Spike breathed out heavily, leaning his back against the side of the house.
He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. He didn't know what was worse
at that moment. The anger he felt towards the slayer for pushing him this
way, or the appreciation. He knew that the time had come for the games to
stop being played. The potentials had been training fiercely for weeks,
with more of them pouring in every day, and it just wouldn't do to have one
lackluster newly ensouled vampire moping about the place. Despite
everything he told her, about it being okay for her to go on her date with
that pansy demon fighter Wood, it hurt. Not even deep down really. Actually
it was pretty close to the surface.
*But then,* and he smiled at the thought, taking a drag from the cigarette he didn't even remember lighting, *She had actually opened up; she admitted that she needed me to be here. Then why?* He was torn. She wasn't ready for him to be gone she had said, which he had taken as a ray of sun in his otherwise dimly lit world. But then she showed up with the pansy again and had flipped out on him for not being 'Dangerous' enough for her. He loved her, he would do anything for her, but this was starting to pull him a little thin. He wasn't sure how many more hoops he could jump through before he got snagged and choked on one.
He tossed the now finished cigarette to the ground and followed it. He slumped down the side of the house, hoping against hope that he could block out the pitter-patter of way too many feet from his head for a few precious moments.
"Spike?"
*Damn* "What is it, Bit?"
She shifted on the porch, looking down at him. *So much like her sister.*
"Just wondering what was with the overly dramatic exit to the, backyard?" She sat on the bottom step, staring up into the night sky. "Just figured with that kind of momentum that you could've propelled yourself a little further away is all." She shrugged, glancing his way.
He sighed heavily, running his hand through his fight tussled hair. "Yeah, well, I never was really good at the whole 'leaving' part. I can storm out with the best of them; I just never know what to do once I get there is all." He shrugged back.
She smiled at him then. "Can I ask you something?"
*Oh, here it is then. Can't possibly want to just check up, always something up their sleeves these bloody Summers. Well, never Joyce.* He closed his eyes at the thought of her before answering Dawn. " 's free country last time I checked."
"Well, it's just that something you said has been bothering me; about the Soul?"
"What 'bout it?" "You said that you did it for her, for Buffy. That it was what she wanted." She paused momentarily, taking a breath, "What did you mean?"
He had trouble containing the bitterness in his voice, "What does it bleedin' sound like I meant?"
"It's just that, I mean, did she ask you to do it, to go get your soul?" Dawn hadn't thought that Buffy would have, *I mean what difference would it make? After all plenty of people with souls did rotten things all the time. Warren for instance. So how would Spike having a soul change anything, it wouldn't change the fact that he tried to rape her. And having one didn't stop Andrew from killing Jonathan.*
"Not in so many words, Bit." He met her confused gaze. "Look I doubt Big Sis would appreciate me discussing particulars with her kid sister. Last thing I need right now is to give her another reason to detest my presence."
Her voice was small in answer, "She doesn't detest you any more then she does the rest of us, Spike." She fiddled with her hands in her palms.
He chortled at that. *Bit's got a point.* "Yeah, well, if it's all the same to you, I'd still rather not. Sore subject and all that."
"I'll bet. Does it hurt?"
"What?"
"Does it hurt? I remember Buffy saying that it hurt Angel, getting his soul back. Hurt so bad that when he lost it, he was willing to do anything to keep from getting it back again."
*Bloody Poofter.* He looked up at her, before lighting another cigarette. "Hurts like hell."
"Good." She smiled at his startled expression. He knew she had been pissed at him, but come on and give a guy a break already. "It's not like that; it's just that, now with the chip gone and all, I'm just glad to have something to keep you from making 'Nummy treats' out of our houseguests."
"As long as we're being all honest and chummy, Bit. What's with that anyway? You and funnel cake kid?"
"It's nothing really." She fidgeted slightly then shrugged. "It's just that he really doesn't fit in here. I mean officially he's here because he's a 'hostage' or whatever that means. But he is really trying to help, and no one seems to notice or care. I just know what that's like is all. Standing on the outside, knowing you were once something, and now you aren't anymore." She looked at him to make sure he understood. "He knows stuff too, learned a little bit about glamours and quite a bit about demons when he was with the 'Trio'" She air quoted the word for extra emphasis. "I just think that we could use all the hands we can get when this thing, whatever it is, goes down. I mean really what could it hurt?" She shrugged, and he couldn't help but nod at the logic in her words as he finished yet another cigarette.
"Got a point there, but God damn it if that kid isn't annoying as all hell when he gets going on one of his rants."
She shrugged, smiling, "It's a quirk, you get use to it." He cocked his head at her, not believing a word of it. "Okay, so no, you don't get use to it, but you can ignore, and when that fails, you twist his ear, and he learns to stop after about the billionth time." He chuckled at that. "Like I said, he's trying."
"We all are."
"I guess so." They sat in silence for a few minutes; Dawn eventually was the one to break. "So, uh, how long you planning on staying out here then? Got some good brooding planned?"
"I. Do. Not. Brood. But, yeah."
She laughed at him, it was nice, she had actually kind of missed him, she was still angry with him, but she had missed him nonetheless. "Well come back in before you get all dusty, okay? I'm not about to clean up your mess."
He smiled, "Promise, Bit."
"Good." She headed back inside, and he was left alone with his thoughts once again.
*But then,* and he smiled at the thought, taking a drag from the cigarette he didn't even remember lighting, *She had actually opened up; she admitted that she needed me to be here. Then why?* He was torn. She wasn't ready for him to be gone she had said, which he had taken as a ray of sun in his otherwise dimly lit world. But then she showed up with the pansy again and had flipped out on him for not being 'Dangerous' enough for her. He loved her, he would do anything for her, but this was starting to pull him a little thin. He wasn't sure how many more hoops he could jump through before he got snagged and choked on one.
He tossed the now finished cigarette to the ground and followed it. He slumped down the side of the house, hoping against hope that he could block out the pitter-patter of way too many feet from his head for a few precious moments.
"Spike?"
*Damn* "What is it, Bit?"
She shifted on the porch, looking down at him. *So much like her sister.*
"Just wondering what was with the overly dramatic exit to the, backyard?" She sat on the bottom step, staring up into the night sky. "Just figured with that kind of momentum that you could've propelled yourself a little further away is all." She shrugged, glancing his way.
He sighed heavily, running his hand through his fight tussled hair. "Yeah, well, I never was really good at the whole 'leaving' part. I can storm out with the best of them; I just never know what to do once I get there is all." He shrugged back.
She smiled at him then. "Can I ask you something?"
*Oh, here it is then. Can't possibly want to just check up, always something up their sleeves these bloody Summers. Well, never Joyce.* He closed his eyes at the thought of her before answering Dawn. " 's free country last time I checked."
"Well, it's just that something you said has been bothering me; about the Soul?"
"What 'bout it?" "You said that you did it for her, for Buffy. That it was what she wanted." She paused momentarily, taking a breath, "What did you mean?"
He had trouble containing the bitterness in his voice, "What does it bleedin' sound like I meant?"
"It's just that, I mean, did she ask you to do it, to go get your soul?" Dawn hadn't thought that Buffy would have, *I mean what difference would it make? After all plenty of people with souls did rotten things all the time. Warren for instance. So how would Spike having a soul change anything, it wouldn't change the fact that he tried to rape her. And having one didn't stop Andrew from killing Jonathan.*
"Not in so many words, Bit." He met her confused gaze. "Look I doubt Big Sis would appreciate me discussing particulars with her kid sister. Last thing I need right now is to give her another reason to detest my presence."
Her voice was small in answer, "She doesn't detest you any more then she does the rest of us, Spike." She fiddled with her hands in her palms.
He chortled at that. *Bit's got a point.* "Yeah, well, if it's all the same to you, I'd still rather not. Sore subject and all that."
"I'll bet. Does it hurt?"
"What?"
"Does it hurt? I remember Buffy saying that it hurt Angel, getting his soul back. Hurt so bad that when he lost it, he was willing to do anything to keep from getting it back again."
*Bloody Poofter.* He looked up at her, before lighting another cigarette. "Hurts like hell."
"Good." She smiled at his startled expression. He knew she had been pissed at him, but come on and give a guy a break already. "It's not like that; it's just that, now with the chip gone and all, I'm just glad to have something to keep you from making 'Nummy treats' out of our houseguests."
"As long as we're being all honest and chummy, Bit. What's with that anyway? You and funnel cake kid?"
"It's nothing really." She fidgeted slightly then shrugged. "It's just that he really doesn't fit in here. I mean officially he's here because he's a 'hostage' or whatever that means. But he is really trying to help, and no one seems to notice or care. I just know what that's like is all. Standing on the outside, knowing you were once something, and now you aren't anymore." She looked at him to make sure he understood. "He knows stuff too, learned a little bit about glamours and quite a bit about demons when he was with the 'Trio'" She air quoted the word for extra emphasis. "I just think that we could use all the hands we can get when this thing, whatever it is, goes down. I mean really what could it hurt?" She shrugged, and he couldn't help but nod at the logic in her words as he finished yet another cigarette.
"Got a point there, but God damn it if that kid isn't annoying as all hell when he gets going on one of his rants."
She shrugged, smiling, "It's a quirk, you get use to it." He cocked his head at her, not believing a word of it. "Okay, so no, you don't get use to it, but you can ignore, and when that fails, you twist his ear, and he learns to stop after about the billionth time." He chuckled at that. "Like I said, he's trying."
"We all are."
"I guess so." They sat in silence for a few minutes; Dawn eventually was the one to break. "So, uh, how long you planning on staying out here then? Got some good brooding planned?"
"I. Do. Not. Brood. But, yeah."
She laughed at him, it was nice, she had actually kind of missed him, she was still angry with him, but she had missed him nonetheless. "Well come back in before you get all dusty, okay? I'm not about to clean up your mess."
He smiled, "Promise, Bit."
"Good." She headed back inside, and he was left alone with his thoughts once again.