Note : This Tenchi story takes place in the Universe realm.
No Need For Camping.
By Some1Else.
Chapter #1: No Need For Peace.
The sun began to descend over the horizon as a fresh evening breeze blew through the countryside. Tenchi was outside doing his weekly routine of chores that Katsuhito had assigned to him. He'd completed all his other tasks except for sweeping up the leaves that had fallen from the numerous trees that surrounded the large house in which he and several other colorful individuals lived in. Thanks to Washu's little basement project that she had recently finished, the house had become even more spacious. Despite the numerous explosions that kept the family awake at night caused by Washu working over time, it turned out rather well and provided further recreational rooms for an already versatile home.
To start with, the new basement had two large bedrooms that were completely furnished just in case another space babe landed. Because of past circumstances, nobody could really doubt the possibility of it happening again and they were hoping quite hard that it wouldn't. But just in case it did, those rooms were there. Until then, they would function as guest bedrooms without guests. Washu had also gone so far as to equip one room with a defense system that would keep Ryoko out if she became advantageous again. Only Tenchi knew of this and he was advised not to take advantage of hiding down there since doing so would cause suspicion.
In addition to the extra rooms was a gaming chamber full of several different types of entertainment. That still wasn't enough for Nobuyuki. He asked Washu to install a bar so they could have something classy in the house. At first she wasn't going to do it, but he wouldn't quit bugging her so she caved in. Everyone thought it was a bad idea, but Ryoko didn't react the way they thought she would have. Tenchi realized they should have known better. Ryoko usually drank in moderation and rarely drank with the intention of severally impairing herself. The presence of the bar hadn't tempted her to get drunk more often, although she did use it from time to time. Tenchi gathered a large pile of leaves together and pulled a trash bag out of his pocket. He then began stuffing the dead leaves into the bag.
As he did, he continued to reflect on his current state of affairs. If he could lose himself in thought while doing his chores the work became less annoying. Life was certainly changing. Ryoko had kept good on her promise to him for approximately eight days and seven hours. Tenchi had kept count. How she had managed to restrain herself was a mystery to him. Ryoko appeared to be taking the entire ordeal quite well for the most part. At times he caught her biting her nails nervously and muttering dark things to herself just before she walked head first into a wall she failed to notice. Those were isolated incidents. Her new mentality was having a positive effect on her. She did more work around the house instead of avoiding responsibility. That didn't stop her from swearing up a storm every time it was her turn to clean the toilet bowl while making idle threats involving dismembering so-and-so for not doing it for her, but that was okay.
When Ayeka wasn't within earshot he thanked Ryoko for her efforts, which caused a more secure bond to form between them. As of late, she was even learning how to cook. Sasami was her tutor. Normally that would be a good thing, but Ryoko was a difficult student. Even the most basic soup recipe escaped her comprehension. Sasami remained patient and supportive, hoping that through practice Ryoko would soon be able to handle cooking ramen properly. So far, she was unable to prepare anything without somehow making a small mistake that had a large effect on the taste of whatever she was working on. Ryoko called it bad luck. Sasami couldn't figure it out.
Finding someone to taste test the stuff was rather difficult. Sasami could eat just about anything and find some enjoyment out of it and she didn't have a heart capable of criticizing someone else, even if it was constructive. That ruled her out. At one point she managed to convince Washu to have some of Ryoko's now infamous potato salad, which Washu expected to be far from bearable. She became deathly ill for around ten hours until she managed to flush out the poison with around three gallons of purified spring water. Not being one to let innovation suffer, Washu poured the uneaten salad into a sealable bowl right before it was tossed. This successfully wiped out all the rodents and insects that had found their way into her lab.
Tenchi began to suspect that he would receive a variation of the same meal from Ryoko sometime in the near future. It would be both a heart felt gesture and a slam against her rival. Upon discussing the topic with Washu, she told Tenchi not to worry about it. She had some gadgets that were capable of saving him should he go into shock. Probably. That wasn't what he wanted to hear, but Tenchi didn't bother trying to get Washu to provide a different answer to the same question as doing so really annoyed her.
He suddenly remembered what had become of Mihoshi after her unfortunate incident with Ryoko where they teamed up to get the key for the shock collar. Kiyone had eventually found her partner soon after the device had fallen off. Mihoshi had been duct tapped to a tree branch with a gag shoved in her mouth. A large mirror was beneath her that allowed Mihoshi to get a perfect view of her predicament so she could "reflect" on her mistake, even though the mishap had technically been an accident. Ryoko didn't see it that way and insisted she had "only been kidding" when she hinted that Mihoshi had been buried somewhere. Nobody saw the humor in that. She hadn't expected them to. Katsuhito was the one who took it upon himself to free Mihoshi, who didn't realize she had been punished.
Mihoshi was unable to recall anything past asking Ryoko for the cookie she had been promised. Nobody filled her in on the details. She didn't bother asking. Knowing Mihoshi as they did, she'd probably already forgotten about it. Permanently. Out of pity, Sasami baked a batch of raisin cookies for her. Just as they expected, Mihoshi couldn't figure out the reason for the occasion and as fate would have it, Mihoshi choked on one of the raisins and would have suffocated if Katsuhito had not performed the Heimlich maneuver on her. Finally, the shock collar itself had been attached to Nobuyuki, but it soon fizzled out and died due to overuse. This fascinated Washu since the battery she had equipped it with should have lasted at least thirty years. Eventually Washu found that the battery had cracked soon after it had left Ryoko's neck. The acid that escaped from the broken battery was what destroyed the device. This discovery was made shortly after it ate a hole through the floor it had been laying on. In a horrible instance of bad luck, it had landed right on Ayeka's lap.
"How much money did you put into that thing?" Ryoko had asked Washu while she applied medicine to the skin the acid had eaten off of Ayeka's hips.
"Apparently not enough." Washu had answered.
"This stuff is cold!" Ayeka had complained.
The useless device was now in the hands of Ryoko, who repaired it and now kept it hidden somewhere in her room. That was pretty much it. Tenchi finished filling the trash bag with dead leaves. He tied it up and set the bulky sack down beside him. Tenchi searched the ground for any spare leaves he might have missed. There were none. Now all he needed to do was burn the bag. Katsuhito didn't approve of this method, but Tenchi did it anyway just to save time. After that he'd be free for the rest of the evening.
He'd prefer to hang out with his real friends, but he never did manage to successfully sneak out. If Ryoko didn't catch him, Ayeka did. He stayed at home willingly because he didn't want to be seen in public with either of them. Seeing bolts of energy that caused enormous explosions emit from the palms of women with extravagant hairstyles would probably raise more questions than he was prepared to lie his way out of, so once his shower was done he would probably wind up playing pool with Ayeka or Ryoko, depending on who he ran into first. It was the same as always. He was grateful it didn't become to tiring.
Tenchi tossed the thoughts aside, stood up, and heard someone approaching him from behind. He turned and faced Mihoshi, who had on her working clothes along with a cheerful smile that was far to energetic. It always managed to make her look like a fruit.
"I'll burn those for you, Tenchi." Mihoshi offered nicely, pointing to the bag as she did.
"Er. . .no thanks, Mihoshi. No offense, but I don't trust you with fire." Tenchi said. He felt a sweat drop go down his face and quickly decided to change the subject. "Do you need something?"
Mihoshi stood still for a moment, trying to recall exactly why she had come to speak with Tenchi. He noticed that there was a note on her hand scribbled in Ryoko's handwriting, which was highly recognizable due to how neat it was. Being good with a pen probably came in handy whenever she felt like forging a signature. Mihoshi slowly brought her hand up to her face and examined the writing. After reading it, she smiled.
"Now I remember! Ryoko told me to tell you that she wants you to play pool with her."
"How nice of her." Tenchi said to himself.
"You're almost like a hotel, Tenchi." Mihoshi commented, still smiling.
"Why's that?" Tenchi asked reluctantly.
"Ayeka and Ryoko are always trying to reserve you."
Mihoshi got a good laugh out of that. Tenchi grinned weakly but couldn't completely hide how horrible he thought her joke was.
"How come she couldn't ask me herself?" Tenchi asked.
"Who?" Mihoshi queried.
"Ryoko." Tenchi stated.
"What about Ryoko?"
"She sent you to tell me she wanted to play pool, remember?"
"She did?"
"Look at the note."
"What note?"
"The note that's on your hand." Tenchi stated irritably.
A sweat drop appeared on Mihoshi's face. She examined the letters which formed a word and created a sentence. Mihoshi reacted to the message as though she hadn't relayed it just seconds ago like she had just done.
"Oh! Tenchi, Ryoko wants you to play pool with her." Mihoshi said.
"You said that already." Tenchi stated.
Mihoshi blinked.
"I did?" she saw Tenchi nod. "Well how about that!"
"But how come she didn't ask me in person? It seems a little bit silly to. . .wait, she's being lazy again, isn't she?"
"Now that's not a nice thing to say." Mihoshi said while nodding her head.
Tenchi was impressed. Apparently Mihoshi was capable of interpreting sarcasm and unspoken hints.
"Ryoko sure does have nice handwriting." Mihoshi said almost to herself. "She wrote it on my hand because it was supposed to help me remember what I was suppose to ask you. And look at this."
Mihoshi held up her left palm. A map was drawn on it that had directions on how to get from the basement to where Tenchi was sweeping up dead leaves. Tenchi had to give Mihoshi the benefit of the doubt but at the same time understood why Ryoko had taken the time to give her a map. Mihoshi might have gotten lost or side-tracked without it. That was pushing it, though. Tenchi figured there was no way she could be that absent minded. Apparently he thought more of her than Ryoko. That was a good thing to know.
So far it seemed like Ryoko wasn't going to pull anything funny. If she was going to try and seduce him she would have just gone out and done so as long as there weren't any witnesses around unless she felt like irritating Ayeka. Tenchi still had to be careful, though. Ryoko's caress might have been sweet, but at the same time it was troublesome. Most of the time she was compliant with Tenchi's reluctance, but that didn't make it feel any less uncomfortable for him.
"Mihoshi, is there anybody else downstairs?" Tenchi asked.
"Ayeka and Washu were in there together playing darts the last time I checked." Mihoshi answered. "Nobuyuki's in the bar. When I saw him he was putting a futon on the floor behind the counter just in case he falls asleep in there again."
"Dad. . ." Tenchi grumbled distastefully.
So long as Ryoko was around other people, Tenchi would be safe. Never once had she tried anything totally explicit with him in public, although he wouldn't put it past her and had experienced a few reoccurring nightmares that dealt with that possibility. All he had to worry about were teases and he could deal with those.
"I guess I'll go, then. Thanks, Mihoshi." Tenchi said, walking past her.
"For what?"
"It'll come to you eventually." Tenchi said hopelessly without even bothering to look at her.
"Alright!"
Tenchi entered the house and headed for the shower. While washing himself he kept checking the walls to see if Ryoko was spying on him. Occasionally she'd poke her head in, which never failed to scare the hell out of him. It felt ridiculous, but he knew it was okay to be paranoid about it. After finishing, he sprinted up to his room and locked the door. Tenchi checked for Ryoko a second time. This task had become so painfully automatic that he didn't realize he was doing it most of the time. He changed quickly and headed for the basement. To get to it, he first had to enter the storeroom that led to Washu's lab. Almost immediately after deciding the house could use a basement, Nobuyuki figured it was far to much work than he could afford. That's where Washu came in.
Using the infinite amount of tools she had at her disposal, Washu did what she always had done to build a new room without breaking a sweat. She installed a separate dimension that led into it. Tenchi thought it was better than having to dig a hole and even though he didn't like the fact that there were now three rooms inside the house that bent the laws of physics, he refrained from complaining. Since the storeroom led to two of those areas of inhabitable space, a control panel was installed near the back that opened up either one. Tenchi had to crawl past some junk in order to get to it. The panel itself was bright red with two distinctly colored buttons leading to different holes in the fabric of infinity.
The orange button would take him to Washu's lab or her waiting room if she was busy. Nobody liked Washu's waiting room. It brought on an unshakable sense of vertigo. The green button opened a portal to the basement, which they had to furnish on their own since nobody thought it would be a good idea to employ the aid of movers. Tenchi pressed the button for the basement and a door materialized to the right of the panel. That bothered him. It should have been on the left. Tenchi opened the featureless wooden door and descended the flight of steps in front of him. Washu could have left them out, but since she was doing a basement she decided to add in stairs so whoever was entering the room would feel as though they were actually walking down into a real basement. This also didn't sit quite right with Tenchi. He found it impractical.
At the bottom of the stairs there was a moody living room that branched off into two hallways. Nobuyuki was asleep on one of the leather sofas. His drink was placed on the table next to the sofa. Tenchi picked it up and gave it a sniff. It was pretty strong. He set it back down and walked down the hallway to his left. The one on the right lead to the bar, which was currently closed and most likely locked. The spare rooms were located along the hallway he was walking down, which opened up to the right near the end. That was where the recreation room was. He hadn't even taken five steps forward when he was pulled into a nearby room. Before he could react, Tenchi was in a tight headlock. He didn't bother struggling to much because he already knew who it was.
"Caught you!" Ryoko whispered.
"I'm not going to have to scream, am I?" Tenchi asked blandly.
"Of course not." Ryoko assured.
She closed the door from behind with her foot and put herself up against it before letting Tenchi go. Ryoko then flipped a switch for a nearby light. Tenchi rubbed his eyes at the sudden brightness and focused on what was in the room. A bed was up against the corner. There was a large empty closet and a door that led into a bathroom. A couple of comfortable chairs were seated around a table. Perhaps the most amusing aspect of the room were the two windows along the top. If Tenchi were to look out one, he would see a simulated view of their backyard. The floor was made out of a beautiful type of wood. On the modest table was food or more specifically, dinner. Tenchi wasn't even hungry. He didn't bother asking Ryoko for an explanation.
Ryoko was eager to show off her feminine superiority over Ayeka. The entire situation called for gratitude, but Tenchi was slightly unsettled. Even though Sasami was teaching her how to cook he was confident Ryoko wasn't at an acceptable level yet. After all, she had only been taking lessons for about a month. The new material probably seemed archaic to her.
"Alright. What's going on?" Tenchi asked.
"I'll be honest with you. Sasami says I'm never going to pass her class if I keep cooking the way I do."
"Class? Since when did it become a class?" Tenchi asked.
"When I made it one." Ryoko quickly answered. "But that's irrelevant. Look, I need you to taste test something for me."
"Why can't Washu do it?"
Ryoko sighed in frustration.
"Because she said her taste buds will need about two months to regenerate due to the result of the previous meal I made."
"Why is cooking so important to you?" Tenchi asked, trying to buy himself some time.
"Because Ayeka can do it and I can't!" Ryoko said in an overly frustrated tone. "That's pretty much the only thing. . .the only thing she has over me!"
"But Ayeka has never brought that up during an argument, Ryoko."
"Oh, but she thinks it!" Ryoko said deviously. "She thinks it!"
"When, Ryoko? When does Ayeka think this?"
"All the time!" Ryoko shouted. "I'm tired of being silently belittled by someone I constantly belittle. Now you eat that!" Ryoko pointed to the meal. "Please." she said, adding in some manners. "I used everything I've learned up to this point to prepare that for you."
Tenchi sighed and hung his head low in defeat. Ryoko grinned slightly. The food on the table was painfully basic. It was a simple bowl of ramen with a mixture of vegetables and meat thrown in for good measure. Next to it was a cup of green tea. Upon further inspection Tenchi noticed that the glass was one of Ryoko's lucky mugs. Unlike most of the stuff Ryoko usually created when she finished cooking, this bowl wasn't a dull brown color. That probably meant she'd mastered the art of adding flavor to her food. Even so, there was still too much wrong with her culinary skills to make him feel easy about helping her.
He seated himself in front of the table and prepared to use the provided chopsticks. After taking a deep breath and telling himself that this would make her feel better, he picked up a piece of meat and placed it inside his mouth, wondering vaguely what his life would be like if he had never met any of the ladies. What taste he managed to get out of the meat was a combination of three different kinds of sauces that didn't mix well. There was also an abundance of salt mixed in with it that caused his throat to close and his mouth to rapidly salivate. Oh, god! This is it, I'm going to die! He tried to keep himself from gagging, but that didn't work. Ryoko looked devastated. Tenchi dropped the chopsticks and swallowed the entire cup of green tea in two large gulps. He accidentally swallowed the tea leaf at the bottom of the cup while doing so.
When he managed to quit convulsing, he turned his attention to Ryoko. She looked heavily disappointed with herself and was staring at the floor.
"Why can't I do this?" Ryoko asked herself. "Maybe I should actually listen during the lessons instead of simply trying to copy what Sasami does."
"Oh, it's not all that bad." Tenchi interjected, trying to be helpful. "Cooking is certainly more productive than sitting on the couch all day watching cartoons or just generally doing nothing. It's good that you're doing more than you use to, even if it's for a competitive reason. Besides, I'm sure you'll eventually be able to cook like Sasami. I'd give it a couple months, though. For now, just stick to washing bed sheets."
She smiled slightly and nodded, acknowledging what he had said.
"You really think so?" Ryoko asked.
"No, he's just saying that to make you feel better." a bitter voice assured her.
Ryoko cringed at the venom the tone held and knew automatically that Ayeka had arrived. Nobody else spoke to Ryoko in such an overbearingly harsh manner. Tenchi and Ryoko looked toward the door just as the princess entered. She was holding a plate of food. Obviously she had heard about Ryoko's little cooking exploits and saw this situation as a perfect opportunity to assert her dominance. The meal she had with her was a lot more elaborate than a bowl of noodles. She brushed past Ryoko briskly and pushed the bowl with noodles clear to the edge of the table using her personal plate. Tenchi looked at it. Ayeka had cooked a familiar look fish that made Tenchi feel as though he should recall what kind it was before he even tried to eat it. Ayeka sat down beside him. Ryoko began growling dangerously.
"Oh, boy. . ." Tenchi said to himself. "Here we go again."
He had begun to think that the fights between Ryoko and Ayeka weren't so much about winning his approval as they were geared toward satisfying the respective ego's of the two women. That could have been the reason why they fought over him so viciously. Perhaps he had been silently labeled as the necessary condition for a proper victory. After all, winning the affection of another person could be something to brag about and while they always tried to prove themselves better than the other, their somewhat creative efforts usually ended in vain. No wonder there was so much friction between them.
"I'm afraid there are some things we just can't do, Miss Ryoko." Ayeka said with mock honesty.
"I told you!" Ryoko shouted at Tenchi. "What did I just finish discussing with you not more than ten minutes ago? And to think you didn't believe me!"
"I was skeptical, I didn't say anything about not. . .well, you're not even listening to me anyway, are you?" Tenchi asked.
"She really does hold something that insignificantly meaningless against me!" Ryoko said, oblivious to Tenchi's logic.
"Keep using double negatives like that and I'll also add grammar to what I hold against you."
"Well, you go ahead and do that, then. But you don't have what really matters. And what is it that really matters?"
"Sex appeal!" everyone declared at once.
"See, when all three of us can say it together like that it's not even worth mentioning anymore." Tenchi asserted.
They ignored him.
"Honestly, Ryoko, what is it with you and sex?" Ayeka said, rolling her eyes. "You always pull that card out whenever we argue."
Ryoko gasped, obviously noticing she'd been backed into a corner. She kept her wits about her as she knelt down beside Tenchi and threw her arms around him. Ryoko then hugged him tightly while placing her head against his chest. Ayeka's face turned a bright crimson color. In the midst of all this, Tenchi was trying to block everything out until they eventually either stormed off or blew something up. Either way, that would end the argument and he could get on with his evening.
"She's scaring me, Tenchi!" Ryoko announced sarcastically with such force that she was left breathless by the time she got to his name.
"I know." Tenchi announced dully. This was nothing new to him.
"Miss Ryoko, you get your filthy hands off of Tenchi this instant before he gets some of your germs!" Ayeka said authoritatively.
"Why don't you make me?" Ryoko dared.
"Currently I can't do that because I'll hurt the hostage." Ayeka retorted.
"How clever." Ryoko said, moderately impressed. "But let me ask you a question, Ayeka. How come you can't do things like this?"
"What, throw myself all over a man?" Ayeka answered. Ryoko nodded. "Because I'm not afraid that if I don't partake in physical aggression, the man I seek will no longer have any affection for me."
She chuckled darkly and then lifted her head off of Tenchi's chest. He was still held captive in her arms, though. She gave Ayeka a sly look and then began to draw a small circle on his chest while looking at him contentedly. Tenchi jerked in response to the action, but quickly settled down.
"Tenchi, you know what I think?" Ryoko asked.
"You think Ayeka is envious of us, that's what you think." Tenchi answered.
"No, but that was a very good guess." Ryoko admitted. "I think that Ayeka is jealous of us, that's what I think. What is it that you think?"
"I am not even in on this conversation." Tenchi responded. "Can't either of you find something better to do?"
"Hey, I read." Ryoko said. "Occasionally. Besides which, I've taken up the interesting hobby of domino toppling and posting obscene comments on Internet message boards that have nothing to do with the subject at hand."
"Sounds exciting." Tenchi muttered.
Ryoko nodded. A small pause ensued between the whole group. Ayeka was the one to break it.
"I've watched you take lessons from Sasami, Ryoko." she said. "It's a pity cooking is not something that comes naturally to you."
"We all have things we're good at." Ryoko responded.
"Just what's that suppose to mean?" Ayeka demanded, slightly offended.
"Nothing." Ryoko said, slightly irritated. "Do you have to read into everything I say?"
"I think listening to you stunts my intellect." Ayeka growled, turning to Tenchi as she spoke. "Tenchi, I have some food for you that has been prepared by me." Ayeka stated gently. "I would greatly appreciate it if you tried it out. It should be better than any of that poison the space pirate gave you."
Ryoko regarded the fish for a moment and looked up at Ayeka.
"That's sushi." Ryoko said.
"My, you do have a sense of culture!" Ayeka congratulated sarcastically. "And here I had just about given up on you."
"You didn't even cut it right." She stated cunningly.
"That's completely ridiculous. Utterly. . ." Ayeka trailed off and let the words sink in. Her confidence immediately disappeared. "You must be joking." Ayeka stammered.
Ryoko picked up the plate and offered it to the princess. Ayeka took it gently, trembling nervously. She examined it a bit closer and discovered that she had failed to clean out all the toxic bits of the fish. This was due to how quickly she had prepared it.
"Impossible." Ayeka said in a barely audible tone.
"Ahh, yes. Blowfish. Good thing I caught that, Ayeka. If Tenchi had taken a bite out of it, he'd be dead if Washu didn't get to him fast enough. But I'm surprised. You don't know how to cut blowfish? I might not be able to cook, but even I know how to properly prepare that delicacy if the situation calls for it." Ryoko explained.
"Did you kill a few people like that?" Tenchi mumbled in a dull tone.
Ryoko jumped in response to that and glared at Tenchi very darkly.
"That's a secret, Tenchi." Ryoko said sternly. "Don't go saying things like that out loud."
Ayeka dropped to her knees in front of Tenchi, assuming a position of forgiveness. She retained her composure despite what had happened.
"Tenchi, I am so sorry." she said heavily. "In my rush to make this dish, I must have overlooked the most important step in preparing it."
"It really doesn't matter." Tenchi assured her. "At least nobody got hurt."
"Next time read the directions on the back of the box." Ryoko muttered.
"Blowfish does not come out of a box, Ryoko." Ayeka said.
"Yeah, well. . ." Ryoko breathed in deep, struggling to figure out how she could counter that remark. "You still suck."
They both stood up at once. Tenchi scooted backward until his back was up against the door. He didn't bother leaving. Tenchi felt he should do his best to be the voice of reason until the situation became dangerous.
"I do not suck!" Ayeka yelled.
"Then how come you don't have one of these, huh?" Ryoko asked.
She pulled an expensive looking tape recorder out of her kimono. It was the type usually used to record class lectures. Tenchi couldn't even begin to guess how Ryoko planned to use it to her advantage. At least it wouldn't put a hole in the wall, unless she threw it at Ayeka. Even then, the dimension they were in would repair itself automatically. Ayeka chuckled lightly at Ryoko's ploy.
"Why don't I have a tape recorder?" Ayeka asked mockingly. "Is that what you're asking?"
"On the contrary, it is not the tape recorder itself that is important. It is the statement on the tape that this tape recorder recorded that I am saying is worth something!"
"Did you know you're not very good at putting style into your sentences? Ayeka asked.
"Quiet, you! I was merely emphasizing. Now listen!"
Ryoko pushed the play button and thumbed the volume up to its maximum setting. A message began to play back immediately.
"Tenchi, who is it that you really love?" Ryoko asked.
Sqweee. . .
Ayeka burst out laughing.
"Stupid old tape player. I should have cleaned the heads before I used it." Ryoko muttered. "That's not his answer! You have to wait for it."
Tenchi covered his face in shame with both of his hands. This was all a poorly constructed ruse and probably the worst one Ryoko had ever conceived.
"I love you, Ryoko." Tenchi's voice said in an odd tone.
It was easy enough to deduce that the voice in the speakers was none other than Ryoko trying to sound manly. Even though her voice was fairly deep for a woman, it still wasn't low enough to allow her to pass herself off as a dude. Ayeka gave Ryoko a look that silently asked if she really expected her to believe that load of bull.
"Ayeka is a beastly woman." Tenchi's impersonation announced.
"Beastly?" Ayeka repeated angrily.
"She gives me a rash and. . ."
Tenchi's session of false confessions ended abruptly. Ryoko's embarrassment was clearly evident.
"How the hell?" Ryoko asked, looking at the recorder disbelievingly.
"Looks like someone ran out of batteries mid-way through their production, and I use that term lightly." Ayeka said triumphantly. "While I'm at it, I might as well add in that you don't sound anything like Tenchi."
Ryoko quickly recovered from that momentary set back. She placed the recorder back inside her kimono and looked at Ayeka seriously.
"But what if it had been real? What if Tenchi really does choose me over you? What will you do if he does? Where will you even go?"
Ayeka was caught completely off guard. It was clear she was struggling to formulate a proper answer to that question. There were many solutions to that dreadful possibility, but none of them were very pleasing. Ryoko gave Ayeka about ten seconds to think about it before continuing her tirade.
"I thought so. What a shame!" Ryoko lamented right before she began laughing.
"Where will you go if he chooses me?" Ayeka asked, trying to use Ryoko's own poison against her.
"Back to where I came from, which I believe would be much more exciting than your options."
Ryoko stuck her tongue out at Ayeka and pulled down the skin beneath her right eye. As was always the case with her antics, this further provoked Ayeka's anger. Tenchi was surprised they hadn't started launching energy balls at each other by this point.
"This whole ordeal is so asinine!" Ayeka shouted. "It's just like the one time at school where you convinced everyone that I had a strain of cooties that would infect anyone I came into contact with!" Ayeka's voice took on a sad tone. "I was so lonely for the entire second grade. Nobody tried to make friends with me at all."
Ryoko blinked in confusion and then looked over at Tenchi and shook her head, denying the story. She then returned her attention to Ayeka.
"That proves that your side of the story for all our past encounters as children are false! I knew I was right." Ryoko said triumphantly. "You see, I rarely went to school and my guardians were certainly not affluent enough to send me to a royal academy. Furthermore, the only real education I received was the stuff I taught myself."
"That. . .that's not true." Ayeka said in total disbelief. "It had to be you. You're telling me you don't remember it at all?"
"I don't like to think about my childhood." Ryoko said carefully.
"Well, someone made me an outcast in second grade!"
"I don't care either way! Stuff like that shouldn't even matter anymore." Tenchi interjected, but he was ignored again.
Ayeka knew she was losing this argument, especially since her own memories were now at the mercy of Ryoko's. This wasn't good at all. Then again, Ayeka wasn't entirely clear on any of her encounters with the space pirate prior to being stuck with her on Earth. She'd chosen to blot most of them out of her mind and when she had actually tried to remember them, Ayeka had recalled them in a way that was beneficial for her. But what if she was wrong and Ryoko was right? Ayeka did remember being somewhat ill-tempered as a child until Sasami had been born. Or something like that. Nothing was right anymore and thinking about it was starting to make her nervous so she did the only thing she could do, which was to laugh it off and throw another insult.
"You may be right about that, Ryoko. Perhaps your stories are more natural than you are." Ayeka asked.
"What's that suppose to mean?"
"I'm simply asking how much of your body is plastic. Care to share that bit of info with us?"
That lit the proverbial fuse. Ryoko's face turned bright red with anger. Both of her fists were clenched together tight.
"I'm going to reach down your throat, grab you by the ass, and I'm going to pull you inside out!" Ryoko threatened.
Ayeka was not able to come up with an equally intimidating threat so she settled for what she had at that moment.
"Me too!" Ayeka exclaimed, pointing at Ryoko.
"It's about time!" Ryoko said, her power flaring up all around her. "Plastic. . ." she said between gritted teeth.
"Beastly. . ." Ayeka snarled.
"Excuse me, ladies." Tenchi said nervously.
They both gave him a look that told him not to interfere.
"I'm just going to close this here door real slowly, okay?" Tenchi said while chuckling nervously. "I just thought you two might like to know that. Play nice now, all right?"
Tenchi calmly slid the door open and then closed it as slowly as he could when he was on the other side. That's when the first explosion sounded off. There was only one person who could stop them in this state. Katsuhito.
"Grandpa!" Tenchi shouted.
When the Shinto priest did not show himself instantly, Tenchi figured he was at the shrine. He felt an incredibly strong sense of deja vu as he ran to it. He remembered why he hated stair laps so much while running up the stone steps. Even so, he managed them a bit easier than last time. Eventually he began to smell something burning up ahead. When he finally cleared the steps, what he saw made him turn white. A small part of the shrine office was on fire and Katsuhito was standing in front of it, silently watching it burn. Washu, Sasami, and Kiyone had managed to control just about all of it and were currently running around with fire extinguishers in their hands.
That's when Tenchi remembered he had forgotten to burn the leaves and Mihoshi had offered to do it for him. The equation was almost as complicated as basic math. Mihoshi plus leaves multiplied by fire equaled disaster to the tenth power. She must have accidentally lit the office on fire in the process of burning the leaves. But how? It was Mihoshi. Katsuhito sighed and turned around. He was looking directly at Tenchi, who briefly considered running away as fast as he could.
"Tenchi, may I talk to you about something for a moment?" Katsuhito asked calmly.
"Eh, sure!" Tenchi answered eagerly.
Tenchi quickly ran up to his grandfather and then waited for him to speak.
"Have I not asked you to watch what Mihoshi does? To make sure that nothing too complicated is assigned to her?"
"All the time." Tenchi admitted shamefully.
"Then how did she acquire something capable of producing fire?" Katsuhito asked calmly.
"I don't know."
"Neither do I."
There was a long silence that was broken only by the wind and the occasional discharge of the fire extinguishers coupled with the three girls shouting at each other. Tenchi tried very hard not to show any signs of fear. Katsuhito probably would be harder on him if he did. He had to justify his actions somehow. Quickly Tenchi began thinking of a reasonable excuse.
"Then we shall think of it as being bitten by a stray dog. . ." Katsuhito began.
"That was so close." Tenchi muttered underneath his breath.
"If only you didn't originally intend to burn the leaves." Katsuhito finished. "That's what put the idea in Mihoshi's head, correct?"
"Please, grandpa. There's no harm in burning leaves." Tenchi tried saying persuasively.
Katsuhito pointed to the office.
"That's beside the point!"
"Where did you intend to burn them, Tenchi? We live in the midst of a forest!" Katsuhito demanded.
"I was going to put them in a metal barrel, or something. Trust me, I wouldn't have been stupid." Tenchi insisted.
"I don't care. One stray spark could be enough to ignite the grass."
"Or in this case the shrine office!" Kiyone shouted.
"Oh, man. . ." Tenchi moaned. "I realize my mistake, grandpa and I promise I'll never do it again."
Katsuhito smirked slightly.
"You sound just like a kid again." Katsuhito mused aloud.
"A kid who's made a very big mistake." Tenchi added.
"What you did might have been foolish, but punishing you will not bring back my office. However, you will help rebuild it." Katsuhito instructed. "Now I sense that you did not come out here just to see me. Is Ryoko seducing you again?"
"She's fighting Ayeka in the basement." Tenchi stated. "We need to stop them!"
"Good luck." Katsuhito simply said.
Tenchi stood there baffled for a moment but before he could continue speaking, Katsuhito interrupted him.
"Despite how much they hate each other, I doubt very seriously that there fights would turn deadly." he stated mysteriously. After a moment, he thought of something else to say. "They're just blowing off steam. I think they secretly like each other but their personalities prevent that feeling from ever fully manifesting itself."
"How do you know that?" Tenchi asked.
Katsuhito paused for a moment, trying to come up with some enigmatic answer that still made sense, which would force Tenchi to think about it. When he was unable to think of something, he left Tenchi to figure out the answer for himself, which worked just as well if not better. Finished with that, he walked toward the small trio of firefighters, intentionally leaving his grandson dumbstruck. Tenchi thought over what his grandfather had told him for a moment and decided that it was good advice even though it didn't help him any. He then turned around and ran back to the house. It looked like this was a problem he'd have to solve on his own and it would help if he didn't have such a limited capacity to do so.
The instant he got to the front gate, he heard a large explosion from above. Tenchi looked up toward his room just in time to see his window shatter outward. Ryoko came flying out of it along with his Playstation 2. The fight must have been getting pretty vicious. Usually they didn't switch rooms unless they were really going at it. How exactly they wound up in his bedroom was a good question he probably would never get a straight answer to. Ryoko hit the ground with a heavy thud. The Playstation 2 landed right on her stomach, allowing her to grab it and thus save it from breaking. Glass rained down on her from above. She shielded herself with one arm while the other held the PS2 securely. From the look of the whole incident, the fight was not going in her favor.
Ryoko lay motionless on the ground, waiting impatiently for her strength to return. She set the PS2 aside and tried standing up. It didn't work. She fell face forward and didn't bother trying to catch herself. Ayeka suddenly came into view, standing in the frame of the broken window. A large amount of power was gathering around her body. Tenchi rushed through the front gate and ran to Ryoko's side, hoping to get her out of the way and possibly convince Ayeka to drop the matter entirely.
"Don't touch her!" Ayeka ordered. "Stay clear!"
Tenchi hesitantly took a step back. Ryoko pushed herself up painfully and sat down on the ground, looking quite dazed.
"Holy. . ." Ryoko groaned, swirling about. "What happened?"
Ayeka trembled with rage, grinning triumphantly. She was one step away from either obliterating Ryoko or knocking her out. Seeing as how Tenchi would probably hate her forever should she actually kill Ryoko, Ayeka was aiming for the first option. Having a KO tallied into her score against the space pirate would carry a victory she could gloat about for a very long time. Maybe, just maybe it would even her adversary out. Perhaps wounding Ryoko's pride would help her become a better person.
"Didn't. . .feel a thing. . ." Ryoko said in a daze. She gave Tenchi a thumbs-up.
Ryoko picked a couple of pieces of glass out of her hair and flicked them aside, completely unfazed by Ayeka's advantage. Finished with that, Ryoko dusted off her kimono while remaining seated. Ayeka jumped out of the window and floated safely down to the ground. She slowly approached the dazed space pirate.
"Nothing. . .got. . .spoon. . ." Ryoko murmured. "Beastly. . .woman."
What happened next played out in slow motion. Ryoko completely collapsed to the ground. Tenchi immediately checked for her pulse and found it. Ayeka sighed in relief and chose to put aside the nagging question as to if it had all been worth it or not. Of course it had. Ryoko wouldn't dare insult her again after that. Hopefully. Tenchi shook his head and looked up at her, his disappointment clearly evident.
"Is this fight over with?" he asked.
Ayeka stared at the ground timidly, the sweet feeling of truly winning a bout against Ryoko fading fast as the rush she'd gained from the fight wore off.
"Making tips but wrong. . ." Ryoko muttered in her sleep.
Ayeka couldn't give him an answer. She knew she shouldn't feel to guilty about this but she did anyway. However, she didn't feel bad enough to retract the fight. After all, Ryoko had almost been asking for it and if she hadn't gotten careless during the scuffle, she wouldn't be napping on the grass. Ayeka wished there was a simpler way to resolve their differences more properly. Washu suddenly appeared on the scene, covered in black soot and smelling strongly of burnt wood. She would have preferred to have gone straight back to her lab for a private shower, but the scene in front of her was to distracting. Washu took one look at the broken window and another at Ryoko's smoldering body and smirked.
"Is she dead?" Washu asked, not really expecting a negative answer.
"Nope." Tenchi said.
Washu approached them for a closer inspection. Heat radiated off of Ryoko's body like a portable furnace. There appeared to be some minor burns on her face and hands. They weren't any more dangerous than a sunburn.
"Sheesh, you really got her good, Ayeka." Washu commented. "The only other thing I've seen knock her out is alcohol. You didn't damage anything, did you?"
Ayeka shook her head silently.
"Good, because I hear Nobuyuki is running out of excuses to tell the insurance companies."
"Yeah." Tenchi said, confirming Washu's suspicion.
"Didn't he actually try telling them the truth once?" Washu asked. "That two women with super-powers were blowing up his house?"
"He did. They wouldn't carry him. Not only that, but they also called his health care provider and let them know about the problem."
"Did they drop him, too?"
"They did."
A silence fell over the group. Tenchi and Washu were looking down at Ryoko while Ayeka was still staring at the dirt, lost in her own thoughts.
"Are we going to have to carry her in?" Washu asked, referring to Ryoko.
"Probably." Tenchi said.
"I'll do it." Ayeka offered. "It's the least I can do to make up for the disturbance."
She didn't even bother waiting for them to say yes or no. Ayeka knelt down and swung Ryoko's arm over her shoulder and then lifted her crumpled body up. Ryoko mumbled something incoherently while Ayeka adjusted herself to Ryoko's weight. She was a lot heavier than she looked and it didn't help that she was also taller.
"I'm terribly sorry, Tenchi." Ayeka said sincerely. "I am not good at putting up with her overbearing attitude."
Ryoko slumped and almost slid out of Ayeka's grip. The princess grunted and balanced herself again. Tenchi tried to think of something to say but couldn't. Washu noticed and filled in for him.
"Just try not to do it again." Washu advised.
"Agreed." Tenchi said.
"Honestly, I think you'd be all fought out by now, you know?" Washu added.
Ayeka didn't look pleased with that answer. Washu and Tenchi hadn't really expected her to. She wasted no time with dragging Ryoko back. When she was out of earshot, Washu slapped Tenchi on the back.
"You owe me some DNA." Washu said, while checking her dirty nails. "Both for that and putting out the fire you inadvertently caused."
"I need a break." Tenchi admitted.
"I think we all do." Washu said.
X
Ayeka didn't sleep at all that night. She was far to busy thinking and couldn't manage to shut her mind off so she could get some rest. Lying in bed made her feel worse as she was so restless. Ayeka sighed and decided to do something about it. She sat up and looked over at Sasami, who was sleeping peacefully with a content smile on her face.
"Doughnuts." Sasami muttered.
Ayeka smiled at that random comment. The princess silently got out of bed and stood up, stretching as she did. After that, she put on an outdoor kimono and a pair of sandals. She then carefully exited the room so she wouldn't disturb Sasami. It was time for another one of her evening walks that she took once in a while in secret just so she could get away from everyone and think. Ayeka had to be cautious, though. Sometimes Ryoko was up this late at night doing whatever it was that she pleased. Ayeka had always been lucky enough to avoid her. It always made her wonder, though. Perhaps Ryoko could sense Ayeka skulking about in the shadows but chose not to interfere out of respect. Maybe she was capable of being that courteous.
Ayeka made no noise as she walked down the hallway and descended the stairs to the first floor. The TV was on in the living room. It was currently displaying the DVD players screen saver. The logo of the manufacturer bounced on the corners of the screen, changing colors as they did so. Ryoko was sitting on the couch with a bunch of cookies in her lap and a large glass of purified spring water. She looked pissed. It probably had something to do with being knocked out a few hours earlier. Ayeka looked around for a dark corner to mold into, but couldn't find one. She couldn't sit here and wait and going out the front door wasn't an option either as Ryoko might hear her. The only exit she could take was in the kitchen.
Ayeka made her way into the kitchen, telling herself to remain calm. Her heart was beating quickly against her chest, which she found rather unusual. It wasn't like she was risking her life or anything. The instant she stepped inside the kitchen, she heard Ryoko approaching the room from the corner entrance. If she turned on the light then Ayeka wouldn't have a place to hide. All she could do was huddle underneath a counter and hold her breath. Ryoko stomped toward the refrigerator and opened it up, placing the cookies back inside it. She didn't bother turning on the light as it was bright enough in the room for her to move around without bumping into anything.
"How much of your body is made of plastic?" Ryoko said, mocking Ayeka's tone of voice.
The princess gritted her teeth together. Was she being called out? Ryoko grabbed a bottle of booze and examined it, noticing that only enough liquor remained for one more drink. She chugged it, tossed it into a nearby trash can with enough force to break it, and walked directly past Ayeka.
"Plastic!" Ryoko said before leaving the kitchen.
Just like Ayeka, Ryoko had a hard time with letting things go. As there was no booze in the fridge, Ryoko headed into the storage room. She was going to raid the bar. Ayeka sighed in relief and hurried outside, making sure to close the door behind her. And just like that, her mind was finally at ease. She spent about twenty minutes wandering around a safe distance away from the house until she sat down in front of the nearby pond.
A gentle breeze was blowing through the area. The moon was out. It shined through the clouds that passed it. Ayeka began thinking again. During the fight that had taken place earlier, Ayeka's main goal was to knock out Ryoko, which accomplished. To channel enough energy to do this, she allowed herself to think of all the pain she felt when Ryoko criticized her looks, all the worry she felt whenever she saw Tenchi and Ryoko together, and all the fear she went through during the night when thoughts of her never being with Tenchi attacked her. Typical angst.
She could still feel all the pain inside of her along with a faint desire to get rid of Ryoko forever by any means necessary. Ayeka had come close to doing just that. The space pirate had accidentally given Ayeka an advantage that only measured up to a fraction of an inch when she became distracted by the smell of fire when they arrived in Tenchi's room, but that little mistake had given Ayeka the upper hand for the conclusion of the battle. She launched a bolt of energy directly beneath Ryoko's breasts that was powerful enough to launch her out of the window. At first she thought that Ryoko had been killed by that.
Luckily, that didn't do the trick. Ayeka summoned as much of her power as she could safely handle and prepared to launch a finishing attack that she didn't wind up using. Tenchi's interference complicated the situation greatly. Ayeka calmed down and decided she had done enough damage. After the incident, both her and Tenchi informed Katsuhito of the whole affair. There was a heavy air of annoyance about the shinto priest as if he wanted to scream that this had all happened before and needed to stop happening before it drove everyone mad. Nobuyuki was quite upset that the house had been damaged again, but quickly cooled off once Katsuhito began helping him think up some tricky way to explain the whole incident.
Because it was rather cold outside, Tenchi was sleeping in one of the new bedrooms downstairs until a new window was put in. Ayeka sighed and allowed herself a brief break before continuing her thoughts. Tenchi seemed to be growing closer to Ryoko ever since that nasty collar business. Ayeka knew she needed to make a move to let him know she still was there. She had always kept Tenchi's best interests in mind and wanted him to do whatever made him happy. That mentality made it hard for her to accept how he could stand Ryoko. Perhaps it was Ryoko's rebellious personality that attracted him and even though she was foul at times, she could be very sweet when she wanted to be. This was such a tricky problem. She'd been trying to figure it out for months and still hadn't arrived at any conclusions.
"Ryoko, you are right." Ayeka whispered to herself. "What will I do if Tenchi chooses you?"
She sighed again. At the very least, being in this situation and having to deal with Ryoko was gradually making her a stronger person so she wouldn't walk away with nothing when this was all over. Furthermore, Ayeka had always believed that life had a bad habit of changing and there was no use crying if things looked bad or took a turn for the worse. The only thing she could do about it was live. Eventually something would happen in her favor. Those were only some of the philosophies she had adopted to deal with Ryoko. Ayeka stood up slowly, suddenly feeling tired. She wasn't quite ready to go back inside with all this on her mind so she chose to continue walking while making it a point to clear her mind. About twenty minutes later all she could think about was how pretty the evening was and how good sleeping would feel once she got back into bed.