If These Walls Could Talk
Chapter 14/?
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan
Victoria
I don't expect the bus ride to be as long as it is, but we don't get to Monterey until almost six in the morning. Simon falls asleep at some point, leaning against me, but I just watch everything flow by out the window. It's easy not to think really, except when I lose focus on the lights and the gravel by side of the road and see instead my face reflected in the glass. I'm still shocked by the pale, hollow-eyed girl I see there, even though I should be getting used to her by now.
I'm so tired...so tired but afraid to sleep. From time to time images of my mother work their way into my mind and it takes all of my strength to force them out. And I keep my father pulling up beside the bus, demanding us to stop.
By the time we reach Monterey my eyes are gritty and I feel sick to my stomach. Every time I move Simon's jacket chafes the rawness of my arms, but I don't mind.
"Simon, we're here." I gently push his shoulder and he rouses instantly, eyes puffy from sleep.
"Huh? Okay." He seems baffled, like he wants to say something but isn't sure how. Finally, as we get off the bus, he does. "Tory, what about...I mean, where are we going to stay? How are we going to buy food? I've only got--"
"I have my credit card."
"Oh."
"And I know if I use it they'll trace us. So I'm going to take out a lot of cash out now and we'll use that as long as we can. And we'll move around as much as possible." He looks uncomfortable but I don't give him a chance to object. "Come on, Simon. Let's get some money and find a place to crash."
***
The motel is small and dingy, but it's cheap and the kind that won't ask questions, that won't try to stop and question two exhausted teenagers. I don't see the name Simon signs us in under, but I wonder if he gave us the same last name. Is he going to try and make them think we're married? I don't know. My brain is fogging over and slowing down; each thought takes so much effort. Simon takes my hand and we go out and to the room.
It's got a tan carpet and a bed with an orange cover, one battered bureau and an old TV. I'm almost afraid to see the bathroom, but I have to go.
"Um, Simon..."
He stares at my arms when I take off his jacket. "Listen, Tory, will you be okay here for a few minutes while I run down to that convenience store and get some stuff to clean those up?"
I look down at the dried and crusted blood, the thick jagged scratches. A part of me wants to scream no, don't leave me alone! But I only nod. "I'll be fine."
"Okay. I won't be long, I promise." He steps forward and kisses me on the forehead, then he's gone. I lock the door behind him and take deep breaths to steady my pounding heart.
***
Simon
It was silly of me, but I was almost afraid that Tory would be gone when I got back to the room. Or worse. I found myself near panic as I fumbled with the key.
She was sitting on the bed, her back rigid and hands folded in her lap. She relaxed visibly when I opened the door, almost as if she was afraid it wouldn't be me. Maybe I relaxed visibly too, seeing her there alive and unhurt except for the damage she'd already done.
"Hey. I got us some food," I said, trying to keep my voice light. "It's just some chips and stuff but we can get a real breakfast later."
She only nodded and watched me as I removed the ointment and bandages from the plastic bag. I almost shuddered when I looked at her arms again; what had she done to herself? And more than that, why had she done it? I lifted my eyes to hers, hoping to read something there, but she only stared dully back at me.
"God, I'm sorry, Tory. You must be so tired. Let me take care of you and then we'll get some sleep. How's that?"
"Yeah."
I went into the bathroom and wet a washcloth with hot water, then went back to kneel before her as she sat on the bed. She held out her arms without protest.
"This might hurt, and if it does, I'm sorry."
She almost smiled, but before it started it was gone. "I'm not afraid of pain, Simon."
"Right." Feeling foolish, I cradled her right arm in my hand and carefully began to wipe away the dried blood. The scratches beneath were deep, and I was shocked by the thought of what must have driven her to do this. I couldn't even imagine, though I'd come up with every scenario possible, each one more horrible than the next. Or maybe not horrible enough.
What happened to you? I thought, but said nothing as I did first one arm, then the other until the scratches were clean and stark against her pale skin. We were both silent as I smeared antibiotic ointment over them, covered them with band-aids and rolled surgical tape around that. When I was finished I took both of her hands in mine.
"Tory, I meant it when I said earlier that I love you." The words were tumbling from my mouth before I could stop them; I didn't even know my brain was thinking them.
She turned her face away. "Simon..."
"No, Tory. I do. I think I have for a long time. I was just too stupid to realize it. I know that now. And maybe this isn't the best time to be telling you these things, but I want you to know that no matter what's happened or what will happen...I love you." Two of her tears splash onto my hands. "You don't have to say anything, Tory," I whisper. "You don't have to tell me you feel the same way, you don't even have to feel the same way. But I wanted you to know how I feel."
I let her go and put everything back into the convenience store bag. The chips and cupcakes were still in there, but somehow I knew she wouldn't be interested in eating them yet. Neither was I. When I turned back to her she was watching me, a lock of hair across her cheek. I reached out to tuck it behind her ear.
"Come on, let's get some sleep. You can have the bed, I'll sleep in the chair."
"No, Simon. I...stay here with me."
My heart thumped. "All right."
"I just...I don't want to be alone right now."
I nodded, and sat down to take off my shoes. She did the same, moving slowly because of her arms. Then we looked at each other.
"Will you hold me, Simon?"
"Of course I will."
She was in my arms and we were lying back together. Despite the weary hours of travel I could still smell the sweetness of her hair and skin, and my throat tightened painfully. Oh God Tory, I love you.
As if she realized that for now she was truly safe, her body relaxed, went limp against mine, and I knew she was asleep at last.
Chapter 14/?
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan
Victoria
I don't expect the bus ride to be as long as it is, but we don't get to Monterey until almost six in the morning. Simon falls asleep at some point, leaning against me, but I just watch everything flow by out the window. It's easy not to think really, except when I lose focus on the lights and the gravel by side of the road and see instead my face reflected in the glass. I'm still shocked by the pale, hollow-eyed girl I see there, even though I should be getting used to her by now.
I'm so tired...so tired but afraid to sleep. From time to time images of my mother work their way into my mind and it takes all of my strength to force them out. And I keep my father pulling up beside the bus, demanding us to stop.
By the time we reach Monterey my eyes are gritty and I feel sick to my stomach. Every time I move Simon's jacket chafes the rawness of my arms, but I don't mind.
"Simon, we're here." I gently push his shoulder and he rouses instantly, eyes puffy from sleep.
"Huh? Okay." He seems baffled, like he wants to say something but isn't sure how. Finally, as we get off the bus, he does. "Tory, what about...I mean, where are we going to stay? How are we going to buy food? I've only got--"
"I have my credit card."
"Oh."
"And I know if I use it they'll trace us. So I'm going to take out a lot of cash out now and we'll use that as long as we can. And we'll move around as much as possible." He looks uncomfortable but I don't give him a chance to object. "Come on, Simon. Let's get some money and find a place to crash."
***
The motel is small and dingy, but it's cheap and the kind that won't ask questions, that won't try to stop and question two exhausted teenagers. I don't see the name Simon signs us in under, but I wonder if he gave us the same last name. Is he going to try and make them think we're married? I don't know. My brain is fogging over and slowing down; each thought takes so much effort. Simon takes my hand and we go out and to the room.
It's got a tan carpet and a bed with an orange cover, one battered bureau and an old TV. I'm almost afraid to see the bathroom, but I have to go.
"Um, Simon..."
He stares at my arms when I take off his jacket. "Listen, Tory, will you be okay here for a few minutes while I run down to that convenience store and get some stuff to clean those up?"
I look down at the dried and crusted blood, the thick jagged scratches. A part of me wants to scream no, don't leave me alone! But I only nod. "I'll be fine."
"Okay. I won't be long, I promise." He steps forward and kisses me on the forehead, then he's gone. I lock the door behind him and take deep breaths to steady my pounding heart.
***
Simon
It was silly of me, but I was almost afraid that Tory would be gone when I got back to the room. Or worse. I found myself near panic as I fumbled with the key.
She was sitting on the bed, her back rigid and hands folded in her lap. She relaxed visibly when I opened the door, almost as if she was afraid it wouldn't be me. Maybe I relaxed visibly too, seeing her there alive and unhurt except for the damage she'd already done.
"Hey. I got us some food," I said, trying to keep my voice light. "It's just some chips and stuff but we can get a real breakfast later."
She only nodded and watched me as I removed the ointment and bandages from the plastic bag. I almost shuddered when I looked at her arms again; what had she done to herself? And more than that, why had she done it? I lifted my eyes to hers, hoping to read something there, but she only stared dully back at me.
"God, I'm sorry, Tory. You must be so tired. Let me take care of you and then we'll get some sleep. How's that?"
"Yeah."
I went into the bathroom and wet a washcloth with hot water, then went back to kneel before her as she sat on the bed. She held out her arms without protest.
"This might hurt, and if it does, I'm sorry."
She almost smiled, but before it started it was gone. "I'm not afraid of pain, Simon."
"Right." Feeling foolish, I cradled her right arm in my hand and carefully began to wipe away the dried blood. The scratches beneath were deep, and I was shocked by the thought of what must have driven her to do this. I couldn't even imagine, though I'd come up with every scenario possible, each one more horrible than the next. Or maybe not horrible enough.
What happened to you? I thought, but said nothing as I did first one arm, then the other until the scratches were clean and stark against her pale skin. We were both silent as I smeared antibiotic ointment over them, covered them with band-aids and rolled surgical tape around that. When I was finished I took both of her hands in mine.
"Tory, I meant it when I said earlier that I love you." The words were tumbling from my mouth before I could stop them; I didn't even know my brain was thinking them.
She turned her face away. "Simon..."
"No, Tory. I do. I think I have for a long time. I was just too stupid to realize it. I know that now. And maybe this isn't the best time to be telling you these things, but I want you to know that no matter what's happened or what will happen...I love you." Two of her tears splash onto my hands. "You don't have to say anything, Tory," I whisper. "You don't have to tell me you feel the same way, you don't even have to feel the same way. But I wanted you to know how I feel."
I let her go and put everything back into the convenience store bag. The chips and cupcakes were still in there, but somehow I knew she wouldn't be interested in eating them yet. Neither was I. When I turned back to her she was watching me, a lock of hair across her cheek. I reached out to tuck it behind her ear.
"Come on, let's get some sleep. You can have the bed, I'll sleep in the chair."
"No, Simon. I...stay here with me."
My heart thumped. "All right."
"I just...I don't want to be alone right now."
I nodded, and sat down to take off my shoes. She did the same, moving slowly because of her arms. Then we looked at each other.
"Will you hold me, Simon?"
"Of course I will."
She was in my arms and we were lying back together. Despite the weary hours of travel I could still smell the sweetness of her hair and skin, and my throat tightened painfully. Oh God Tory, I love you.
As if she realized that for now she was truly safe, her body relaxed, went limp against mine, and I knew she was asleep at last.