Disclaimer: Oops! I didn't put one of these on my last chapter! Anyway, I don't own Tolkien's works. Thank you. I also don't own FanFiction, FictionPress, NeoPets, Google, or Yahoo. NOTE: I DO NOT OWN THE SHOVEL THEORY!!! IT IS ABSOLUTELY NOT MINE!! Oh yeah. I don't own the SpongeBob quotes either, though I quite like using them. And in case you haven't noticed, each chapter in the story represents a day. There are only 7 days, meaning only 7 chapters! Waaa! Only 5 more chapters left!
Arwen skipped down the foyer. Yesterday her song had been "Lalalala" but today she had updated it to "Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum."
"Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum. I am Arwen, the Elf who should be blonde, or might be, and now we'll never know, except in our imaginations, 'cause Peter Jackson cast Liv Tyler to play me, and now everyone thinks I've got brown hair." [No offense to any blonde readers out there: this just sounds good.] She arrived at the "Yummy Hall" as she called it, but it was really just the Dining Hall. "'Mornin' everybody!"
A very stressed Aragorn rushed up to her and cried, "ARWEN! WHAT DID I TELL YOU?"
"Uhhhhh….." He waited. "Don't tell me! Don't tell me!" He waited. "DON'T TELL ME! DON'T TELL ME!" He thought she had been watching too much SpongeBob again. "DON'T TELL ME! DON'T TELL ME! DON'T TELL ME! DON'T TELL ME! DON'T TELL ME! DON'T TELL ME! DON'T TELL ME! DON'T TELL ME!" It was SO Patrick.
"Okay! Okay! Just quit! Go have breakfast."
"Yaaay! Breaky!" She ran to her seat and dropped down. "Mmm!! PANCAKES!!!"
Aragorn sighed. He knew she wouldn't remember—or wouldn't care. He decided to test his theory. "Arwen," he began. She stopped stuffing her face long enough for her to look up at him and give him a look that said, "Whaaaaaaaat?" He sighed and started over. "Arwen, do you happen to remember anything important happening last night?"
*Inside Arwen's head*
Arwen prances around with a glass of red wine, her arm's linked with king Théoden's. They appear to be having fun.
*Outside of Arwen's head*
"Nooooooope!"
"Nothing at all?"
*Inside Aragorn's Head*
Arwen prances around by herself, a bottle of red wine in her hand and stains on her dress. Suddenly, she trips, and spills the blood red wine all over Théoden's white robes.
*Outside of Aragorn's Head*
Arwen scratched her head. "Weeeell, there is one thing…."
"And?"
"And….and…I tripped on piece of ice an' got covered in boo-boos!" She broke down into tears.
"So you don't remember dancing around with a bottle of wine, spilling on Théoden's robes, and plunging Gondor and Rohan into war?"
"Nope!"
Aragorn nearly cried with anxiety. But he mustered up enough strength to mutter sarcastically, "Wonderful."
*Late afternoon. Rohan's troops have moved into Gondor and are attacking fiercely*
Arwen was having fun. "Wheee! This is fun! We should have wars more often!" She grabbed a bow and arrow and aimed at a suspicious-looking man.
"M'lady!" He cried. "I'm fighting for you: not against you!"
"Oops, soooorry."
Rytania, her maidservant, pulled her away, muttering, "Come on, m'lady—you've killed more of our men that way…" Rytania took her to her room and told her to stay there until dinner. The Elf-maiden obliged—but it would not be for long.
***
{A section from Arwen's Diary—that day}
"I likes the war—it's fun! We're on day one of it—I think it shood be over soon. Is that how yew spell "shood"? Oh well. Wayt! Is that how yew spel "Yew"? Is that how yew spel "Wayt"?? IS THAT HOW YEW SPEL "SPEL"??? I am criing now. Speling is to hard for me. Wayt! Is that how yew spel "Criing"???? I am criing agane. Maybee Aragorn will help me layter. Wayt! Is that how yew spel--"
*Note—if we entered the whole of Arwen's entry, it would fill several large websites, including FanFiction, FictionPress, NeoPets, Google, and Yahoo. Therefore, assuming you've "got the picture" we'll just stop here. Thank you for your cooperation.*
*End of Day Two*
Author's note: I am sorry to say, that Arwen never learned how to spell. You see, within five minutes of her idea (asking Aragorn for help.) She forgot. Instead of the "shovel" theory, we must reverse it—therefore coming up with the idea that Glorfindel hit ARWEN on the back of the head with a shovel, therefore causing permanent brain damage.
Thus, she can't ever remember why she was at the House of Healing. "Perhaps," she thought, "I fell off my horse." Of course this theory is absurd, although this was the last sensible notion she's had since her "shovel accident."
By the way, Glorfindel DID send her a "Get well soon" card, as a kind of afterthought, although she can't ever remember why.
In all, Arwen's past is, in a way, tragic, and it would do her us good to take pity on her, for she's absolutely raving mad now.