If These Walls Could Talk
Chapter 18/?
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan
Again I apologize for the lengthy hiatus between chapters. I'll try to stay on top of things this time. Wish me luck ;) Jordan provided Victoria's voice in this chapter…
*~Simon~*
She seems so small. So small and fragile. And beautiful. Like a butterfly. A butterfly with a broken wing.
"Tory?" I passed my hand over her face. No reaction. I started to feel the stirring of panic, butterflies, in my belly.
"I'm crazy," she says softly. I almost didn't hear.
"You're not crazy," I whisper, but the words feel hollow even on my own ears. I don't think she's crazy. She's just…just what? I don't know. Messed up. Freaked out. Stressed out. That' sit. She's under a lot of stress. She's not crazy. There is a logical explanation for all this, for what she thought she saw.
She closes her eyes, opens them. She looks old and weary. "I am. I'm crazy. Only crazy people see what I saw. Only crazy people do what I do." She thrusts her arm up to show me the bandages, the scars.
"You're not crazy, Tory. You've been through a lot. It's stress. It's just stress. You've been hurting and you didn't know how to deal with it. That's why people cut. Because they're in pain and they don't know how to deal with it."
"Crazy." She says simply and turns on her side, curling into a ball with her back to me.
"You're not crazy," I say again because…because I'm trying to convince myself. I don't want her to be crazy. She's Tory. My best friend. She's been raped and she had to watch her parents fight. Her mom hit her head. Tory thought she was dead. She thought she saw her dad bury her mom in the back yard because she thought her mom was dead. She's under a lot of stress. It's just the stress getting to her. Making her think and feel crazy. But she isn't, she can't be crazy. I am not in some po-dunk Nevada town with my crazy best friend. She's not crazy.
"I love you, Simon," she says suddenly, softly, and turns to face me. She smiles and reaches out to trace the line of my jaw with on finger.
"I love you too, Tory," I answer. And I do. I wasn't so sure before, and it's so hard to believe I was thinking about Kellian Foster just a few weeks ago. It feels like years, a lifetime, ago. Nothing but Tory matters now.
She moves closer to me, presses against me, and she's kissing me before I even realize it. I open my mouth to her and it feels good. Her lips are soft and sweet, and I feel like I'm flying, like nothing in the world matters right now except this kiss. I'm with Tory, my Tory, and I love her. My mind races with crazy thoughts and I feel like I want to make love to her. I want to give myself to her, completely.
Tory shifts, pressing closer to me, pressing against the hardness between my legs. I make an involuntary sound, and I see the fear in her eyes. It's instantly gone and she looks peaceful again, but it was there, the fear, the memory of Gene Blackwood and what he did to her.
I gently push her shoulder to move her away. "Tory…It's okay…We don't have to do this."
"Why not? We both want it." She shifts her eyes down to my crotch then back to my face. I can't deny that. I want it, I definitely want it.
"We're not married. Yet. And I want to wait until I'm married. You know that." It's the only defense I have. And it was true. Tory knows I intended to wait.
"Simon…" The clouds in her eyes make me question her judgment. She loves me and I love her, but we're not ready for sex. Neither of us is ready for sex.
I shake my head. I can't give in. We're not ready. We're not prepared. "No, Tory. Not here. Not like this. I want to marry you. I want our first time to be perfect."
"Being with you is perfect."
"I'm sorry, Tory. But I can't. We can't." I see the fear in her eyes again, gone as soon as it's there. She's scared. She needs me to help her forget about Gene Blackwood. I could do that for her. I should. But I can't. I can't make love with her now. I'm not ready. She's not ready. She wants to use me to get over him, to forget what he did to her. I would do anything for her, anything to help her. Anything but this. I can't just have sex, just like that. I always knew I would wait until I was married, my wedding night. Not some dingy hotel room hundreds of miles from home. "Let me hold you. We can lay together as long as you want, and I'll sing to you if you want that too."
She looks at me like I'm a stranger, like she doesn't know me anymore. "No, Simon. I want to be alone. Could you please leave me alone for a while?"
I can see her heart breaking. I feel like such a jerk. "Tory. Honey you know I love you. I love you so much. That's why…we can't."
She nods. "I know, Simon." Her eyes shift to the door, a subtle hint.
I run my fingers through my hair then stuff them in my pocket. "I'll just go for a walk or something. Are you sure you'll be all right?"
"Of course. I'll be fine. I just need to be alone or a little bit."
"Okay." I think about kissing her, but I have a strange feeling that would only hurt her somehow. So I don't. I just go to the door, open it, and walk out.
The sun is shining bright and I have to squint. I really just feel like crying, but I won't cry out in the open like this. I glance back at the dull red hotel room door, then turn and walk away. I wonder if I did the right thing, or if I really messed up. I don't want to go too far, because I'm not sure Tory won't sneak out and run away on her own now. That's what she wanted in the first place.
I remember suddenly that there is a payphone in the parking lot of the fast food restaurant next door. I'll be able to see the car from there, so I'd see Tory if she tried to take off without me. I hate thinking that way, but that's what I think and I can't help it. I hurt her, and she's desperate, she thinks she's crazy now that she knows she must have imagined her father burying her mother. Even I don't know what to make of that. But maybe my dad could help. He's counseled people before. I'm not sure he's ever dealt with anything like this, but maybe he can help me figure out what to do.
The phone rings three times before Mom answers. "Hello?"
"Mom, it's me."
"Simon! Simon, where are you?"
"I can't tell you, Mom. I need to talk to Dad."
"Is everything all right?"
I look toward the hotel, shielding my eyes from the sun. The car is there, and no sign of Victoria. I nod then sigh. "I think so."
"Something is wrong, Simon."
"Are you sure you talked to Victoria's mother?" I felt stupid for asking as soon as the words were out. Of course she talked to Victoria's mom. How could she make that kind of mistake?
"Of course I'm sure, Simon. She called me when she realized Victoria was missing, because she thought the two of you might be together."
"Mom, Tory thought…She saw her parents fighting. Her mom fell and hit her head. Tory thought she was dead." I wasn't sure what she would say about the other part, about Tory thinking she saw her father burying her mother in the back yard. I decided not to tell Mom that part.
"Oh, how terrible for her."
"That's why she ran away. And now she thinks she's crazy because I told her you had talked to her mom."
"Mrs. Hennessy is very much alive, Simon."
"I know. But I don't know how to convince Tory. That's why I want to talk to Dad. I thought he could help since he does counseling at the church."
"He's not home. He took Sam and David to get their hair cut."
"I'll call later then. I love you Mom."
"I love you too, Simon."
I hang up before I hear her say goodbye. I feel awful, for what I'm doing to her, but I can't help it. I can only hope she knows I'm doing what I have to do for my friend. My best friend.
I start walking slowly back to the hotel.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
End chapter 18. I'll try not to take so long between chapters this time. Please read and review. It means so much. You guys are the best! Lucky Star (JJsLuckyStar@aol.com)
Chapter 18/?
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan
Again I apologize for the lengthy hiatus between chapters. I'll try to stay on top of things this time. Wish me luck ;) Jordan provided Victoria's voice in this chapter…
*~Simon~*
She seems so small. So small and fragile. And beautiful. Like a butterfly. A butterfly with a broken wing.
"Tory?" I passed my hand over her face. No reaction. I started to feel the stirring of panic, butterflies, in my belly.
"I'm crazy," she says softly. I almost didn't hear.
"You're not crazy," I whisper, but the words feel hollow even on my own ears. I don't think she's crazy. She's just…just what? I don't know. Messed up. Freaked out. Stressed out. That' sit. She's under a lot of stress. She's not crazy. There is a logical explanation for all this, for what she thought she saw.
She closes her eyes, opens them. She looks old and weary. "I am. I'm crazy. Only crazy people see what I saw. Only crazy people do what I do." She thrusts her arm up to show me the bandages, the scars.
"You're not crazy, Tory. You've been through a lot. It's stress. It's just stress. You've been hurting and you didn't know how to deal with it. That's why people cut. Because they're in pain and they don't know how to deal with it."
"Crazy." She says simply and turns on her side, curling into a ball with her back to me.
"You're not crazy," I say again because…because I'm trying to convince myself. I don't want her to be crazy. She's Tory. My best friend. She's been raped and she had to watch her parents fight. Her mom hit her head. Tory thought she was dead. She thought she saw her dad bury her mom in the back yard because she thought her mom was dead. She's under a lot of stress. It's just the stress getting to her. Making her think and feel crazy. But she isn't, she can't be crazy. I am not in some po-dunk Nevada town with my crazy best friend. She's not crazy.
"I love you, Simon," she says suddenly, softly, and turns to face me. She smiles and reaches out to trace the line of my jaw with on finger.
"I love you too, Tory," I answer. And I do. I wasn't so sure before, and it's so hard to believe I was thinking about Kellian Foster just a few weeks ago. It feels like years, a lifetime, ago. Nothing but Tory matters now.
She moves closer to me, presses against me, and she's kissing me before I even realize it. I open my mouth to her and it feels good. Her lips are soft and sweet, and I feel like I'm flying, like nothing in the world matters right now except this kiss. I'm with Tory, my Tory, and I love her. My mind races with crazy thoughts and I feel like I want to make love to her. I want to give myself to her, completely.
Tory shifts, pressing closer to me, pressing against the hardness between my legs. I make an involuntary sound, and I see the fear in her eyes. It's instantly gone and she looks peaceful again, but it was there, the fear, the memory of Gene Blackwood and what he did to her.
I gently push her shoulder to move her away. "Tory…It's okay…We don't have to do this."
"Why not? We both want it." She shifts her eyes down to my crotch then back to my face. I can't deny that. I want it, I definitely want it.
"We're not married. Yet. And I want to wait until I'm married. You know that." It's the only defense I have. And it was true. Tory knows I intended to wait.
"Simon…" The clouds in her eyes make me question her judgment. She loves me and I love her, but we're not ready for sex. Neither of us is ready for sex.
I shake my head. I can't give in. We're not ready. We're not prepared. "No, Tory. Not here. Not like this. I want to marry you. I want our first time to be perfect."
"Being with you is perfect."
"I'm sorry, Tory. But I can't. We can't." I see the fear in her eyes again, gone as soon as it's there. She's scared. She needs me to help her forget about Gene Blackwood. I could do that for her. I should. But I can't. I can't make love with her now. I'm not ready. She's not ready. She wants to use me to get over him, to forget what he did to her. I would do anything for her, anything to help her. Anything but this. I can't just have sex, just like that. I always knew I would wait until I was married, my wedding night. Not some dingy hotel room hundreds of miles from home. "Let me hold you. We can lay together as long as you want, and I'll sing to you if you want that too."
She looks at me like I'm a stranger, like she doesn't know me anymore. "No, Simon. I want to be alone. Could you please leave me alone for a while?"
I can see her heart breaking. I feel like such a jerk. "Tory. Honey you know I love you. I love you so much. That's why…we can't."
She nods. "I know, Simon." Her eyes shift to the door, a subtle hint.
I run my fingers through my hair then stuff them in my pocket. "I'll just go for a walk or something. Are you sure you'll be all right?"
"Of course. I'll be fine. I just need to be alone or a little bit."
"Okay." I think about kissing her, but I have a strange feeling that would only hurt her somehow. So I don't. I just go to the door, open it, and walk out.
The sun is shining bright and I have to squint. I really just feel like crying, but I won't cry out in the open like this. I glance back at the dull red hotel room door, then turn and walk away. I wonder if I did the right thing, or if I really messed up. I don't want to go too far, because I'm not sure Tory won't sneak out and run away on her own now. That's what she wanted in the first place.
I remember suddenly that there is a payphone in the parking lot of the fast food restaurant next door. I'll be able to see the car from there, so I'd see Tory if she tried to take off without me. I hate thinking that way, but that's what I think and I can't help it. I hurt her, and she's desperate, she thinks she's crazy now that she knows she must have imagined her father burying her mother. Even I don't know what to make of that. But maybe my dad could help. He's counseled people before. I'm not sure he's ever dealt with anything like this, but maybe he can help me figure out what to do.
The phone rings three times before Mom answers. "Hello?"
"Mom, it's me."
"Simon! Simon, where are you?"
"I can't tell you, Mom. I need to talk to Dad."
"Is everything all right?"
I look toward the hotel, shielding my eyes from the sun. The car is there, and no sign of Victoria. I nod then sigh. "I think so."
"Something is wrong, Simon."
"Are you sure you talked to Victoria's mother?" I felt stupid for asking as soon as the words were out. Of course she talked to Victoria's mom. How could she make that kind of mistake?
"Of course I'm sure, Simon. She called me when she realized Victoria was missing, because she thought the two of you might be together."
"Mom, Tory thought…She saw her parents fighting. Her mom fell and hit her head. Tory thought she was dead." I wasn't sure what she would say about the other part, about Tory thinking she saw her father burying her mother in the back yard. I decided not to tell Mom that part.
"Oh, how terrible for her."
"That's why she ran away. And now she thinks she's crazy because I told her you had talked to her mom."
"Mrs. Hennessy is very much alive, Simon."
"I know. But I don't know how to convince Tory. That's why I want to talk to Dad. I thought he could help since he does counseling at the church."
"He's not home. He took Sam and David to get their hair cut."
"I'll call later then. I love you Mom."
"I love you too, Simon."
I hang up before I hear her say goodbye. I feel awful, for what I'm doing to her, but I can't help it. I can only hope she knows I'm doing what I have to do for my friend. My best friend.
I start walking slowly back to the hotel.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
End chapter 18. I'll try not to take so long between chapters this time. Please read and review. It means so much. You guys are the best! Lucky Star (JJsLuckyStar@aol.com)