If These Walls Could Talk
Chapter 9/?
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan
Victoria
I pull away from him and wipe my eyes. "It's not your fault anyway. It's mine. I'm the one who went on the trail by myself like an idiot that day. I'm the one who let him kiss me. I'm the one who didn't fight him harder..."
"No. No, Tory. It's not your fault. You had every right to be there, to walk home."
"It was stupid. Everyone knows you shouldn't do stuff like that, but I wasn't even thinking."
"You should be allowed to walk home from school without fear."
"But I wasn't." I go still and look into his eyes. "It doesn't matter anyway. It happened and I have to live with it."
"Well, you're not alone anymore." He reaches up and runs his fingers through my hair, gently untangling the curls. A week ago I would have been thrilled, but Simon is just another boy to me now. No, not just any boy. My friend. But my friend only.
"I know," I whisper. "My parents don't want me to tell anyone. But I had to tell you."
"I'm glad you did, Tory. You shouldn't keep this to yourself." He gives a little tentative smile. "You know I'm right here, night or day, whenever you need me."
"I know."
"Is there anything I can do?"
I glance down at my arm and hold it up. "You already did."
He nods and seems unable to tear his eyes away from the bandages. I pulled it self-consciously against my stomach. "I should probably go."
"Wait." He snaps back to attention. "Tory, what are you going to do?"
"What do you mean?"
"About...about Gene."
The name falls into the air like a heavy stone and chills break over my body. "Oh." I have to make it so the name doesn't touch me, so that I don't remember every single detail of that afternoon whenever I think about him. I straighten and mentally try to draw a curtain over my thoughts. "He was right. No one would believe me."
Simon's eyebrows shoot up into his hair. "You can't just let him get away with it."
"Yes I can."
"How?"
"I'll try to forget."
He takes my hands in his, something else that would have sent me into 7th heaven a week ago. He's never touched me this way before, but my fingers are cold. "Do you think that's possible?"
I turn my thoughts away from the nightmares that I have every night. "I guess I'll have to see, won't I?"
"Tory..."
"Simon, I can't tell anyone else. No one would believe me, and my father's career...I only told you because I trust you, but you have to promise, you have to swear, that you won't tell anyone."
I don't know that I'm squeezing his hands too hard until he pulls them away with a grimace. "But my dad can help you, Tory. He helps people all the time."
"No. I don't want his help."
He takes a deep breath. "Then will you let me help you?" For a second I think he might cry. It takes me off-guard and my throat closes.
"How can you do that?"
"I don't know. I'll do anything. I'll listen if you need to talk. I'll be there for you. No matter what."
Now I think I might cry and I try to blink the tears away. I want to ask if he'll come stay with me so that I won't be afraid anymore.
"Tory, would your parents let you stay here tonight?"
"No, they don't know I'm gone."
"You could call them. Tell them you're staying with a friend."
Right now I think that I would sell my soul for that if I could. But it's impossible. "No, it's too late. They're asleep."
He sighs. "Well, I'm going to walk you home at least." He starts to get up, but something occurs to me and I grab his arm.
"Simon, you have to promise you won't tell anyone."
"You know I won't." He looks perplexed that I might doubt him. But I have to be sure; I have to hear him say it.
"And...that means you also have to promise not to tell anyone...what I did."
His eyes drop to my arm again, then lift back to my face. "I won't."
Relief leaves me weak, and suddenly more tired than I knew. "Thank you."
"Come on, I'll take you home."
***
We're silent until we get outside of my house. Then, as we walk down the sidewalk he says, "Tory, I want you to promise me something too."
I almost stumble, but I stay calm. "What?"
"If you feel like cutting, you'll call me. I'll get a cell phone tomorrow so you can always reach me. Day or night."
I don't expect that. "I..."
He reaches for my arm, but stops just short of grabbing it, remembering. "Promise me, Victoria."
I stop too but keep my head down so that my hair blows across my face. I want to run. "That's different."
He makes a choking sound and I look up to see tears spilling down his face in the moonlight. "You're my best friend, Victoria, and I have never thought about what I would do if I lost you until tonight. I am so scared, Tory. I am so scared you are going to go home and hurt yourself really bad right now."
I'm almost struck dumb by the force of his emotions. We stare at each other for what seems forever until I'm finally able to speak. "I...I'm not, Simon. I wasn't trying to kill myself. I just...I didn't mean to cut this deep. I don't usually..." I stop because I don't want him to know there's been more. Years worth of more.
"Just...promise you'll call me before you do it. Please. Maybe talking to me, you won't have to do it." His eyes shimmer.
I should have stayed home and never told him anything. It wasn't fair to drag him down in any way into my secret world. "Okay, Simon. I'll call you."
My house looms over us like a stern face, the darkened windows watching us. I can't stand it. "Thank you for walking me home."
He steps closer to me, then steps away. "You're welcome. I'll see you at school tomorrow, right?"
"Yes and...thank you for everything." I break and run because I have to get away from him. I can't hold things inside any longer, and I'm crying by the time I reach my front door. When I look back at him he's just a blur, still standing there.
***
Simon
I didn't move until she was safe inside and even for a few minutes after that I stayed on her sidewalk. I wanted to stay there forever and guard her. I wanted to find Gene Blackwood and beat his face into a bloody pulp. I wanted to tell my parents.
Strange feelings wound through my heart. There was the dark sadness I felt for Victoria, especially since I saw the other scars on her arm. They were faint and small, but I knew this wasn't the first time she'd cut herself. All the years I'd known her, and I'd never even guessed at anything like that. But why? She'd always seemed so stable, if not always exactly happy. Her parents gave her anything she wants, but she wasn't a snob. She was quiet and kind and smart...and fragile. And beautiful.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Thanks for reading, and please send us some feedback! :)
Chapter 9/?
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan
Victoria
I pull away from him and wipe my eyes. "It's not your fault anyway. It's mine. I'm the one who went on the trail by myself like an idiot that day. I'm the one who let him kiss me. I'm the one who didn't fight him harder..."
"No. No, Tory. It's not your fault. You had every right to be there, to walk home."
"It was stupid. Everyone knows you shouldn't do stuff like that, but I wasn't even thinking."
"You should be allowed to walk home from school without fear."
"But I wasn't." I go still and look into his eyes. "It doesn't matter anyway. It happened and I have to live with it."
"Well, you're not alone anymore." He reaches up and runs his fingers through my hair, gently untangling the curls. A week ago I would have been thrilled, but Simon is just another boy to me now. No, not just any boy. My friend. But my friend only.
"I know," I whisper. "My parents don't want me to tell anyone. But I had to tell you."
"I'm glad you did, Tory. You shouldn't keep this to yourself." He gives a little tentative smile. "You know I'm right here, night or day, whenever you need me."
"I know."
"Is there anything I can do?"
I glance down at my arm and hold it up. "You already did."
He nods and seems unable to tear his eyes away from the bandages. I pulled it self-consciously against my stomach. "I should probably go."
"Wait." He snaps back to attention. "Tory, what are you going to do?"
"What do you mean?"
"About...about Gene."
The name falls into the air like a heavy stone and chills break over my body. "Oh." I have to make it so the name doesn't touch me, so that I don't remember every single detail of that afternoon whenever I think about him. I straighten and mentally try to draw a curtain over my thoughts. "He was right. No one would believe me."
Simon's eyebrows shoot up into his hair. "You can't just let him get away with it."
"Yes I can."
"How?"
"I'll try to forget."
He takes my hands in his, something else that would have sent me into 7th heaven a week ago. He's never touched me this way before, but my fingers are cold. "Do you think that's possible?"
I turn my thoughts away from the nightmares that I have every night. "I guess I'll have to see, won't I?"
"Tory..."
"Simon, I can't tell anyone else. No one would believe me, and my father's career...I only told you because I trust you, but you have to promise, you have to swear, that you won't tell anyone."
I don't know that I'm squeezing his hands too hard until he pulls them away with a grimace. "But my dad can help you, Tory. He helps people all the time."
"No. I don't want his help."
He takes a deep breath. "Then will you let me help you?" For a second I think he might cry. It takes me off-guard and my throat closes.
"How can you do that?"
"I don't know. I'll do anything. I'll listen if you need to talk. I'll be there for you. No matter what."
Now I think I might cry and I try to blink the tears away. I want to ask if he'll come stay with me so that I won't be afraid anymore.
"Tory, would your parents let you stay here tonight?"
"No, they don't know I'm gone."
"You could call them. Tell them you're staying with a friend."
Right now I think that I would sell my soul for that if I could. But it's impossible. "No, it's too late. They're asleep."
He sighs. "Well, I'm going to walk you home at least." He starts to get up, but something occurs to me and I grab his arm.
"Simon, you have to promise you won't tell anyone."
"You know I won't." He looks perplexed that I might doubt him. But I have to be sure; I have to hear him say it.
"And...that means you also have to promise not to tell anyone...what I did."
His eyes drop to my arm again, then lift back to my face. "I won't."
Relief leaves me weak, and suddenly more tired than I knew. "Thank you."
"Come on, I'll take you home."
***
We're silent until we get outside of my house. Then, as we walk down the sidewalk he says, "Tory, I want you to promise me something too."
I almost stumble, but I stay calm. "What?"
"If you feel like cutting, you'll call me. I'll get a cell phone tomorrow so you can always reach me. Day or night."
I don't expect that. "I..."
He reaches for my arm, but stops just short of grabbing it, remembering. "Promise me, Victoria."
I stop too but keep my head down so that my hair blows across my face. I want to run. "That's different."
He makes a choking sound and I look up to see tears spilling down his face in the moonlight. "You're my best friend, Victoria, and I have never thought about what I would do if I lost you until tonight. I am so scared, Tory. I am so scared you are going to go home and hurt yourself really bad right now."
I'm almost struck dumb by the force of his emotions. We stare at each other for what seems forever until I'm finally able to speak. "I...I'm not, Simon. I wasn't trying to kill myself. I just...I didn't mean to cut this deep. I don't usually..." I stop because I don't want him to know there's been more. Years worth of more.
"Just...promise you'll call me before you do it. Please. Maybe talking to me, you won't have to do it." His eyes shimmer.
I should have stayed home and never told him anything. It wasn't fair to drag him down in any way into my secret world. "Okay, Simon. I'll call you."
My house looms over us like a stern face, the darkened windows watching us. I can't stand it. "Thank you for walking me home."
He steps closer to me, then steps away. "You're welcome. I'll see you at school tomorrow, right?"
"Yes and...thank you for everything." I break and run because I have to get away from him. I can't hold things inside any longer, and I'm crying by the time I reach my front door. When I look back at him he's just a blur, still standing there.
***
Simon
I didn't move until she was safe inside and even for a few minutes after that I stayed on her sidewalk. I wanted to stay there forever and guard her. I wanted to find Gene Blackwood and beat his face into a bloody pulp. I wanted to tell my parents.
Strange feelings wound through my heart. There was the dark sadness I felt for Victoria, especially since I saw the other scars on her arm. They were faint and small, but I knew this wasn't the first time she'd cut herself. All the years I'd known her, and I'd never even guessed at anything like that. But why? She'd always seemed so stable, if not always exactly happy. Her parents gave her anything she wants, but she wasn't a snob. She was quiet and kind and smart...and fragile. And beautiful.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Thanks for reading, and please send us some feedback! :)