"Ooh, cool, it's Lana's birthday," Clark thought.
He'd been pondering a fiendish plan for a while. He would wear glasses to disguise his identity, and then light her candles with the heat from his eyes. She'd be amazed, and she'd tell him about the mysterious man who had lit her candles with a heat ray. Then she wouldn't have to think, for this cherished night, about those in her life who had always so brutally abandoned her.
Clark snuck up behind Lana. Unfortunately, just as his eyes heated up, she left the room. The heat rays sparked out, and then something horrible happened! They bounced off the panes of his glasses and back into his eyes, blinding him!
"Aaaaah!" Clark screamed, falling to the ground in convulsions of pain.
Lana came running in, breathless. "Hey Clark, what's up with the glasses?"
"Help me! Heeeellllpp me."
She took him to the hospital and they said Clark was always going to be blind.
Lana wept. "Clark, you look suicidal."
"I am. I am blind. I can never look on your beautiful face again," Clark lamented in his hospital bed.
"It's okay, you can always imagine it," Lana reassured him. "Just don't abandon me by committing suicide in despair!"
Clark reluctantly agreed not to.
They lived happily a long time until that Lois Lana bitch came and stole him.