreamed she could, and then she has to work even harder. She isn't going to get well overnight, but she will, with time, work and patience."

"What about her voice?" Jason sat back down and waited. "I can tell that her face isn't paralyzed. So why isn't she speaking?"

"The poison effected her vocal chords, she can make sounds, but she can't make herself understood. She will more then likely need to learn to speak again, to form the words," she sighed. "I'm not sure if she will speak again. I don't know how severe her vocal chords were damaged, I'm not an expert in that area. But I believe she will."

Jason closed his eyes and tried to process the news. His primary concern since he had heard what had happened to Elizabeth was to make sure that she got well. A few days ago when they had found the antidote to reverse the poison, he'd felt a sense of elation that he'd only felt once before in his life. That was when he walked into a fishing cabin and found Michael alive and well, after he had been kidnapped.

Now he knew that there was a long battle in front of them. He opened his eyes and squared his shoulders. "When can she leave the hospital?"

The moisture that was hitting his face brought him back to his surroundings. They had been in this house for a week now. The doctor had warned him that it would be slow going and he had been prepared for that fight. What he hadn't known was that he was going to have to fight Elizabeth as well.

She had been making progress, besides her head she could move her right arm and hand now. She couldn't control her fingers yet, but she had movement in them now. She could also move her left shoulder as well. There was some strength coming back to her right leg as well. Progress was a slow thing though.

Tensing when he felt a shiver dance down his spine. He shifted in the chair and turned his back on the storm, to look through the bay window into the house. His eyes met hers through the glass and for a second he thought he saw something in them he hadn't seen in months, and that caused him to hope. A series of bright flashes of lightning lit the sky and forced him to blink, when he could focus on the window again she was gone.

~Inside~

"So are you still pouting?" Kate asked from the door.

Elizabeth ignored her and continued to back the chair away from the window.

Kate held her position in the door and Elizabeth was forced to stop before she ran into her. "You know you have a good man out there. One that would do anything for you," she smirked. "Hell he even talked me into getting on a seaplane and coming down here to help you and believe me that took a lot of work."

Keeping her eyes at waist level Elizabeth inched the chair closer. Kate had a lot of nerve telling her about Jason, she knew more about Jason then Kate would ever know.

"He doesn't understand why you are shutting him out when all he wants to do is help you," Kate shifted so she was leaning against the doorjamb. "I gave you the benefit of the doubt and told him that you were testing him," her eyes narrowed. "Of course I could be wrong. You could be shutting him out because you're a selfish bitch." Kate was pleased to see Elizabeth's eyes fire at that remark. The girl had so much fire in her she just had to learn how to use it to help herself.

Kate was way out of line. She didn't know what she was doing, or why she was doing it. She had no reason to be lecturing her. Elizabeth sent the chair forward again until she was inches from Kate's legs.

Glancing down at the girl in the chair she went on casually. "I guess I'll find out eventually. The only question is how many times you are going to hurt him before I do," with that parting shot she stepped away from the door and headed for the kitchen. "Dinner is in an hour."

Elizabeth felt the tears sting her eyes and fought them back. Kate just didn't understand. She hated hurting Jason, but she had too. Jason had such a high sense of honor, he would never leave her while she was hurt. She had saved his life once and he was only trying to repay the favor, by helping her now. But she didn't want his pity or to be an obligation to him, and as long as she was in this chair that was all she could ever be. She was going to drive him away from her if it was the last thing she did.

~Port Charles~

"Mrs. Hardy."

Audrey couldn't help but tense when she recognized the voice of the person behind her. She shifted the clipboard in her hand and turned around. "Good afternoon Mr. Corinthos." She was dimly aware of Amy's open-mouthed shock at her response, and couldn't help but feel a little bit glad that for once Amy didn't know what was going on.

Sonny smiled at her, she was always polite to him, but that good afternoon had almost sounded pleasant. "I have another letter for you."

It was easy to spot the genuineness in her smile when she heard those words. "So soon?"

Sonny handed her the letter. "Whenever you have something in response please let me know."

Audrey waited until he was getting on the elevator. There was something in his manner that compelled her to speak. "Thank you Mr. Corinthos."

His answering grin was quick. Audrey's last impression of him was of two dimples as the door closed on him.

"Amy I'm taking my break," she cut off the blonde before she had a chance to question her. She knew Amy wanted details but she would never give them to her. She moved on to the nurse's lounge and settled in a chair, before taking a breath and opening the letter. She hoped it was from Elizabeth. But as she scanned the writing her smile dimmed.

Mrs. Hardy,

I'm sorry to disappoint you, I know that you were hoping that this was from Elizabeth, but as you can see it is not. She still refuses to read any of your letters, or anyone else's for that matter. I asked her again about bringing you here to see her, but she refused.

In the past six weeks Elizabeth has been working very hard on her physical therapy. She now has full range of motion in both of her arms, but it still unable to control her fingers. She is slowly getting her strength back in her right leg as well. Her left leg, is still extremely weak though.

She still refuses to try to speak. As near as I can tell she isn't even exercising her vocal chords. She won't let me know why, but she seems content to remain silent.

I promised to keep you up to date on all aspects of her recovery, so I will tell you where she seems to be mentally. She has built a wall around her, and no matter how hard I try she won't let me in. She keeps pushing me away. Kate says that she is testing me, but I'm beginning to wonder if my being with her is hurting her more then helping her.

There are some moments that we seem to connect the way we used to though. I have grown to live for those moments, they are always too brief, but I can't help but want them. After that happens though she will put the guard back up even higher then before.

I don't know why I'm telling you this. I know that you don't approve of me, and that you will never will. So the last thing you want is for Elizabeth to let me in. But I have to break through to her somehow, because she is still holding back. A part of her hasn't come out of the coma, and until it does she will never heal.

I don't really know what I am saying Mrs. Hardy, she is pushing me to my limit. I will keep you informed. Please contact Sonny when you have something for her, or if you need anything.

Jason

Audrey brushed at the tears and carefully folded the letter and put it in her pocket. Elizabeth was still in so much pain, that much was obvious. What she hadn't let herself see before now was the fact that Jason was in pain too.

Every week, like clockwork, Sonny delivered a letter to her, and every week she hoped that the letter would begin with the word Gram, instead of Mrs. Hardy. It never did but Jason was true to his word, he told her he would keep her informed and he did. She kept reminding herself of all the bad things that he had done. That he was a criminal, that he had been arrested time and time again. But it was getting harder and harder for her to remember that, as she read his letters.

"Jason is a good man Gram, he's my friend. If you gave him a chance, and looked past all the headlines that you've read about him, and let yourself meet the real Jason, you would see that."

Her granddaughter's impassioned speech came back to her. At the time Elizabeth had said that to her, she had been horrified of Elizabeth's defense of Jason. But now she was finally letting herself see the truth of her words.

It was ironic when she let herself think about things. She had been against Lucky at first, because he had seemed so wild and lived an unsupervised life. Yet when he had returned from the dead she had become one of his staunchest supporters, because he was better then Jason. And look at what had happened. Lucky had murdered his parents, and it was only because of Nikolas' quick action that Lulu and Lesley were able to survive the attack.

And what about Elizabeth? She had let Elizabeth push her out of her life, and never questioned it. She had seen how tired Elizabeth had been looking, yet she hadn't tried to find out what was going on. And now she had been poisoned, and was partially paralyzed. The only reason she was alive at all was because of two criminals, mob bosses, that she had warned Elizabeth about time and time again. Two men who had proven that they would do anything to protect her.

Audrey shook her head and pulled a clean sheet of paper from the back of the clipboard and moved it to the front. It was time to look past what she thought she knew, and focus instead on what she did know.

~Gym~

"That's it. Come on Elizabeth five more," Kate ordered. "You're barely even working up a sweat," she complained ignoring the sweat that was dripping off of Elizabeth's chin.

Elizabeth just glared at her and concentrated on bringing her knee up to her chest. Her lungs were burning, her body was shaking in pain, and all she wanted to do was kill Kate, but she tried to work through that and move her leg.

"Come on."

Her leg shook a final time and then collapsed back on the mat, defeated Elizabeth closed her eyes and tried to catch her breath.

"Giving up?" Kate jeered looking at her watch. Elizabeth had made it 10 minutes longer then yesterday, but she liked to keep the pressure up.

Elizabeth didn't even open her eyes, and instead dreamed of one day kicking Kate's ass.

"Okay rest here, and I'll get the massage table ready," she caught movement out of the corner of her eye and saw Jason. She knew that he was here, that he was always here watching the therapy but keeping out of sight of Elizabeth. She decided to alter her game plan, and hopefully help him out. "I'll be back in 15," Kate got to her feet, her eyes meeting Jason in the mirror, and she jerked her head towards Elizabeth to prod him.

Elizabeth knew the instant he stepped in the room. Muscles that had been spent, suddenly went tight again. She kept her eyes closed and concentrated on evening her breathing.

"You're making good progress," Jason commented dropping down to sit on the mat by her feet.

Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders but kept her eyes closed.

He was grateful that her eyes were closed, it gave him an opportunity to study her. She was finally gaining back some of the weight that she had lost. The emaciated look was gone, she was still underweight bit she looked a lot healthier. Her arms were beginning to show definition again, and she had color in her face all the time now.

"When I first woke up in the hospital I was so weak that it was hard for me to move. I hated that, I wanted to move. I wanted to get the hell out of there," his voice was reflective. He didn't see the point in looking back, so normally he didn't, but maybe this could help her. "Every time I woke up there was someone new in the room, just sitting they're watching me sleep, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it."

Elizabeth had opened her eyes and was watching him, but more importantly she was listening to him. "So every time I woke up I had to see that flash of disappointment in their eyes when they realized that I still didn't remember them."

He didn't know if she was aware of it but her hand had picked up one of the tension balls that were lying on the mat and she had begun to squeeze it in her right hand while she listened.

"I didn't hate them, I didn't even know them, but they still made me angry. I just wanted them to be gone, but they wouldn't leave me alone. So that made me want to leave even more, but I couldn't move. I had to lie there and listen to them go on and on about a stranger that I had no desire to meet, but a stranger that they wanted me to be."

Hearing the underlying bitterness in his voice she couldn't turn away from it. As much as he had separated himself from the Quartermaines' they obviously still had the power to hurt him in some way. She let go of the tension ball, sat up, and covered his hand with hers to offer comfort.

It took all of his control not to jump when she touched him. It was the first time she had initiated any sort of contact between them in months. He concentrated on speaking afraid that if he made a big deal about it, or laced his fingers through hers like he wanted to, she would withdraw.

"So ever since I could move, I worked on controlling my body. I never wanted to feel that way again. The only room over at 66 that I felt halfway comfortable in," he stopped when she raised her eyebrows in question.

"66 Harborview Road," he explained. "It's the Quartermaine mansion. Anyway the only place inside that house that I liked was the gym. I would work out for hours and hours, trying to regain control of my body again, that way I could take control of a life that they wanted me to live for them."

Control, it was what she was striving for, but the one thing she couldn't seem to grasp. Maybe control was only an illusion in her case. If she could control her body, her hands, her fingers, she would touch him.

Jason felt her finger move lightly over his hand in a repetitive motion, and gradually realized that she was tracing a pattern on his hand. He finally recognized the design she was tracing and he almost smiled. She was tracing a heart on his hand with her index finger. She was able to follow the same groove over and over again, and he was thrilled. It looked like she had regained control of her fingers again.

Elizabeth gradually became aware of the silence in the room and looked at his face, but his eyes were looking down. She followed his gaze and was surprised to realize that she was in fact touching him. That she could control her movements again.

Startled she stopped abruptly and moved her hand. Jason caught it before she could withdraw fully and brought it to his mouth. He placed a kiss into the palm of her hand, and she couldn't help but shiver in response.

These past few months she had tried hard not to look him in the eye. This time she couldn't seem to stop herself. His eyes captured hers and she seemed unable to look away from those mesmerizing blue depths. If that corny saying that eyes were the windows to the soul were true, then Jason had the clearest and most pure soul she had ever seen.

He couldn't stop himself from touching her face. She hadn't let him get too close to her, and he had missed touching her skin. It used to keep him sane in the hospital, but once she could she moved away from his hand, so finally he stopped trying. But right now her eyes were so big and vulnerable that he couldn't help but respond to the need he saw there.

Her skin was warm, so much warmer then it had been in the hospital. His thumb followed the familiar path down her cheek before moving over to trace her lips. That maddening bottom lip of hers, the one that always seemed to torment him, was so soft under his thumb. Shifting closer he moved his other hand to cup the back of her head, drawing her nearer.

God he was so beautiful, she brought her left hand up and covered his on her face as he shifted it back to her cheek again. She had never been able to name the exact color of his eyes, blue seemed too bland a description for them. He was so beautiful and so strong and he deserved so much.

He tilted his head and their breaths mingled for a second, before he pressed his mouth to hers.

He deserved so much.

The thought reverberated in her head and caused her to bow her head and break the contact after only a few seconds. She dropped her hands into her lap, curling them into fists on her useless legs. He deserved so much more then she could give him. All she could give him was more hurt and pain.

Jason pulled back and studied her bowed head and her defeated posture. Swallowing his own disappointment he got to his feet. "Do you want me to help you in your chair? Or do you want to wait for Kate?"

Surprised and relieved that he didn't pursue what had just happened she gestured to the chair.

At the chair he paused a moment, his hands gripping the handles tightly. His stomach was in knots, and he just needed a second to regroup. He felt like they had taken a big step forward tonight and he didn't want to do anything that might make her retreat again. He needed to play this right.

She kept her eyes on her hands, her heart was racing and she knew it wasn't because the exercise. Still, she couldn't help but tense when he brought the chair over to her and locked the wheels.

"Do you want to do it?" He asked her stiff back and wasn't surprised when she nodded. She tried not to let him help her if she could. At first that had bothered him, but now he was just glad that she was doing things for herself. "Okay I'll go and start the grill, we're having steaks tonight." It took a lot to just walk past her to the door but he knew it was the right move to make. He waited until he turned away from the door and was out of her sight before he stopped and let the smile show.

"Nice moves Jason," Kate commented from his side.

"Jesus," Jason jerked upright and smacked his head against the wall. He hadn't even known she was there. "Don't do that," he snapped focusing a glare on the now blonde Kate.

"Don't snap at me Jason, I'm not the one that turned you down," Kate patted his shoulder. "But if it makes you feel better I don't think she wanted to stop you."

"Drop it Kate," Jason warned her.

"You know maybe you should go take a cold shower before starting supper, if you're going to be in this kind of mood, it could only help," she couldn't help but tease him.

"Kate," he growled in warning.

"You know what they say, frustration can be debilitating," Kate quipped before moving into the gym.

He couldn't help but smirk as he moved down the hall to the kitchen. For the first time since they had arrived here, he felt that there had been real progress between the two of them. He had never told her that Nikolas had told him she loved him, he wanted her to tell him, and he believed she would one day. He just had to be patient.

~Dinner~

Dinner had been the most interesting one since she had arrived at this house, the looks flying between Jason and Elizabeth had been entertaining to put it mildly. Kate took another bite of her dessert and tried to think about how she could best help them. She could see the wheels turning in Elizabeth's brain no doubt trying to come up with a way to pretend the kiss had never happened, and Jason might just let her get away with it. Men could be frustratingly clueless at times. They needed to spend some more time alone, and Elizabeth needed a little nudge.

"So Jason tells me that you can control your fingers now," Kate broke the silence at the table. "You've been holding out on me," she shook her spoon at Elizabeth, then quickly brought it to her mouth before she lost any of the decadent ice cream.

Elizabeth's face flamed and her eyes whipped to Jason who met her look with a shrug. She looked back at her dessert. God he had told Kate? She immediately knew that wasn't true, he would never had told Kate, that meant she had seen them. Great, she made a face.

Jason shot Kate warning glare when Elizabeth looked down, but Kate just smiled back at him.

"That means we have a new set of exercises to start tomorrow," Kate brought her empty bowl to the sink before she was tempted to go for thirds. "On second thought why wait," moving over to a cabinet she drew out a sketchpad and set of pencils that had been there since the day they had moved in.

Jason watched Elizabeth closely for a reaction to seeing the art supplies. Her eyes had widened and her expression had softened into one of longing before she lowered her gaze to the dessert she wasn't eating, again.

"Jason tells me you know how to use this stuff," Kate cleared away Elizabeth's plate and moved the sketchpad in its place. "So why don't you practice writing and also drawing if you feel like it."

Elizabeth looked up and shook her head.

Kate ignored her and turned to Jason. "You got the dishes my favorite show, Angel is coming on," she paused by Elizabeth's chair and whispered. "Just think of all those lovely words you've been calling me in your head, now you can write them down and throw them at me."

Elizabeth smiled briefly at that and turned to watch her leave, her hand moving over the sketchpad while she did. Jason took that as a good sign and got up and finished clearing the table. He kept his back to her, knowing she wouldn't want someone watching her while she worked. When he heard the pages of the pad flip, he smiled to himself.

How long had it been since she had opened a new sketchpad? Weeks? No months. She hadn't returned to school this year, and had barely passed last semester, so there had been no need to buy any pads. She had packed up her art supplies after her last final and never opened them over the summer. But even before that she hadn't done much work, Lucky had taken up all of her time.

She lightly traced the clean white page and thought about it. Even if she had the time, she couldn't seem to do anything, she had been blocked. Her emotions were what fueled her creativity and they had been in such turmoil that it had been impossible for her to draw anything. Well she had managed to do the sketch series of Jason playing pool, but that shouldn't surprise her. He had always seemed to bring out her best work. But after he had left that cold day in April, she had created nothing but garbage.

Somehow the twisted way she thought, made her think that she shouldn't sketch or paint anymore, because that made her happy, and why should she be happy when she had hurt Jason deliberately? She pulled a pencil from the pack, she had been hurting him for months, but that last day she had been cruel.

It was so easy for her to see his face that day in the park, why shouldn't it be? After all she had relived it over and over in her head for months. First the anger, the frustration, that gradually turned into surprise, when she finally admitted to him she wanted more. To the thinly masked desire and longing when he moved to kiss her, turning into concern when Lucky had arrived.

Then there was his face that same night in the park, only two hours later but how the world had changed in those two hours. She had finally told Lucky she wanted more from Jason and he had left. She had felt so bad for hurting Lucky, but relieved that she had finally done the right thing. She had raced to the park hoping to find Jason, to tell him that for once she had put herself first like he had always told her too.

And what had she seen? Helena in the bushes watching Lucky attack Jason. She had seen that look of utter glee and approval on Helena's face and all the happiness she had felt vanished. The part of her heart that wanted her to move on, was quashed under the loyalty to Lucky and the need she had to help him. The only way she could do that, was to hurt Jason, to hurt herself.

"I don't want to be free I want to be with Lucky."

When she had said that to him, she had watched something die in his eyes, and that still haunted her. Every night when she went to sleep she saw those eyes shut down on her, because she had hurt him, and every night she felt the guilt. Blinking away the tears in her eyes she looked at the pad again, and saw those eyes.

The sketch was very rough, and shaky in a lot of parts, but she had drawn her memory of Jason holding out his hand to her in the park, the second he knew she was going to turn him down. It always amazed her when people said he showed no feelings on his face, because she had seen what he was feeling every time she looked at him, even if she denied it to herself, she had seen it. But that night she had seen the other side of Jason, the mask had descended to protect himself from her.

Now the mask was gone and he was getting sucked into her orbit again, and all she was doing was hurting him. But this was for a different reason. This time she had to hurt him not to help Lucky, but to help him. She would destroy him if he tried to stay with her, and she would rather be alone for the rest of her life then hurt him the way she knew she would eventually.

With a sigh she tore the sketch from the pad, wadded it up in a ball, and tossed it towards the trash. Then bit her lip and began to write.

Jason heard her knock on the table and turned to look.

"Why are you here?"

Jason read the question on the pad and focused on her. "To help you get well."

"Are you a doctor now? How can you help me?"

Crossing his arms over his chest he studied her, she was upset, more then likely because of the kiss. "You know I'm not a doctor, but I can provide you the help you need, like Kate, the therapy, and a place to heal."

"Why?"

He moved closer, "You know why Elizabeth."

He does still care for me. How could she get him to stop caring? The two separate thoughts roared through her head. Hope along with fear. A conversation she'd had with Dr. Krychek before she had been discharged came back to her, and the memory of it hardened her resolve.

"I don't want to be here with you anymore."

He gripped the chair tightly when he read those words. "Do you want me to bring Audrey here? Or Emily?"

"No. I want you gone, or I should leave."

"Where would you go? Port Charles?" he saw her flash of fear and knew that was a no.

"Jason you should leave, you know I'm going to hurt you. Why would you stay?" her hand shook slightly when she wrote the question.

He picked up a pencil and wrote the answer on the pad. "Because I love you."

She stared at those words until they seemed to blend together into a black lump. He loved her. God everything inside of her seemed to bloom when she read those words. And then it died again.

"I already turned you down once. How many times are you going to make me do that to you before you realize that I don't love you?"

Even though he knew she didn't mean them, those words hurt. He knew she was trying to pick a fight with him, because the kiss had unsettled her, and he wasn't going to give her one. "It doesn't matter what you say Elizabeth, I love you so I'm not going anywhere," he told her before heading back to the sink.

God was he always this stubborn? She tore the sheet from the pad and wadded it up. She knew how she could make him stop caring, but it would hurt him very badly in the process. What did Kate call her? A selfish bitch? Maybe she was but not in the way that Kate thought. Before she could change her mind she wrote it down, then threw the wadded paper at him to get his attention.

Jason took a deep breath trying to prepare himself for the next assault. He turned around and read the words, and felt a part of his heart break.

"That night after I left you in the park, I went to Lucky and I slept with him."

It took work but he kept his face expressionless. "So you did what you wanted to do then?" he questioned.

Her mouth dropped open in surprise and she scribbled on the paper.

"I fucked him that night. Doesn't that tell you that I never gave a damn about you?"

Since he had begun to use his control, he rarely ever lost it, but she was pushing him, deliberately provoking him to react. He knew what she said was probably true, and hard as it was to read, he focused on her eyes, and looked past the anger there, to the resignation he saw in them.

He turned back to the sink and picked up a plate. "You never could lie to me Elizabeth, I know you care about me. That is what is making you so angry right now. You care about me and you don't want too. You don't want me to care about you so you are trying to drive me away. It won't work."

Infuriated she threw the sketchpad to the floor and sent the wheelchair in motion and disappeared down the hall.

Jason stayed where he was until he heard her door slam. Then slowly, so very slowly, as if it hurt him to move, he walked out of the kitchen and down to the gym. He would gladly handle being shot then go through another scene like that.

His control slipping, he hit the lights to the gym and made his way over to the heavy bag. Anger like he hadn't felt before had him by the throat and he didn't even bother with the protective gloves. Instead he let go on the bag, pounding it over and over again, trying to erase the image of her shaky handwriting from his brain.

~Elizabeth's Room~

The tears she had held back since she had woken from the coma, were begging for release but she wouldn't let them fall. She wasn't going to cry, if she started she knew she would never stop. She had seen the hurt in his eyes, hurt that she had deliberately inflicted on him. She was glad she was still in the chair, she knew she would never be able to stand and carry around all the guilt she felt.

She moved over to the full-length mirror and looked at herself. When had she become this person? A person who would deliberately try to destroy someone she loved? It would have been better for them all if she had just died. It wasn't like she was ever going to be whole anyway.

~7 weeks earlier~

"Elizabeth before you check out there are some things that you need to know," Dr. Krychek moved behind her desk and sat down.

Elizabeth looked at her questions in her eyes. She couldn't wait until she could speak again. She had so much she wanted to say, especially to Jason. She wanted to beg his forgiveness, and for a second chance with him. If he said he didn't think of her as more then a friend anymore, she would beg to see if he would let her be in his life again anyway as a friend. Saying goodbye to him had hurt as bad as when she had lost her Lucky in the fire. Even if he never forgave her, she just wanted a chance to be in his life again. The mere fact that he was here helping her meant he still cared right?

She refused to believe that he was here because he thought he owed her something for saving his life. If that were the case, as soon as they knew she was going to live, and be okay he would have left. At least that is what she hoped anyway. She knew she would walk again, talk again, paint again, and that would be great. The only way it would ever be wonderful was if he would be in her life again.

"Elizabeth?"

Dr. Krychek's soft voice brought her out of her reverie, and she nodded at the doctor to go on.

"I know you told me to discuss everything with Jason concerning your case, but I felt there were certain things that I needed to tell you first, and let you decide if you wanted me to tell Jason."

Elizabeth felt the first prickle of concern move through her, and shook her head. She couldn't stop the little thrill that shot through her, when her head obeyed her order and moved. For so long, she had been trapped by her body, but now parts of it were listening to her again.

"You already know about the paralyzation, and your vocal chords and how I feel they will reverse themselves with a lot of work," she sighed. "But there are some things that are never going to heal. Your organs were damaged, we had to remove your spleen entirely, and one of your kidneys is not functioning correctly. This makes you more susceptible to illness. You will never have the stamina you once had. Jason mentioned you liked to ice skate?"

Elizabeth nodded.

"It's more than likely that you won't be able to ice skate or do any strenuous activity for very long periods of time. Your lungs were weakened as well, and so was your heart. You can still live with these injuries, but it won't be the life you once had," she began to play with the cross around her neck. "Did you want kids at some point?"

Elizabeth nodded slowly, she didn't really like what she was hearing. She had never been the most active person in the world, or Miss Nature Girl, but it sounded like she would be inside a lot from now on. She didn't like that idea. She hated to be sick, and she didn't want to be sickly for the rest of her life. She wanted to travel, to explore, and she knew Jason wanted those things too.

"Then there is a problem," Dr. Krychek went on slowly as if weighing every word before letting it out. "Although you could get pregnant, your body more then likely would not survive a pregnancy and birth of a child. Your organs are going to be working very hard to keep you alive, they would not be able to sustain the additional burden of carrying a child."

Elizabeth looked down at her hands, she wanted to scream that this was a lie, that it couldn't be true. But she knew it was, it looked like Helena was going to get revenge on her after all. She had once dreamed of having Lucky's child, and recently had dreamed of having Jason's child, and now she would never have any. She didn't know how much she wanted a child, until the doctor took the option from her, entirely.

"There are other options, adoption, foster care, surrogacy," Dr. Krychek went on quickly. "Do you want me to tell Jason this?"

Jason. God Jason, how could she tell him this? He didn't know it but she had heard him the other night. He had been talking to her while he thought she was asleep. She had heard him say that he loved her. She wanted to open her eyes then and there, but she had decided to wait until she could tell him the same.

Now she was glad she hadn't told him. He was too good of a man to ever leave her because she couldn't have a child. He would more then likely say that it didn't even matter to him. She knew that at one time he had been planning a life with a woman who could never give him a child of her own. But she had seen his face when he spoke about Michael, she had been a witness to what losing Michael had done to him. Adoptions, surrogacy, foster care, there were no guarantees that a child they would get, wouldn't be taken from them. Taken from him. She couldn't bear to put him in that kind of pain again. Or given her obvious precarious health situation it was doubtful anyone would even let her adopt.

"Elizabeth do you want me to tell Jason?"

She shook her head so hard that she almost slipped from the chair, but the lap belt around her chest held her upright. Fighting back the tears she let the orderly take her to her room. It was her misfortune to hear him on the phone with Sonny. She heard him ask about Michael, and the love and longing she heard in his voice hardened her resolve.

She focused on the mirror again, if someone hadn't beat her too it, she would kill Helena with her bare hands. She shifted her legs and bent down and lifted the footpad, then she braced her hands on the arms of the wheelchair and pushed herself to her feet.

Her legs shook at the strain, but she slowly managed to stand upright. The sooner she got better the sooner she could leave. She wouldn't see Jason again. She shuffled her right foot a few inches forward. And more importantly he would never have to see her again. And wasn't that for the best? She tried to move her left foot forward and her body gave out and she went crashing to the floor. She didn't feel the pain as she hit the floor, she just curled into a ball.

Wouldn't that be for the best?

~Gym~

"Jason stop," Kate pulled on his arm and held her ground when he whirled on her fist raised.

The red haze vanished from his eyes when he recognized her and he quickly lowered his fist. "You shouldn't do that."

"I have been trying to get your attention for five minutes," Kate explained. Something bad had happened between them, if he was this bad. She could only imagine what shape Elizabeth was in.

"Leave me alone Kate," he was still on edge.

"No," she reached for his hands, the skin on the knuckles were broken and bleeding. "I'm going to save your hands."

He tried to pull them loose but her grip was surprisingly firm. "I can't talk to you now."

"Who said anything about talking?" Kate asked keeping a hold of his hand and leading him down the hall to the kitchen. "I was just trying to rescue the heavy bag from your abuse. Now sit."

He chafed at the order, but sat. Now that he had stopped for a while he could feel the pain in his hands, he had no idea how long he had been at the bag, but judging from the feeling in his hands it had been awhile.

"Now, not that I haven't wanted to smack something a time or two," Kate sat at the table and opened the first aid box and began to clean his wounds. "I have a feeling something else set you off."

He didn't even flinch when she swabbed the alcohol on his cuts. "I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this."

"Well I don't blame you, as far as I can see you've hung in a lot longer then you should have. In fact I would have quit a long time ago if I were in your shoes," she began to swab the other hand. "Elizabeth is a real bitch."

"Don't call her that."

Kate bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. He wasn't going anywhere. "I call them like I see them. Here you bend over backwards for the girl and how does she repay you? By ignoring you and treating you like crap. That girl is so idiotic, she does her best to drive you away and what happens when you do leave the house? She parks herself at a window until she sees you coming back, then she smiles in relief and starts all over again. She is crazy."

"She's just scared," he defended her absently, he didn't know she watched for him.

"Bull pucky. What does that girl have to be scared of?"

"What does she have to be scared of?" Jason snapped. "Maybe the fact she almost died, that someone she loved turned into a killer, that she was paralyzed, she can't speak. She must feel like everything is changing and there isn't a damn thing she can do about it."

"So shit happens in life. You just have to deal with it. Change happens to everyone, so does disappointment. Until she learns not to wallow in it, she isn't worth saving," she tightened the lid on the alcohol bottle.

Jason was quiet and automatically flexed his fingers testing for a sting.

"I left the mail here on the table, you got some for a change," Kate told him heading for the door. "Catch."

Jason automatically caught the crumpled piece of paper she lobbed at him. "You might find it interesting."

Jason set the sketch down and reached for the mail he hadn't wanted to look at earlier. He wasn't surprised to see letters from Audrey, Nikolas and Emily for Elizabeth, as well as one for him from Emily. What did surprise him was a letter addressed to him from Audrey. He studied it for a long minute before opening it.

Jason,

Your latest letter forced me to do some serious soul searching and I realized I didn't like what I found out about myself. I had always thought I was a tolerant person, willing to judge a person by what I saw not what I heard about them. But in your case, I didn't do that, instead I judged you on what I heard from the news, and from others. I doubt my words to you hurt you in any way, but I am sorry for saying them.

I hurt Elizabeth as well when all she did was what I always wanted her to do, and that was to be a friend. It has taken a long time for me to realize it, but you are Elizabeth's friend, perhaps the best she's ever had. So for that I am eternally grateful. I will never be comfortable with what you do, or feel that Elizabeth is fully safe when she is with you. But I've learned something recently no one is ever fully safe.

I could read the pain and frustration in your letter, and I think maybe I can explain some of what drives Elizabeth. Claire and Jeff were never good parents to her, I say to her, because they were good to Sarah and Steven. She saw that, and she believed that there was something that was lacking in her, because they didn't love her. When I think of how they hurt her, I still want to scream.

When she first came to stay with me, she tested me. Claire and Jeff would send her away to live with friends or family when they got fed up with her, so she thought I would do the same. She lied, smoked, snuck out of the house, took my car, and each time she did she dared me to send her back. She was expecting me to send her back, because no one ever stayed before. It took a lot of time, but I finally convinced her that I was here to stay.

She is testing you because of who she is, and also the situation she is in. I have only recently learned from Nikolas how bad things had become for her here. She didn't have any control in her life. She pushed everyone out of her life in an effort to help Lucky. I know how much she wanted to help Lucky. He was the first person in her life that loved her because he wanted too, not because he had too. He was the first that stuck around not out of obligation but because of that love. So she couldn't let it go, she didn't know how to let it go. Even though I believe she already had let him go and moved on with her life, thanks to you.

But Elizabeth is very loyal, and stubborn, and she couldn't help Lucky and keep you in her life. She couldn't help him and go to school, or have friends, or family, so she let us all go to help him. The only thing she could control in her life was her body, and now that has failed her too.

I had a stroke a few years ago, and I know how it affected me. I had those same fears, and I am so much older then Elizabeth. You don't know how much you take walking, or moving, or speaking for granted until you can't do it. It scared me so bad, and I know that it is terrifying for her. Not only because of the injury, but because now she can't control anything in her life.

So she is afraid, she feels adrift, and she is pushing you away because she doesn't want to be an obligation to you. I'm afraid she's felt like that for most of her life, and as unsettling as this year has been for her, I feel her old fears have returned.

Elizabeth will lash out at you Jason. She will do everything she can to hurt you, to try to make you leave. Because she thinks it won't hurt as bad, then if you left her later on, by your own choice. She also might think that she deserves what happened to her. Something bad happened to her once before and for a time a part of her believed that she deserved what happened. She didn't of course, but she thought she did. There is a chance that she is thinking like that now.

You have an uphill battle ahead of you, because the one person in her life that convinced her that he loved her, not out of obligation but out of love was Lucky. And look at what happened to him, and to her, and how that love got twisted into something ugly.

Now it is my turn to worry that this is not making sense. All I can say is please don't give up on her, because I really do believe you are her best hope.

One more thing, I wish you would call me Audrey.

Audrey

Jason read the letter twice before he finally set it down, Audrey knew her granddaughter better then he thought she did. Probably better then even Elizabeth thought she did. She had pointed out some things that he hadn't gotten around to thinking about, and it did help explain Elizabeth's actions.

With a sigh he unfurled the wadded paper and looked at the sketch. He couldn't really make it out. She had written something at the bottom and he squinted trying to decipher the writing. My last hope…gone

He frowned hard at the sketch trying to make it out, but couldn't. Cursing his block he got to his feet and went looking for Kate.

"What?" Kate jerked up in bed when Jason burst in her room. "Jason you may be frustrated but you are a bit young for me."

Jason ignored her words. "What is this a picture of?" He shoved the sketch under her nose.

She glanced at the bedside table and the glasses there that her vanity never allowed her to wear in front of people, then squinted at his face and saw the frustration there. With a sigh she pulled her glasses on and looked at the sketch. "It's you, your standing in a park, holding out your hand," she told him whipping the glasses off her face before looking up.

The last of the anger drained from him and he backed away from her. "Thanks."

Kate just shook her head she would never understand men.

~The Next Day~

Elizabeth hadn't seen Jason all day and she couldn't help but be worried. Kate hadn't said anything about him leaving, but it wasn't like him not to be here. When she found herself going by his room for the third time in fifteen minutes she couldn't help but shake her head in disgust.

This is what she wanted, she wanted him gone, out of her life. It looked like he had listened to her and left, so why was she upset? She had been trying to drive him away for seven weeks now. She was glad he was gone, she clenched a fist and tried hard to swallow the lump in her throat. She was glad because now she wouldn't hurt him anymore.

She couldn't stay inside anymore, his presence seemed to be everywhere. Moving to the back door, she pushed it open and stopped in surprise. Her heartbeat soared and she couldn't stop the wide smile from spreading across her face when she saw him asleep in a hammock at the end of the deck. He hadn't left, he was still here, and she couldn't help but feel happy.

Elizabeth moved closer to him, the quiet hum of the wheelchair blended in with the noise of the ocean and the breeze, so that he remained oblivious to her approach. His face softened when he slept. She had noticed that when he was staying at the studio with her. The edges softened and his face looked younger, while he slept. A strong breeze whipped around them and sent the hammock in motion but he didn't stir so she moved closer.

It was good to study him when he wasn't aware, she was always afraid to watch him when he was awake, afraid her eyes might give away too much. But now it was safe. She knew he was probably angry with her, but he wouldn't let on. That was just the way he was, he didn't confront the people he cared about in anger. Well unless they were Carly. Instead he shut them out, she couldn't help but wonder when he woke up if that was what he would do to her.

Sighing she lowered her gaze, and frowned when she saw his hands. They were bruised and cut up. She knew they hadn't been like that last night. It looked like he had gotten in a fight. Biting her lip she reached out and picked up his hand. He had beaten the hell out of something, and she was probably the reason he did that.

Pain seemed to be the only thing she could bring to him. She brought his bruised knuckles up to her mouth and kissed them lightly. A tear splashed on his hand before she could stop it. She closed her eyes to stop the rest then turned to look at his face, knowing that he was awake now.

For once he could read her eyes, and he saw the fear, the pain, and the regret that spilled from them, unlike the tears that she still held back. Moving quickly he sat up and lifted her settling her on the hammock next to him in one fluid motion. He had expected a fight, but she didn't try to fight him, she just let him move her.

She rested her head on his shoulder, her left arm sprawled over his chest, and after a minute she sighed and moved her left leg slowly, so it covered his. He could tell from her face that the movement cost her, but she did it anyway. He traced her back with his left hand, trying to ease the tension that was still there.

It took time, how long he didn't know but the tension gradually seeped from her body and she let herself relax, all except her left hand. That she kept curled around his shirt as if she was afraid to let him go. He didn't question her apparent about face from the previous night. He would hold her for as long as she let him and it would never be long enough for him. He brushed a kiss on her forehead then closed his eyes again as the breeze once again set the hammock into motion.

She felt safe for the first time in years. For the first time in all these hellish months she felt at peace. Whether it would last for a minute, an hour, an afternoon, or however long she could battle back her demons she would take it. Because right now she needed him more then she needed her next breath.

Kate watched them from the window and brushed at a tear. Christ she was such a sap.

~*~*~*~

There is one last part and it brings in the familiars from Port Chuckles again. If you want to read it please let me know.